im not the first and wont be the last

Hey all

As the thread states heartbreak in sl is all too common I posted here last week stating my gf has become ill in RL and wasnt able to come online as often. Well it ended today. She doesnt feel she can be a proper gf to me now so its ended. We got our partnership dissolved and im absolutely heartbroken. Before she got sick the rship was going along perfectly. Every aspect of our rship was 100 pecent. At first i thought she was just making excuses when she first said she couldn come online...but we have spoken numerous times on the phone and she was crying her eyes out. It was quite traumatic for both of us bc the love is still so strong.

Anyway i dont know if i can go on sl anymore. She was the only reason i went online and now there doesnt seem any purpose. It just seems very empty to me now and whenever im in there i always log on at our castle. I just cant beat to move out of there. We shared so many wonderful memories *crys and crys* Ahhh me and my partner also wanted to meet up in rl as well. Yes i still call her my partner bc i cant get used to her not being my partner (( I tried everything to convince her that i would wait for her but she doesnt want to hurt me anymore. She doesnt know how long she will be sick for and she is confined to her bed alot. OMG what am i going to do????? i never knew sl love could be so painful. My heart is breaking every minute of every day and my yearning to be with her is becoming so much more intense.

*hangs her head and sobs uncontrollably*

More fish in the sea.

Keep baiting that hook and dropping it in the water.

Take a few days for yourself, away from SL, then come back as a fresh alt and start over, playing, without expectations (what should a newbie expect, right?). Maybe return to your main later, if it feels right.

Found your question.... here's my answer:

Cry it out, then clean yourself up and go shopping!

You just need a little time to sort it all out, and then it'll be okay.

SecondLife is a window ... don't close the curtains x

Okay, your girlfriend got sick, and when she was better she simply dissolved the relationship?
That's odd, but okay, now you have even more reasons to be online on SL. since you need a new girlfriend that doesn't base her relationship on when she is sick or not.

the ex-gf got sick, and doesn't know how long she will be sick. she thinks she is doing Annisha a favor by 'letting her go'.

ftr, that's Annisha's perception of the situation, not mine.

Hugs...my heart goes out to you! Allow yourself time to grieve as you would in RL and pamper yourself in the process. Whilst your partner may think she's being noble, based on what you've written, I would see her actions as self absorbed--you deserve better. Hang in there.

Oh, Annisha. ((hugs))

I promise you will feel better someday.

Annisha,

I feel very sorry for you. But I am quite peeved at your girlfriend. Second Life is used by many ill or disabled people to enrich their lives. She is doing both of you a disservice by trying to "spare" you, and I hope that you pass this on to her so that I can give her a piece of my mind.

Dear Annisha's Girlfriend:

When you love someone, you share, both the good times and the bad. When someone loves you, they want to share. You're hurting Annisha by shutting her out, and you are hurting yourself by cutting yourself off from someone who cares about you. Don't be foolishly "noble". Take love and caring and help wherever you find it...even from an on line relationship in Second Life.

It doesn't matter if you can't give back all that you would like to. You may be able to do so in the future. But even if you can't, it STILL doesn't matter. Annisha and your other friends love you. They understand your situation, and they want to help and comfort and love you.

With some asperity,
Lindal Kidd

(Annisha...that's the part to send to your gf. For you, I have a caution. No matter what your gf said, even on the phone, there is still the chance that she's faking it and is using this as a way to end the relationship. But the reason for the end of the relationship doesn't really matter. If it's over, it's over, for whatever reason. If she won't come around, won't let you share this difficult time in her life, you must move on. Ditch the castle. Ditch the av and create an alt, if you must. Put it behind you and move on.)

I'm so sorry to hear this. I encourage you to go to my profile Picks, and look for the Garden of Lost Love. It's a place made for grieving and healing, and I hope you'll find some comfort there.

^^This. Strongly agree. Take a break for a few days, and if you can't bring yourself to get rid of the castle just yet, then don't log in there, if you own another piece of land, log in there instead, even an infohub. As soon as you can, replace the castle with a place that is 'yours'. SL breakups can hurt just as much as rl breakups and my heart goes out to you. If this were rl, you would move on, though, you would have to. Someone else suggested playing an alt, that's a good idea too, give your main account a break while you get over your former partner. And if you allow yourself, you WILL get over it. SL is still a great, fun, magical place. Visit someplace new. Meet some new people and soon, you will stop crying.

Love in SL is as real as in RL, the only difference is distance,

Do not give up on your Second life, as you will not give up on your First life.
Just the same as any relationship, some were meant to last some were not. hold onto the happy memories, they are real.
Now it is time to grieve , soon it will be time to move on to new and just as bright times. You will never forget, but the hurt will ease.

Good luck with your new life, it starts every day when you wake

Annisha- most of us have been there at some point. Worst part is how youcan't even share it with people around your RL because they would not understand mostly how you can feel for someone you have never seen or how a virtual place can hold ghosts. When my first love in SL walked out- and not in a noble way, he was a lying SOB and even now - more than a year later doesn't see he did anything wrong! (Yeah I'm still pissed, jack ass ) It took me forever to clear the land of his stuff. His name was everywhere and it was a haunting to walk anywhere. But I didn't leave and friends helped me thru it and again I am very happily in love. There is another side to the darkness. You will get thru this. Hnag on.

