im not the first and wont be the last

My heart goes out to you. When your heart is hurting like this I don't think there's anything you can do to ease the pain at first. Getting drunk, telling yourself what you lost wasn't really valuable, trying to find a quick replacement...it still hurts.

Really I think you have to just accept the pain for a while and endure it. Do what you must to keep living your life in spite of it and as time passes the pain gets less.

You may never have definite proof of what your girlfriend was really thinking and feeling but if you know that you felt love and happiness in YOUR heart that is enough and it's a memory you should cherish. We tend to think we need to feel loved by another but in the long run feeling love for another is more real and more important to our well being.

Hello all, thankyou all for your advice. After i posted on here last night i did go onto sl and just stood around our castle. I looked at the paintings i had made and framed for her and then i took them down off the walls. Placed them on the floors, not quite ready to put them back into my inventory as yet. Then i quickly logged out.

Yesterday was quite a nasty day. I felt so depressed and could barely do anything. I wrote her alot of emails and texts. Today im not going to do that. I will go up the street and find a good book to buy and concentrate on that. Books always help. Just as long as its not a romance novel. Maybe a good crime thriller.

My ex still stays in touch with me via text but as i said im not going to text her at all...ill see how she feels then. Maybe give her some space. I know somene said she might be faking the illness but if she is then she is a simply brlliant actress.

Today i wil go into sl for the last time for awhile so ican log off at a different place. So when i come back on i wont be logging into hers. I know i can keep doing thta coz she has allowed me but for my own sanity i will find somewhere else. Atm i just dont think i will ever find something as good as what we had for quite a while. We were so connected and did have this most amazing rship..and thats what i find so hard to let go of. Just how wonderful and beautiul it was untill she got sick. Oh god it hurts as i write this *crys* We spent so much time together on sl....as much time as we could. So its been a very hard adjustment to make. Getting used to not being togeter anymore, just like in rl. However it must be harder for her. At least i have rl friends that can offer me support. Two of my closest friends in rl now know about whats been happening. They have noticed i have not been my usual self as of late so i told them the truth. They both said they will be there for me, they said they cant quite understand it but they want to be there for me. They saw me in a terrible state on saturday so they cna see how real it had become for me.

I know my ex doesnt read the forums so thats why ihave written here. So thankyou everyone for your kind words, it really does help somehow. Oh well anohter day today...maybes its another day which takes me a step closer to healing. Untill then i will keep my fingers away from my phone and keep on crying until there are no tears left anymore. Btw i cried 5 straight hours on saturday. Didnt know we had so many tears in us.

I had a similar situation and the pain is amazing. we took some time to be apart and have been able to continue as close friends. i have moved on and now enjoy sl as much or more than ever...but those first few days were really difficult. to me feeling that kind of pain is a tribute to the relationship...it means you cared deeply and that fact that you were lucky enough to have the kind of relationship for however long is truly something to treasure.

JoJo, that is a nice way of looking at it. I logged onto sl just then and someone gave me a sad sit lol. For some strange reason those tings kind of help in a small way. You can express your pain on sl in that way to.

Eventually i will be better, i know i will. Just have to sit it out and do the usual greiving process which is the hard part.

The last time I had a romantic relationship online I think I was 16 years old, but I know where you're coming from. I suggest taking a break from SL for a few days...maybe even a week or two. Every year I take a break from the grid for a few weeks, even when everything is going my way. SL is more exciting when I come back...also your friends are so glad to see you back that they drag you all over the grid & introduce you to even more people.

You'll be fine, call up some family in RL, visit & get a free dinner...forget about the grid for a while.

Is this a SL-only relationship? Be wary, some people fake illnesses and death just to get away, and come back as an alt. I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but that is a worse hurt and you should be aware that it happens... and that you should steel yourself in case it is the case here.

Hey we had taken it into rl...ie i have her home phone number and her mobile number as well. I do beleive she was genuine because everytime i have spoken to her on the phone lately she has been breaking down in tears. So i do beleive she was telling me the truth. Anyway if she did become an alt i would never find out, would i???

I decided to answer before reading any responses so please excuse me if others have said the same. I met and married my ex partner very soon after I came into SL. It was whirlwind, wonderful and there were many many days and nights i rushed home from work just to see him. But it ended. And I was crushed, as you are. And I really didn't know what SL held for me anymore. Then one day I decided to start over. View SL like I did before I had a partner. Go places, listen to live music, search. And suddenly after many many months and I do mean many, I think I have found myself again here. Alone still, but not unhappy. I wish the best for you and don't give up. There are many friends to be made here.

