New and frustrated being followed

Hi there!
I'm new and looking for some advice on privacy issues in SL.
I've been on SL for a grand total of 2 weeks, and I have been spending lots of time exploring. Obviously I've been trying out new things, and this would include tons of clothing.
Since the first day though I've had problems many times, with changing clothes in private. In that week I found secluded little spots, but still ended up being followed relentlessly 3 times.
After the first week in I learned to build, and created a box with no door. Even decorated it inside with some nice stuff I found in the freebie places. When I needed to change I would throw that box out at my feet, and poof, instant walls. I knew this wasn't a stop all, but it was something of a hassle for most.
Until late last night.
I had been jumping back and forth from SL to Photoshop, working on a new shirt. I jumped back to my SL browser, and there, in the corner of my box, sat this guy, just looking around and relaxing in a chair. It was a first. I'd had friends try to get into the box and couldn't. Granted, we are all new and don't have any real nifty gadgets yet. I had a couple people banging into the walls trying to get a few times. So this guy just sitting there watching me change clothing was rather irritating. I asked him to leave. He wouldn't. So I moved my box, and myself, up into the air, and poof he was right there. 'Just wanting to relax for a while in such a cozy place'. Again, I asked him to leave, and when he still wouldn't, I deleted the box, and pulled out the only real weapon I've had for decent privacy. A chair, with a sit/touch script that rockets more then 4k up into the air. Once up there I rezzed my box out again, and thought I was safe to get back to work. I had just climbed back up on my pose stand, and there he was again, sitting on the couch this time.
By this time I was willing to do anything I could to get rid of this guy, up to and including offering him the whole box to play in if he would would just stop following me. I tried, and of course, some of the objects in the box are no transfer, so that was a no go.
After about 15 minutes of trying to get rid of this guy, I just deleted my stuff, started free fall, and teleported mid air to somewhere else. I gave up on my clothing work for the night.
This wasn't the first time I'd had problems getting a little changing room privacy. It was, however, the most irritating. Even more so then the guy offering me money for for certain services, when I was hiding a remote corner somewhere trying on skins. (He only followed me once when I left him, then called me vicious name and left me alone)
To be honest. It's not about the nudity factor. It's about the perv factor. I'm not modest, IRL or SL. I just don't want to be followed around being harrassed by people talking filthy, or 'relaxing' in the corner for a free show.

Other then buying my own land, (which, 2 weeks in, I'm not ready to commit to), is there anything I can do to get some decent privacy in SL?
Any places that offer it? And when I run into a guy like this one last night, is there anything I can do to get him to leave me alone. Can someone please help me? I had a male friend suggest putting it in my profile, or teling these guys, that IRL I'm a guy. But I don't want people running around thinking I'm a dude when I'm not. It could interfere with other interactions.

Thanks, and feel free to contact me in world or here. I will check back in the this topic regularly.

Ecko, and her RL human - Ecko

you should have AR'd them for harrassment.

First, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I've been harassed/followed/etc. too but not that quickly or persistently, it does happen in SL.

Do you know how to file an AR (abuse report)? It is under "HELP" on top of your screen. Do it while it's happening if you can, and include a name and photo of the person (click 'include screenshot' while aiming your viewer at them).

Next time do not try to bargain with this type of mega creep. Just teleport out of there soon as you have filed an abuse report.

He probably cammed in and clicked on a piece of furniture. Take the furniture out.

People can also teleport in by using the mini map and clicking on a green dot (the green dots are avatars).

There are places in SL that offer changing rooms. This was a problem when I was first new and it is for everyone. I wish SL could solve this problem somehow.

Also, do not remove clothes first - put new ones on and then go into inventory and type WORN. Then remove the extra stuff. Then you don't have to be nakkie.

Of course, Sl is sometimes slow or laggy. What I advise people who do not have a place to change in private is, fly way up into the air. Find a sim that is deserted and then do that. Good luck.

Alady island (freebie/newbie place) might offer changing rooms, I'm not sure.

Ecko. I have a good solution to your problem. I can offer you your own changing room spot if you like. I tried to offer it in a PM but you have PMs turned off.

