Is a Partner Really Just a "Friend With Benefits"

Um...wow.

Double Wow.

To respond to the OP (Gor is another topic entirely for me).
I have been partnered for well over two years now. She is not a "friend with benifits" she is my wife. We are partnered out of love and commitment. We married in a full ceremony with all of our friends in attendance, it was a beautiful and deeply moving expericance.

That little box shows the world our commitment to each other. It is a symbol of what we feel, how we feel about each other..

Lizzy

I'll triple that WOW.

I don't understand that approach, since the books are fiction. Why can fiction not be added to later?

If it were history, then yes. But with fiction there is endless room for debate. I don't understand the sticklers.

Anyone who's curious about what Goreans look (to an extent, even act) like can just go to the Gor Hub. People can hang out there OOC which means not even in Gor clothing.

That's about as much as I can manage - I'm not patient enough for the actual roleplay aspect of it. I have been to the Hub a few times just to observe.

Gor hub is awful and is actually a joke spot among some Goreans.

Some of the most awful people go there to hunt for newbies - often to exploit in some way via RP.

Ohhh good to know.

Lol figures. My radar is not always the best!

The sticklers claim they want some sort of purity of the world since what they read in the books is what they want to live in RP, not a "evolved" version, but more or less a static Gorean world that is totally "by the book" without any such "evolved" practices or view points - little to no change from the books. If they wanted Neko Goreans then they would go to a Neko Gor sim (so some would say for sure). Oh the word that is used is "Disney Gor".


I prefer "Gor Evolved" i suppose. No we don't have to create steam engines or the telegraph and other such techno things - but allowing for other creatures to exist in the universe is a good start - especially from the mythical past of Earth. No i am not advocating for a more evolved Gor where women have more rights or anything of the sort.

I just want less rigidity more unity. And to be honest, more lifestyle Gorean sims where people are not hung up on "by the bookisms" where we can sit and practice some of the philosophies of Gor society in our every day Second Life experience. I would definitely prefer being accepted as the exotic elven kajira as opposed to the earth human kajira with birth defect ears.

This.

I think I should apologize to the OP for effectively derailing the thread. My answer would be the same as Lizz's. The friends I have who have partnered all feel this way; it is a marriage, and that little box with the partner's name in it is like the ring; a public declaration of their commitment to each other. This is what I assume when I see someone is partnered, and if I were to ever want to do that, it's what it would mean to me.


Back to the derail:

As for Gor, I'd be most happy for any information; links to reading material, etc., that anyone with extensive knowledge of the subject would like to provide. I'd like it to come from lifestylers or people who live or have lived it, like Maggy or Bri (or whoever) rather than someone who just "plays at it".

I lurk on the Gorean forums from time to time. One thing I've noticed is there is quite a lot of disparity about how Gor should be lived. It reminds me a lot of the bdsm community. The old Leather Guards remind me of the Gorean purist, "You're doing it RONG!!" There's a wide range of ideology about how to live it; ranging from the purists to the ones who just play at it (velco collarers) to lifestylers like me who attend to the protocol but with wiggle room. I dunno, seems to me there is room for everyone's style, within a basic parameter of general rules. Those in the know, correct me please if I'm mistaken.

@ Niki...oh yah, the Panthers. How could I forget them?

How DARE you try to have fun! To shame! RP is all about teh seriousnezz and dramaz! (>_<

As far as the OQ goes, I think, as usual, we will get many different answers, depending on one's viewpoint. For me, the idea of partnering is not in my SL equation, those sort of committments are best suited to RL. For some it will be an act, a form of RP, a "convenience", whatever. But for some, as illustrted here, it is just as serious and real as a RL partnering. I can appreciate that, and whenever I come across someone who is partenered, I treat that partnership as such, unless I am told otherwise. I treat all SL avatars at face value, as they choose to present themselves, partnering status is no different.

I always swore that I would never partner in SL - that it was a silly thing. Then I somehow ended up totally losing my mind for a few weeks and ultimately ended up partnering -- and unpartnering very quickly afterwards (though the undoing of it was not my choice). I did learn a lot about myself thru that, so I will not say it was a completely negative experience.

After thinking long on it, I *might* be open to partnering again in the future, but it would only be after a relationship had gone on for many months, and only after lots of talk about expectations and the meaning of it all to both of us. This is because, to me, that field has some special commitment meaning.

What is life, without trying things and learning?

