PHASE II...what are the signs???

I suppose it is inevitable...like death and taxes.
But when does one realize they are moving into phase two of their SL existence?

I seem to be going through some changes, and I don’t see them all as good; so I was hoping for some feedback: (yeah I am sure I left myself wide open to having my heart ripped out, but then again, this is the public forum):

*I am looking at deleting around half of my friends in my friends list.
*I am looking at becoming less social and focusing more on building, sculptures and texturing.
*I am becoming more and more disillusioned with the RA forum, and all the 'love' we feel for one another.
*I am beginning to see the thinly veiled contempt that is expressed more and more here in the forums, and it makes me feel like an outsider, ignored, alienated, unwanted, unloved in a two sided battle on the part of the forum family... a battle I refuse to join in on.
*I seem to be spending more and more time alone in world...not sure why, is it my own choice or do I have a disease?
* I am not as prone to dishing out humor as readily as I was in the recent past, avoiding getting shot down or completely ignored.
* I perceived myself as a very giving person with a lot to give, who is beginning to lose his sense of worth, feeling more and more like just another very tiny cog in the great picture of the SL universe.
*And to top it all off, it is beginning to depress me... I need a good laugh.

Or could all this be because my meds were changed recently?

Has anyone else experienced any of these symptoms, and are any of them valid symptoms in the phase II question, or do I just need to be locked quietly away in a padded cell somewhere???

You think it's bad now. Just wait until you reach phase VII.

Probably don't need to look any further than the change in meds. What ever the meds are, do research into their side effects, and if there are indeed more than one, into possible interactions between/among them. Weird things can happen with drugs, and often the doctors don't tell you because they're afraid you won't take them if they do. No-one should ever take a prescription medication without knowing what the possible side effects are. And yes, you have to find out about them for yourself.

I have gone through some SL ups n downs too...it seems to go like waves and generally in the end, I find people not understanding why I was feeling that way at all (in regards to feeling left out, ignored etc). I often feel like I dont fit in, even with those that have been my good friends for a long time and its, most of the time, all in my head lol.

I hope thats the case for you too! We all go through moods or times when things dont seem as good as they once did. Or times where most of our in world time is spent alone. Making more friends is always good, maybe getting out and visiting a few new places? *gives a small shrug* in this aspect, SL is a lot like RL, sometimes you want to be left alone, sometimes for days, weeks, however long it takes to settle down what you want in SL. Not always bad, not always good. I know its not much help, guess this is more of a yer not alone in feeling like this reply. *shushes and goes back to working on graphics alone at her sl house*

That was my thinly veiled attempt at self depreciation sarcasm...I am not on meds other than for hypertension, and my prescription has not changed.

Step away from SL and the Forum for a day or so. Get away from the computer as much as your work will allow. Go out. Go to a movie, take a drive, take a walk, whatever. it works wonders.

Wow, you have encapsulated exactly what i've been feeling over the last few weeks. I'm really just about done with the forums. I'm considering closing my store. I don't plan to leave SL by any means, but I'm feeling it's time for some introspection and re-evaluation of what I'm doing here and where I'm headed in SL. I really didn't consider it a 'phase' but rather something personal I have to work through. It's interesting to see someone else in the same state, and to think perhaps it's not so unusual. Gives me more to think about. Thanks for posting.

And how's the weather today?

Seriously.

I'm on phase LXXIV atm. SL 'involvement' changes continuously.

There's phases I only check IMs and don't spend more than maybe 2 hours online in a week. (And if it wasn't for the fact i sometimes need to give stuff or pay some people, that would have been 0 hours.)
There's phases I log in and spend hours and hours creating stuff, with my head down in 5 windows of scripts, or PS, Maya etc. being pretty short with people.
There's phases I'm meeting up with people, en enjoy the company.... hoping for team projects or shared creativity.
There's phases I'm online a lot, just spending time in clubs dancing and shouting WOOT.

Okay, scratch the last one.

But your experience, involvement and activities continuously change over time. It's pretty human

Oh.. as a last note. Phases can last from 5 minutes to 6 months....

i seem to have gone through something similar recently. But with no land or business i don't think it as been so bad. I actually went through a few days with no shopping, not changing my outfit or even looking in my inventory. I got a bit depressed and didn't se SL as worth the trouble. Yeah, yeah I know what you are thinking, but this is actually really wierd for me lol. Clothes and shopping seem to be my 'thing'.
I seem to just about be over it now.
A few days away from SL or the forums does wonders. As Brenda said, take a step back, do something fun. When you come back you will be able to look at eveything clearly and decide what you really want to do.

