Ignorance and Bliss

If you could find out who the REAL person behind your sl partner, lover or simply friend happens to be, would you?
I don't mean the male/female identity, but the character, employment, home, desires, wealth, success, achievements, health, eating habits, style, travel, addictions and phobia etc - the list is endless - well would you be prepared to know all this, as we tend to know our close friends and lovers in teh real world?
This question arose from a discussion with my own partner.
I choose not to know - how about you?

Negative. Some surface details will undoubtedly come out in time, but they are unimportant to me. I know more about the RL's of you guys here, and you of me, than any of my "Non Forum" friends.

Yes i prefer to know and i do know. I knwo my SL partner's: gender, RL name, address, phone number, where they work, what they do etc etc etc etc


Mind you our relationship is a lot more than merely an SL relatioship in many ways. We use voice and web cam to chat. We intend to take it to RL at some point when we can so this alone means that finding out about RL's will happen at some point.

After being togther for almost a year in SL it is hard not to have shared muchof our RL. A lot more goes on fr us day to day in RL than it does in SL, so our coverstions would get prettyboring considering most of th time we spend in SL is together. Thats hours a day on voice with nothing to talk about

I have met my SL partner and it works out pretty well for both of us, except for the 4000 miles between us.

if i know i will never meet them..no

My closest SL friends I know most of things about their eating, personal
habits, employment,etc. but this information I have gained over the years of knowing
their schedules,etc.

being that I married him in RL
I would have to say yes...

however when it comes to friends and acquaintances, no, I just know them on SL and take them at face value

if they want me to know more about them, that is fine.

This is interesting that you brought it up, because there is a similar discussion across the street, about people wgho seem to immediatelty spew their RL "accomplishments" upon meeting for the first time, and pressing for yours. There seems to be more of them lately, and for me it's a sure ticket to the mute list if they persist after being politely rebuffed.

I would choose not to.

If the first life bleeds into Second Life, then it is no longer a second life, is it?

Of course I know we can't keep our own personalities out except maybe for brief times in role play, but for the most part I want to keep the mysteries and the illusions alive. SL is a great equalizer that levels the playing field far more than real life can.

Not that I have a partner or even considered looking for one. I come to SL to escape real life's complications and drama.

Yes i want to know all those things. And I ask lots of questions. Lots.

But now i see there are more i could be asking. I feel kinda thoughtless now.

1 User Agreed

I know names; details of their lives, some times i know addresses and phone numbers- I have work numbers, cells- home when it is appropriate. No biggie-

In any semblance of a real relationship, there is bleeding, and lots of it. It is natural to want to learn more about the person you are with, not so that you have a data vault of info on them but so that you can place yourself that much closer to them by knowing elements of their daily routine, and other odds and ends. I like to think about my partner and her long drive to and from work and wish her safety in her travels because those aspects of RL can definitely impact our SL if something were to happen.

Of course any information you give is ultimately a leap of faith that it will not be mis-used, but what is love without trust and faith in the person you love to do the right thing? Yes, lots of people do the wrong thing, but lots more do the right thing. I have hemorrhaged all kinds of RL info in this relationship...Is that a mistake? Maybe to some...but my heart tells me otherwise and i feel safe and happier and closer to her because of it.

Answwers are all going to depend on what level you are placing any SL "relationships", be it a partnership or friendship, and whether you keep them totally within SL, or allow the possibility of crossover.

I can live w/ ignorance, just, keep it together ppls.

It doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. I suppose if I was going to try and turn an SL partnership in to a RL relationship, then I would need RL info. I do have RL info on a few people, but that is because we chose to take our friendship into the real world - chat on the phone, email, and maybe even meet up.

It depends on the extent of the SL relationship I suppose. You'll learn little things about people if you spend a good amount of time with them in SL. You can't help but discover little likes and dislikes, schedules etc., even though you may not know real names and addresses.

My partner and I know quite a lot about one another though. Our SL has definitely become RL for us. We haven't met yet in the flesh, but we both agree that we will when the time is right.

Actually we spend the majority of our time together OUTSIDE of SL these days. In that respect I no longer consider us an SL relationship; SL just happens to be the place we met.

no. it's no one's business unless they want to share it. and then, it's not to be distributed.

Of course I would and do. Otherwise I might be talking to my wife on here, which is rather pointless!

Pep (And Mo wouldn't have got tea in London)

I've met some of my best RL friends through SL. And it's been instrumental in strengthening several pre-existing RL friendships as well. Further, I've been to three out of four SLCC's, and many of the people I met there have become great in-world friends.

For the most part, people are just people. There's rarely a need for any distinction between anyone's RL persona, and their SL one. That's not to say there aren't those who go into SL to be someone else, but I think most people are themselves in both L's.

That said, there are certain SL friends I have that I would probably not want to meet in RL, and not for the reasons you might think. One thing I really love about SL is it's enabled me to have friendships I ordinarily would never get to have, because it empowers people with RL social deficiencies to be on an even playing field with "normal" people. I have several SL friends who have shared with me details of certain RL disorders which prevent them from getting along very well with people face to face. As much as I'd love just to be able to say, "I can handle it," the honest reality is I can't know that for certain. And whether I could or couldn't handle it, they probably couldn't. It simply wouldn't be fair to me or to any of those friends to put them in such a potentially uncomfortable position.

So I guess the full answer is it depends on the person, on the circumstances, and on the nature of the relationship. Given the chance, I'd absolutely want to meet most of my SL friends in RL (and as I said, I have met many). But there are some for which that's not a wise option.

this thread sucks in mysterious ways.

If you bounce from partner to partner then you probably shouldn't share details.

My partner and I talk about RL all the time, we share our day, talk about fixing toilets and vetting the dog and complain about neighbors and pretty much anything you might just sit and talk about in RL. But that is something that developed over time.

I always say I take avatars at face value but I've not been in any deep, meaningful relationships in SL. Of course, I do sometimes wonder about what sort of RLs my friends and other people have, but I'm happy to remain blissfully ignorant.

The trick is to know enough interesting stuff about SL to not need to hark back to RL, except perhaps to do with music that's played.

I do like to know what RL nationality people are - but that's about all - country of origin is something most people do seem to bring with them to SL. But even that can be faked, although I can't think why someone would want to do that.

Reading the posts here I probably mix RL and SL more than some do.

I don't have many contacts on SL simply due to not having thr time to socialise with 30 people and do what I want (build something)

I guess I feel, if you chatted to someone for more thabn a few times, it would be natural to say, oh by the way, where are you from (USA, UK etc....)
If they offer more info then fine.

I guess I feel happier (thinking) I know who it is I'm talking to.

I'm sure I've met some dishonest people (living a pretend SL) but I'd not know that would I !

The most dishonest person I've met in SL is actually a RL friend (but that's another story)

But yeah, I'd say if I'm going to chat to someone for more than a few times and regard them as a (as much as anyone can be on SL) a trusted "In World" friend, then yes, I'd like to know their RL facts if they are happy to share them.

I've thought from time to time it woul dbe nice to help the odd Noob out at welcome island, but it's my lack of knowing if they are genuinly lost and need help (in which case I'd be more than happy to help them in any way) or just some long term SL player with his Noob alt havng a laugh at my expense.

If anyne can tell me how to spot them, then please do as I'd always love to help genuine people.

Piggie! You never gave us the further information you promised about your "friend" who wasn't allowed to visit her partner's house . . .

Pep (On the edge of his seat with excitement)