Is a Partner Really Just a "Friend With Benefits"

Hmm OK. But if we're going undercover, you have to be my Kajirea. Got some silks?

pixpls

A friend of mine invited me to 'gor' once to show me around. She had... I wanna say, two or three regions given to her to build stuff, set up communities, whatever. By men who were very, very happy to do this. I wasn't surprised. She wasn't a 'man in disguise' ~ not in the least; I suspect they appreciated her company thoroughly.

Anyway, so we were in talks about a region to neighbour Caledon, and for the life of me I could *NOT* figure out her business model... HOW would she get these regions paid for??? Well, clearly it wasn't the problem I imagined, once I had a bit of a tour of the other areas she had going.

I wandered about without even the slightest interference; it may have seemed a bit odd! A bespectacled, rather formal Guvnah of Caledon tagging along after, in a world of nakie female characters, tough looking men and so forth. Everyone was VERY nice to me; it could have been because of my friend, I'm not sure.

The impression I got of much of these lands was twofold: a) not terribly different than anywhere else, theme notwithstanding, and b) it was... almost... adorably cute, the way certain people were behaving. One region had this sort of war game thing going on, and the males were acting in such a way as one might see a third grade boy with a crush on his childhood sweetie. All protective, but shy at the same time... not sexual at all.

Certainly not the general image I was expecting... that was in 2006; I haven't been back since.

In many ways I'm seeking acceptance. With friends, acquaintances, and even the random people I see around. I like the idea of feeling accepted. It's not always the feeling I get, RL or SL. Growing up the way I did really didn't give me a shoulder to cry on or anyone to fall back to and vent my frustrations on. SL has helped. There are people in SL that know more about me than the family I live with. If that's a consequence of my online anonymity or genuine kindness, that could be debated. I believe I have real friends here.

That said... There is one person that I have been hoping to accept me enough to take my name in the partner column. I have actually gone through the process once before and got turned down. With this person, we are friends now, we have been for over a year Something just stands out that I want to be a part of.

I know it's just online and we'll never meet in RL for various reasons. But one thing I believe is that sharing our names like that would give me the acceptance I'm looking for that I can't really get anywhere else.

I'm sure that sounds selfish. I've gotten in a lot of trouble suggesting partnership. But, it's what I really want. Yes, we are friends now. No, I'm not looking for "benefits". Frankly, cyber/pixel sex has dropped far off my radar.

This is just someone I could really drop the world and do anything for if the request ever comes. I still hold on to hope that I'll be accepted enough one day so that we can share names and people can see that we are tied to each other.

(I apologize for the lack of smilies. But, this is a very serious subject for me and even my regular candor shouldn't get in the way.)

Well put on some silks and ask Solanghe if she'll take you for an updated view.

/me cracks up!

I'd pay to see that.


Actually, I've ventured into some of the major Gor sims rather recently, dressed in Free Woman garb. Sort of like Margaret Mead observing the natives. I found the men to be quite polite, the Kajirea lovely and helpful, and many of the builds quite impressive. But I think to really enjoy it fully one must be male. It's ALL about the guys there.

I tried once to get through the first in the series of the Gor books, in an attempt to educate myself...my gosh what a poorly written piece of tripe. Too bad I couldn't get through it because I've long been fascinated by whatever it is that draws folks to it.

Other than the pretty, submissive girls in silks; which of course I totally get.

for us is just a symbol of our love here...we wwon't get married in Sl atm but who knows, maybe in the future? And yes., it stops harassment ( and i get a lot being a dancer) when i point to guys my engaged status they go awwww and stop..

I would venture to guess a few thousand sl residents would pay to see that too.

@ Immy - hugs- I do wish you well and wish you the very best in attaining your goal. Sometimes the thing we seek finds us, unknowingly.

@ Solanghe- Mr Norman can't write to save his life- fortunately, this is well known even among serious Goreans - fortunately also, 'serious Goreans' is not a prerequisite in SL from what I have heard- so- if u want to know Gor- don't worry too much about SL Gor, there are much more indepth venues outside- in SL enjoy the silks and chains and such- much easier- Gor is not hard, for Goreans

@ Damien - /me sits and waits and sleeps now

Serious reply...

