Accidental Trespass

How do you avoid accidental tresspass on other's property in SL? Last night, I spent some time with a guy and things became intimate (a real creative challenge, as his English was bad and my French is even worse, hehe). He TP'd me to somewhere more private.

As it turns out, it was a private residence. I didn't notice when the owner came home for a bit, until I happened to cam downstairs and saw a guy standing there. Anyway, my partner suddenly went *poof* and a few seconds later I got a message that I was banned from the parcel. Of course I realized right away that--omg--I'd been trespassing. The ban just shifted me over to another area of the sim, so I cammed back to get the owner's name and sent him an apology. His initial response was along the lines of grunting "u r banned." Okay..... I understood that part, I just wanted to apologize for accidentally trespassing. So I persisted in my apology and hoped he would have a lovely evening, and he persisted in his "u r banned, he is 2," but finally managed a "u 2."

This incident really rattled me, because I try always to be respectful of other people's feelings and clearly I had upset him. It raises two questions for me though, and hopefully someone will have some good answers.

1. What are good methods for determining if you are trespassing? Are there obvious ways to see if a space is meant for public use or not? Should I henceforth not accept TP offers from Frenchmen? Send IM's to the owner of every object within click distance and ask for permission to use it?

2. I was trespassing. I acknowledge this and I apologized for it. But if there are no straightforward methods of determining the status of a given space, how do those of you who own land deal with what could be accidental tresspass? Do you IM the person and ask her to leave? Or is it pretty standard to ban and burn? *sniffs* This particular gentleman's profile states how open-minded, thoughtful, fun-loving, and intelligent he is, but coming home to strangers in his house definitely made it hard for him to be any of those things.

Should I not have attempted to apologize? *sighs* I didn't mean to be bad.

Send the person a note, explaining what happened. Accidents happen. He may not forgive it but at that point you can forget it. There is no sin in an honest mistake, either here or in RL. You say "sorry" and move on. I ask trespassers to please leave if I don't want their company. Most do. If they don't, they get ejected.

No you didn't - the french guy did. You did what you could in the circumstances, and if the owner didn't accept it, so what?

There is no way to know if people mind you going on their land or not. If it had been my home I would have either ignored you and let you get on with what you were doing, or would have politely asked you to stop if you were in my way. In general so long as they don't actively do something to annoy me I don't care who is on my land. If people don't want you on their land or using their balls, they can put up banlines or get a security orb. So far as I am concerned you did nothing wrong, but nor did the landowner, although he could have been more polite about it he has every right to protect his privacy in whatever way he chooses.

There is no privacy in SL. I feel free to go anywhere I can, if there are no banlines or orbs, I assume I am welcome. Personally I can't stand banlines or orbs, and would never use either, but others feel differently about their "privacy".

Have to agree with Brenda, Write a note card explaining and apologizing and forget it. From the chat speak and apparent lack of conventional English skills I would not expect any comprehension on his part.

Personally my land name and description clearly states visitors are welcome, well except for the occasions I am home having private moments with my wife in which case the doors are locked the windows are tinted and my orb switched on with a message stating I wish my privacy and to come back later.

The French guy would NOT be on my xmas card list....cheapskate!

Sweet, I agree with the other posters - you are blameless, and you've done everything you could do to apologize. If I were you I would feel really bad also but all you can do is apologize and let it go.

Did you have any reason to suspect the guy hadn't TP'd you to his own place? I suppose if I were in that position and I did have such a suspicion, I would check the owner on the land, the building, and the objects inside of it. If none of them were the person I was with, I would say, "Is this your place?" and see how s/he answered. But again, I'd have to have a reason to be suspicious - in the moment I might not be thinking about checking ownership of stuff around me.

(As a last word I know people have different feelings about this but I am happy to let people explore my land and use my objects as long as they are not directly in my way.)

