SL Relationships/Marriage?

If I were to marry in SL, I wouldn't bother with the ceremony. Waste of lindens. Just accept the partnership proposal and buy the rings, that is good enough for me.

Claire, it's quite obvious that your subconscious was at work here...

It helps when you have virtually everything you need in your inv (none of which is "wedding-y" in my case really).

I find the average SL wedding very cringeworthy tbh. Personally.

Quoted because I'm going to have to get a US fiance visa to marry my SL partner in RL before too long, and I love reading about people who've made online relationships work in RL.

I have no doubt at all that I was in love with her when all we had was SL, but it did take the RL meeting to clear away the doubts and fears.

I see your view, and honestly, I've never had a relationship in SL nor did I do any online dating. I did however start a relationship with someone that I worked with that lived over 2000 miles away. We spoke on the phone and e-mail everyday for a few months before we met and to be honest with you, it scared the crap out of me, but we were so much more connected than I have ever been with anyone else. We finally did meet and there wasn't any disappointment or regret or anything. Even though the relationship didn't last, we are still friends and little did he ever know that he was the only person I have ever been in love with. You get to know someone on such a deeper level when all you have is communication, and love can flourish this way. But if a relationship like this or online or whatever is to last, there has to be the intention of coming together in RL permanently. IMHO................

I always said to too, until I got engaged and then the plans just started happening...HE was as guilty as I, maybe even more so. But it only got to the point of asking the attendants, and making a long list. I have a demo of the gown I wanted. I'm so glad I didn't go ahead and buy it, since we broke up 3 weeks ago.

Now I'm purging my inventory of everything associated with him and me. But I'm keeping the jewelry...Always keep the jewelry.

It's the process you have to go through to know for sure ... that's for sure ...

/me hugs Marin and resolves to take her out to behave relatively badly soon!

There is another element of SL romance which has not been commented upon thus far in the thread (that I could see, anyway), and that is the ease in which hearts can be broken. Something about the lack of the physical makes intimacy much easier. When one is married in RL this can certainly cause some problems....

After a late night group discussion amongst a group of us in SL about this topic, I wrote the following song, the lyrics of which I thought some of you might relate to:

Virtual Stranger

Karen had a lonely day
couldn't wait to put the kids to bed
all her troubles went away
when she logged in and became someone else instead
of who she was
or whomever she thought that she should be
in this new world
she was free

nobody told her of the danger
nobody told her that the secrets she'd tell
would be used by a virtual stranger
to break her real life heart as well...


Henry worked from 1 to 9
logged in as soon as he got home
barely gave his wife the time
couldn't wait until he was all alone
IMing
and staying up much, much too late
in his new life
he was great


nobody told him of the danger
nobody told him that the secrets he'd tell
would be used by a virtual stranger
to break his real life heart as well...


What happens in your Second Life
should stay in your Second Life
but what happens when your Second Life
can't stay in your Second Life?

How can someone who's virtual cause so much pain that is physical?
How can someone who's virtual cause so much pain that is physical?

nobody told me of the danger
nobody told me that the secrets I'd tell
would be used by a virtual stranger
to break my real life heart as well....

Regards,

Niko Donburi
The "Weird Al" of Second Life

Nice, Niko!


I would have agreed with you once upon a time, Serenarra. But I fell in love with somebody I met online (not on SL). He lived on the other side of the country. We "met" posting, it moved to emails, then IMs, then phone calls. I fell in love with him before we ever met face to face. We didn't want to say we loved each other before we met, we understood that it might all come crumbling down when we did meet, but how much "I like-like you" can two adults do before it seems ridiculous? (the answer is 1!) Thankfully, we were never anything less than truthful all along (well, aside from me wearing togas and silver breastplates, and he doesn't own a kilt). Meeting in person just made the whole thing real and more awesome than I could have ever imagined! We've been married over 5 years, and it gets better and better. We think that it's because all we ever had was talking while we "dated." We did more communicating before he moved to be with me than most people do while dating, because we didn't "waste" time going to movies, etc. on our dates. We just had talking!


QFT, Wulfric! I really, truly knew I was in love on the first day we met in RL when we were on the beach looking at the water, and he stood behind me and put his arms around me. I leaned into him and that moment I realized it was the one place in the world I belonged. Nothing virtual could have given me the certainty of that RL togetherness.

Okay, enough sappiness ... geez, I would have HATED me when I was single!

Just a quickie on this - double check the fiance visa thing - Geo and I got married in the states in RL whilst I was over there for christmas and we are going straight for the spouse visa - it can take 6 months to get a fiance visa and the evidence you have to show is the same as a spouse visa - honestly, cut out the middle man and just go get married and get a spouse visa!!

If you want any tips etc on how to do it then IM me in world

After doing it ourselves we'd be happy to help anyone else be as happy as we are!!