*I am looking at deleting around half of my friends in my friends list.

Phew, good thing I'm not on there. So I guess I won't get deleted!

*I am looking at becoming less social and focusing more on building, sculptures and texturing.

That's against your nature. Not going to happen.

*I am becoming more and more disillusioned with the RA forum, and all the 'love' we feel for one another.

We all make up our own realities. I find a lot of happy people in here and just snicker at those who are bent out of joint.

*I am beginning to see the thinly veiled contempt that is expressed more and more here in the forums, and it makes me feel like an outsider, ignored, alienated, unwanted, unloved in a two sided battle on the part of the forum family... a battle I refuse to join in on.

Then don't. No point in taking sides if you feel uncomfortable.

*I seem to be spending more and more time alone in world...not sure why, is it my own choice or do I have a disease?

Well, considering the frequency with which you let us know how busy you are with those hordes of women who keep you super busy via IM, I haven't bothered to foist my company upon you. Maybe others are doing the same?

* I am not as prone to dishing out humor as readily as I was in the recent past, avoiding getting shot down or completely ignored.

Here or in world? The forum isn't meant to be a comedy club, as funny as some threads appear.

* I perceived myself as a very giving person with a lot to give, who is beginning to lose his sense of worth, feeling more and more like just another very tiny cog in the great picture of the SL universe.

With 40,000 people online, we are all tiny cogs.

*Or could all this be because my meds were changed recently?

Yes

/me thinks Graph needs a hug

Your in world committments have a bearing on it too. If you have a business, a partner, or a significant other? It is harder then to step away.

Hi, Graph. I think what you're going through is natural for everyone. When I first started on SL, a little over a year ago, I wanted to go and chat with people at the clubs, go dancing, go shopping, explore, etc, and be logged on quite a bit. (which is actually pretty impossible due to my RL, but I still *wanted* to do it, even if I couldn't). Now I find that I never go to clubs anymore, still shop sometimes because every once in a while I need that retail therapy (hey, don't knock it.....$L2000 spent at Simone! has probably saved me countless in counselor's fees) and spend most of my time either modelling for my husband (RL & SL partner) or working on making some clothes for my 2 little stores. To be honest, I find a lot of satisfaction in making things on SL. I don't have the funds to be that creative in RL, and actually never thought of myself as very creative at all until I started on SL. I think that you need to figure out what it is that you want out of SL, exactly. If it's not necessarily a relationship you're looking for, or if you find them too superficial inworld, then deleting 1/2 your friends list is probably a good idea. If you like to create, you will probably find more satisfaction in doing that. Or maybe SL is just losing it's shine for you. I'm sure it happens to a lot of people, and I know that I have found that happening to me recently. I'm not quite ready to quit yet, but I'm closer than I imagined I would be a year ago. Like all "new" things, the luster inevitably wears off and that's when you have to decide if it's really something you want to stick with, or if you put away it to only "play" with now and then, or never touch again. Good luck with whatever you decide, and you are still loved, I'm sure.

If RA is getting you down, its time to check out one of the host of resident-ran forums that allow you to select the 'attitude' that fits you best. By no means is RA the only option. I'm a firm believer that if there isn't a forum for everyone out there already, someone will make one

Personally, when I'm not here, I'm posting at SL Universe. (http://forums.sluniverse.com). But that's what suits me best. There are tons of other forums out there too if you dig into the "Resident-Ran Websites" section here.

If you find the SL forum community that matches your own personal style, you'll be a much happier camper.

Actually you ARE in there (my friend’s list), and no I will not delete you even though you think I am preoccupied with 'hordes' of women. (Thanks for making me laugh on that one!) There happened to be two interruptions (which I politely declined if you didn't notice) when we chatted...and thanks for the hug, I needed one! Here’s a hug back at you! Graph hugs Brann...
Graph hugs all the hordes of women in his life (especially Claire... most especially Claire)

To the OP yes exactly how I feel right now, coming up to a year in SL early Feb and the island I have land on and manage closes on the 31st, so maybe that's partly due to my symptoms, oh and the fact that now I have a years RL work to catch up on and 6 years vat to pay and I'm over a year behind registering for tax.

I know literally thousands of residents on a first name basis. This is so common it's to be expected.

The closest I can describe SL is... the college dormitory experience. Everyone is new and cool and fun, everyone pairs off by winter break, everyone sticks to their own circles by spring. It's normal. And no, you can't go back.

