Advice for new folks who ask: Where can I go to meet people?

I have several times over the past few days encountered new folks who express distress at being unable to find people to talk to. (They don't seem satisfied to have found me, go figure.)

I have suggested searching for events and locations that suit their interests, but they've responded, "I've tried that, but the places are all deserted." I understand this. Even places that can have great crowds at certain times can be empty other times. I've explained to newbies that it can be hit-and-miss, to try going back a different time or to join a group to get notices of special events.

They still seem frustrated.

I've been giving out landmarks to the SL Botanical gardens - one place I know that almost always has chatty folks in it - and the forum hangout (with the dual warning that finding people there is hit and miss, and when you do find them, they are likely to be silly).

What do you folks suggest for newbies who are eager to meet people but can't seem to find people to meet?

When I joined SL I had my brother to explore with, and even when he wasn't around I quickly made friends at the forum hangout. I didn't experience the loneliness that I imagine some of these new people are facing, and I want to help.

Well I just used to go up to someone and ask, allways found everyone helpfull. So I do the same if a newbie asks me things. I do ask them if they look in trouble if they need help. I'm just returning the good I received when I was new.

What I allways tell new people is, do your profile asap. I think people with profiles completed get on better.

Love, June

The Dance Island is always occupied by people to meet. Always.

Also, Bondage Ranch always has people, though languages change depending on time of day (Always at least a few english speakers though). THen again, BR is more for that kinda person that wants BR anyway lol....

ETA:: When I started out I met a french chick right away, she gave me babbler, we talked, had fun, and she took me to a bunch of clubs (Dance clubs really) and I met more people, it was nice ^_^

When I first started out I found a sandbox, I met some really nice people there and interesting builds too boot. Maybe some LMs to some public Sandboxes would be nice. Even to this day I can't seem to stay away from the sand.

The Blarney Stone in Dublin is a good bet. I've never found it empty at any time of day & it's super friendly.
Also, FreeDove & Sarah Nerd's freebie store-always people around & good freebies, so, one stone=2 dead birds.

You're only 'person,' not people.

One of the frustrating things about SL to some people seems to be that it isn't just handed to you on a silver platter like it is in typical games. In shooters, you might as well be on rails - you go where the designers want you to go and kill stuff. Your mission is always clear. In MMO's, you have specific quests - go here, collect this, kill the big thing that attacks you. In SL, people have to put out a little effort to get what they want. If they want a community of friends to hang out with, they have to go find that. Checking for groups that have similar interests is a good idea. Putting a term that has to do with an interest into search places is good as well. If they are interested in other things SL has to offe, like building or scripting, then taking classes is a good way to meet people.

Otherwise, find a place to hang out (not just our hangout, but anyplace that you like) if you like the place, then you will probably meet other people that like the place. Initiate conversation, mission accomplished.

June's suggestion of putting something in your profile is a good one. People check that and it breaks the ice. I almost always check someone's profile before I start talking to them, because it gives me an idea of who they are.

It has been hit or miss for me. Mostly miss. Perhaps the time of day I am on the grid.

I have been to several of the interesting places listed here and found a lot of people around on occasion. I have never had so much as a hello. I also tend to talk about my RL stuff, perhaps that puts people off. The few times I have asked about the other AVIs RL I have been rebuked for asking "personal" questions. (I wasn't asking for their cell phone number or hat size.)

My only "friends" are from the Cartel. Some of them I have only met and aren't on my friends list. I am happy to be here anyway.

"CX"

1. I tell them to take classes at NCI or TUI, show up early and talk to other class members. I think there are also other schools nowadays?

2. I invite the women into a chatty shopping group I'm a member of.

3. I ask them what sort of things they are interested in in RL, and do a search for relevant groups that might look good.

4. I put on a few different avatars to entertain them, which generally gets them thinking about the sort of avatar THEY want to be. Which leads, again, to shopping

5. I give them a few links to good places to go dancing, in case they ever run into anyone with whom they want to go dancing. Once I took a small group of noobs to a club with couples dances, and we shouted ROTATE every once in a while to change partners among ourselves so everyone got a chance to talk one-on-one with different folks, and try all the different dances. Other people in the club joined in, it was fun.
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My first two week in SL was me in that exact situation and I didn't muster up the strength to approach anyone to ask the question. (>_< It was a QUIET week.

