FRIENDSHIP AND "BEING REAL" IN SL

LOL Luxe, chill out! It's not "This way or the highway"

Be creative, there are way more lines to use than "Where are you from?" and "Great shoes you have!" and the likes.

It's just like in RL. Let's say you're in NYC (New York City) and you meet someone in a bar. Are the first things you say "Hi, are you from NYC?" or "Hi, are you American?" I doubt that and if that's your method of approaching people, than change it pronto!

My free advice for you (SL related)!

1. Look at the person profile. It may seem a boring and useless thing to do, but it can tell you a lot of that person; it may even suggest you ways to start the conversation
2. Always say the person name! "Hi Samantha", "Hello Samantha" for example
3. Be creative
4. Don't be in a hurry. You may be eager to know the "real person" but the world isn't gonna end if you don't get everything you want in the very first 3 questions!

@ Warda Kawabata
Since a timezone will fit for many countries, I believe is not as rude to just ask for the timezone, rather than asking about the actual country.

Good advice. Also, one wouldn't start a RL conversation by asking "Do you have clean underwear on today?", and asking blunt RL questions in SL has rather the same effect, of being far too inquisitive.

I know that some people are touchy about their profiles (I'm not one of them) and will react badly if you open a conversation with "I see you like skydiving" because you happened to read that in their profile. They will react well if you open the conversation with "I'd really like to take up skydiving. I don't suppose if you know of any good clubs round here?".

Notice the difference: in one you arrogate knowledge that you wouldn't actually have if you really met someone in the street (unless they were wearing skydiving gear at the time, in which case it would be fine). In the second, you conceal the fact that you've been peeking and open a casual conversational gambit which is bound to succeed.

Also, here is an example of another way not to make friends (taken from an encounter yesterday).

Guy: What's that?
Me: What's what?
Guy: That there.
Me: What where?
Guy: Those chairs.
Me: No idea.
Guy: You're sexy.
Me: I'm also *leaving* ... (TPs out)

Doh!

I'm quite surprised, if not shocked. It's true that in RL we don't get the chance to "browse someone's profile" before talking to him, but hey!

Profiles in SL are public and we know (we do, don't we?) that they are public and available for everyone. If we put something there, then it should be something that it's ok for the others to read!


ROTFLMAO!

Quite so Samantha .. I didn't put 'tall, rich, dark and handsome and living within walking distance of you' in my profile for me to read!

I guess I'm old fashioned, but if someone asks a question I don't want to answer, I usually politely inform them of that. Or I may suggest they read my profile. I also believe if it's there, then it is for public consumption. Even with the obvious griefers, I try to be civil to a point. Although I did lose it last week with one troglodyte. I was involved in serious shoe shopping, and just as in RL, I take shoes seriously. Anyway a guy comes up to me in the store, in the Orientation Island Polo Shirt, no pants and his Hopes and Dreams sticking out. He had one of those Ha,ha I'm so clever names, Penis EverHard or something like that. he bumped me a couple of times, I ignored him and moved away. he bumped again so I asked "Can I help You"? He said "I like sex" I said "Good. Go F*** yourself". I was so annoyed I bought an extra pair of shoes.

Oh yes, profiles are there to read. Often at crowdy place I just stand reading profiles .

And before I talk to someone I don't know, I open her/his profile.

Pushy people you best give something of their own taste. Like:

He: "You are hot".
I: "True. I am hot and you are not!"

Morwen.

Of course it's the same thing I do, but once every while one gets fed up and bites at someone

And good story about that EverHard guy.

@ Morwen

ROTFLMAO!

Hahaha yes, that has happened to me quite a few times. In those situations, I DON'T ask them where they're from but instead flutter my eyelashes, tell them they are wearing a child-sized appendage and ask the very intrusive question "is that what you're like in real life?"

Good Lord no! Never get between a girl and a shoe shop .. in RL or SL Hmm, good slimming plan mind!

Hope and Dreams ROFL!

He; take your clothes off.
She; er, no thankyou.
He; Go on, you know you want it.
She; No, no, I don't believe I do thankyou.
He; But this is a gentleman's club!
She; why yes! I'm waiting for a gentleman.

Only shoe shops?

What about fashion? Chocolateries (shops to buy chocolate)? Make up? And there is more that comes to mind!

Morwen.

Ah yes! Was in a high street the other day with fiancee. Thorntons one side, a pub on the other .... it wasn't a pretty sight!!

Oh yes, it's not disputed that profiles are there to be read - or why put anything there at all? - it's how you use them. I have seen profiles that explicitly say "Do not use any information in this profile when dealing with me unless you could have got the information in game, or I will ignore you".

I don't play it that way myself.

But here's an example of a potential problem. You are a member of a group that we will call Clan A. Clan A is feuding with another group, Clan B. Not so much a real feud as a game one. One day you happen to browse the profile of a fellow-member of Clan A and you find they are also a member of Clan B. What do you do? Is it fair to confront them with being a turncoat when you don't have any ingame or behavioural evidence to support it, only what is in their profile? Is that not cheating?

You can often find out a lot about people from their profiles. A lot that they didn't intend you to find out, when you read between the lines ...

ROFL! Dammit why do I drink tea when reading this forum?! It always ends up in my keyboard.

I have never had a guy I didn't already know come up to me and say "You're pretty" when it wasn't immediately followed by some blatant come on in varying degrees of tastelessness ranging from:

"I want you"
"Want to go somewhere private"
"Will you f*** me. Y or N" (what am I supposed to do, tick a box? Are we in primary school?)
"Do you do anal?"

