Double, Double

I'm pretty sure there are SL animations and gestures that you can buy to handle that part.

I keep that friends online message off, it annoys me to Hell to keep seeing it. If I need to know you are online, I can just look at the list.

Good point - I have often thought of turning it off.

Maybe not the only one, but you're probably on the short side of half the community.

I keep several for different moods. Almost all of them share the same friend list.

I have a strange and curios notion: I only friend people I want to be and stay friendly with.
- So my friend list is very small.

Do it, Lil. it's so liberating.

Well, you heard about "Tag readers"? There are always some that will ignore a different shape and a fliptitle. It is also less interruptions from group messages and chat. The rp avatar has smaller inventory and lag less.

I do like to log in as an alt sometimes. I wish the ability to log in as invisible to everybody was a feature in SL. The times I roam the grid in an alt, I always try to mention it naturally when I talk with people I meet. Like when it's a very nice gift skin out. I want to take a new picture for my alt's profile, I go to a pretty location with her. I start a conversation and they ask if I will go swimming, and I say I would love to, but I have my SLwim in my main avatar.

Yep I have 2 female alts too. I made my first female alt to see if a small inventory would crash less. I was already up in over 10000 items in my main. The second female I wanted to be totally different, a black woman. It was a closing sale on dark female skins and I made an alt with a more african name. I don't know why.... because I can?

I do feel that my alts are more backups and "Barbiedolls" and well, I wouldn't abuse them to hurt somebody. I can't be social in my male avatar... I always feel weird. But he sure looks nice! He's been with me in pictures and is sooo patient. Wear what i want him to wear and shut up, LOL!

While I have a male alt, it was just because I needed a "buiness-avatar" and the name of the sim is Everland and that sounded more male than female ... I have never played him really, he just owns things and are member of groups that we (I own the sim with someone else) need to be member of to run things - and most important, co-earned money goes to him to keep track. But I never played him, so I havent tried the male perspective.

However, a couple of years back there was some buzzing about racism where I used to go, so I made a black avatar because I honestly thought things were blown out of proportions. I was in for a huge surprise. Noone would greet me, noone would congratulate me when I won a game or thank me for tipping them. It was honestly shocking. I learned a lot from that experience, and got some new friends too (black avatars that IMed me when I "outed" myself later to tell people how horrified I was by how I was treated when I was black).

I guess I could learn some lessons being male too

Avatar bias in SL makes me laugh, the people who practice it are idiots. An avatar is no more than a costume we can change at will. If the people running "***** Only" places think they are getting people of the same kind driving the avi they are seriously deluded or just plain morons. Since we don't know who is really behind the avatar and a halfway decent actor can be just the type of person you are looking to exclude quite easily, it is all just wasted effort. But it does afford a chance to point and laugh at them.

I had a short period when I tried to be social with my male alt. It made me look at men with much more sympathy. Female avatars would act like I had hit on them when I tried friendly small talk. Either they would be all "cozy" and scare the hell out of me, or totally cold and almost frown, replying with just single words. It made me want to shake my screen and groan: "I am NOT hitting on you, I am just trying to be polite and friendly!!!"

I always try to treat men more open after that. I don't assume they want "teh sexx" unless they really act like that. I do think there are some guys out there who just like to talk a bit. I remember how scary it was to be a male and how hard it was. Damn, it is so much more social to be in a female avatar!

I couldnt agree more with you, but my concern that this also most likely happens in RL. If you dont treat a black avatar like a white avatar, would you treat a black person the same as a white in RL?

It changed my view on quite a few of the people I was hanging with back then.

Actually I do treat black and white people the same way in RL, as PEOPLE. But at least in RL you are pretty much certain people are what they appear to be. In SL you have to go on avatar face value, so if the avatr's driver's identity is that important to you, you are grasping at straws unless you want to take the steps to confirm beyond resonable doubt they are. It just seems like an exercise in futility.

Yup

How interesting! How did they react when you outed yourself, later and told them it was you? Blew it off and shrugged? Showed any concern that they were perceived like that? Even when I was still in cartoon newbie skin on the sliders I was obviously black. I havent tried a caucasian skin but I don't think I'd be comfortable. I won a really pretty caucasian skin, from a lucky chair at Cupcakes, but I just didn't feel right in it.

Some got angry that I had fooled them, so were embarrased at their own behaviour, some were indifferent.

I say, "Go for it." It is an experience. Why miss out on it?

Marianne: I haven't heard about "Tag Readers" and it sounds like I would be ignoring them first.

As to the race thing. I can't tell the difference between a really tanned Barbie doll and a black woman and just treat everyone the same.

Edit:
I come from Africa and the race card is played quite often there for manipulation. I responded, "I am not a racist, I am a speciest. Doesn't matter what colour you are, I hate you all equally and there is no law against that. Oh and who is so aware or race?" They went off in a huffy sulk and the whole office, most of them having more melanin than me applauded loudly.

So how are things today in SL? Any better?

When I first joined I had a friend who had an African-American avatar, she told me she is the same shade IRL, I could care less either way, I never understood why anyone else would care either. It was sad she later changed to a white avatar not because of that but because of why - she said she found it easier, no one would hire her before etc. She hasn't logged on in months.

In modeling and things - other jobs in SL - is there racism?

Here's an interesting blog post, produced by an academic who had his class play with identity and race in SL, and report on their experiences. As he admits, it's by no means a "scientific" study, but it is certainly suggestive and interesting:

http://iggyo.blogspot.com/2009/12/skin-theyre-in-2009-race-second-life.html

Thank you. I found the whole blog filled with interesting topics.

