Another bitching thread...

I am so tired of hearing from my friends and other women in secondlife about how the men treat them in here. Be it childish behavior to full out blocking and ignoring them if they don't get their way.
Just today a friend of mine came to me crying because some guy who came to her from a dating site and wanted to date, so they did for a few days (they did not have sex and he was ok with it, wanted to take it slow) then he started to take his attention elsewhere and she gets the boot, why do you guys feel the need to play these stupid games with women, what do you get out of it, is it fun to you or just an ego boost.
Me personally i dont date in here because i know how pointless it can be, but for those poor women who get hurt all the time from these guys who are not man enough to stand up to their responsibility to be decent human beings. Im not saying the women in here are any different but since my friends only date men we do not see that side of things but i know it happens.
I am not saying all men in here are like this but for the most part i have not really seen the likes of the percentage of guys who are decent respectful men, are they just hiding or taken, but anyway i just find it sad so many get hurt in here by people who get a kick out of hurting someone's feelings.

Any thoughts on this, keep in mind i did not say all men or people, just the select few who choose to be less than worth it.


No he didnt he wanted a relationship genuinely or so said he did with the sl kids and all that jazz then bam he disappears on her.

EDIT Ok for one thing Eric he told her he was very interested then all of a sudden out of the blue she wasnt good enough for him, yes they were dating but the principle is that you dont lead a person on tell them you really like them and want to see where things go then the next min disappear without an explanation, that petty and childish and that is why my friend was hurt.

EDIT He came back to her the next day begging for her to forgive him..now what do you make of that, so tells me maybe he is bit too clingy and not her, i know many reasons why a guy comes back..one he can't find anyone better....two He really does like her and she had an effect on him....three, he has some secret ulterior motive

did he lead her on, or tell her truthfully he was gonna see someone else.

If he was honest then I do not see how he was being mean or cruel

I would rather a guy tell me the truth after a few dates and move on, than pretend it is something it is not...

(as for how men treat women.... I have seen it the other way around... many women treat the guys like crap, and are only with them for what the guy can buy for her, and as soon as he closes his Lwallet, she gets pissy....and splits or continues to string him along... and has another sugar daddy on the side)

If it didn't work out, it didn't work out. Jesus, you make it sound like them meeting on a dating site and deciding to date is an instant, unbreakable binding between the two. It's called "dating", and if it doesn't work, you move on.

Plus, with what Rhaorth said, I think it's MUCH worse with women towards men, considering that I've heard of many instances of the guy going above and beyond for a girl, she doesn't match that, he decides it's not worth the effort and suddenly things go to hell.

It's dating, it's not a marriage. If someone isn't interested anymore, that doesn't make them an asshole.

In my experience, few people actually stand up to that, be it men or women...

Starling, here is the news: "Second Life is a game!"

Don't use the same standards here as you would in real life. Flying and tping are much more fun. Similarly, most of the guys here are not interested in being the carpet men that they are in real life and if they get a better offer they will dump you in a heartbeat. The same goes for the girls, except they are more stubborn usually, and don't like admitting to themselves that they have bad judgment.

Pep (Real life is a game and SL is part of real life. QED. )

Many do not believe sl to be a game, and i personally do not either, I do not mess with anyone's feelings and that i guess makes me and others like me better people.

sure it does ; )

But you move on to the next asshole until you find the right asshole

SL *is* all about messing with the feelings of others. Just like real life.

Pep (You aren't better; you would just like to *think* you are.)

I don't even consider that "dating" - it was a couple of dates. Why she felt she got "the boot" when she barely knew him, is her issue. Me? I'd just shrug that off when I barely knew someone. I wouldn't be that invested in a person at that point and it doesn't sound like he was playing games with her. They went out a couple of times, he decided she wasn't for him. It happens in RL all the time. I don't even think an explanation is entirely necessary if no specific plans had been set to meet up again.

Plus, just because you have a good time on a date, doesn't automatically mean you want to make that person into a GF or BF. Sometimes, upon reflection afterwards, you realize things about the person which didn't quite hit you as you were immersed in the situation and you kind of "wake up" and realize they aren't quite what you're looking for, things didn't click as well as they seemed.