Hi Ecko,
Gee you really had yourself a persistent one didn't you? A-Lady has private changing rooms (A-Lady Island) that you can use. I used to spend time there a lot changing clothes, appearance, etc before I had a SL home.

Now I do have a few SL homes/parcels and even now...last night I was editing a dress, on the 3rd floor of MY house on MY land on the sim I manage when suddenly some noob just poofs onto my land and heads straight for the door of my house. Saw him arrive on my Mystitool radar and cammed out to watch him. (My windows were blacked out and as he was like one day old I doubt if he knew how to cam inside to see that I was there) So I watched him, and he is just practically throwing himself at my door, which was locked. I thought of having some fun with him but was busy and didn't have time. Thought of asking him why he was so desperate to get in my private home. Instead, just clicked on my Mystitool and TP'd him home, whereever home may be for him, he did not return, or I would have banned him from my land. lol It happens, and if you don't want to bother with it just tp away. How did he 'follow' you? How would he know where you tp'd to? Curious about that, you said he followed you once. Best of luck to you in your quest for privacy on SL....

Hi Ecko- turn on IM's for z start - it will make it easier for folks to contact u in the forum if want to say something too long or of not general interst, etc.

Anyhoo- there is no mystery- u have a couch or chair - whatever - he can cam in in and choose sit and there he is. There really is not privacy in SL - u learn to deal. Most people who do not have a home go either way u high or underwater. Also- if not ready to commit to buying- u can rent- it still won't get u guaranteed privacy but will at least make u feel better-

And here people complain that most of SL is empty!

Ecko, if you open up the map you can look around for an empty sim, then teleport there and fly yourself up a thousand meters or so. You won't have anyone following you and you can change your clothes in peace.

There's also a changing room a couple hundred meters above the Cartel Hangout in Allana.

Along with the suggestions offered, you can also find an ocean and change underwater.

I remember my Modesty days, I was a fiend about privacy. Now, meh? If some clown wants to stare at my pixels fine. I'd have put out a tip jar and told him to cough up a few Lindens. If he didn't bother me otherwise , I'd ignore him. He'd most like get bored soon enough. If he impeded me in any way, I'd AR him amd leave.

He got some thrill knowing he was upsetting someone. It's a form of griefing - even though it wasn't 'physical' the autonomic response the body gives out is the same. Perceived threat = fight or flight, adrenaline, etc.

This is what some won't understand Ecko if you try and explain that you were upset, so be prepared for that type of response, too.

It's creepy to have someone ogling 'you' no matter how far removed.

Sorry, I had set to busy while I was posting. I did turn the thing off. I don't do that often and forget it when I do, lol

I appreciate the info and advice from you all already, and so quickly.
I wasn't sure if what was happening was actually considered 'abuse' or not, since I'm usually in 'public' areas like sandboxes a such.
Now that I know I can, I certainly will.
And I will check out the various places mentioned for some changing areas.
I just don't like to be harassed like this when I'm actually trying to learn to make my own clothing. Some of those items are actually see-thru, and meant to be worn over solid clothing.. or under them. But I still need to check seam/edge placement and such.
The last thing I need is some over grown hormone sitting there dictating which way I should bend over. *Rolls eyes*

Ecko- IM's or PMs in here are handled in the User CP link to the upper left- I know that's what I meant and I imagine Phil as well.

Yes, that's what I meant. IMs are inworld, PMs are here in the forum. You have yourself set so that nobody can send you a PM (Private Message) here in the forum, Ecko.

Ah HA! It's been ages since I've been on a Messege board. Can ya tell?, lol. I should have known to check those settings when I first started looking around here. Considering I used to own and run a PHPBB board, way back, lol

Should be set up for PM's now. Sorry.

I need to thank Phil for helping me out with the perfect place to 'do my thing'.
So a HUGE thank you to Phil!