I think you would learn a lot from this.

The problem that some people have with experimenting like this....is the concern for "deception." But we've been given a tool that allows for, and encourages "exploration".....so there's kind of a tug of war, on how to handle that.....and a fine-line that separates exploration and deception. I have no doubt that you, Scylla....would handle it responsibly and sensitively. The deal is.....is that if we make every effort to do that, and handle it responsibly.....we shouldn't have to take on the weight of the world, with people who simply can't leave their phobias and insecurities and paranoia at the door, before entering.

I created a buff male av to "visit" renters who were not paying on time (if only that could be done in RL).....and had very much the same experiences as Marianne described, simply walking about and shopping for clothes. Very much like this:



It seemed very isolating being male. These are just very simple generalizations, from a brief time period, and I've had him tucked away for a long time - so it's not extensive research.

But it seemed very isolating. Men do not break into conversations with each other much, like while shopping....it was kind of awkward asking for tips and advice. Conversations were short, and I definitely did not have an opportunity to add any men to the friends list. Women seemed suspicious of "motives", when it was simply conversation, and nothing more.

I thought women would hit on him more often. Didn't seem to be the case. He is very attractive, and I made him into what I desired.....but still, he got very few IMs. As for gay men hitting on him....it was not blatant....they usually just offered up a LM to their favorite club or store, or something simple. There were a few women who he had a brief conversation with.....who became relentless in a pursuit, and a wee bit frightening. lol Because of that....he became a little more reluctant to start a conversation with anyone.

It was very lonely walking around SL this way. I developed a new consideration for what men "might" go through. Not sure if it's always the case, based on just a few walks about town. Can't really call it empathy (since I'm not a real man) or sympathy (since it's just the way it is, and surely a man deals with this).....but it was a very interesting understanding. And doubt that it applies entirely to RL. Not sure. A man would have to explain this.

I think it is a very good exploration, if you leave it free from attachments. Just a very basic exploration, with some interesting stuff going on at the core. Very enlightening. And it did effect how I interact with men, somewhat. I will go out of my way to have a conversation, now....and will leave "suspicions" on "motives" out of it. (at least in the beginning - until proven otherwise).

You'd learn the pressures and emotional risks of almost always having to make the first contact, having to keep the conversation going, and you'd learn rejection often enough that it doesn't bother you anymore, well not much.....

Think of SL women as the equivalent of RL people whose dinners are constantly interrupted by phone telemarketers, do you ever wonder what the poor telemarketers (SL men) are goin' through ?



Actually, in my USA side of the family, the only family members that belch loudly are the women, I'm sure that's not the rule here though. Oh, and I'll plead the fifth on any kind of scratchin' I may...............or may not do *grins*

Interesting point. I tend not to cut males dead, even if I do think they are after the "sexy," simply because I am not very good at being abrupt in that way. It's a bad fault of mine, and has got me in trouble before, because sometimes you do need to be a bit forceful, or you are giving the wrong idea.

Anyway, the upshot is that, generally and by default, I am actually pretty good at accepting men who simply want to chat because I'm not very good at shutting conversations down. I have, as a result, a large number of purely platonic male friends. (Actually, all of my friends are purely "platonic" ). I do take your point though. One of the problems is the association that we have with IMs: the assumption, i think, is nearly always that if one is IMed by a stranger of the opposite sex, it is because they are making advances of one sort or another.

Yeah, I've heard this, about male isolation, from some of my male friends. I find it very odd, actually: men are generally pretty good at bonding with each other in RL, but they don't apparently do it much in SL.

I'm tempted to think that this is because there is a sort of constant sexual undercurrent to intersex relationships in SL, and that men don't bother much with other men because they ARE mostly after the "sexy" in one way or another. But I'd prefer not to think this. (Mind you, I suspect that there is a pretty constant sexual undercurrent to relationships between men and women in RL, so I don't know why I should be surprised.)

Actually, I'd be very interested to hear what men have to say about this. Books have been written about the strength of "homosocial" (i.e., strong nonsexual bonding) male culture in RL: why isn't it happening in SL too?


It's interesting how true this is: men DO tend to be the sexual "aggressors" in SL, and I think that the tendency, even among other women, is to view women who are sexually aggressive in a negative light. This is really unfortunate, on a number of levels.

It's a bit as though the sexual culture of SL has transplanted us back to the 1950s, with the women lining the walls waiting to be asked to "dance" by the men. Why on earth would this be so, do you think?


Fair enough. I will give it a shot . . . at some point, when I've screwed up my courage.

So, if anyone in the future runs across a male self-identified "feminist" who looks a bit like George Clooney and says "Ewwwwwwww . . ." a lot, you'll know who you are dealing with . . .

Point taken. I do try to be "nice" to men who initiate contact with the intent to . . . um . . . "mingle."

Until they mention that they belong to a group called "Daddy's Naughty Little Girl," and ask if I enjoy RP, anyway . . .

If an Italian George Clooney, sends you some extra parts and clothes.....accept them.

I've thought about that too Scylla, most of my friends in RL are male, most of my SL friends are women. I'm sure the "constant sexual undercurrent" is part of it, but, for me it's not all of it. I'm a much more open, sensitive, social person in SL, more touchy feely, and that side of me would probably remain hidden if I hung out with the guys.

I don't think SL always reflects RL and that we are the same person both places..well, we're the same person obviously, but, I think different parts of our personalities express themselves here. I like to think that SL plugs RL holes, and those holes are different for all of us............