Ignorance and Bliss

I am happy either way. I won't press for information, but if something comes up in conversation, great. I'll share on a similar level.

But not knowing doesn't bother me in the least. A person's personality is the important part, and that shines through regardless.

I have no interest in delving beyond the visual acceptance of what or whom i meet on screen.

Either i might be disappointed or highly frustrated so to discover too much would destroy the magic.

It would be like discovering that Santa claus didnt really exist.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but he's gone on to the big toyshop in the sky:

*********

Share or not share, it's fine by me. I know much more about forum regular posters' RLs, simply because it comes up during the course of the day's postings. Heh, I've been known to ask more than a few questions, once I get to know someone.

However,when I meet someone inworld for the first time, I don't usually share personal info, other than my relative location on the planet Earth.

I have met some SL residents in RL, and that's been fun and quite rewarding.

Never had a romantic relationship in SL so cannot comment on that. Some of the people I speak to on a regular basis I have known for 5 years and still know nothing more about them outside of their SL existence, they never offered and I never asked. Others I know a great deal about, some I have met at conventions and got drunk with, others are just very chatty and open in world and I respond likewise. The times I have revealed more about my RL it has felt like a natural progression to the friendship so I have never been apprehensive about sharing.

On the other hand I come into contact with quite a few different people day to day and some of them seem to spew out their personal info from the minute you meet them, asking personal questions about me also. This is an instant turn off for me and I will avoid any further contact as it seems "weird" and unnecessary.

I find that the people I associate with are usually forthcoming with some of this information - sometimes more than I need or want to know. If they don't tell me, I accept that this *is* the internet, and it's not an issue.

If I have a 'relationship' with someone, it is *me* who has it, and not the Phil Deakins avatar. So, for me, an SL relationship is an RL relationship that is started and (largely) conducted in SL. So, yes, I do like to know something about the person's RL, and I'm happy for them to know about me. I couldn't feel that it's a 'relationship' if it is totally anonymous.

Of course, I can't exactly *really* respond to this thread - since my SL partner is actually my RL husband. My marriage is a good one -- so I'm lucky.

However, prior to meeting my husband and marrying I did meet someone on my second day in SL - and we began a relationship. Had I known at the time he was married, I would never have pursued a SL "relationship." However, once I found out he was indeed married in RL - I was caught, hook, line and sinker. I cared deeply for him both SL and RL. Of course, infidelity - once it is entered into by one, tends to spread ... and his infidelity spread not only to one SL relationship - but drifted into two SL relationships, after proclaiming his "love" for me. So - I learned a very valuable lesson and put him on my mute list, and banned him from my property.

I did unmute him some time afterward -- after I had met and married my RL husband -- and ran into him at the closing of the island we used to call home, and I think he too, hopefully, learned a very valuable lesson.

I'm pretty open about myself, to a certain extent but that doesn't mean I'm going to spew personal information to you the moment I meet you. I need to establish a rapport first, get to know a person before I divulge personal info or ask for any. I think that this develops naturally between people eventually who have things in common, and enjoy each others company. I have several people inworld who I am very personal with and vice versa but that did NOT happen overnight, it was a gradual process.

On the Forums, especially the Never Ending Thread, we've become quite personal in many ways about our lives, and this is a very nice aspect to posting there

In either case, I would have no problem in meeting up with the people I've gotten to know and look forward to doing so one day. In fact, I have plans to meet up with one person in December when she visits NYC baring any unforseeen screwups lol.

As for the romantic relationship aspect, the people I'd been involved with I was open about who I was and I always had knowledge of them as well although had not met up with them in RL, not because we didn't want to, but because of circumstances which made it not practical.

However, the person I'm with now that changed completely. Many people here are aware that I live with my SL sweetheart in RL. That, was something we never expected to happen, let me tell you! We were not partnered in SL (and are not still), had an intimate, unstructured relationship here, but found ourselves bypassing all the SL fantasy stuff almost from the get-go. Both of us have no problem in revealing ourself with the right people. This time, circumstances allowed us to be able to meet so, it went into the RL pretty quickly and blossomed into true love. Caught us both off guard. Here it is now 5 months later and we're shacking up and happy as clams.
For the most part, I enjoy knowing who is behind the Ava, at least for those people I'm friendly with. As for anyone else? Makes no difference to me at all who is running them. But I'll always be open to knowing who you are, what you're about and sharing myself with you as well. Just don't ask me for my home address and phone number; too soon anyway

(NOTE TO MAUREEN! I owe YOU my phone number!!! )

I prefer to keep SL and RL seperate, as much as possible. Ceera has a "relationship" with her SL Partner that has lasted many years. In fact, it goes back to before either of us came to SL. But as with every one of my avatars, it was agreed from the beginning that it was a roleplay relationship between our two fictional characters. And that between the real Humans at either end, it would never be anything more than a Platonic friendship. No matter what Ceera wants, Ceera's Player isn't looking for a date. Not ever.