After spending so long in these forums looking for answers before I posted, I can't help but hope this problem will in some way help others.
There is nothing more frustrating (for most women I know) then to regularly treated like an object. And that applies in whatever world you live in at any given time.
It's degrading, demeaning, and a real violation to more then just that woman, at that time. It is really much more then someone being targeted as a sexual 'thing'. It's about what happens to that person inside, and how it effects those around them.
I know I can't expect things to be 'ideal'. But after only two weeks in SL, I found myself paranoid about the 'men' I encountered. Afraid to talk to someone new. Each person that 'just walked up to me', was instantly suspect for something.
It's ok, and even good to be cautious. But my experiences were causing me to really worry about the possibilities of someone never leaving me alone. It made me defensive all the time, and it also made me want to change things about myself so people wouldn't notice me. I didn't like that at all.

In short. ANYONE being treated like I had been by some people, is just a real detriment for everyone. I refuse to give up on SL though. I have too many more places to explore. Having been around the 'internet' block more then a few times, I have a real thick skin about letting idiots dictate how I conduct my activities. I will enjoy SL. I will learn, and move on.
That's just me though. Others may have:
1. not known where to turn, 2; been discouraged and left, 3; gotten the impression that this behavior was both accepted and expected all around.
Or any other bad outcome!

I really hope this topic does help someone other then me. And I encourage anyone reading this, not to ever be afraid to ask someone if they need help when they see something that might be problematic. Nothing chases off the bad guy better then having someone at your back.

Thanks again to every one.. and to Phil for being so kind.
This is why I won't give up on SL!

there are idiots in SL just like in RL...the best thing to do is learn how to handle them. the first time something like that happened to me i had a typical visceral reaction as if it was RL and that really shocked me. emotions run strong and feeling violated has no boundaries. once i learned to handle it...i used to run the boogers out on a rail. hehe

the other night some idiot pounded on my home door and demanded to be let in... of course i said no and explained it was a private home. i was in bed ready to log off with my sl hubby. the guy put his face on my wall i guess to camera in and the image of him with his nose in the planks totally cracked me up lol. so i pulled one of my blankets over us...hehe. well the booger knew enough to touch the blanket and make it move up and down... soooo i took the script out and locked it. then we both yelled at him and he left. i was more amused than upset...but i kept thinking...at least he doesnt know how to get in lol.

if anyone ever does camera in and sit on something...you can take the object back into inventory...this dethrones them and then you can eject them etc. if you have perms to do that. ive also been known to read them the riot act and explain that manners apply to SL as well as RL...im sure they love that hehe

QFT on your last post Ecko.

I wish I had it engraved to hand the next person who says being really harassed/stalked in SL is no big deal.

Once you find your bearings a bit more, you'll likely find one or two places you'll gravitate to for privacy.

There's a note card that is included in the New Resident's Kit that Lucrezia Lamont compiled that lists new resident friendly places for privacy. I'm not in world now but look her name up when you're in world on People Search and she may still have it listed in her picks where to get one of these free kits. (Also includes coupons for free skin/hair, clothes - at least the last time I created and alt, etc.) Plus...one of the places I still go for peace and calm even though I own land is a lovely Japanese tea room she owns and offers to the public.

~ ~ ~

The only time I was followed and harassed like that was when I was also new to SL. I had just purchased a horse and was on the sim where I purchased it riding it and this dude comes up and greets me in Spanish. Since I know a bit of Spanish, I said hello...which then began a conversation on his side that I had no idea what he was saying.

After repeatedly saying "No comprendo" the guy decides to use the "show and tell" method of communication and brings out some security system that encased one in fire. I'm guessing it was some anti-orbit thingy...or maybe in his case a griefer tool.

He kept saying "protection" and finally got across to me he wanted to trade it for my horse. When I figured out that was his deal I said no thanks and headed off to ride my horse and BOOM...I was flailing through the sky and dropping rapidly. Thus my only time being orbited.

I had no idea what had happened. So once I landed, I tp'd to another part of the sim. Idiot guy shows up and orbits me again! I had no clue about AR's or even what had happened at that time.

Sorry you went through that...must be some kind of "initiation" we all go through.

~ ~ ~

Jojo, that is too funny. Security orbs have solved anything like that happening to me for a long time...but sometimes I should turn it off for the fun of who might show up...lol.

I quit a job in SL because of some guy who wouldn't stop perv-IMing me and standing right behind me, including putting an invsible cloak on and then my radar picked him up as right on top of me so to speak.

He was even IMing stuff like real life threats. I was unnerved. I quit because the mgment. response was "shrug".