1. Be polite and aware. That's it.

2. Polite visitors are accepted. Jerks are played with until they cease to be amusing, then dealt with accordingly.

You're overly sensitive. Form social callouses. Pursuing apology until it is accepted in kind is pointless when your opposite number has the attention span of a goldfish. "Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig."

EDIT: Don't write a card. It's a waste of your time and SL's dbrefs.

Wow, what an ass. Sorry you met a jerk like that.

I have had an accidental tresspass before, but we were flying around in our sim and came across a skybox we had not seen before. Not really a sky box but a house in the air around 500m. I knew the sim owner, a close friend of ours, was working on building a new house so we went inside to see how it was going. No decoration, just a bed and a MLP fireplace. We played around and left. Didn't think much about it.

Then we found out it was in the next sim over. I sent an apology, told him I understood the ban and was not asking for it to be lifted, only that it was not malicious and we had made a mistake.

Other than knowing the place before you use it, I really don't know of a way to tell. If you had to do a little breaking and entering then obviouslly you shouldn't be there but taking a tp from someone else you don't know ow they got inside anyway.

Oh, and never date a frenchman. Date me instead

Sweet, if I were you, I would just drop it and move on. You already attempted wholeheartedly to apologize, and he's not receptive to it.

Some folks are extremely stubborn once they've formed an opinion, and no amount of careful logic will change their minds. If this is the kind of person you're dealing with, further forceful apologies wont make the situation any better, and may make it worse (example: him abuse reporting you for 'harrasing' him with apology notecards).

I'm sure its upsetting to be banned like that, especially when you know in your heart it was just an innocent mistake. Just chalk it up to his loss for not giving you a chance.

Well... He was articulate about it, wasn't he? ... Meh... (=_=)

Best way to tell if you're trespassing? Always check the about land tab and the owner of the objects in the room.. if it's not your partner, that would be a red flag. If he doesn't rent that place then it's full stop and find somewhere else to conduct your business. If it's not his and he doesn't rent it.. it's someone elses.
I'm one of "those people" who constantly have to chase couples out and it's rather annoying, so I appologize if I dont have any sympathy for your house-borrowing partner. Doing that without you knowing about it put you in a bad spot, and IMO I'd be kinda pissed he would do that.

It often isn't clear what the owner's feelings are about visitors. I don't mind so much if someone wants to peek around a bit, but I don't assume others are the same way. I treat other people's houses the same way I would in RL. But then, I've never had people come in for a bit of...privacy (at least that I know of). Depending on my mood, I might ask them to leave, eject them, or ban them outright. I might even take a few quick screenshots, and then send them to them with a message of "Thank you for visiting. Don't come back."

If I didn't want random visitors I would have a security device, a sign, or at least lock my door. With a locked door, it is still possible to get in, camming in and sitting on furniture is probably the easiest way. That would be a bit rude, I think.

If the windows are darkened or the blinds are closed, assume it is off limits. Skyboxes, especially if there is no obvious way to enter are especially off limits (but also tend to attract the notice of the curious, so it might not always give you the privacy you expect.)

In your case, you had every reason to think that your friend was either the owner, or at least had the owner's permission. The trespass was unintentional on your part. The owner had every right to ban you, but apologizing was the right thing to do. Myself, I would have thanked you for the apology. And if you had explained that you didn't realize it was private and that you were TPed there, I might even unban you and welcome you back. But then, I'm a big softy.

However, there really is no excuse for the owner to have written "u r" and "u 2" instead of "you are" and "you too". That is unforgivable.

My rules of thumb: treat other's property as you would in RL--assume it is private unless specified otherwise. Don't expect privacy unless you take a least basic steps to ensure it. I don't mind so much if you sit in my chair or eat my porridge, but I draw the line at strangers boinking on my dining room table.

I put in my land description that people are welcome there. I wish more landowners would use the description space to let visitors know if they are welcome or not. Before going into a building that is not obviously public I always check the land description, but it isn't always helpful.

