A friend by any other name...

I wonder if my photo session with him counts as a fling. We WERE half naked and on poseballs(photo ones..) Hmmmmm.

I feel the same, really. I completely understand wanting a new avatar. I also have a veritable army of alts hehe. But, anonymously mixing with old friends and not being honest about it, is something I would never do. It has happened to me sort of. I even felt bad just saying Hi to someone I knew, even though I avoided any further contact with them as the alt.

Sorry to disappoint you Rizzy, but as I advised Annabel, it's a mistake to take other Forum members seriously. It either ends up in public tears, or even worse, public kitsch.


It was purely professional, Rio.

Pep (Don't think you can blame me for those prim kids! )

Damn it. Trying to get prim child support out of someone!~sheesh.

Never fear Pep! I would never take you seriously. *wink*

I think it was Lordfly who composed SL simple truths in list form about 5 years ago, like:

1. Everyone new you meet is someone you already know, in an alt
2. All female avatars are actually men.
I forget the rest.

Bear those in mind all the time (even though now they are only true sometimes and of course they never were true all the time) and you'll never be surprised.

Once I said to a friend, "Do you know X?" He responded, "I AM X." He had thought it was obvious.

I'm another one who takes avatars at face value. I don't care what their RLs are like although I would rather they were nice people than nasty ones!

But alt-play can be a bit disquieting, as can a sudden drastic appearance change of an individual avatar.

Almost all of my avatars have the round spectacles and blue forelock (it's caused by excess polaron radiation from my holoemitter), see at !

i have had that happen twice that i know of - both times they didn't tell me till much later, both times were ex-boyfriends

i just always keep in mind that whoever i am talking to could be anyone, and if i am talking to two people i always keep in mind they could be the same person because i have had that happen as well

We're all really Torley's alts. That's why you were craving watermelon this morning.

If I had an alt, it seems to me the only purpose would be to move in completely different circles and perhaps get away from the scene you are currently in, be it drama, partner issues or whatever, otherwise what's the point? It doesn't really bother me if 'new friends' turn out to be 'old friends' really.

I have an Alt Avie, My Friends Know who she is, But since i Created her for some measure of Solitude,, a Chance to Be in SL, and concentrate on things in the quiet, They Respect my wishes, and leave her be when i use her.

I wouldn't think of Trying to Take up with friends, or Lovers as a New alt, and Not let them Know it's me,, That would be simply Rude.

Angel.

Why start with suspicion?

May simply have not realized they didn't tell everyone. If they made friends with you again, isn't that a sign they still value you?

People don't "owe" anyone anything here. It's a Game.

People come here to fill needs. If you don't want to be part of filling their need, you just move on. Some time today, you're going to do something in SL to fill your own need. You don't owe anyone an explanation for it. Something about how you go about doing that.....will be offensive to "someone."

You can treat people as you do in RL...and still have a great experience. You just can't expect that everyone else is going to follow that same rule of thumb....and you can't condemn them for it. To them, it's more of a game, than it is to you.....it's an entirely different experience for them. And that's allowed. You'll have a lot more fun and be a lot less stressed if you stop expecting everyone to treat it as a version of RL.

Something to consider....I would find it more offensive, and more hurtful....to find a friend posting this scenario in a public forum, without addressing the problem personally to me. To me...that would feel as awkward as someone using an alt without identifying themselves. No offense is meant....that's just an example of how something you do in this venue, might hurt someone as well. Two way street.

That's a very handy perspective if you're one of those people who DOESN'T take SL seriously and who DOESN'T have expectations of others. But....to say that the only reason people come to SL is to fill a need.....is quite a blanket statement. I go to my fridge to fill a need.......hunger....I go to work to fill a need.....income.....and I form relationships to fill certain needs.......everything we DO fills a need.

SL is a social venue, (not, technically, a game at all) and yeah it certainly does allow for a lot of deception in it's very design. But, that doesn't mean people don't have expectations about their individual experience....and those experiences, invariably, involve other people. What happens, unfortunately....is those who are either insecure or don't take it all seriously....are more likely to be deceiptful....or play mind games. They lack any feeling of accountability. After all....all ya gotta do is log out. But, an equal number of folks, I dare say, do indeed take
their personal accountability with them into SL. And it reflects in their behavior and relationships formed.

I would be annoyed if somene did that to me. And I wuld not consider that person my friend. But....I also wouldn't waste any energy being hurt over it. (the beauty of having a datached emotional perspective) I know my genuine friends by the way they behave on a consistant long term basis. This is true IRL and in SL. I have a very dear friend who has many alts......she let me know right away who her alts were and why she made them. When speak to ANY of them....I am speaking to her....I know it, and she knows it. There's no role play going on. And that's yet another issue....Role Play.....some folks are automatically in a RP persona when they log into SL....and they view their entire experience as such. The problem is....if they're not sharing that with others....ya get deceipt down the road....or at very least some confusion. I'm pretty up front with folks...I am who I am....regardless of what my avtar looks like.