The range of human experience is vast and deep, and it sounds like you know what would make you happy on a day to day level... but perhaps not the long range. Few people ever really do know what will make them happy long term, anyway ~ look at what people chase compared to what really makes a difference, for proof of that.

Focusing on the "can't really get anywhere else" part of your statement... it very well could be true. Some places, some people, some moments in time are truly like that. But to chase something utterly unattainable... it might end all too predictably, and I'd hate to see that happen to you.

There's a frame of reference for all things; like Shakespeare said, a life is one of many acts. To risk sharing a little, these were some of mine...

...once I was a wild and crazy college student. Absolute blast! My dorm room was 'the' place to be for two years running. I tell people I have three kids now, and their jaw drops. No way, dude! Well... yes way. It got old. Times changed. Time for another kind of happiness.

...once I traveled the world. Literally had a job like Indiana Jones, going through deserts and jungles and collecting scientific samples the world over ~ I was broken down and stuck in the Atacama, I was shot at in Ecuador, I was covered with beetles in New Guinea and interrogated in China. Now? I haven't left the country for years. It got old. Times changed. Time for another kind of happiness.

...once I was an automotive engineer. Desert and mountain testing, wild co workers (this is the auto industry, imagine several dozen engineers none over 35) ~ rivalry and contests and showdowns at the local racetrack... now, I don't even bother deprogram the speed limiter from my car. It got old. Times changed. Time for another kind of happiness.

...once I ran a fairly sizeable engineering department ~ about a dozen product teams, hardware design, firmware, hot and cold running interns, the whole California tech exec thing. It got old. Times changed. Time for another kind of happiness.

...to this day, I have a small startup company... which is still small, but at eight years running isn't a startup any more. It's okay I guess... but it's getting old. Times change. Time for another kind of happiness. I've honestly contemplated selling it, for a blast of cash and a wide open, undefined, crazy future. I miss that!

...Here I am with all of you today. I've been around here in one form or another for six years. It's a good time, and I expect to be around a very, very long time. But perhaps not for twenty years. Times will change. They have already changed three times over, considering who posts here nowadays. Most forum friends are gone... and it's far more than nine out of ten.

...the point, Immy... is that there's a future you, that is very different from you today. I would have written up the changes in your life, not mine... but I don't know your life, so I can't. But hopefully the analogy stands.

Be kind to that future you... a person with different likes and dislikes, a person with a different kind of happiness. It's too easy to chase the present so hard, that one loses sight of all that is to come. I'm 44, and this may sound crazy, but I think my best years are ahead of me. Dunno where, dunno how... but a big part of it was never getting stuck in a situation that was doomed from the start.

Good luck, and I hope you find happiness you can truly hold onto, soon.

This boy might be a little too shy for anything quite like that... grins

I understand, Desmond, thank you. My life hasn't been as transitional as yours, but, I get what you mean. Since leaving school, I have had 2 jobs spanning 5 years each. I have had my share of rushing in and letting things come as they may. Oddly enough, my rushed decisions have turned out to be for the best. I jot that down to pure dumb luck.

This person is someone special to me online. So, an online partnership seems fair. I understand that it's both fickle and something to take seriously. And, I understand that online partnership is not quite the same as a marriage bond or anything else that can be taken to court.

But, there are times when I need a hint. I get that hint in many ways. My 1st life relationship. My job. My house. And, of course, my friends here (you included, sorry we don't chat much). But each strikes me in different ways. Just as partnership can strike me in a different way.

So, please don't misunderstand what I said in assuming that I'm claiming I can't find happiness or acceptance anywhere else. It's just, I want ~that~ taste of acceptance. It will add to my list of hints that I'm an accepted person that other ways don't fulfill. Being married, I'm sure you understand.

Still, thank you for your post. I am taking your words to heart. You are frequently a wonderful source of wisdom here in this mad-mad community.

