Sl relationships What do you get out of it?

Maybe we should stop while we are ahead on

"is a SL relationship cheating?" angle.

Since it will just mean another flame-war thread.

Whether or not it is cheating, people can still get something out of a SL relationship.

Unless the OP meant this as a "is a SL relationship cheating?" thread.

In which case we should troll him/her to use the search button.

To me, that pretty much says it best.

Milla has the point right there. That is what she gets out of her relationship: friendship. Unless I failed to get the memo, "relationship" does not mean "sexual".

I do not have any from of sexual relationship at this time and have not had for several weeks. My RL partner does have a happy and fulfilling sexual relationship in game. Although it was not asked by the OP I will say what I get out of her in game relationships is a happy (and horney) mate.

Would it really be due to the SL relationship? Or is the SL relationship just a symptom of something else that's wrong with the RL relationship?

I don't think there's any way to discuss this in general. Each person is an individual, each situation is different. I'm pretty sure that relationships are too complex to put all of the blame on an SL relationship, or SL anything. But it's possible that SL could enlarge a weak point of a relationship.

Well sure its possible. Happens in Polyamorous situations in RL all the time.

Person A loves Person B. Things are going fine. Both are totally free to see other people. Neither ever lies about it.

Person A meets Person C and BAM something happens, the planets are aligned or whatever; and Person C nudges out Person A.

To the point that Person A is less and less a consideration.

It would be possible that person B is straight and honest with person A that this has happened, and goodbye relationship between A and B.

This could easily happen in the Second Life/Real Life dynamic as well, in fact I know that it has happened.


Now its probably more likely person B would lie to person A about how close she had become to person C. But not always.

I would say something here Isabeau, but I don't want the whole cheating vs not cheating thing to carry on, I respect your POV and do agree with you...to an extent.

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I have gained confidence, and feel loved. My life has a bit more colour to it because I know that despite the crap, someone loves me because of my personality. I get that warm fuzzy everytime I see a message or whatever.
That is what I get from a SL relationship.

No matter how compatible you are with a person its generally possible to find someone you are even more compatible with,

if you are still looking.

Well, I'm not sure how the Mormons manage, or how the biblical patriarchs managed but I manage by being honest to my RL woman (whose name is confidential) and my SL woman (Claire) who many of you know. And Claire knows I occasionally love other women in SL, but my heart of hearts here in SL is Claire. I have to agree to what Colette said: "Emotionally, a SL relationship, whether they are friends or lovers = RL relationships." To me, its more than a game, it is a friendship with the person behind the avatar. I don’t for a minute think of it as a role-play or as something akin to the game the Sims. I am in SL for friendships, not the game play, and not even necessarily the sex, although I will not refuse it, I find it enjoyable. And I also don’t look at it as what I can get out of it, but more of what I can give. Like any relationship we all enjoy the benefits, but it would be meaningless and one sided if we went into a relationship looking for what we can get out of it rather then what we can give. I am not looking to be flamed for having the ability to love more than one woman; I am sure that Abraham, David, and Solomon would appreciate what I am saying. If a heart has a large capacity to love, why waste the heart? My RL woman knows very well that I love another too, Claire also knows I love another... besides, there are many types of love, and depths to those loves. Love is one of the most sought after tangible emotion on the face of the earth, yet we seem to have many taboos and social mores concerning love, and completely miss out. I for one, love to love and to be loved; I think that is what I was made for. I certainly refuse to hate, and ignore those who hate me (that's what the mute button is for)...

And to think I was going to avoid this thread and not post...PLEASE BE KIND...and avoid making this another flame-war thread.

QFT ... and how true. Perhaps more than some people can handle, understand or justify to themselves.

When they end, especially where they end messily, it can be as hurtful as RL ones and sometimes just as damaging.

You're right, Claire.
I had to go back and re-read the question. This is my new answer;
You pretty much get the same thing in SL that you would in RL except there's no 'physicality'. So you can't really hug your friends but you love them just the same. Emotionally and Intellectually, SL=RL. As to what someone gets out of a relationship (in SL I'm assuming) outside their 'happily' married life, probably the same thing they would in RL but with less guilt because there is no actual touching.
There are as many reasons as there are people. Best thing to do is to ask your partner how they feel about this. It's easy. you just say "Honey? Would you be hurt if I had a boyfriend in SL?"