Additionally we've all had times where our own expectations can play games with what really was said by another person and overstate the intentions of another. Considering the short amount of time spent between these two, it obviously wasn't a match made in heaven. Personally, I'd wouldn't be wasting my precious emotional time wondering what could have been or should have been on a 2 or 3 day meeting.

Ok do not know how you were brought up but up but i was taught to treat people the way i wanted to be treated, were you abused as a child because anyone with a heart knows its not fair to mess with the feelings of others..no matter so many people commit suicide and hurt themselves and have low self esteem..it is people like you who make people want to die..you have to be sensitive to others, but hey it is only you who will have to deal with your lonely life because you choose to be spiteful to others because your self esteem is low...what is it they say people only put you down because they feel like shit themselves and want to hurt others to feel better.

That's the most irresponsible and idiotic thing I hear people say..."Second Life is just a game".

A game tends to have set standards and rules. As well, a game (most times) involves you and non-human, AI characters. Second Life is completely driven by the people that involve themselves with it. Saying that it's just a game is a pathetic attempt to negate personal responsibility for what you do. Strip down the visuals effects and SL becomes just another way for people to communicate.

Hold on, I need to be a "typical male" here and go toy with some poor girls emotions, brb. This game is fun!

a.....

Let me get this straight. Your friend goes out with a guy...for a few /days/ and he decides to move on and she's all hurt? You're kidding us, right? A few days? Not even a week and she's already emotionally involved enough to get hurt and that's the guy's fault? And there wasn't even any cybersex involved? Are you both new at this? Good lord, I know a lot of people in SL take relationships way too fast but this is really stretching it, don't you think? If anyone got all clingy with me after just a few days I'd be running the other way too...

I'm nodding and agreeing with this. Even the impression of being desperate, needy, or clingy too soon is very unattractive. I've had to stop associating with some really great guys because the needy factor was an issue. I also get these same kind of high hope statements from guys now and then, a few are sincere but most are an excuse, not tryin to hurt feelings, etc.. I've learned just to let them have that card if they're willing to play it.

This is a Game. You can bring your RL self into here, and be your RL self....and treat others just as you do in RL. It's still a Game.

Internet Dating is a Game. If you want to insist that dating in SL is the same thing as Internet Dating...fine. But that's a Game, too.

Dating in RL is a Game. If you want to insist that dating in SL is the same as Dating in RL....fine. But that's a Game, too.

Learn to play the Game.

You are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. The women or men who get hurt.....allow themselves to get hurt. You don't like the way you are treated....click a button. Be aware that others are going to be clicking right and left as well. Why would you want to be with someone who already has their finger on the button.

Not everyone is out to stomp on someone's heart....they just want to have fun while playing the Game. You start a bunch of BS with them....the game is no longer fun for them....they will click the button, and they have every right to do so.

Trying to enjoy life and surrounding yourself with people who enjoy life...and avoiding those who don't....in no way makes you less of a person, or implies that you are stomping on someone's heart, or messing with people's heads.

People want to Have Fun while playing The Game. Either Life.

"your friend" ( we all know about the my friend line" went out with this guy what and spent a total of say 8 hrs together in that whole time ( im only guessing that the dates were long ones) so in fact she has only been with him less than a day. Was there any talk of contact out of SL say Yahoo, MSN skype even?
Does she know if this guy is single in RL? is he even a male in RL?

Yes i believe we treat ppl how we want to be treated but in SL you dont know WHO that other person is it takes time and respect. He left you opps i mean her in a few days well my guess is she is lucky then he found out she wanted what he did not.
My advice move on or if you cant delete SL and resume your RL

he told her he did not want a relationship.... and she gets upset when he moves on?
how is that leading someone on....

he thought he was very interested in getting to know her better and probably was, until he got to know the other person better then realized they were not what he thought, and moved on

not his fault that she was taking it as more than it was

(she probably turned into one of the girls I described in my previous post and he was like... oh hell no)

Mickey you obviously have done some hurting in your time and i have seen some of the posts your write, you are no one to talk, you always some some snarky or disrespectful comment, so your opinions do not really matter, peolple like you who go around saying whatever pops into your mind and not caring if it hurts that person. So maybe before you open your mouth you should consider, does everyone think the same way as i do or am i just bitter and hate the world so i have a pessimistic view about everything and dont give a shit what people think. You need to change your thinking pattern, hurting people which you and so many others IS NOT A GAME...many have a sensitivity factor that others d not seem to notice or even care about. You are hurtful and rude and you should keep your rudeness to the bare minimum, that saying that you actually are human with a heart, if not disregard what im saying, but i do doubt the latter.

