Its good to have friends right?

But how much is too much?

Its good to have friends in SL right? To hang out with, chat, go shopping, fly in space ships, take boat rides, etc... But how many friends can one really have? I feel a bit overwhelmed lately. Not only do I get bombarded with notices and IMs from the groups I am in, as soon as I log, there comes the IMs--- its hard to get dressed. I am not really complaining, as I am a chatter box and love to chat with friends and get to know new people--- but how do you balance your massive amounts of IM?

Do you try to maintain the relationships you have had the longest? Well how do your new friends feel?

Or do you try to cultivate new friendship? And will your other friends feel neglected.

I am just curious how other people handle this.

I try to keep my friends list to actual friends, not just everyone & his dog! I decline most offers unless i'm likely to see that person alot & make friends. Groups can have notices set to off so you don't recieve them & I think you can still view any notices in the archive tab or whatever it is.

I don't really get many IM's but I would reply to all unless from unknown people with no reason to IM. I wouldn't neglect older friends, but I wouldn't new ones either, difficult! Maybe let them know you can't always reply to offlines?

I'm just glad I have people who IM lol but then I don't get more than three to four on a busy day to log into

It's a tough balance Jezabell, but here's what I do:

* I never IM someone the minute they log in unless there's an urgent pressing question I have. Otherwise I respect they need to orient themselves a bit first. If someone IM's me immediately as I log in ON A REGULAR BASIS I ignore them and proceed as planned. So far this has not been a problem with my true friends. The ones that do are usually new to my list and I've always found to be too clingy. I usually drop them if it persists.

* I have no problem telling friends that I'm busy. Some sulk and get pissy each time and I end up adding them to the clingy list. Most are respectful of this, however, and graciously go on their way.

*I don't have a need to IM a friend every time I see them online. I don't call all my RL friends every time I walk in the door. Not everyone understands this concept. Again, refer to items above.

*There are times when I am so busy that I simply ignore the IM's I receive. This is not often, but occasionally occurs. It can be too overwhelming otherwise. Again, my true friends understand. If friends call my RL phone I don't answer everytime. Why should I be expected to do the same with IM's just because they can see me online. I frequently don't receive IM's to all the notices I send out and assume they are busy and will try back later.

Basically, the rule of thumb for me is to be aware that when people are in SL or online in general that they are usually multi-tasking. Therefore, I respect they will not always be available and I hope they respect me the same. If they don't, they are probably too high maintenance for me.

I find by living by these simple guidelines, the good friends are always there. To some these may be callous, but they work for me and I never run out of loving, wonderful friends in SL.

Good advice Bradley!'

I supppose since I am in the service industry, I feel I must reply to all the emails. Many are from old clients, potiental clients, and the like...

I know clients are fickle, the like to feel as if they are the only ones, but I hate neglecting anyone.

I think I may go through my list and cut a few away, cold turkey. Sounds mean, but you are right, why be my friend if I dont see them often.

Thanks,
Wanna be my friend. Just kidding.

I'm pushing 1000 on my friend list. And yes, many are business contacts, but I've been around a long time and am very active - 3/4 of them are very much real friends and acquaintances.

Generally though, they understand I have a lot of sims to run, and respect that - IM's do come in quite often but everyone pretty much respects it when I say: 'overwhelmed, too busy to chat right now' or some such.

The problem is that the IM window doesn't have a 'visibility' of how busy you are - typing to someone gives no indication of their level of distraction. I think it would be cool if there was simply an 'open # of IM's' when you first start.

Like this:

"Des is in X IM's and is typing 40 wpm at the moment" - that would give a really good clue as to how busy people are.

here maybe you look at this about friends.

/327/2a/202708/1.html

yeah, but what about us ppl that merely _pretend_ to be overly busy?

What if you are busy in photoshop?

I try to balance things out a bit I guess.

I do not IM someone as soon as they come online (other than my love, she gets IM'd immediately, hehe) .. I give them a few minutes at least to get situated. If someone IMs me when I come online (the above person excepted), I will usually give a polite response, but try to multitask and keep the conversation going slowly. If I am in the middle of something I need to focus on, or an important conversation with someone else, I simply say that, and most of my friends are respectful enough of that. As to old and new, it's again a question of balance -- I try to be balanced (doesn't always work, but since my friends also seem to have lot of other friends, most often it works out fine).

If someone IMs me and I don't respond right away, oh well.

Those who know me the longest (from other online realms, as far back as 2003), will either wait for me to get back to my desk, off the phone, finish my build tweaking, changing, sorting through inventory, working in photoshop, etc.

For the most part, I just tell whoever IM'd me (if it's been more than 5 minutes) "Sorry I was [choose an option above] what's up?"

If it's something they need me for, 99% of the time I'll set aside whatever it is I'm doing and chat or TP to them. If it's just to chat, I make the decision whether or not I'm too obsessed with the task at hand, or too short on time to do both.

Naturally, I afford them the same courtesy. A little give & take goes a long way.