There's not much I can add to all the wonderful comments/advice already given, but having had my heart broken more than once in an online relationship (a couple that went to RL), I did want to offer a *HUG*.

You'd be surprised how often it happens.

Time heals all wounds. It may feel like the end of the world right now but after a few weeks you'll feel better. Have you started drinking yet? That helps. But don't drink and drive.

I tell you what im close to drinking. I know i shouldnt have been doing tis but ive been calling her up to see how shes doing and i always get her voice mail. I leave msgs but to no avail. The last message i got was about the snowstorms. Im just hoping shes not answering coz the phone lines are down. When she does txt back her msgs are usually so cold and distant. I dont know why she is treating me like this.

Oh god i know i have to let go but i just cant seem to at the moment. Its so difficult. I keep looking at the whose online section on this site in the hope that i will see her name but to no avail. I know this sounds mad but she gave me her password to her sl account and she hasnt been online. God i miss her...this is crap. Yes im a whinging idiot who is probably acting terribly immature...but love makes me immature *sighs*

It's happened to all of us. I suggest you find something, anything RL based, preferably something that will get you out and away from a computer, and bury yourself in it for awhile. I'd even uninstall SL for the time being. If she wishes to contact you she will. but you need to clear your head.

Brenda is right. Take a break from the computer for awhile and get your head straight. I promise in time you will feel better. Do you have any hobbies that don't include a computer? I'm sorry you are going through this.*hugs*

I know how this feels, and what you are going through, I'm so sorry. It's so hard not to keep looking for them and wondering, trying to second guess what is going through their mind, I know.

Time will make this better, and try to let go. Lean on friends, cry on their shoulders, if they are real friends, they won't mind at all.

~Caithe~

It doesn't matter why; she's asking for distance. It may be incredibly difficult for her to make that request, yet it's what she believes is needed. And it's incredibly difficult for you to comply, but it seems the only thing to do, and the sooner the better.

Possibly because it's beginning to feel like being harrassed?



I do feel for you, but I also feel you ARE being immature.

It isn't loving to try to suffocate the object of your affection with needy, clinging demands for replies she obviously, for her own reasons, doesn't want to give right now. Read your own posts back to yourself and see if you see any clue why someone might want a bit of distance from all that. Leave her alone FGS.
--
Aes

I have to agree..... except for the fact, you don't really need a gf... many choose not to become partnered so they can play the field....

I wouldn't put it quite THAT way, but Aes has a point... if you became this way in your relationship, she might be ducking you with this "illness." I would be very wary at this point that she is just ending the relationship because it's just not a good fit and she needs you to be more mature. You may need to seek a little help from rl friends or maybe a counselor to get your depression treated.

No i wasnt like that in the rship at all...just when it ended. And yes ive already got a session booked wth a counsellor tomorrow. I do realise that im having issues atm

Wonderful. *hug* Good luck.

ok just a quick update. I went to see my counsellor and she actually told me to wait for this girl which i was shocked by. So about 3 days ago i got a txt from my ex partnr and she asked me to wait for her.So i said of course i would. So thursday night i texted her just to see how she was travelling. I didnt receive a reply. I have texted and emailed her a couple more times since then and stll no reply. It is now sunday morning and i stil havet heard from her. I have also rang her landline phone and no answer.

I know i have to move on but i cant help being a little worred. My last text asked if she wanted to end it and i would be alright with either answer, i just need closure to move on. I dont know if shes avoiding me, or if her illness has got so bad that shes in hospital. She hasnt been online for quite awhile now. I know this because the rent on her land has not been paid and also she had given me the password to her account. Also in her profile i am still declared as her partner. I still have modifying rights over her furniture as well. So im thinking that if she wanted it ended she wouldve come online to at least update her profile and deny access to her property. So im goddam worried now. I dont know if shes dead or alive. I dont know if shes just avoiding me. But if she was avoiding me delberately (like sme ppl do on sl) then surely she wouldve come online to change her password so i couldnt access her account and she wouldve changed her profile.

Im so confused. Im thinking of actually paying the rent for her just in case she is really sick and then at least when she comes back she has a place to live still. From what ive written what are your opinions??
THanks

I don't think that the friend is being self-absorbed regardless of health. It's very possible that she's already TOLD the OP that she wants out, and the OP refuses to acknowledge this.

Leave her alone. Now.

I can understand why you say this Oryx. However during the week she did ask me to wait for her. And then the silence happened. So what am i meant to think?