I know my SL Partner isn't actually a lovely 9-tailed Kitsune, but I prefer to think of her as a creature unto herself, and not as the Human behind the keyboard that types her responses. I didn't want to know, and didn't care, what the gender or race or other info was for the Human that I was roleplaying with. That Human wasn't who Ceera was dating. Ceera, who is my fictional character, was dating the fictional charater that my friend was writing for. I don't need to know the personal details for Micky Spilane to enjoy a Mike Hammer novel. I don't need to know about Ms Rowling's personal life to enjoy a Harry Potter novel. When I watch a movie with Sean Connery or Roger Moore or Pierce Brosnan playing James Bond, I couldn't care less about the marital status of the actor, or what town he really lives in. I want to watch James Bond doing his stuff as the fictional super spy. Having a lot of personal details about an avatar's Player running around in my head detracts from the reality of the role they are playing in SL. And I don't like that.

Over the years I have come to know more than I wanted to about several of my SL friends. And a few of them have learned more than I would like about the real me, the person behind my keyboard. I know the gender, ethnicity, aproximate age, and rough geographical location of my SL Partner. I know their Real Name, and at one point had, and soon after that deleted, their mailing address. But every detail I know about that real Human is a distraction while I am trying to enjoy their Character in our roleplay.

Surely it is different for people who come to SL and try to be their real life self, and look for dates. But that isn't what I want from SL, and it isn't what the people that I play with in SL want. I come to SL to be what I can not be in real life. A Kitsune, a dragon, a dog, young, old, male, female, hermaphtodite, immortal, powerful, vulnerable, dominant, submissive, or whatever else strikes my fancy, in whatever combinations I choose.

Being in SL and "Just being my real self" is as boring as going to a fancy ice cream shop and always ordering Vanilla ice cream. If I just want to be myself, I don't need SL for that.

Cases differ.

I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know that the hunky guy I'm dancing with, and who's chatting so romantically/erotically with me, is a 300 pound lardcase with acne in Real Life. I'm enjoying the fantasy, and a lovely personality, free from such distractions/irrelevancies.

On the other hand, I *do* want to know important stuff about close friends. Not what they look like, so much. But what they do, what they're interested in. What are their dreams and aspirations? What do they love, what do they hate? A lot of Real Life stuff just comes out, as a friendship develops, as a sort of side effect of finding out who a person really is. In some cases, that may include geographic information, at least in a general sense.

In a few cases, it's resulted in more detailed contact information, and even a Real Life friendship which I treasure.

It doesn't have to be that way, though. I don't know the Real Life name, or even the state of residence, of the person who's the closest to me in SL. And that's OK, too. We share more important things.

It doesn't matter to me who the people I get to know in SL are in RL. If they choose to share that info, that is perfectly fine with me.

As far as my SL partner is concerned, the exchange of RL info concerning all of the above came naturally and gradually to us, before the realtionship was a "fact". It seems all that remains now is for us to actually MEET.

I've grown to have this habit of telling people more than they want to know. (>_<

I think I've traded RL pics with at least 4 people now. While I still heavily anti-voice, I have voiced with small welcome area crowds a couple times. My dolly and I have shared a LOT of information and she's been always hinting on an RL meetup. I'm not sure if I'm willing to go that far, but we get along well, and are neurotic in somewhat the same ways. =^-^=

There are people I know in SL that I know nothing about. But, they're no less friends. Really, knowing things doesn't help or hurt a friendship in any way for me. I still completely openly disclose myself to people I genuinely get close to. For the rest, it's just pixels. (^_^)y

I choose not mysteriousness adds up spice

I choose just to ask... I don't run background checks on my RL friends, why would I do it on my SL friends?

sure they can lie, they can do that in RL too, and with worse consequences.

if someone balks at telling me something I happen to ask about, I first ask myself if it really matters what the answer is, if not, I'm being nosy, if so, Imight ask why they don't want to talk about... the answer to that controls the natural amount of closeness I have with the person...

why make life more complex than it need be?

I know more about real, not knowing, than I would if I did. If you see what I mean.
Anyway, SL is real.

Can you send me some of whatever you are on please?

/ignorance is bliss; how do you *know* that then?

I know lots of RL info about my closest friends in SL, as said by others not so I can keep a check on them, but just things that come up in conversation, and those friendships moving from casual aquaintance to good, solid friendship. I don't consider people to be RL or SL friends, just friends in general.

My partner and I have been together for 2 years, and know pretty much all there is to know about each other, and over those 2 years we have bridged the gap into RL, so that info pretty much has to be known for it to work.

I mean, everything you say in SL is true, every pause, every question, even the stories. Especially the stories. Listen carefully to what your loved one says. She is telling you about herself, if you love her enough to listen.

I retract my request. You should share your stuff with Aeb.

/or maybe you *are* Aeb . . . LOL

I find I care infinitely more about the person's manifest character, than the details of their lives. That said, if the information that is passed along as "true" begins to leak and look like fabrication, then that casts doubt on the "truth" of their friendship. I'd say at this point, I don't much care about rl detail. I care about how I'm treated as a friend, and whether that caring is consistent - which to me, demonstrates how genuine it is. Learning to see past pretty words, to the patterns in which they are cast is a very essential skill for navigating the emotions of sl.

That is so sweet! To the men who read this; this man is a man!

To the women who can't tell the difference; that is *not* a man!

Pep (Wishful thinking Jig?)

Oh God!

That pretty much sums it up for me.

Character is always important for me, but that reveals itself over time in any medium.

My partner and I know a fair amount about each other, but as someone else already posted, it happened gradually over time. And there are many things we likely don't know about each other - some aren't necessary to know, others just haven't come up yet in conversation, etc.