*edit: I haven't seen any flaming or trolling(?)

Nicely written Even the part where you said I was right lol

Sometimes I really want to hug a person, so I will type that I give them a hug, and do you know? I really feel like I am hugging them even though we could be opposite ends of the country, I could give my best friend a hug. It is amazing what the human brain is capable of it is able to fool me into thinking I am hugging someone from that distance lol.

No, but these topics usually end up in trolling or flaming.


PS. Home Time yey!!!

No but you can buy a rabbit *cough*.

Well that's enough out of me. Home time!!!

Can I be your rabbit Claire...? (I mean Cat)

Don't you have a hug attachment?

Graph, go out and buy one for her RIGHT NOW. It's more for you, anyway...

she has one now. Just sent it =)

On my first day in SL I met someone who had also just joined. Neither of us was in SL to look for a relationship but 3 weeks later we got married in SL and a year on we're still together. One of us is married IRL and the other isn't. The RL spouse is fully aware of the SL relationship, is not happy about it but accepts that it's not going away anytime soon.

We have met IRL (with the knowledge of the RL spouse) but even before that we communicated outside SL (mainly on msn, with and without video), and it has never been an "SL relationship" for either of us. It's a relationship, between two people who happened to meet online, but the connection transcends our location, language and age differences. We're able to feel each other physically, emotionally and ... spiritually, for want of a better word. From the beginning there was a strong sexual attraction in SL which was also present in RL but it's by no means the crux of our relationship, or even a particularly important part of it.

So what do we get out of it? Someone who can communicate beyond words, who encourages us to dream big and never mocks, who makes us more than we are, who sees our true self and accepts it. I get someone who isn't afraid to be a man, to take charge and make decisions and in return he gets someone who trusts him and lets him soar. We see aspects of each other that we don't show to anyone else and we're probably more honest with each other than we are with anyone else.

Is it "real"? OMG yes! Does it affect the RL marriage? Yes of course, but there were problems there before we met and if anything, the marriage is better than before because the SL relationship acts as a pressure valve. It's certainly not an ideal situation and I wouldn't pretend it's one that either of us would have chosen deliberately.

It's possible we might end up together permanently IRL, but neither of us is holding out for that. For now, it's enough to know that had one of us not already been married, we would be married to each other.

Yey!! happy huggles for everyone!!!
thankyou!!

Ok, now i am going to sit aat the hangout and mess around with this pile of notecards. Anyone want a hug? Come find me

LOL! we both already have one each!

Huh? OMG Claire, I’ve been offering you hugs all this time and didn’t realize you didn’t have a huggle! Well I will make up for it...I have a delicious present for you when I get on SL this evening!!!

Mormons are monogamous and have been since 1890, when the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka Mormon church) officially abandoned polygamy. You may be thinking of some fundamentalist off-shoots, like the Latter Day Church of Christ, which are not officially sanctioned or recognized by the C of JC of LDS.

Yes, I work with a Mormon. Monogamous. Defo.
I used to be best friends with one too. She got kicked out coz she told everyone she kissed a girl and couldn't see anything wrong with it, they asked her not to go there any more lol.

I was speaking historically, as well as the patriarchs of the bible I mentioned. And yes there are places in the world today where multiple marriages (Polygamy) exist. I wonder how they manage...maybe they don’t have the same mores that we do in our society... certainly I have met SCORES of people in SL who are not daunted by the social ethic of their RL culture; they openly practice Polygamy in SL. It would seem that Polygamy (well multiple partners outside of marriage anyway) in SL is the norm rather than the exception.

Its not the norm,

The norm in SL is serial monogamy

Basically every relationship being a one-night-stand that lasts a month.

There are also a lot of "SL single" (might or might not be married IRL) people who sleep around. Those might technically be the "majority" numbers wise. But really most are related to the serial monogamous group in some way.

Of course the actual Polyamorous segment of the population is sizable, but is a definite, distinct minority.

Only a fraction of the Polyamorous group actually get SL married to more than one person at the same time.

One of the smallest groups would be those in monogamous relationships that actually last more than 6 months. But thats different.

That is very enlightening, and I will take your word for it...after all, you have been here a while, and seen quite a bit...& besides you have nearly 10,000 posts... Golly!!!