Why does this happen?

I would laugh so hard if it was the same guy!!! (note to self- pay attention to Calvin Klein models)

Cat,

1st off, I wish I was 40, I would be 25 lbs lighter, have more hair and be in better shape. I think you did the right thing and can't blame you for what happened. It is hard not to get caught up in the visual effects of SL when you first get ingame. I was here 2 days when I met a gorgeous young avie who spent way too much time helping me get started in SL. I was swept off my feet and I didn't come into SL for romance. It didn't work out because I wasn't who she was looking for either and she didn't look a thing like her avie. The part that bothered me was she was married.

Within a few weeks I met another young avie who I had lots of fun with and by then wasn't wanting to get involved in a real realtionship anyway. I thought if things got serious I could use the excuse that I was old enough to be her father; I have commitment issues. Well it turns out she was near my age and things just evolved to the point where we met in RL in LV and I spent a couple of weeks back in Maryland with her after I watched the fireworks in Boston with my sister. We used the opportunity to meet other friends we knew in SL as well. We got married in SL last August, 1 year after our 1st date, I told you I have commitment issues. In May we are going to Hawaii for 2 weeks but I think our relationship isn't really the rule in SL.

I have known lots of romantic SL relationships and most of them don't last 1 year. I can't tell you how many SL couples I know where one of the partners is married in RL but their spouse doesn't play SL. The ones that I really don't under stand are to ones where both partners in a RL marriage play SL and they are both married in SL to other people.

So while real love is possible I don't think it is as common as LL would like us to believe. I personally feel that SL destroys more marriages than it creates. My 1st GF has been through at least 5 more relationships in SL since we broke up and everyone was as painful as the last but she will keep trying. My advice is have fun in SL, don't look for love, look for friendship and common interests, if you get lucky, great but if not you will find a very rich environment with lots of great friends from all over the world.

♥ meow ♥

Travis Fimmel

Isobel

don't kid yourself

it can happen and it does happen, where SL becomes RL

It did happen for me

I am now happily married for almost 1 year to my SL love

And I am speaking RL married to my SL love.

We met in SL, and fell in love and decided to meet in RL to see if it was the real thing or just the glitter of SL romance.

It was and still is, the real thing

(and for the record, neither of us were like the person the OP described, demanding for RL info, it just evolved naturally)

cool Rhaorth. congratulations.

Now don't mistake me! I am talking about romance novel junk. You know, the ones where the guy shows up and he takes the woman off to Paris for lunch in his private plane, then they fly back to his stable of horses... on that private island of his. That may well happen on here but it is not translating (those expensive activities) into real life. If it does happen, it'll be one in a billion. Chances are they'll fly to Paris on here, then meet in RL and go to the local Sizzler. That's what I am saying, not that people can't find love on SL.

I am quite certain that they can and they do.

ALT alert, red ALT alert

Maggie

Oh, Cat!

This happens so often in SL. And you have tons of good advice and observations here.

I can't add much to what's already been said, except for these tiny bits:

1. Decide what you're here for. If it's fun and fantasy and escape, wonderful! SL is a great place for that. Don't let someone talk you out of more than you're willing to share in pursuit of your own goals. If you're here to find RL love, that's possible too...but not with someone who's as superficial as the person you describe. And it's a lot trickier, not something that can be done in an evening or two.

2. Always be wary of what other people tell you on the internet. People lie! And always be wary of giving out personal RL information. It is amazing how little information a skilled digger needs to find out your RL identity and give you various sorts of grief ranging from stalking to identity theft.

3. It's true what the others said about most of us not looking like our avatars...you're not alone. I saw some photos from the last real-world SL convention. You never saw such a bunch of overweight, pathetic looking geeks in your life. I was very glad I attended the con in SL only! I very much prefer it here. To my way of thinking, SL helps me to see past the disguise of the physical bodies that people wear, and get a look at the real person. We don't have a lot of choice about our meat bodies. We have infinite choice in making our SL avatar. How we look in SL, and more importantly what we say and how we treat others, is, IMO, who we "really are". The people focused on your RL age, weight, sex, looks and wealth are the shortsighted ones.

if someone insisted their avatar looked just like their rl selves early on in meeting me, alarms would have been going off. this person seems very insecure about something.

also, if his avatar really did look like his rl self i'd have questioned his creativity.