Now I usually spend my time in the Hanja Welcome Area and NCI Kuula because that's where the crowds are that I like to chat with. I still wander a lot and find places where people like to chat. I love the crowd that follows Max Kleene around. And I've spent a little time at the hangout too. (^_^)

When I'm faced with that question... I think I still tell people to search for 'what' they're looking for instead of 'who' they're looking for. My social skills aren't good enough to help myself there, I don't think I can do better for anyone else either. (=_=)

I was lucky in that when I joined SL I had no idea what it was about, or that places like it even existed. I just signed up as a goof one snowy day and had fun so I stayed. I wasn't looking to make friends or meet people per se, I wandered and it just happened. The Blarney Stone is an excellent place to meet people, it is rarely empty, and even when it is , it's a nice place to sit and listen to the music and work on inventory. I spent a lot of time at Odds and Ends in the early days and there always is NCI.The key is to keep expectations reasonable. Sometimes just spending a half hour or so wandering through some nice builds, is just as enjoyable and entetrtaining as spending several hours socializing or whatever.

I met a lot of my friends at Open Latte in the Mill Pond sim, and there are often people there who like to chat.

Oddly, I met my best friend in SL when we were both shut out of a club because the region was full, and ended up (with the friend I was originally hanging out with that night) creating our own party on a nearby hillside. Completely random.

Thanks for the suggestions, folks. A few follow-on thoughts of my own:

(1) Blarney Stone is a good suggestion; I've not been there myself but I've heard is a hopping spot. Is it populated most hours of the day? I will check it out and collect a LM to give out.

(2) Places to go dancing = good suggestion; one of the things that surprised me early on was how fun SL dancing is. Can you please be more specific though? The places where I go dancing only have people there at certain times.

(3) Putting on different avs is a GREAT idea, since I have (growing) collection and this will be a fun excuse to use them. And I have had great fun meeting people at places like Grendel's where people walk around in all kinds of cool avs - just walking up to people and saying "awesome av, where did you get it?" has opened up good conversations, so I will recommend this to interested newbies from now on. Also changing into something surprising would be a fun new answer to the tiresome "y ar u blue?" question I often get from new folks.

(4) NCI and other newbie-oriented spots are also a good idea, thank you.

Dance Island ALWAYS has people to meet. Rainbow Tiger almost always does, as does the ark (Both furry tho, but not exclusive at all..)

Brenda: I agree that wandering alone through a nice build is often its own reward; I try to advise newbies to adjust expectations so that they can better appreciate the diversity of pleasures SL offers. But when a newbie specifically asks "where do I meet people?" I don't want to advise them to enjoy their alone time right then.

Open Latte - have heard a lot about this place but the one time I visited there were only two people there and they must have been engaged in IM because they didn't respond when I greeted them. Will visit again.

Keira: thanks for the recommendations!

I search the map for groups of green dots, but when I get there, people are just sitting staring into space and won't respond.

True, but just as in real life you sometimes meet the best people when you least expect it. It's important just to ignore all the overinflated hype, both from Linden and their detractors about SL and try it yourself. You don't have to log in every day, or for hours on end if you do. Enjoy it for whatever it's worth. And if it isn't for you, no big deal. despite what some think, "Not getting" Second Life is any sort of character flaw.

Once again, I agree completely. If the person I am talking to gives me the chance, I do try to convey some of this philosophy. But for someone who has no idea how to "try it yourself" the philosophy alone isn't going to provide much guidance.

In case I wasn't completely clear, my question arose from several instances of newbies coming to my cafe, meeting me (and me alone) there, and asking "where do I go to meet people?"

What I have tried to do in response is, in addition to saying things like "well, you might not always find people everywhere you go so be sure to enjoy the scenery and do some exploring on your own," to give them landmarks to places where they *do* have a better chance of meeting people, whatever time of day they go.