RL and SL are the same for me. I feel for who i am involved with in SL as if it was RL. If things keep going well I I don't see how I could not bring up meeting, i'd probably be hurt alot if she didn't feel the same in time. I don't want a SL only relationship. I didn't join SL for relationships, i joined to see what land was about because of the news but 2 days later met the most special woman.

I think this is a fine attitude to have.

I think this basically should be one of the first conversations two people in an online relationship should have.

They both should spell out how they feel about how far it should go.

And if either doesn't like the other's answers it would be time - without complaint - to call things off.

Isn't much worse than one person in the relationship wanting a RL love starting in SL and the other person happily married IRL who is just looking for a light cyber-only fling.

This is possible, but i can tell you that your relationship will receive a LOT more scrutiny then it does if you get the fiance visa first. I had a friend who also married a man from England who she met while on a cruise. They married when he came to visit her a few months after their meeting. Their interview with an INS agent was much more intense than mine and my husbands. They also had to provide more financial records and proof than we did. They even asked them which side of the bed each slept on, etc, since these aren't usually answers that people would quickly come up with if their relationship wasn't genuine.

The biggest thing the US government wants to know is if your relationship is genuine and that you aren't marrying just so someone can obtain residency or citizenship in the US. I'm not sure if you went for your actual face-to-face interview yet, but if you did, I'm sure it was much more intense than mine was. Of course, my husband and I had a child together by the time our interview was scheduled so showing the birth certificate, etc, seemed to make our agent a lot more accepting.....lol.

Edited to add: However, it's true that the wait and everything for the fiance visa can be hell. We ended up starting our process in March of 2001. Toward the end of the process, 9/11 happened, which immediately backlogged everything. So it was a little over a year from start to finish.

that's sweet!

I've been there....

SL Relationships...

Well, i fell in love here. No roleplay, no playing a game, really fell in love... most strange and astounding experience of my life. Passionate love affair, great sex, amazing sex, a LOT of amazing sex. She broke it off eventually... but we couldn't stay apart, so we're back together. Six months and counting. She loves me. I love her.

And i'll love her for the rest of my life. Dead serious.
Love.. the big L....
go figger...

i'm still trying to understand it. strangest damn thing that ever happened to me.
but, i have to say, i'm enjoying myself immensely....

Dream about her? absolutely. continually...
The real girl is much more than the AV...
When i dream i dream about the real girl.
And her soul is so much more than her RL body....
sweet, gentle, kind, joyous, sensual.....she is my heart....

i love her...

awww Pat...I got the warm fuzzies just reading your post.

It's incredible to me still, how real these feelings are. We are more than just these animated cartoons...when you find someone who captures your emotions, your heart -- it is you falling in love with the heart of the person behind the cartoon. The real feelings of euphoria, joy, sorrow, the yearning and the longing make it all the more bittersweet and carry this far, far beyond our make believe SL world.

cheers to you, my friend...

Zena

Thank you for the advice, and I will definitely IM you when we get nearer the time.

And thanks to Sunni too, I was going for the fiance visa route partly because, I assumed I wouldn't be able to get married if I was there on a tourist visa - that's the way it works in the UK.

I think we have enough proof of the relationship to be ok either way, we've been together almost a year, hundreds of emails, phone bills, receipts for hotels from my visits, photos of us together, etc, certainly enough to satisfy the UK authorities if it was the other way round (I am an immigration lawyer in the UK).

I think thats a big part of it. If I had seen my partner in RL, I would have fancied her straight off, she is exactly the physical type I've always been attracted to, but she wouldn't have looked twice at me at first sight, not her type at all.

But because we only met each other's minds and souls in SL, we were in love before we ever knew what each other looked like, and when she did see me, she thought I was gorgeous, because she knew who I really was, didn't just see the outside.

She of course was more beautiful in RL than I had ever imagined from pictures, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

NP...... I'd be glad to hear from you.... Keep absolutley EVERYTHING lol, I kept logs of everything, and still do, and our US immigration lawyer has said it helps so much when it comes to proving something, its a shame we have to prove ourselves but I guess its only to be expected when so many people do try to screw the system!

Sounds like you're pretty good to go, then, Wulfric. You probably could come out on a visitor's visa, get married, and then apply for a spouse visa. It's a very nerve-wracking process, though.

I think they agents are very skilled at reading body language, etc., so it's probably very rare, extremely as in almost-never-happens rare, that they don't believe a genuine relationship. But...you always have the thought in the back of your mind that your relationship is being judged by someone who has no clue who either of you really are, and they could make a decision that could alter your relationship.

It was especially that way for me because I had a young daughter, and really didn't want to uproot her and move to England if, for some reason, my husband and I didn't meet the "requirements". But that's all in the past now, and he's good to go for another 7 or 8 years on his 10 year green card.

Why thank you sweetie. A friend said that emotions here are more pure than 1st life, that the soul shines more clearly here.

Some days i think she's right... especially when i've been with my lover....

Oh Pat, each word of love from you is such a gem, and when you say them it makes me feel so special....I wear your love like a beautiful necklace....pure of colour and warmly glowing like a windlight sky.