.........................................................................................

*I am looking at deleting around half of my friends in my friends list.

- The friendlist is a horrifically clumsy social tool. Just leave 'em there unless your avatar is in trouble over it. My avatar 'broke' a couple months ago and I had to delete literally over 1000 people. People I know. YOU THINK YOU KNOW DRAMA? YOU DON'T KNOES TEH DRAHMA... grins ... just kidding The tearful IM is de rigeur for me now - I say: read my profile first. "Oh." "Yeah." "Okay." So just leave 'em on.


*I am looking at becoming less social and focusing more on building, sculptures and texturing.

- Great!


*I am becoming more and more disillusioned with the RA forum, and all the 'love' we feel for one another.

- It's a resident answers forum. Too much emotional involvement to it should be a warning sign, or, something. Go have a pint and get off the computer for a while.


*I am beginning to see the thinly veiled contempt that is expressed more and more here in the forums, and it makes me feel like an outsider, ignored, alienated, unwanted, unloved in a two sided battle on the part of the forum family... a battle I refuse to join in on.

- It's not there. Really. NOBODY believes me!!! Seriously folks. Few of you will get this - but anyone who dishes out cutting silliness isn't 'emotionally invested' here very much. Yep, that's right, they really don't care. It's a problem solving forum. It's not a place to be an insider, it's not a place where you need to be acknowledged, befriended, loved. THAT is the key.

- I've been here since 2003 (on other characters) - about 10 of the people you see here now will be here next year. So why am I still here? I'm a bloody land baron, that's why, and I'm deeply invested in the world. It matters that I 'get it' and stay current with solutions, culture and society at large. Curl up with your loved ones, find your happy place on the grid - come over to Caledon some time and say hello to me if you like - you are welcome any time. But don't expect much from the forum. Many barely read 1/3 of the words in a post, type something they think is witty, then go back to their greasy cheese sandwich at their office desk. Their greasy office desk. Stacked with papers.


*I seem to be spending more and more time alone in world...not sure why, is it my own choice or do I have a disease?

It's your own choice. Can't be starry-eyed forever. Sad, I know. If you want to expose yourself to more community, hook up with some social places. I hear Dublin sim is excellent. Totally your choice.


* I am not as prone to dishing out humor as readily as I was in the recent past, avoiding getting shot down or completely ignored.

I'm going to be shot down and ignored for years to come. I don't really care. Neither should you! There's an old trick when dealing with public spaces - just imagine everyone naked and you lose all concern. Except here on the forum, they probably are... grins...


* I perceived myself as a very giving person with a lot to give, who is beginning to lose his sense of worth, feeling more and more like just another very tiny cog in the great picture of the SL universe.

Being a tiny cog rocks. Think of it as being a part of something greater than yourself - that's a GOOD thing! Worth isn't tied to cog size.


*And to top it all off, it is beginning to depress me... I need a good laugh.

Me too! Seriously tho, don't look for it in this forum, in SL, or anywhere near your desk area. Yes, it will come, even in here. But drinking too deep from the cup of the metaverse isn't good. Find a big field to stand in, and look at the sky for a while. Birds. Tell your friends in here you are going to log out for a day or two so you can come back feeling great - I strongly recommend it.

It's not a bad thing, Graph, to occasionally hide out on a building platform and just make things for a while. But you seem such a social guy, and you're so fun, I would be sad if you never came down!

Re: the forums ... I don't see much in the way of thinly veiled contempt, but you know, no venue as public as a forum is going to be nice all the time. I tend to laugh at the rough spots and treasure the nice ones.

And it's not unusual to blow hot and cold with SL totally, or with the social scene in it. Real friendships take time to build, whether RL or SL, that is a reality ... so yeah, cleaning out your friends list for those that haven't taken hold makes a lot of sense. Work on the ones that show promise, and they can enrich you immensely though ...

it's ok Graph ya not crazy....maybe,

its just you are in the phase of your sl where that "new car smell" has turned into that fast food, tobaccoey, foot locker smell....

i'm with brenda, get up get out, and run barefoot in the park, see a silly movie, or treat yourself to a nice outrageously fattening dinner complete with a rich dessert, then read that book you been puttin off that you got at borders cause you read the review and it sounded good!

then come back in world and create an alt, and tell no one who it is, and get re-inspired!

