Why is this forum so negative?

I admit I am new. I only found out about SL in April of 2007. I was only around a very short time when the ask a linden or some such title was around. The posters who wanted answers were so nasty that the Lindens had enough and shut it down. Everyone was told to come to resident answers for information and help.

I have been hanging around reading this forum for only about a month now. I decided to post yesterday for the first time. I admit it was a disaster. I got everything wrong.

I should not have been treated the way I was though. I think people here use terse cute little answers to please each other and forget they are talking to and about a RL person.

I have noticed in other peoples threads that there are a certain number of people that are leaders here. You would think that they would try and be helpful, Not to encourage the belittling of posters. I am sure that there are those who post and continually abuse the forum and they should be set straight. A new poster should not be treated like trash.

The way people reply to threads on this forum is not unlike griefing in-game. They do not take into account that the poster is a real person with real feelings.

I am aware that this post too is more of a statement than a question. Don’t worry this is the last post I will make here so that I don’t annoy any one.

Warren Dobbins
AKA – Emjuan Beerbaum

I'm sorry you feel this way ... and quite often I largely agree with you. I go on sabbaticals away from the Forum very very regularly.

But there are no leaders here, and you should not feel like there are. If someone is causing you distress it's better to ignore them, if you feel they are being offensive then AR the thread (using the button at the side, the triangle).

Often threads do end up being funny, and meant to be light hearted and/or flirty (esp flirty). However yes there are a number of individuals who tend to use this thing for their own ends.

I have been told many times in world that people are simply afraid to post in case they are pounced on ... which has always made me sad and always will.

So please, take a breath ... there is a LOT of useful information here, and some genuinely nice friendly people ...

-

Hello and Welcome Warren/Emjuan.

I'm sorry your post met such a reception. Unfortunately a lot of these ethical or philosophical subjects cause rise and reaction. Your admission that your post was in fact fake though honest in its admission however laid you open to more reaction. This should really be a technical questions and answers forum but a lot of us like to jump on the more intellectual aspects I'm afraid and just like the real world, there is a huge spectrum of opinions out there.

Please don't run away. I hate it when newcomers are beaten off like this. It isn't our intention at all.

There are no leaders here, only a few people who are more vocal than others. You will meet all kinds of people out in the world - some of them nice and some not very nice, you have to learn to deal with both and all the shades inbetween.....

Cherry, Emjuan is not an innocent here. Eight of his nine posts are in a thread he started under false pretenses for the sole purpose of getting negative reactions. Later in the same thread he goes on to warn us about the coming Islamic Jihad against SL because AVs are allowed to be named Mohammed. If he wants to complain about negativity, maybe a good long look in the mirror would be a place he could start.

Hi Emjuan. There IS a bit of a pile-on psychology that gets going in any forum ... not just this one ... when there is broad disapproval of a topic. I think it's just human psychology - everyone wants to be on record as not supporting something that bothers them. This happened in your thread yesterday.

I would encourage you to stick around - as Cherry said, there's a lot of help to be had here - and maybe for your next thread, pick a topic which is less tied to RL current events. The forum really shines when threads are about how SL works, and kinda falls apart when dealing with RL issues. And particularly, if you can, stay away from religion, politics, national character ... these are bound to cause flame wars, and forum folks tend to get very nervous when they're brought up.

I'm sorry if I contributed to your feeling bad - truly I did think you were just looking for a fight (trolling). If your posts were meant well, I think a lot of us didn't pick up on it.

I would add to Cherry's comment.

We're not ogres here, or dangerous wild beasts. But when you poke the animals with a stick, you're likely to get a snarl, not a wagging tail.

In other words, the tone you bring to the forum influences the response you'll get. Take two actual cases.

Here comes a cheerful newbie, named Sandy. He asks questions, he banters with us in a lighthearted way. He gets a warm reception, and quickly becomes an accepted member of the forum regulars.

Here comes another newbie, named Emjuan. His questions indicate he may be a bigot, and most certainly has some sort of interest in stirring up controversy. He gets return fire, and then complains that the forum is "negative". He is made to feel unwelcome.

You might ask yourself why, you know. And I assure you, that if you change your tone, the other forum posters will change theirs. We don't hold a grudge. Well, I don't anyway. I don't speak for anyone else here, just telling you how I see it.

