Sl relationships What do you get out of it?

I think i'm #2

I dont know if anyone knows but didn't Willow have over 10,000?

I met someone in SL who has become my inworld husband. I am so happy I got to know him as RL differences would have not allowed us this chance. What do I get out of this relationship? I get love, support, understanding. Imo this is totally different from past RL relationships. We communicate, really communicate...talk about our interests, our differences, share experiences and encourage each other to be the person they want to be. Course, I communicate well when he deletes the skyplatform out from underneath me lolol

Been online for years. Off and on. SL honestly bores me to the point of near hysteria at times. I've been in quite a few "accidental" relationships where the other person had decided it was going that direction and even though I had been completely upfront that I was not into that, went right on going that direction. RL spouses got jealous, nastiness ensued, I fled in terror. There are a lot of extremely unhappy people out there, all seemingly married to each other. And some people come to SL specifically for the intensity and anonymous nature of the love. I actually have gotten to the point where I rarely speak to new people because I've gotten soooo tired of that aspect of SL. I have wonderful friends in RL and SL. I've even jokingly gotten "married" in SL. Yes, we were actually laughing the entire time because it struck us as ridiculous.

I have a RL husband who is a wonderful, amazing and beautiful creature. Nothing could replace him and he does not need to be augmented. *shrugs* Everyone I know on SL that has prattled on and on about keeping their "SL relationship seperate" has either ended up divorced and involved with the person they were involved with on SL or broken hearted and leaving SL altogether. There's a whole lot of people out there lying to themselves about what it is they are doing on that computer screen.

So I don't know what people get out of it. However, havng never done it and not planning to except in jest (I do love really good practical jokes) I also do not have the experience neccessary to completely understand.

Well, i for one have fallen in love in SL.
and it is just as real as any First Life experience.

I'm married and 40 odd, and my girl in SL is 26....

over five months now together in SL.... asking ourselves th same questions you are... what the hell are we really doing here? we expect never to meet... so what the hell is all the joy about, this togetherness, this passion, this warmth we feel? is it real, is it fictional, will it last?

what do i get out of my SL relationship? well... love, compassion, sensuality, joy....

and does it take away from my RL relationship? no.. it' adds to it, enhances it, informs it.... RL marriage is better than it was five months ago.... i learn....

SL is real folks... get used to it, get over the fact that SL is fictional... it isn't.... can i touch my girl? of course, i touch her all the time.... and she feels every caress....

fifty years from now, this post will be laughable nostalgia... god, listen to them.... of course virual relationships are real...... and everyone has them...

You know, that's actually probably very true. Our grandkids will goggle in astonishment when we talk about how there were all these moral/ethical questions back then (now)... we will be such old fogies.

A lot of this sounds like it not only enhances RL marriages (to some extent), but could also eventually seriously complicate things. The only SL romantic relationship I've been involved in is with my RL husband, and I like it that way. It has never occurred to me, nor will it, to seek that with someone else inworld. I love my husband, and it's not just us involved, there are also 2 children. I met my husband almost 8 years ago in a yahoo chat room (thank goodness we were both honest with each other, so no big/unpleasant surprises when a RL meeting happened). We are from different countries, so getting together and married in RL was complicated enough for me. After we worked so hard, and jumped through so many hoops, I would never take a chance and ruin that through another relationship, and neither would he. I'm not saying that people who do this are wrong, but it's definitely not for me. So, the answer is that I get out of my SL relationship exactly what I get out of my RL relationship.....love, support, committment and all the lovin' I want. The best part of it is, foreplay can be in SL, and then we can actually take it into RL for the grand finale, with the same person we started it with. To those who have found happiness in SL with someone, I truly wish you well. If it's meant to be...it will be, no matter what the RL circumstances are. Some people only enter our lives for a short time, but enrich it in countless ways. I hope that's what people in SL find......whether long term or short term!

Ohh Ive known plenty of people who have finished off their marriages by having virtual relationships over the years.

Ive also known a couple who ended their marriage even though they had said they were happy but finally found "their soulmate".


Ive also known quite a few whose marriages seem none the worse for wear.

However, in RL, it was when I stopped looking that I finally found what I had been looking for.

Hehe.

But you didn't start up looking again.

Thus you have no idea if you could meet someone even more what you'd been looking for.

You can give me a romantic notion that no one could ever be possibly more perfect, but thats your heart talking.

Part of what makes a partner "right" is you give up looking for another and are happy with that. More often than not that person is far from perfect. Its your heart overruling biology and reason.

Which is a good thing.

Neither I nor my SL partner were looking for a relationship when we met. Both of us were in long-term RL relationships that we were reasonably happy with, not perfect, but pretty good, and both of us expected to spend the rest of our lives with our partners. At first, both our RL relationships were probably improved by what we had in SL, but that didn't last. Although both RL partners knew about us, we did conceal things, there were lies, and 9 months later both RL relationships are irretrievably broken by what we have done.

We are on different continents, but we have met, spent time together (with the full knowledge of RL partners), and found that we are just as good together in RL as in SL. I am flying out to visit her again this week, she will come to see me in the spring, and by the end of the year we hope and expect to be living together.

What did we get out of our SL relationship? A lot of pain, for us and especially for those we loved, but in the long run we believe that we will be better together than anything we have known before. And while it was just SL what we got out of it was love, friendship, support, intimacy, a very deep connection, everything you get in RL except the physical aspects. This sounds crazy, but the first time we saw each other's AVs, before we'd even said hello, we both had the feeling instantly that the other was going to be important in our lives, although neither of us expected or wanted what has happened. Not love at first sight, but an instant connection. We would never have met had it not been for SL, but both of us absolutely believes that the other is the person we've always wanted and never found. Despite the pain we've caused I don't regret what has happened, which is selfish of me. In the beginning I guess a large part of it was just being romantic and sexual with someone else that wasn't my partner. After 10 years together the novelty of being like that with someone else, someone who I didn't know well, was very attractive, just the normal rush of a new relationship, but with the comfort of my existing relationship as well. At that stage I was telling myself it wasn't cheating because it wasn't "real", there was no physical aspect, but I was wrong. And before very long, I was as much in love in SL as I ever had been in RL.