Ok my take I guess.

Yes I feel for your friend.

But isnt it better to have it happen now instead of down the road? When the heart is more commited? If I was dating I would like to have them tell me sooner rather then later.

Sure it might hurt but well I still would rather know now.

Bec

yep same here
I think that is what a lot of us are trying to say here, just using different words and points of views

also, I would rather someone just "disappear" if they do not have the nerve to tell me that they are no longer interested, than to have them pretend and string me along.

Ok once again i will say this was not me this was a friend of mine i have known since high school and yes she is not a needy person, but in that short time ( yes it was more then a few days real time not secondlife time, maybe close to a week and a half, i do not knwo the whole story) He told her he wanted the sl marriage the secondlife kids and all that shit which i personally do not agree with but hey that is her choice. He contacted her through imatch, she was not looking for anyone at all. She was the one who wanted to take things slow meaning no sex until after a certain amount of time, not him, he was being the typical man sex sex sex. He was not sleeping with someone else behind her back he seemed like a decent honest guy, let me remind you he wanted the relationship she did not, so no she was not clingy, in fact she was the one who wanted to be friends first but he was the one who wanted to be all affectionate and cuddly and my friend is no cuddler.
She actually got used to the idea of a relationship with him and that is when he decided that he couldnt give her the time anymore and it threw her off and it confused her and made her think what the hell did i do i was totally honest with him and he runs.
Was he wrong yes he should have communicated what he wanted from her, did she like him yes she told me he was very arrogant at first and it turned her off him but he grew on her.
So people before you judge someone maybe you should wait for the whole facts before you judge people, he was in the wrong not her, she was only guilty of knowing what she wanted and it was too late by the time she realized what she wanted that he left.

hmmmmm never said she was in the wrong. Was just stating how if I was in her place I would rather know now instead of later.

I apologise I misunderstood this line....
"No he didnt he wanted a relationship genuinely or so said he did with the sl kids and all that jazz then bam he disappears on her."
I read it as he did not want the genuine relationship stuff

either way... can not change the past, can not undo what was done... no matter where we are, SL RL whatever, there will be jerks in our lives, and she can look at the positive side, or the negative

I would look at the positive, and tell myself, at least it is over, I am not being strung along, and being lied to, and just move on.

what else can you do?

as for who was in the wrong... how do we know what was said or done in private... even though the person is a good friend, it doesn't mean you will know all that was said...

I am not saying your friend is a liar... just we never know the whole story... especially when it comes to us, from a stranger, and 3rd party at that....

and we hear so many stories, how can we not be skeptical?


also... it did not take her long to change her mind... you said she did not want the serious side of it but got used to it, yet they were only seeing each other.. what a week, maybe two? maybe he saw that she changed her mind too quick... or maybe it took too long for him.

I am not making excuses, how could I, I do not know either person... just remember.... it takes two for any relationship/friendship be it a good one, or a bad one

same here, not saying either was in the wrong... just I would rather know sooner than later...

to the OP
you wanted another bitching thread you got one... except it did not go quite how you wanted did it?

*shrug*


actually... I do not even see anyone bitching except the OP heh, not even the friend who got burned...

I did not expect it to go any specific way, i only posted as i said in the original thread that i was upset that i was hearing so many people having issues such as my friend did and i wanted to know why it happens
I never asked for anyone here to bitch i was just bitching because i didnt want to listen to these poor people being hurt by selfish disrespectful assholes. If that is so wrong sue me, you guys just seem to like to pull things out of the top of your head that do not pertain to the tread and i have seen it from many in here who claim to be trying to help yet all they do is make the person feel 2 inches shorter than they did in the first place....maybe these threads are not the best place to get a kind ear, more for bashing others.