I do hope that you'll take that as constructive criticism, not more return fire. And that you'll stick around a while. Lighten up and give us a chance, and I think you'll change your opinion of the forums.

No I realise that Chris, I am posting from work from a very overlooked place and saw the thread after.

My feelings are the same though. There are some VERY negative people around sometimes and so I stand by what I said above in the abstract. Now gis a cuddle

Hi Emjuan,
I am sorry you feel like this. Yes there were some nasty posts against you in your thread. I apologise if my post hurt you in any way. I did not mean it to do so.
I think the main problem was that it seemed like you were baiting the forum just to gauge reactions. This is not what the forum is for either. I am not excusing what people said, it is just that people can be very quick to get upset if they feel someone is poking at them. This may not have been how you intended your thread to come across, but I am afraid that is the impression I received. Try to see the thread from the other side, you asked a question, yes it was controversial, but a valid question nontheless. After a discussion, you revealed it was actually a bogus question which was asked to see reactions. This makes people feel like they are performing monkeys just there for someone's amusement. Then someone made a bad comment and it decended into chaos. insults were thrown and people got hurt. i am sure there were others in there who were hurt aswell.
This forum is for question and answers. Most of the time, the questions do get answered fully. Correct me if I am wrong, but your original question /was/ answered before everything started to get too heated. Yes, threads do have a tendency to decend into chaos and jokes, but only after the answers. I find it keeps the forums lively and, for me, more enjoyable. Though obviously not everyone is going to like it.
The 'leaders' as you call them, are perhaps the most helpful people I have met. Practically every thread I read has one of these people answering the question. Yes they have fun, but they also help. A lot.
I do not mean this post to offend you or attack your thread in any way. I understand that you were hurt and have had a bad experience. I am truly sorry for this. i hope you will stick around here for a bit longer. Even if it is just to see that this place can be wonderful. If you see past all of the jokes etc, and read the answers to a lot of the threads, there is some truly invaluable information here. The jokes are just some people's way (including me) of having fun and a good time. We do not mean to push anyone away in the slightest.
I think people just need to remember that everyone has feelings, that includes posters and the answerers. both newbies and oldies need to remember that there is a human being behind each post.
I hope you will stay. We really aren't that bad a bunch of people.
Thanks
xxClairexx

I avoided reading the "Discriminate" thread when it was active just because it seemed destined to stir up the standard arguments. Which it did, more or less, although I must confess that the OP's original intent is evidently too subtle for me to grasp.

It's not always easy to make clear what one means in this (or any) forum, whether about technical or not-so-technical questions or answers. It's very much easier to be misconstrued, in fact. Irony, for example, needs great big flashing full-bright llTargetOmega'd emoticons around it, or it'll just be taken at face-value. And threads that garner genuine responses, the topic of which is later revealed to be a kind of "bait"--well, those respondents might well have a negative reaction to being "tricked." (Hell, even a bass will put up a fight on the hook.)

So... well, for whatever it's worth, the first thread I started on this forum was also a disaster. And I've had others since. In fact, I probably have the highest locked-to-started thread ratio of anybody posting here (which would be really disconcerting if I started many threads). But I guess, if a post is genuinely intended to get or give helpful information, nobody should feel bad about it, even if the thread later veers off in an unintended direction.

When people actually look for HELP, the forum is very positive and helpful. If your definition of "help" is agreeing with you on controversial topics that you take personally, well I would not expect to find much "help" here.

This forum isn't even remotely close to hostile. Try your luck and bondage.com for a bit you'll see real hostility. LOL

Shush! People will realise why I am so relatively unflappable here if you start bringing up how nasty the real BDSM Forum world is

(She is right tho. But then I never was worried about being controversial there, cos most people trying to be mouthy with me had to try saying to my face someday ... and not many people are that foolhardy! I am far more formidible offline than on .. here, you can't see the twinkle in my eye as I get ready to toy with you ... muhahahahahaha)

I have only been here about five days and I have been helped quite well even with my very newbie questions.