(Your regularly programmed Immy will be back on other threads. I guess I have to say this thread hits home in a way that I'd prefer to not violate with my typical madcap behaviour.)

...

( Oh stuff it! ... (^_^)y )

I can probably accomodate that request.

For women, it seems to work the other way round. "Oh she's partnered, she might actually be a chick after all!", followed by: "Hey babe, u do voice?". *sigh*

I have really enjoyed the friends with benefits relationships I had in sl. But for me, quoting the Guvnah, "too old, times change and time for another kind of happiness". Until I met Will, I didn't realize how much I was ready a change and another kind of happiness. I guess it was the same for him because he's told me he never envisioned having a relationship in sl. He would just log in handle customer issues, attend a concert, build and that pretty much was it. In fact we met at a concert.

Our name's in each other's partner box signalifies committment. I'm not saying those that don't do this is any less committed. I am only basing this on Will and mine discussions on the matter.

Now that we've met irl and spent some time with each other, it just solidifies our committment. Interestingly enough, to a certain extent our sl mariage seems to mirror what rl marriages sometimes endure. We lost our home, having to rebuild our business for a 3rd time and periods of separation. They way we worked those crisis and celebrate our successes.


SL keeps surprising me. I knew nothing about virtual communities nor was involved in IRC. I didn't know what to expect when I came to sl. Having been in it almost 3 1/2 years, I have learned to expect the unexpected.

Something like that.

Couple things about Gor:

> I think Panthers have the most fun, check'm out Sol. Firstly, their skimpy tribal clothing is teh hawtness; secondly, they can kidnap both men and women and play with/brand/enslave them, even warriors in some sims; thirdly, they are less bound by traditional Gorean lore; and lastly, they live in forts, not boring (though beautiful) townships.

> Kajirae are bored. The Borean (oh, scuse me, Gorean) books were squarely aimed at the scifi market sweet spot, adolescent boys. So far as I can tell, THIS about Gor has been preserved in SL, so many of the Kajirae spend a lot of time sitting around waiting for their menfolk to quit playing bows-and-arrows.
.

I concur with Nika, panthers do have the most fun. Some of my best FWB relationships was with gorean masters. I don't think they saw it that way. I wonder if it because I didn't like just sitting around and waiting. Or, because I didn't like the "collar" as it reminded me of rl slavery. The movie Roots comes to mind.

One even told me, Sable you are not the sub type. Perhaps a master that likes the challenge of "spirited" wenches like you would take you. But, you would likely be sold within the hour. I said well whatever, now turn over while I spank you with your belt.

But I will say for them, my encounters with them was HAWT!!!!!!!

Flat out not true.

How do you figure "Panthers are less bound by traditional Gorean Lore"????? Where do you think they come from? Yea they are bound by it and the binding is usually KILL ON SIGHT when in cities.

And i don't know where you get your info about what kajira do. Pew-Pew on Gor is only big in those lame combat sims. Many many Goreans prefer to not have anything to do with that outside of legitimate RP reasons.

The Panther population in SL Gor needs to be culled dramatically. I am not a "By the Book" Gorean at all but the attitude you display regarding Panthers is why they are a joke and being restricted in more sims than ever before.

Panthers in forts now???? I guess soon they will have their own full cities.

Panthers belong in forests, fearful of city warriors gathering in numbers to come hunt them down but brave enough to know that as a group they can down a warrior or few that enters their part of the forest.

And to say 'so many kajira sit around waiting for "men-folk" to quit playing bows and arrows is just straight out bullshit.

You obviously know nothing of SL Gor. And i hate to sound harsh but i really dislike posts that are so far off base as to slander what is being spoken about.

The books are a hard read. I can't seem to make it past 2 chapters before putting the book down -forever- and i have all of them.

You can read and learn A LOT online without ever going to the books. Just be careful with the many quotes you run across because they paint an out of context picture of Gor that most people seem to misinterpret.

SOME of the women are men just like they are in any other area of SL, but certainly not most. And SOME of the men are women too. That's not any different than any other part of SL or any other RP game - get over it.