I can picture the Cheeto-stained fingers now. (^_^)

why isn't there a "grossed-out" smiley face option? *bleah*

Just be glad it was only his face he sent a picture of.
Seriously tho, I am 41 and I have my rl picture in my profile. I am perfectly happy with who I am am inside and outside and if anyone has a problem with that they can move right along. This guy moved entirely too fast and you shouldn't blame yourself. Be proud that you had the nerve to get away before coming here with a different heartbreaking story.

well if anyone kids themselves into believing that everyone in SL that owns a jet, can fly to paris and has a ranch, has the same stuff in RL and can do those same things, is an idiot, pure and simple LOL

I like to think that we are all adults that play here (with the few kids that slip in and you can spot them rather easily) and being adults, one would hope that the people in SL can tell the difference between real and SL when it comes to stuff like that

but now that you have clarified your comment, I now see mine doesn't quite fit...

Thanks 3ring for the grats

I am 43, have my RL photo in my RL tab, if ppl want to look they can... and I am one of those overweight pathetic geeks that would have attended the convention if I could have

nothing wrong with being who you are... overweight, pathetic, and a geek... you are still who you are

PS the pics I saw of the convention seemed to be of happy, middle aged, cherry looking people, I really did not notice if they were geeks (assumed they were, after all it is second life LOL) and definately did not care or notice if they were overweight, weight is not what makes a person... personality does, and by the pics I saw, I would loved to have met a lot of those ppl I saw in the pics

Claire and I have been dating since late last year, and we just got around to swapping photos. We have been so busy getting to know each other's personalities ...and enjoying every moment of each other's company, that we really didn't think things like 'age' 'looks' or 'location' really mattered.

Tell 'Shallow Hal' (if you see him again) to consider the inner you, your soul and spirit. If someone who wants to be your friend has no desire to share his soul or spirit with you, then he is not worthy to be with you, no matter how good looking or how rich he is.

Sorry, Rha...I shouldn't have dissed the convention-goers. You're quite right. My only point was, it's easier to "see" a person's personality here in SL than it is sometimes in the real world. And I'm not being holier-than-thou....my avatar is younger, prettier, and skinnier than my RL bod. She dances better, too.

I think the OP did the right thing. Anyone who insists on a rl picture right off the bat is pushing way too hard. If he was worried that he was talking to a guy using a female avatar, then he could have found a better way to clear that up. I don't ever ask for RL pictures, and I prefer not to give mine out. I prefer not to even have it taken in RL. There aren't a lot of pictures of me to give out even if I wanted.

When I started, I tried to get Trout to look like me. Then I realized that it was easier to get him to look better than me, and the bonus was that he actually looked better than me. Or a better cartoon version...At any rate, since I run the account, Trout is me for all intents and purposes other than looks. I don't have a private jet, an estate in France or a gigantic trust fund. I'm perfectly happy being me.

Dont let anyone bother you on here. If they are being pushy and doesnt seem like they are even listening to you, ether say goodbye, tell them to piss off, or give them a picture of a monkey scratching its butt with text in it that says "Guess where your head is stuck up?" <<<Random idea.


There are still plenty of cool people out there though.

That isn't what you told ME. Does this constitute entrapment, or breach of promise, or something? I must consult with my attorney.

Oh wait...you ARE my attorney. I'll repack your parachute instead.

My opinion is that finding real love in real life then managing to keep hold of it is hard enough, SL makes that thousands of times more difficult. I applaud those who have found it and managed to make it work but in realistic terms the odds against it are overwhelming.

in your case, you are both married to someone else, so it makes sense that you would never ever take it beyond where it's already gone.

Really? Look a little closer...
I know that I am (unhappily) married in RL. My RL wife and Claire say 'hi' to each other ever now and then...She knows about Claire all too well. She calls Claire my 'Gata' & 'otra esposa' (female cat and other wife in Spanish) as far as Claire being married in RL, you may want to ask her yourself... (I really don't think so).
I have made up my mind that if I ever did get a divorce in RL, then I am immigrating to England to be with Claire in RL. I live, eat sleep, and dream about Claire every moment of my day.
To be perfectly honest, I still Pixel around with a very few close women friends in SL only when Claire is off line, (she knows) but much, much less frequent since I met her. I am old enough to be her father, but that is not even a factor. I am over weight in RL, still not a factor. I have a middle class income, still not a factor.
I trust Claire with my heart because she is one of the kindest, gentlest, most thoughtful women I know, and that makes her a goddess in my eyes...yes, a goddess!

I am beyond the beyond...I am madly in love with Claire SL, & Claire RL, and that is the truth.
Who says one cannot be honest, and who says it cannot work out? I really believe love will find a way to make it happen, love knows no barriers. (I love you Claire!)

oops. my bad for making incorrect assumptions. i'm not sure why i thought you were both married, but i think i was eavesdropping at the hangout and i got the info wrong. i apologize if i offended either of you.

i hope you each find true happiness...