As I said, I do agree with you. I just want to provide the most helpful and encouraging response I can. I'm certainly not advocating contributing to hype.

Yes, a lot of people will be put off by that. I really don't like the first question out of someone's mouth to be "so where RU from?" or even worse, "A/S/L?"

But "sure is laggy out today", or "I'll bet that av is so-and-so's alt" are always good icebreakers.

Well, I suppose it all depends on what kind of place they're looking for. I came to SL pretty much the same way Brenda did, except it wasn't snowing.. I wasn't looking to find ways of meeting people, I think I've only been to one club so far, but I'm surprised how fun and relatively easy it's been . Maybe the fact I wasn't expecting it makes me look at it differently.

If any should ask about alternatives to the club scene, one place I can suggest that is very newbie friendly is the drum circle found in the Elf Circle Lands. http://slurl.com/secondlife/ElvenGlen/84/30/27
People are always around, (all time periods).

If fantasy is something that interests them, this is a good place to start. Everyone is really helpful, and if you join the group, you'll have no choice but to make friends (group chat is constant, lol) It's PG but can be a stepping stone...

Here you will find a variety of lands and activities to explore, all built around a high-fantasy theme. Elf Circle is comprised of, but not limited to; Elven, Merpeoples, Fae, Pixies, Dragons, Drow, Dwarves, Hobbits, and Humans... Family. As of July 2007 these comprise 35 land and water sims.

Hope this helps.

Meeting people - heh, group chat. Serious. I get these poor waifs who ask to join the Caledon group and suddenly - they know over 100 people through the group chat. And not because they want to, it just happens, sometimes to their great consternation.

I run into these former loners busting their tail at some charity event two weeks later, and they are cursing and laughing at me for it...

So, that's prolly the #1 rapid socialisation device on the grid right there: group chat. I have people who say the chat drives them mad - they quit, then 3 days or a week later they are asking to get back in again. It totally changes their experience.

Tell 'em to join chatty groups - of whatever stripe - that will do the trick. Caledon's got plenty as is, so send 'em wherever.

Green-dot hunting is definitely fun. That's how I found NCI. (^_^) Crud... That was still back in my 'mute' weeks too. (O_O) I still remember shoo-ing away someone at that time who now has become a good friend. (^_^)y

I've met more people through the online SL forums (official and unofficial) than I have directly inworld.

In my first few months in SL I had maybe a half-dozen friends, and several of those were people I knew in RL. But after just a few weeks on the old SC forum (now gone), I had added a dozen or more new people to my Friends list and never lacked for parties or events to attend. I went from being a contented recluse to a wild party animal .

So my best advice is to find an online community of some kind (there are at least 4 or 5 boards currently) and get to know people there. You'll find that quickly leads to inworld contacts of all kinds, and from there to an ever widening circle of friends.

ask them what it is that they like to do, what interests them, then teach them how to utilize the search, and find places for themselves.

If they like hanging out in a totally hang out kinda place, the cartel hangout would be fitting (if there are ppl there at the time, and talkative)
if they like nature then the bliss basin might be up their alley
if they like playing games, then my arcade (or any arcade for that matter, I just do not know of many) and mine is free so perfect for newbs
If they like dancing, any number of clubs, not sure which ones are the friendly popular ones anymore
if they like shopping, just about any place that sells what they like

or they can just randomly pick a sim and look for the green dots and drop in

In decending order, these are the various ways that I've made lasting friends in SL:

- The forums. This forum is where I made my first 3 SL friends. I met many others at Second Citizen (R.I.P.) and SLUniverse. Other good ones are Second Survivor, Second Lifer, and Duchy of Darkmere.

- Classifieds. My partner and another person I'm incredibly close to both first contacted me responding to in-game classifieds I'd posted for various reasons.

- Groups. I've met some interesting people who contacted me because they found my profile among the members of a group we both belonged to.

- Land ownership. I've made some great friends who were initially just random visitors to my property.

- Professional relationships. When you do business in SL, you meet people. It's a good way to make connections and friends. (And get free stuff!)