Things that appear negative are usually people that distribute bait hoping to land a big angry fish. On my forums we call them Trolls since they are trolling for game fish. Best way to handle them is to take the bait and then spit out before the Troll sets the hook.

For a good laugh read the posts about hunting Linden's Inworld it is all in fun and very light-hearted.

"G"

Did I miss friday?

Hi Warren,

I am glad you posted your thoughts. You said them well, and I believe your opinions are quite valid (except I'm not sure about the "leaders" part, although there are several primary instigators here).

It is quite pathetic when someone goes on the attack for no good reason other than to bother people. When I read those things, I remember the following old saying: "Rudeness is a weak persons imitation of strength."

In RL, too, there are many people like this, which of course everyone knows. What the arrogant and rude RL and SL people should learn is that no one forgets an insult. When I see new postings by those people here, I don't even read them. Why waste my time?

Finally, Warren, I hope you return to this Forum and post your ideas, thoughts, and questions. There are many great people here, too.

Sincerely,
Avanti

All of the previous responses are good thoughts. This forum is made up of people, people react in certain ways, just like in the real world. A lot of information gets put out here, along with the nonsense. Frankly, if the nonsense weren't here, I'd not be here that much. I'm here for entertainment as well as information.There are people here who should be writing in Hollywood. I'm always amazed when I hear people are afraid to make a post. Why? What is the worst that can happen? You get a snide comment or two? Big deal, you forget it ,and don't return then. or you ignore it and press on. Nothing ventured nothing gained. there are too many people who enjoy being the Outside Matyr, always bemoaning they are looking in, but not wanting to open an unlocked door. Quite a few new peolle have joined this community recently, and they've for the most part been delightful posters, I'm getting dizzy just keeping up with Sandy it seems. I encourage any lurkers out there who are afraid to say something, speak up. If you are sincere, and not an obviously trolling, as the OP in this case was in my opinion, you will be fine. A very wise person here who's opinions I value highly is always reminding me how SL is just like RL in that it's meant to be lived. Enjoy it, have fun. Have some pie, kiss a penquin, wave your panties.

I am replying to this because of the title: why is this forum so negative....


Im afraid this is just part of being on the net, and also the limitation of text im afraid.

Text can be interpreted in so many ways. When writing a sensitive letter to a friend, my sister once gave me a tip -

After finished writing your letter, repeat it outloud to yourself in a very angry voice, and ask yourself if it sounds "mean"


- if after reading it in an angry voice you are keeling over laughing yourself to death, you probably are ok, and it doesnt sound mean, but on the other hand, if you want to kick yourself in the mouth having insulted yourself outloud so much while reading, you might want to revise things a little.


this rule of thumb, if applied, may help our forums to be... a little more possitive,

common nicities and politeness, and "thankyou" etc inserted here and there help as well!

.. however, due to the anonymity of the web, im afraid we're all have to read the forums with anti-sensitivity sheilds on for a good long time yet...and hold back from pressing enter with angry responses!
(this is especially difficult sometimes!!!)

It was a crap post and a crap thread, but we should all be allowed a couple of crap threads. I've certainly used up my allowance.

But if you want to stay away after that very gentle bollocking, you need to develop a slightly thicker skin.

Show your mettle, man!

We're very helpful, really. Well, most of us.

I agree with you wholeheartedly Love...compared to many other forums this is all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere.

Now Emjaun, Im trying to work out what negativity youre referring to. If its the negativity of making a 1st post that seems designed to cause controversy and then a few posts into the thread declare that the thread was a phoney request for help/advice, then I agree...less of this kind of negativity.
Ive found this forum to be incredibly helpful....even when I dont ask things I read other peoples requests for help and discover something I didnt know about.
Ive found once the help has been given some threads can shoot off at all sorts of tangents, some interesting and amusing, some not so.

BUT to complain that you have been unfairly treated when youve wasted peoples time with a 'phoney' request for help/advice really does take the biscuit.

Good day to you sir.

Crap! There's an allowance?

Haven't you heard? In Linden Land every day is Friday, and the sun is always setting on somebody's bloody mainbrace. Spiffing, what?

Welcome. I had few snide comments made because I asked too many questions.
I got over it. So can you.
People can be nasty but most of the time they are pretty helpful and amusing here.

HURRAH!!!