It is disconcerting to suddenly run into some mind that works that way. RL or SL. As you said it makes you get your back up when you meet new people so it does affect you past that moment. It is really hard to get across that feeling to someone who never felt it though, so I'm glad you got some support here. If anyone sees or hears about some person verbally abusing or whatever, anyone in SL I hope they stick up for the target of it.

you dont need to remove clothing items before putting new ones on. once you get used to that you will find little reason to need privacy when changing.

You know what? Those guys are getting turned on by what you're doing. Just turn it off completely by putting on a 'male organ' and poking it into them. Take a screenshot of your attachment next to his face, be sure your pic shows avatar names, and give the pic to him. Heck, send it to whatever group you find in his profile. There's so much more you can do to him if he continues to stay.

Oh and be SO glad friends can't "map" you anymore, yes, as a verb! It used to be any of them could TP right to where you were without so much as a by your leave. (Nowadays it's a check box you can turn on for people if you want to share...)

I'll never forget when I was new, before learning you could simply wear other clothing without taking off the previous, in some out of the way underwater place and a "friend" suddenly drop in beside me and got the surprise of his life when I unleashed a torrent of chat to never do that and IM asking first before dropping in!

Another thing you might do if you don't want to hide high in the sky, is be at the cloud layer, where you could turn off the clouds while they are less likely to?

It's moments like those in SL that Pink's "I'm not here for your entertainment" lyrics from U & Ur Hand run through my head... Seems to be SL's theme song sometimes!

the truth is: in sl there is no privacy as to visuality goes.

I read about private changing rooms etc.. these wont help much, since there is something like cams that can be used freely, even by other ladies, peeping (some are doing so i'm sure, if only for spying on the skin, or other features the fellow ladies wears).

So, find a empty sim somewhere, or hire land on a sim where practically nobody wanders arround during your online time.
(there are enough of these areas).
Or go high into the air, and then up there, rez the box (so people below have no idea about your intentions, in possibly leave you be)
OR, change clothing parts, one by one, meaning, direct exchanging of something, just like how most people change clothes on a crowded beach. (you know, towel around waste, then pull down pants, and pull up swiming pants/bikini, remove towel etc etc)
that way, nobody is able to peep onto your naked skin, or is actually seeing you change, if doing properly.

But who cares anyway.. it's an AVATAR, NOT YOU IN RL, really.
What if, someone sees a nipple slip, for a brief second.. big deal.
(i can also happen, when fully dressed, but not completely rezzed (texture wise) for others.. sometimes i see a lady wearing no pants, for a brief second, and later the pants rezzes, or men for that matter) so, nobody is really sure how one is displayed towards others really.
And it's only for a brief second all in all. (even changing clothes.)

doing intimit activities is something else though, since that includes for most anyway, a direct interaction with the other person(s). and includes conversation etc etc.. (evesdropping is not nice).

Its always best when youre new to find a friend who will let you use their land for getting changed and trying on your stuff, until you get the hang of things. And ya, it can be a bit creepy sometimes when you first come SL. I think we all got our stories about that. Well many of us anyways.

I just make a point, again ya.

Getting cammed is not the issue or even being shy yourself although this does affect some people, specially when theyre new. This said, most people however, get changed in private, away from the public gaze, for the simple reason that they are aware of the sensiblilities of others around them. They will no more get their avatar nekkid in public than they will in real. This is not about them. Its about other peoples feelings.

Theres a time and place to get nekkid. A posestand in the middle of a shop floor open to the public for example, isnt one of them, for most people. A dressing room in the shop is. And if someone else cams and peeps them while they in the room, or at home even, then that peeper is going to find themselves in a whole heap of trouble if they make a habit of doing this.

Treasure, using your Mystitool in this way means the person you sent home is within their rights to put in an abuse report against you and it would be considered abuse. Yes it's your land, but LL has provided the tools to take care of things like this and they are the ones that are 'legal' to use. Just a friendly heads up for future reference.

~B

Get yourself a flight script and go up around 3500m, trust me, nobody is up there. Works great if you are homeless. Which is the other option, buy or rent a house. But I used to get changed in the clouds all the time.