Aww come on... that's the best part

LOL Awww..I'm sorry. Frenchmen can be oh so sexxxeeee but damn cheap!
I would just chalk it up to an embarrassing moment and leave it at that. Oh...and get a babbler!

That's just what I was about to say, Dana. Except for one problem...when you're involved with someone, and he takes you "home" (so you think), are you really going to have the presence of mind to check the land and objects around you?

I mean, sure, NOW it's obvious. But at the time? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have.

Qick tip for English speakers using a babel device. Get used to saying the noun first. It makes it easier for the person you are speaking to if you make a small attempt at helping the babeler with grammer.

Just a rehash of what several have already said, but don't lose any sleep over this. An innocent mistake, then an apology, not much else to be done.

My land is open and visitors are welcome to use what's there and rez stuff if they want. I just like the idea of someone using the place as it sits there vacant for most of the day. After reading some of the previous comments I think I'll update the description to say "Visitors are welcome".

Finally, follow Yosef's advice and be cautious of Frenchman. I'd recommend gentlemen from Texas.

I hope you kicked the Frenchman to the curb!
Not only did he take you to someone else's place without letting to know that, but he also left you holding the bag (oops) while he made a quick getaway. Real upstanding sort of fellow.

While I can see strolling into someone's garden or such place by accident, it would never occur to me to just walk into a residential sort of house to help myself or even just to "look around". Wouldn't do it in RL, wouldn't do it in SL. Nor would I appreciate finding strangers in my home without invitation. To me, part of the RP of having a private space is to have a private space

B.

Sweet P, so sorry you were duped by such a cheap, shallow cad...

Bad enough he took you to a place that wasn't his (and obviously didn't indicate it belonged to anyone else)...but to have the lack of testicular fortitude to bail out on you when the actual owner showed up???
This coward deserves to have his name displayed publicly, for perpetual ridicule and torment...

You did the best you could, and the land owner is likely just more mad at himself for not putting adequate defenses in place than he could be at you or the butt-head that took you there.

It's been mentioned, but if you're ever unsure, check the About Land when you get to a place, and it should show the owner...or the group that owns it...and if your suitor doesn't show on the list? Chances are, they're just another cheap, homeless, lying, womanizing piece of crap that isn't worth your time to kick in the balls...

I agree - if you're just wandering around and you want to be polite, that's one thing, but when someone tp's you to their home, you aren't being unreasonable in assuming that they are being honest. The OP's date was the problem here, not her. SL is weird. Some stuff in SL like trespassing doesn't translate well if you use RL customs. I'm not saying don't trespass, but when you can fly, teleport, and be teleported by others, mistakes are going to happen. Landowners don't have to be patient, but in a perfect world, they would just ask someone nicely to leave before they ban/orbit/eject or humiliate. It's not a perfect world, and there are jerks - some are landowners, some are trespassers. Who knows what this landowner's previous experiences were. maybe he's been griefed a lot. Maybe someone stole half the keys from his keyboard and he has to type like that.

He banned you from his 1024sqm of land? Where in Second Life will you be able to go now? Oh cruel fate!

Thanks for the replies. In defence of my date, I don't think he left, I just think he was banned first. Except he went offline immediately after, so maybe. *frowns*

I also do not blame the landowner at all. I was in the wrong for being there, and he has the right to use the tools at his disposal... to dispose. But I still felt simply awful for the situation, ashamed. My neck was all flushed and hot and my heart was beating so hard that my fingers were trembling. I didn't even asked to be unbanned. I deserved it.

Comment dit-on "do you rent this land?" en francais? Lesson learned: I ought to have paid more attention in French class.

Hahaha yes, there is that I figure just do it during the split moment he needs to "equip" things

Then again, once you've been Linden-spanked for public nudity, you tend to be a little more careful... I'm pretty sure that's just me tho

Sweet, don't let it bother you like that.. live & learn.
I'm sure there's some doozie stories floating around with people on this forum.
"I remember this one time... in band camp..."