The 'need' I fill in SL is strictly visiting a creative playground. It's eye candy and I enjoy exploring. If I make friends along the way....that's a delightful bonus. But I would NOT.....IRL or in SL.....deceive anyone I called a friend, by disguising myself and pretending to be a stranger. That's jeuvenile (IMO) and unnecessary (for me) Unlike Jack Nickolson's character's opinion of women in "As Good as It Gets".....I am a woman....and I DO practice reason and accountability....in all areas of my life.

Sometimes people want to stay clear from one person, enough to let their usual one even rest for a while, but do not want to leave their friends. In which case, they might start a new avie, and carefully expose themselves to their friends, one at a time, hoping none of them leaks this information to the person they're trying to stay away from.
One could complain that this would show little trust in your friends to keep such a secret, but sadly, there's always someone who can't keep his mouth shut, and it's not always someone you'd expect to that starts blabbing around. So as bad as it may sound, there are people doing this for very good reasons.
And yes, there's also always people who do these things just to mess with you.

Last night, I had a hard time trying to respect someone else's 'predictable experience'. A friend of mine is about to do an art exhibit on a sim I've never been to. He asked me to come over and see the sim, where the exhibit will be. Now, I am just me on SL and have never RP'd. But this sim, although simply beautiful, I didn't get what the RP was there. It looked almost Fae...but not quite.....some kings, thrones, female warriors, protectors, state ministers. The whole time I was there meeting these people, they stayed strictly in the RP and I didn't get what the RP was!!! My friend didn't know either. So all I could do was to be respectful and try to follow their lead, as they said things like, we will speak with your ambassador about the exhibit......(they meant Gentle Heron, the president of Virtual Ability, that they would talk to her about the exhibit being a fundraiser for Virtual Ability) lol But that was the manner in which they spoke, very old world, very formal. I did the best I could but was nonplussed. Oughta have a sign up, give me a clue what the RP is and I will try to comply!

I try not to worry who anyone 'really' is, overmuch. Unless they are griefing me or purposely messing with me some way or using an alt to stalk, harass etc. I could really care less.

I try to take each av at face value and as if each is a separate 'entity' - so to speak. How else can you go through SL and not go nuts?

Groan!!!!!

Sorry to snip out this one tiny portion but I just wanted to say -

That so many see SL this way and expect others to act this way within SL can be quite daunting for the introverts among us. For some of us, we NEED that time alone and uninterrupted, and with the expectation our time will not be interrupted, simply to recharge our batteries and smooth our feathers down again.

One thing I dislike about SL is that the friends list is just like giving out your phone number, or address. And there's always that one friend or neighbor who sees nothing wrong in popping over unannounced or phoning the minute they see your car pull up in your driveway or your feet hit your front stoop. (Just like in sitcoms I guess)

Some of us can't exhale til we take the phone off the hook. (And yes, one can be invisible, but the very same ones get VERY insulted by that - and one can simply not log in, but there's the divergence again in that some find it as much fun to explore or build all alone.)

Well, Tokushi sells a REALLY great squirrel avatar.

I do SO agree with this, and would welcome advice on how to tell someone (gently, without hurting their feelings) that you don't appreciated being hit on IM before your facelight even finishes rezzing. I have a friend who does this regularly and I really, really value his friendship but long for some down time alone. To make it worse he is one of those people who is just the opposite, he really NEEDS company and other people around all the time. He's sensitive, I would rather put up with it than hurt his feelings over it. I have tried unchecking him so he won't know when I come online but I got busted. He sent me an IM anyway, and of course didn't get the 'User offline' message so he knew I was there......sigh.

Exactly. The same in RL. I did not say that I don't take SL seriously. I run a business here, and take that as seriously as a few of my RL businesses. I also take the people who keep me in business here very seriously every day. I also take my friendships seriously.

But I have no expectations from any of the above. Nor do I have any expectations from anyone in RL. I simply choose not to hang with those who do things that bother me.

I hope that you are not confusing my statement of playing a "Game".....with playing "mind games." That's often the case, when I state that....as if I am condoning "mind game" behavior. Not the case at all. And for those of us who are aware that it is a game....and that even RL is ultimately a game....that does not mean that we are not accountable at all. Unfortunately, that is often misinterpreted.



The "need" is different for everyone. I'm not saying it's wrong to fill whatever the needs are. For me, it varies from social to creative, to economic at different times. I get a lot of flack from people who come here purely for social needs, because I've turned it into an income need. But it's not fair to judge people on what needs they fill with it. A lot going on behind that av, that even the closest of an SL friend will never know and never be qualified to judge or analyze.

To this day....even after a couple of years of friendships....I'm still not exactly sure just how some of my friends "play the game." Some seem to fluctuate from their real selves to roleplaying selves...some don't....(I think)...not really sure. But it doesn't matter. I just let them be what they want to be.

Being respectful of that, as you were last night, is really all that matters.

Agreed

I am always suspicious of everyone anyway..... burnt once by this...