And you really need to actually SEE Gor before saying that they all look like Conan & have freebie male skins, etc. There are all shapes, sizes & looks in Gor just like anywhere else. And I've seen some of the best skins & hair combos on the men of Gor. In fact I don't recall seeing any newby looking man in Gor.

There are approximately 300 Gorean sims right now & to paint all of them with a broad brush saying that all have the same looks & the same attitudes & play the same way is so wrong & narrow minded.

Now, as far as kajira being bored all the time - it depends on what sim they're in, who their Master is & how they're treated. If their Master is only online a small amount of time & restricts them a lot or there aren't many other people playing in their sim then yes, they might be bored. I'm lucky & have a good Master, live in a good sim & I'm never bored.

No one ever claimed the Gor books are great literature. *laughs*

And last of all, Desmond - What great insight & wisdom! I read what you wrote to Immy & felt as is you were writing it to me. I'm going to reread that several times & copy the last parts to think about for a few days. Thank you!

That was a nice post Maggie.

What you said is true of SL as a whole, and some people do need to just "Get Over It".

The Gor books never interested me, but nonetheless, I'd still like to visit some of the sims, as you say, I've heard many are beautifully done. I did go to a shopping area in one and it was lovely, and the few regulars there seemed very nice. I don't think I would want to play there on an extended basis, but i wouldn't mind doing so occasionally. Good RP is fun, no matter where it is. I wholeheartedly agree that keeping to the books is not essential, if everyone is on the same page as to the spirit of the group, who cares?

There is thread after thread that argue about everyone being on the same page at the Gorean Forums.

Lifestylers, Soulplayers, Role Players, Gor Evolved - and then onlineisms, SLisms, and by the book'ers.

It is just a constant bickerfest of who is right, who is wrong, what words are not Gorean, what actions are not Gorean, etc.

When i speak of Gor in general, i always refer to the Gor created in the books - but being an elf, i am hardly a part of that by the book Gorean way of life.

When i started in Gor with the opening of the first Gorean sim, Port Kar, i was brought there and was called the "exotic" kajira. Such a thing is impossible now due to the obsession of many RPers that SL Gor be by the books and anything that occurs which is not in the books is not Gorean.

Kinda sad the community is so divided but everyone wants to live their own version of Gor and the majority of Gor RPers are unwilling to accept the differences since they are not "by the book" and they want a "pure" experience as detailed in the books.

Having been in several Gor sims, they are wonderful builds. Gor per se' was not my cup of tea. The masters were and for some reason I just seem to attract them. They would just strike up a conversation, we spend time with each other. Everything would be nice until the issue about the collar came up. I don't care if others wear them. But, for me it is not appealing. To each is own.

I was a Panther for awhile but couldn't shoot an arrow worth a darn. Plus living in a forest was not all that appealing when I had at that time 2 lovely homes that I lived in. LOL.

Yeah, what Briana said! I too wish there was some kind of unity with Goreans but sadly there isn't. I go to school in Iaomai (lifestyle sim) and live in Salernum (roleplay sim). The two sims have entirely different ideas on what Gor is or should be about. Go to Port Kar & then go to another city like Piedmont & you'll see two very different styles of Gor. Not to even mention panthers, pirates, femlaws & more!

Even my Master & I have differing views on Gor - it's not so black & white. I really do agree with Briana & think it's sad that the community is so divided. And in trying to see all sides of it I think it's the very hardcore RP'ers that're the most stubborn & close-minded.

I always find it interesting how people "go by the books" regarding other species, but forget that the *original* Gor, who brought the people to the planet were.. aliens O.O
If you say you "go by the books", you're basically saying you have to be limited to replaying the books chapter by chapter. As soon as you change or add events to happenings not described in the books, which is basically the whole point of roleplaying, you're technically also opening things up for *anything* that might happen, including, but not limited to, timetraveling Neko explorers from planet Z, crashlanding on planet Gor and trying to find their way home. Since technically, the books do not state that Neko's do not exist. They are not described, which means they probably haven't been encountered, but that doesn't necessarily exclude them from existence altogether.