I was of the of the exact same mind as you LittleMe...I swore that I would never partner in SL...that it was silly. Then someone dropped into my SL life and as hard as I tried to run from him...he kept coming at me. We started with a great friendship and he treated me like a queen from the very first day we met. We ended up talking for hours at a time, for days, weeks and then months. He is my best man friend in SL and probably always will be. Partnering was not a priority for me...but it was important to him even though we both knew that a RL relationship was out of the question at this time in our lives. He lives on the other side of the US, we both have children from a previous marriage and both of us have career jobs...so uprooting our lives on the chance it could be a RL relationship was never an option for either of us.

After almost a year, he finally talked me into being his partner and we stayed partnered until a few months ago (over a year and 1/2). Eventually his RL job made it harder and harder for him to come in SL but we stayed in contact in other ways..and still do But I did realize we may have not gotten along half so well in RL where we would have had to deal our RL baggage on both sides. That is the one thing about SL...you can leave your RL responsibilites behind for an hour or two a day.

I developed many other interests in SL and hated having to stop what I was doing whenever he could find the time to come in at the same time as I. So I eventually ended the partnership... but not the friendship. And for what it's worth...it was a magical, wonderful time..I would not have done it any differently and I have never regretted being his partner although it did become a bit stifling for me towards the end. We still communicate almost daily in emails and we still talk to each other on just about every subject. So in answer to the OP's question...a partner IS a friend with benefits...and a whole lot more

As Amara stated earlier, I also feel that for us, my offering Hera my collar and her accepting it is more important to us than our names in each others profiles. And that was something I had not planned on doing right up to the moment I sent it to her. It surprised me almost as much as it did her.

We didn't officially become partners till nearly 3 months later as much to finalize the private ceremony we had as anything else. I feel that the ceremony although not traditional had a great deal of meaning for both of us.

A year after we started seeing each other and 7 months with her wearing my collar, I still have no regrets or second thoughts that it was the right thing for us.

I am the friend with the benefits.

I lulz at another partner thread

I have to Lulz again now that it is another Gor thread.

It is teh Gorbefitsner thread.

Now if we can work in Ginko, you'd hit the trifecta.

ok my take

Partnership is what you make of it and what you feel for it...

It is a commitment to each other.

It can be a friend
It can be a confidant
It can just be...this one can be tough
Or it can be all above

Whatever it is..... it is for the two partnered. Many dynamics in a relationship and well that is the beauty of it. You and your partner get to decide, how far it will go, or not.

As far as the OP, I also view a partnership as more than just a friend with benefits. I really have to care about who I partner with & it is a form of commitment - just like a collaring is too.

@ Solange - I could give you plenty of reading material if you like. Just contact me in game (same name) and I'll give you as much reading material as you like about Gor & won't even include the books themselves. *laughs*

But I'm certainly no Gorean expert. In fact I'm a relative beginner. And as Briana said, all of us have our different viewpoints from within Gor. She's said that she's more Gor evolved. I'm somewhere between Gor lifestyler & Gor roleplayer (I'm sure there's a term for that?) And btw both sides there call each other "Disney Gor" to insult the other side. Both sides say it'd be nice if they'd get along but each says "you be more like us".

Yes, Solange, it's a lot like the BDSM community where you have the Old Leather Guard compared to the new people.

Anyway, if I can help or answer your questions I'll try but again, I'm not an expert.

I think the term is "Soulplayer".

Which i agree with.

I am between Lifestyler and roleplayer (since i am after all an elf ).

But i recognize Gor can never be a lifestyle worth living and all we can do is take aspects of the philosophy that we find acceptable and apply them to our life in SL or RL if we have a partner that can live that experience with us.

Oh, well at least now I know what I would be called - Soulplayer isn't so bad. *laughs* Luckily I do have a partner in SL to share that with. But I do get along just fine with people from all sides of the Gorean fence as well as many outside of Gor. I get around a lot & do many things.

Please fill me in on exactly what the hell a divorce laywer does on SL.. come on... how are you even going to enforce this?? Is there a SL judge?? please..... you suck like all lawyers.. (nothing personal)

It's fairly obvious to me (and I am therefore hoping that the OP is posing this as a rhetorical question) that just like anything else in life, people partner for different reasons.

So my answer is "No."

I will have been with the same partner for 3 years, 12 days from today, and this arrangement has nothing to do with ulterior motives.

so sleazy even a Gorean could do it.