*sigh* At least now I know its coming, so I can spend the time digging out an appropriate gesture for the inevitable.

On another note I can't believe anyone would get annoyed by somebody openly referring to the contents of their profile. I do mean of course outside of hard RP areas. I understand that but not just whilst wandering around in non-RP places.

I am perfectly open about my RL - it's all in my profile about how I am a giant robot with the ability to morph into a furry animal, that I am 3480 Earth-years old and I come from the planet Boohoozie-3 in the galaxy of Zub. When on Earth I am based in the UK.

For me coming into Second Life as a human woman is the closest I can get to the human experience.

On Boohoozie-3 there are 4 sexes of robot, 3 of which are stupid. Luckily I'm from the 4th, intelligent, sex. So my A/S/L is 3480/4th/Boohoozie-3.

I hear you Daisy but I just can't quite agree. Thankfully profiles in SL are rather quick and easy to change if you suddenly realise you've left something for misinterpretation but for your example are you speaking of SL groups? Are there any other than RP ones in opposition? All mine are just clubs for entertainment.
Frankly I can't say for sure whether reading a profile is an advantage or not. For me it just puts a different slant on things the same way I know someone's name before speaking to them.
No-one's opened a conversation with me with the words 'from your profile ..' I don't think it would bother me one way or the other. It's usually a 'hi bilb'

What is A/S/L? LOL

If the information it's in the profile, it's "ingame".

To me, SL is not a "RL, just different". Earlier you said that in RL we don't have profiles attached to us so others can read them before speaking to us.

That's true, but in RL we can't fly, nor teleport from place to place, walk underwater and even stay submerged for how much as we like without the need of any special equipment.

Profiles are just a "feature" of the virtual us, like the ability to fly and stuff. Should I see a profile saying "Do not use the information blah blah" I'll do my best to comply. Otherwise it's fair game to use that info.

Age / Sex / Location? At least that's what I gather from the context.

/me ASL = 2 months, undefined value, Myeolchi

-Atashi

Actually, I'm just as lucky as anyone else. If this were a thread about inventory issues, I'd mention my inventory issues, and it wouldn't necessarily mean that I always have inventory issues. This discussion has been about revealing RL info, so I've related some of my experiences with that. Doesn't mean that all, or even most, of my experiences have been bad. I have met lots of wonderful people in SL who have no problem with respecting people's boundries. The social interaction is my primary reason for being in SL.

I don't like being rude to people I meet, even if they have been less than courteous to me. Certainly, I could walk away, tp, mute, whatever, but I'm not wild about leaving a trail of people behind me who think I'm a bitch. I prefer to try to behave as I would with people I meet in RL. In RL, if someone was asking me too many personal questions, I wouldn't simply turn around and walk away, or stick my fingers in my ears, and it goes without saying that I wouldn't tp away. Yes, these options exist in SL for truly obnoxious people, but they're overkill for someone just trying to have a conversation with me.

And, this actually brings me back around to earlier mention (not yours) of role playing vs being "real" (paraphrase). I don't freely hand out personal information to strangers in SL, but this doesn't mean I'm "role playing a character" in SL. I don't give out my address to strangers in real life either.

That said, I do have fuzzy ears and a tail, so go figure.

Oh, dear god, I wish more people (read:guys) would read my profile. It states very clearly that I'm a) involved with someone and uninterested in anything other than friendship with anyone else, and b) my 'Mistress Malkavian' title refers to a vampire clan, not anything BDSM-related. Instead, I get both encounters like Brenda's and guys walking up and insisting, yes, INSISTING, that they're my slaves. And, damn it, always when I'm shopping! What's the deal with that? If you must hit on every attractive girl you see, at least take it to a more appropriate venue, like a club.

[Guy]: Hi
[Me]: Hello
[Guy]: You're a very beautiful girl.
[Me]: (Silence and continued shopping)
[Guy]: Are you shopping?
[Me]: Yes
[Guy]: Are you shopping for a swimsuit?
[Me]: (Silence)
[Guy]: A dress?
[Me]: (Silence)
[Guy]: Shoes?
[Me]: (Silence)
[Clueless Guy]: You're really a very, very beautiful girl.
[Me]: Look, I appreciate the compliments, but I'm involved with someone and you're making me uncomfortable.
[Incredibly Clueless Guy]: Not a swinger?
[Me]: (Teleports home)

Edit: I should probably mention that he was following me all over the store during this exchange. I'm usually a camera shopper, but I walked back and forth across the store a few times trying to shake him and he just kept coming back.

I've purchased an awesome cockroach avatar that I could morph into when I'm hit on. But I'm a guy so I won't get hit on. Furthermore, the people I've run into have turned out to be (almost entirely) cool so I haven't gotten to use it

Would one of you people who love shopping please do mine for me?

As long as you want to wear women's clothes, I'd be happy to shop for you.

Heck! I hope I didn't give the impression I do simply walk away when asked an unacceptable question? LOL I'm sorry if I gave that view. No, I stop and explain. I pointed out the ability to walk away to demonstrate the inherent safety in talking to strangers in SL.

For me also Audible, it's the social thing in SL that's grabbed me hook, line and sinker.
Hell, I even talk to furries!

[/I]

Ooooh if only RL!!

Him: I must be your slave!
Her: Here, .. <grunt> carry these!!!!

LOL! I suppose I shouldn't rule out any possibilities. =