How much of yourself do you put into SL?

It's funny I've been thinking about this for a couple of days after a chance meeting on a beach with an older vintage res. He had something in his prof that said he found convos with people who had exclusions of RL in their profiles to be short and boring.

I don't answer RL questions. Pretty much period. It's not that I'm married with a passel of kids or anything. It's just that my rl is constructed in this nice...drama free, perfectly balanced way. And that's how I choose to keep it.

But in sl I let the Vix behind the mask come out to play. I allow myself to be far more vulnerable, more honest, more creative, more emotional and yes, more sexual than rl Vix. In rl I'm allergic to drama. Actually, in sl too, though I'm willing to take more risks that could result in drama in my sl life.

I do have a question for the OP. How old is this guy in SL? Newer residents tend to believe float with the belief that it's possible to be a completely different person and to live in sl without emotional consequence of any kind.

For some people, the events in a book they're reading have no more impact on them than those in a phone book, and what they read the book for is style and literary quality, only. They consider identifying with the characters to be a personal shortcoming, something to be eliminated to really understand literature. The reader is taking the part of an actor in a play, not a character. I think this is something analogous, they see what they are doing in SL as a performance.

Once you start talking about RL, and exchanging RL details, you're definitely moving outside RP. Unless you make perfectly clear that what you do in character and what you do out of character are separate, unless the RP is completely abstract, you're in dangerous territory.

For an example of completely abstract, consider a group of D&D players sittingaround a card table:

Fred: "My wood elf Lintypockets puts the make on Gruff."
Joe: "Wait a second, Gruff's a werewolf and he hates elves."
Fred: "Lintypockets uses 'seduce'."
DM: "Joe, make a saving role against Lintypocket's charisma."
Fred: "18."
Joe: "Oh, cr**."

[Edit: if 18 isn't a high charisma in D&D terms any more, sorry, it's been a long time since I played D&D]

Interesting thought Argent, and quite true. It's so alien to my own way of thinking I forget it exists sometimes. Do you think these people are really able to maintain such detachment day after sl day? Or do that dreaded shortcoming of becoming emotionally invested creep in?

I have no idea. I have a hard time imagining someone really into literary deconstruction getting involved in SL, except perhaps as a griefer.

Hi Vix thanks for your comments and they do make sense...I tend to be a lot like you I think in the way I approach SL. But to answer your question he rezzed in August. I had a HUGE argument with him tonight about all this and he's admitted that this is his first online world experience and his first time with role playing of any kind. Needless to say I had a few strong words to say about his approach and he was horrified that I percieved his role playing as an insult to my genuine hand of friendship. Because thats all it was 'friendship', I have neither the time nor the desire to bring any of my SL life into my RL due to health issues but thats beside the point.

I've been in SL longer a lot longer than my rezz day would have people believe and I have a more fair understanding about how people should be treated. You RP in RP situations and sims and I explained to him that once we are in my home, out of RP clothes thats where the RP side of sl stops for me, he was genuinely shocked that not everyone treats outside RP as more real. If you like I 'go to work' but once I come home and change my outfit the rp stops and the real me takes over. So we will see what happens from here I gues but its made me more cautious about it all now

My advice is to tell the guy who complains or lies or, well, starts to become co-dependent to blow it outta his ear (my real advice to a friend of mine about her lazy sod of a boyfriend who is living off her). Then just have fun in sll with a partner who has realistic expectations (and a busy real life) and have a little on teh side when he's not looking

Yeah I was careful to not exclude guys in this.
It strange that the mind without the skin contact this would happen but for some people
it can depending on numerous factors.
Sometimes the body or brain doesn't know the difference between fantasy skin contact and first life skin contact, especially when you're in situation where that rarely occurs in first life.
I remember years ago when I first hung out in my first life with role players who played
D&D that after certain point of lot of game playing, drinking and pot smoking with these guys that the sense of what was "real" and what was "roleplay" got really blurred too but in non-sexual way after spending period of time with these guys.
Look back it was idiotic, they have arguments over the factor such and such scene wasn't possible and emotions would get intense, often leading to screaming matches because the Dungeon Master was all knowing

Which was pretty much my point too, if you read my replies here...unless I'm getting threads mixed. But I don't think so.

You know...the whole playacting analogy...the falling in love with your leading man thing. I was talking about RP zones and consciously RP'ing (like dressing in medieval gear, or whatever RP zone or group it was) but come to think of it, that could apply to anywhere and anything in SL. For me, asking for RL info is a red flag, no one 'needs' to know they 'wish' to know or are curious. Not saying it's not an innocent intention but that it is an unthinking one perhaps, because it makes the other person more vulnerable.

THe person being asked has no way to know who's asking, really. Or why, or what they might do with the info later. And that's aside from the issue of RL info blurring the line between playacting/SL only and 'real' connections with 'real' futures and future expectations.

Hoping no one parses my words too much on this because obviously one has basic expectations of any interaction like common decency and politeness. And hopes, such as good conversation, or a bit of companionship i.e. exploring SL can be more fun with someone alongside one.

When people ask for RL info and combine that with courtship rituals, or worse, "I love you" type declarations, then people can begin to daydream of real futures, even if they never meet offline...I've heard of people carrying on 'romantic' relationships for years never intending to meet offline. I don't know how, but they have...although I'd personally feel that was not a 'real' romance...To me, for romance you have to be able to touch...but maybe not everyone feels like that.

To the person who says you can be friends and mean something to people you have not met in person, I agree...84 Charing Cross Road is a good fictional example of that. Just for an example anyone can handily find at Blockbuster et al.

That's a wonderful movie, but it isn't fiction.