Excellent suggestion.
And pretend you're a newbie. Find NEW places to explore and do things you've not done.
There is more to SL than shopping and dancing. Take a balloon ride over Africa, find an adult outdoor area and fly naked (I can personally vouch for that being a fun time, but watch out for trees), walk around underwater and see where you come up, fly over SL until you hit a no-fly sim to see where you crash (good way to get kicked out of places, but that can be fun, too), visit open rental homes to see if anyone's left poseballs lying around, dig through freebie boxes to find really goofy things to give to your friends or rez at the forum to see if they annoy people.

All these things are more interesting with a buddy (or Claire, of course). One looking for fun, not a date

Maybe it's the post-holiday blues.

Went out to a club a few nights ago specifically because a DJ friend of mine was working there that night and thought getting out for a bit of dancing would be fun. Hadn't been to a club in a long time.

Between the constant sound gesture spam, the hostess begging people to feed the sploder every 5 seconds, and a couple whose Xcite bits kept us notified of exactly where she was in each stage of pre-orgasmic bliss...I think I'll stay home and concentrate on learning to build.

And I used to enjoy going out dancing. *sighs*

The best way to fall in love with SL again is to leave for a while.

You don't have to sell off your land or cancel your account to take a break for a few weeks.

I find that I waste more time in the forums when I'm tapped out on ideas and motivation in-world. (or when I'm stuck behind a firewall that won't let me in-world!).

I take 1-3 months off from SL every year. Pop in for an hour or two every week just to check on things, and answer IM's via email. When I've recharged, I return and the old frustrations are forgotten and my brain is re-filled with new things to try.

Forcing yourself to stay when you need time away is a certain road to burn-out and bitterness.

I hit a similar mood about 3 months after I started, mostly I think from over doing it at first. So I didn't come to the forums as often or go inworld as much. Went back to doing more of the things that I did before I discovered SL. I still go in and out of those cycles, but I don't sweat it. That mood tells me when I've been here too much. Just listen to it and take more breaks. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing here, but it can take some time to find the right balance.
*hugs*

Graph, the forums really get me down sometimes.

I don't understand why some people act like expressing a different opinion is the equivalent of stabbing them in the heart. I also don't understand some people's determination to be nasty assholes in general.

So at times I just have to leave the forums entirely. I never feel this disllike for my fellow man when I'm in-world. Even deliberate griefing just makes me chuckle in-world.

I can't afford to spend much time away from my 40 or so tenants, so I don't always have the luxury of just chilling from it for a week. But staying out of the forums is no problem!

I have been there on nearly every count.

As for friend on your friends list. If you are consideringing deleting them there must be a reason you no longer want them on the list. Delete away. Thats one less item in your inventory. I find that keeping under 3k things in inventory cuts back on the lag I carry with me big time.

Focusing on building etc. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Over my years in game my focus has shifted many, many times. I find I am happiest when I go with the shift rather than fighting it. From observations it's the people who try to force themselves to one way of being in SL that burn out and leave. We all grow and evolve in our Second lives. Go with it not against it.

As for the forums. If they bring you down take a break or find a different set of forums. Also the mute button is your friend...get to know it, it will save alot of grief.

Over the years I have found my interests in SL are cyclical. I eventualy get back around to where I started but trying to force myself into one role or focus has twice caused me to take fairly long hiatus to other games.

"In love with a loon?" Gee, I wonder how Claire feels about that...

Seriously, Graph...it's very easy for one of two things to happen in SL...both short term, usually, and they could happen one right after the other.

1. You're swamped. You have a hundred things to do, and everyone you know is IMing you and inviting you to this or that or just wanting to chat, and all you want them to do is SHUT UP and let you take care of business.

2. You're all alone. You can't get interested in building, or texturing, nobody you know is online. It's SL night. You TP to your favorite spots, and they are all deserted. You feel lonely and full of despair.

Longer term...you have to find a way to balance SL and RL, and balance work and personal relationships within SL. A lot of dedicated creators say that if you really want to get stuff done in SL, you have NO time for personal interaction. I won't go that far, but I have had many times when friends wanted some of my time, and I had to tell them No, not now.

Drama? Arguments? They drive me nuts, especially when they're between two friends, and both want me to take their side. Sometimes you just have to step out of it, and tell both sides that it's something they'll have to work out without your help.

If all else fails, hit the big OFF button, and visit RL for a while to get some perspecitve back and some breathing room. This is all supposed to be fun...if it stops being fun, go do something else.

Oh...and /me looks around for Claire, and then gives Graph a big warm hug.