Leave SL? Your choice of course- but if it had happened in RL, you wouldn't leave- you would tough it out. Take a break and clear out the cob webs. *Hugz*

((((HUGS))) Annisha. I know how bad this hurts, but you WILL get through this. Trust me on that. I've been through it before and am going through it now, as we discussed one day.

Try to remember why you came to SL in the first place. You didn't know your girlfriend then did you? So create, explore, play. Reinvent yourself ... find other friends in SL or RL and go out an have fun! I'm sure many people here will help you do that. Myself included.

Sending you my prayers.

I guess it is from being married to an oncology nurse, but I would cut slack for someone that has an ongoing situation. They may be living a full court press in real life and feel that the only people that understand them right now are their medical team and the support group, and it may be all they can handle (and the side 'benefit' of being married to my wife is that I have met a whole lot of people that have said pretty much that - it is downright scary how many people are walking about cancer survivors). You may be right, but there is a decent chance you are not.

*hugs Annisha close*

I'm sorry that your partner chose to end things as she did...I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. Broken hearts feel the same, SL/RL.

As others have suggested...think about what brought you to SL in the first place...and perhaps take an "around-the-SLworld" excursion, taking in the sights to be seen...stop in at the Forum Cartel hangout, where you can either sit quietly and just listen to the zaniness around you, or, when you feel so inclined, jump in and chat with those folks who are around.

Hang in there...we're here for you.

You might find some of the resources here of some help to you as you work through your grieving process. It's a non profit counselling/wellness centre in SL run by a RL licensed therapist. Read the FAQs and such carefully as there are limitations in how they can help people in-world but they can refer you to RL resources should they be required. There are also a number of free resources available to residents on Wellness Island. Best of luck to you.

http://slcounseling.org/

i am not gonna tell you what to do in this but i will tell you what i've learned works best for me..

I never accept that we can still be friends after we have taken it to a higher level..so it becomes all about me now and not the US anymore..

Cut all ties..then leave Sl for a week or two to get your mind on other things until you are in control of yourself again..

then when the feeling comes along and feel like coming back..
delete every picture and note card and any way of anything at all that will open up memories..
burn any way of contacting each other..
if it was me i send everything back that is theirs after they are muted and either look for a new place to live or rebuild a new home..
a new place means having the chance to meet new people..which is one of the best ways to get over someone..

it may sound harsh but trying to remain friends or clinging to memories only prolongs any hurt..
out of sight becomes out of mind..it works for me..

Put yourself first right now because that's what the other is doing..
now that you have closure and know it's over it's it's time to get yourself over it..
otherwise you will hold on and hold on only making it worse on yourself and nobody else..

it is 100 times easier to get over someone you have never touched in rl than it is in SL..
because they can be erased in sl..use that to help you..

hope this helps in some way...

1. Have a hug.

2. Have a weep if you need to.

3. Have chocolate (or other not-too-expensive indulgence of choice).

4. The friend wants out. Either because she really doesn't have the physical and/or mental energy to cope with being ill plus keeping an online friendship going, or... she just wants out. Yes, it hurts badly to feel let down by someone you are very fond of. However, there really is no option but to let that go. Believe me, you will only start to feel better and look forward once you can find other friends and interests.

Contrary to what others have posted, I don't think the friend is being self-absorbed and selfish if she is genuinely ill. You can't expect someone to give their all to any online friendship when they're sick or have other RL problems. IMO RLs always take first place.

Yes, it still hurts to lose what seemed so good - but there WILL be more good things, dear friends and happy times.

--
Aes

Just to clarify...I wasn't suggesting the sick friend "give their all" to an on line relationship. I was suggesting that such a relationship is a way of *receiving* help and love and support. Let the OP give their all, and let her sick friend take what she can. That's one of the things that love is about.

Of course, RL comes first. One of my best friends has had to leave SL because illness has severely limited them, and they have chosen to conserve their remaining strength for their RL family. Even so, they have not severed all ties to their in world friends; a channel is still open.

Myself i don't think i passed any judgment on the friend..
once someone says to me it is over chances are that will be the last time we talk for a long time..
because if you cannot get yourself together and back on your feet as soon as possible there could be two people laying in the bed depressed..

once a person has said they don't want me as a part of their life...i've grown to the point that you have to turn on the Me power and do some serious self time and healing..
you can't do that thinking about the other person or still putting them in front of you..

real sick ,fake sick ,sad or mad break up ,It's all a break up and you are on your own at first..even if you are surrounded with friends..cause your mind is on that other person and looking for a way..coming to grips and saying to ones self it is over..i have to say it is over to myself and the choice is mine not anyone elses..

soon as other thoughts start to take over other than about the friend the healing has started..once you know it has it only moves faster in that direction..

the reason we say.."what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger"??is because when we think we are at our weakest and come out of it alright we realize we survived and stand a little taller and become a little wiser each time it happens..because we learn how to heal ourselves and know a little more each time that it will get better..

when we feel we are at our weakest..it's easy to lay down and give up..it's why we have to concentrate on ourselves..
anything else only slows down getting back to ourselves..

take what the other person wants and you can respect it or not respect it..
either way it's all about getting yourself back..
what was it en vogue said?
Free your mind the rest will follow

OT: I love that tarsier, Ceka!