My feeling is that, although it has worked out for us, SL relationships are very dangerous. Ours has certainly been very bad for our RL partners. Of course it's cheating, unless your RL partner knows everything, and even if they do, and they say it's ok for you to continue, be very careful, they may not understand that although the AVs are virtual, the emotions aren't. Our RL partners let us play, and by the time they realised we weren't playing anymore, we'd gone too far to stop.

But if you are single, or if your RL relationship can take it, an SL relationship can be wonderful, there is something about it that is more intense, purer, than I have ever found in RL, until now that is.

Wulfric, I really hope it works out well for you.


"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same."
I love that quote Of course, Some come along and never leave lol.

Exactly.

Wulfric, I wish you all the best and I really hope things work out for you both. Like I said, it's very possible for a relationship that started out online to be carried over into RL, it happened to me. But, it's not an easy road. That connection is wonderful, it really is, but believe me, when it turns 100% RL, then RL also intrudes. SL relationships are perfect and magical, I suspect, in so many ways, because you're not dealing with the myriad of mundane issues and real problems that face RL couples every single day. Sometimes, it can lose it's lustre when it becomes real. When you find that gorgeous avatar (who might be gorgeous in RL, too) also forgets to put that cap back on the toothpaste or the toilest seat down or whatever (just like your RL spouse did). I love my husband completely, and I know he loves me. When our relationship was purely virtual, it was complete perfection. Now, well, it's great, but certainly not perfect. Nothing ever is. Like any relationship and marriage, our's takes hard work every single day. We also have 2 children (one is mine from a prior relationship and one is our's together), we each have fulltime jobs and bills to pay, groceries to buy, a house which needs floors replaced and other repairs, etc, etc, etc. All of these things are added streses and only through perseverance and hard work can you make it through all of that. Love is wonderful, but it doesn't solve all the problems in and of itself. Your perfect partner isn't always perfect when you're dealing with them in RL on a daily basis, and all the "little" annoying things that people do actually come to light. I'm sorry that your road has also been difficult to this point, and I hope that you two can make it together. Just keep in mind.....the real world likes to make things difficult and the hurdles can be high. But if you're prepared for that and have made provisions for it, if you don't expect constant perfection and hearts & roses all the time, you'll be fine.

Your surname is very apt

A beautiful oxymoron. Alyx ought to like this.

Hysterically bored? Boring hysteria? Bored hysterically?

Before meeting my current RL partner (whom I met in SL, btw) I had my share of SL relationships. All of which I tended to have RL feelings for. I cannot separate the 2, and I prefer it that way.
I do not WANT an SL relationship and I feel that the folks that DO have a RL and SL relationship...something HAS to be wrong that they would need to seek affection from an SL partner. Just seems to me that most of the people in RL relationships lack something from it, so they have to get it somewhere else. I consider it cheating, none-the-less, but I am not going to butt into peoples business if they want to do that.

JMHO.

It amazes me that many men in sl actually want to know where the relationship is going. They even ask the question "what are you thinking and how do you feel about this" In rl it is generally hard for them to take their eyes off your thighs and if they do raise them for a moment when you are talking they usually so "huh" and lower them back down.

Yes I believe in sl love carrying over into rl and I think it is wonderful. Many of the men I have met in sl have a special sweetness and caring which I have rarely found IRL. It is a lovely way to get to know someones mind and personality before getting to know them physically as it seems to be the norm these days.

This is a compliment gentlemen. Hats off to you all.

Why, Thank you Lil Lady! much obliged! Yehahhhh! a compliment to us guys!!!!

So many opinions... and expressed with such fervor.

We all have our "agendas",and probably for legitimate emotional reasons. Whether we take the responsibility for finding them out, and the responsibility for acting on them - that's another thing. I'll break one of my own rules and say that I went into therapy over SL. Opinions about the worth of therapy aside - I found out things I didn't know. Or I should say that I did know, they being my history - but didn't understand how they were driving me, instead of me driving them. I've grown considerably wiser in the experience.

Tolerance isn't just words, sisters and brothers.

All this goes for me too with two slight modifications;
I find this forum excellent therapy, the chance to take a step back and reason things .... and I'd say I am considerably more aware in the experience, maybe not a lot wiser just yet.

can I post here that I am in search of a SL girl friend? Or do I have to post that in products wanted like the other guy?

I'm guessing that would be products wanted. lol

Sorry felt the need for a little correction there.
No, i'm not really like that. Ok, maybe I am..lol


Have found myself to be one of these said men asking those questions, then after thinking to myself "did I just say that?" I think what I enjoy most with any SL relationship is the time shared with that special person and enjoying SL together.

I haven't found posters in threads of this topic appearing tolerant, Eveline. I've only seen judgement, accusations, and a general "holier than thou" attitude. Most condemn what they cannot understand if it isn't how they'd do it.

It's a shame, and I'll get trashed for saying it, but it's my opinion...I have a right to my opinion, don't i?
have a nice day


Edited to eradicate some errant HTML which attacked my post.

You mean like ... all Americans being rude?

Sorry, cheap shot, you are right, you are allowed your opinion .. and congratulations on reaching the three figure post count Danielle

Thanks for dredging that up, Bilbo. Real nice.