As for the list, I have some that I haven't spoken to in forever. To the point I don't really recall why they're there in the first place. My best guess is they were a new resident asking questions and I offered to help out. After not hearing from this or that person for awhile -- say, a month -- I typically remove them from my list, figuring they've made their way.

Offers of friendship not preceeded by at least a conversation (here on the forums or in world) are met with a decline and a simple "Sorry, I typically don't accept friendship from people I haven't gotten to know". That usually is enough. In some cases, it isn't and it's those times I'm glad I declined.

I'm an on-again/off-again shop owner, so the times when I'm not "in business" I turn on "Busy" when I get in-world and change the message to something (that I consider) funny.

As for IMs the very moment I log in? Those are met with something along the lines of "give a chick a chance to breathe, will ya? "

Some folks don't know they're doing something wrong or impolite until you point it out.

Personally have over 3,000 cards in my friends list, as I've been ingame for over 3 years, thats about average, especially as probably 2/3rds of those are people I met a longtime ago, and who have since moved on, or made alts for whatever reason.

Ontop of the friends list, I get IM's galore from people who want information, due to reading some of the threads I have made on the forums, moreso the technical type. In addition, as I run 4 companies in SL, I get existing clients, potential clients and wouldbe potential clients all IMing me as soon as I login game.

A quiet time, is when I have less than 10 im's going... at which point I check my connection lol.... I try and balance those IM's that are 'important', those that need only a quick responce, those that are close friends, and those that I know will lead onto a long drawn out conversation..... When work requires my immediate attention, I set myself to busy, which gives out the message, sorry I am working right now, please leave a message or drop a NC and I'll deal with it as soon as I can.
Those that cannot accept that I am not at anyones beck and call 24/7 and can't live with that, are way to high maintenance and perhaps shouldn't be on my friends list, or (as in most cases) are drama queens shouting that the sky is falling because the goods they bought, and didn't bother to read the instructions, don't work. They also didn't read the very large sign, which is hard to miss, stating about how before purchasing ANY goods, they must comply to the following list of conditions, such as being a land owner, have certain permissions etc... I get irate IM's from some people that have purchased goods, deleted all the scripts in the contents, changed the textures, screwed up the playlist, and then tell me its my product.... Or some for a strange reason, refuse to wear their group tag, when deeding equipment to group owned land, as they see it as an infringement of their privacy... Don't get me wrong, I do sort them out before I logout for the day, but as a priority, they aren't top of the list.

As for friends.. and I mean real friends... they all know that when I am busy, I am not purposely ignoring them.... there are some friends that I will respond to urgently and especially my sweetie, who is my wife in RL as well... so trying to ignore her will result in her walking over to me and squeezing a pair of attention grabbers .. lol...
Those people that really matter, they all have my skype and email contacts, some even have my telephone numbers..... The only draw back is, being a guy, stereo ears, coupled to a mono brain does not equal multitasking too well.. lol.. When I'm on the phone, or using voice chat.. I start typing what I hear and get some strange replies LOL...

I see IM's as a telephone. I don't answer my phone everytime it rings, I hace caller ID to screen my calls, and even then sometimes I just don't feel like talking. Smae here. If I don't answer an IM, it's the same idea. I don't get upset when my IM"s are either unanaswered or not answered right away. Sometimes I am Alt Tabbed out, or busy inworld and don't notice I have a Message.

I use the online indicator thing to my advantage when I am busy. It keeps most on my friend's list from IMing me while I'm really tryin to work.

Yes that too...I sometimes turn it all off when I wish to be undisturbed.

Turn it off <wolf whistle> turn it ALL off! <waves a linden>

Friends are always good to have as long as they know when not to bug you.

And that, of course, is the definition of a good friend

I really wish you wouldnt do that when im sitting next to you though;

the "Brenda, Brenda are you online?"

When you are right there pretending you cant hear me is just mean.

Valid concerns.

Personally, I keep my friends list to only true friends and current and/or future clients.

If someone feels they have to horde friends...more power to ya. The more friends one has, the less meaningful those friendships become--in my opinion.

If all you do is collect friends and chat...that's your call, however, there is only so much time in the day. What about shopping? Building? Events? Exploration? I don't have time to continually socialize. Who does?

Thats it I am chopping the ones I dont see too frequently, sans clients and what not, and try to reduce the list. Myabe that will cute down with all the IM boxes that just say:

Hey
hey
Hi
Hey
Hiya
Hey
Heeeey
Hello

Ya think.

Thanks guys!

my personal favourite; 'wuzzup'.

I forgot to add that one.

and all the derivitives of Baby

hey babe
Hey bebe
hey babie
hey babes
hey baby

Well . .. they could say something like "I was logging off, you mean my avatar was still visible? It did take a long time for SL to close . .. " and the like. I have seen many "ghost" avatars

"Boo bitch...."

.. she was so emarrased (I'm male) ...

/me laughs....


I hate it when I type in the wrong IM tab...

-d

I have my IMs forwarded to an email account. That way I can check and see what awaits me before I even log on.
Then there are my alts. Oh those wonderful alts. Not too social, not in any groups. No IMs…alts.