Why does this happen?

First off I am an alt- I have been on SL for about 2 months now. Tonight I meet a wonderfully nice man- funny, intelligent, successful... He also said his avi was true to what he looks like in real life- and said he is handsome too... So we go to his island (one of a few islands-and from his profile he had groups on there named after the islands and the company he owns- so I know he was truthful about it, he showed me his pub and gallery too and people treated him like he owned it so I know he was being truthful) and he shows me some projects of his and then sends me his pictures- one was from when he used to model, the other was recent and he was gorgeous. He kept asking me for mine and I said I would email him one sometime. I was thinking tomorrow or something- not right away. So he then asked where the pictures are and I said I would get on it- and then he goes on to ask me if I look like my avi. Well- it's second life and I don't. No one wants to see a 40 year old, tired feeling, definitely curvy avi- not as many curves as I have. And I felt pressure and told him thanks for his time and it was nice meeting him but I am not who he is expecting me to be and I high tailed it out of there. I didn't know what to do, I felt pressure and I am not what he was wanting- and I had to leave. Now mostly on here I become friends with people, and eventually send pictures- and the pictures seem irrelevant because they like me for me and not just about how I look in real life. I know some people are into looks- but it just sucks right now- I feel really bad and I know this crap happens- but I hate it. What is the point of this post? I guess I would like to hear from others where this has happened and maybe I could feel better from it. thanks for your time- I hope someone responds...

i wouldnt take things on here so seriously.

You are right- I have been a little intense lately- I need to take a chill pill- anyone know of any good ones?

If some guy is being that pushy for your pics after just meeting him then he is not someone you will want to carry on with in the future no matter how good he looks in his rl pix. He is either not whom he says or he is just trying to use you. Move on......there are a whole bunch of better quality people in sl like the people in this forum that aren't out to use you or see how hawt you are in rl. If you get to that point where you feel comfortable sending rl pix then you will be much happier with a patient person that really wants to get to know ya. And I agree with the above poster.....mix it all up with a few grains of salt.....it is sl after all. JMO

I would be very wary of anyone on the internet who pressures for pictures.....I do have a RL photo in my profile.... but not because I'm out to impress anyone or to land a mate....I just am relatively open about who I am. On the other hand......my experience has been that the more insistant someone is that you 'show' them your RL self...the more likely they are to be full of sh** about who they really are. Either that...or they are a wee bit too self absorbed and shallow and not worth investing any energy into becoming friends.

True friendships evolve naturally... not by presure or demands.... trust is earned, and romance isn't something you can force based on a pretty photograph. I don't seek out any kind of romance in SL....but I've certainly had my share of suiters who were a little too eager to 'hook up' in SL. Anyone who is too lonely or too eager to find a mate....raises a red flag with me. Desperation isn't attractive.....independence and confidence definitely are. Incidentally....I met my RL sweety on the web...totally different situation (he's not at all into SL) and not at all expected. It just happened..... we formed a freindship....and ultimately a very intense bond. We were both honest and open from the start.....never assuming it would lead to anything...we just got along well and had nothing to hide from one another. It begun in a genuine fashion....and has remained as such. I never ever would have dreamed I'd meet the love of my life that way....but I did.

I would never ever 'try' to meet a mate on the web......I wouldn't seek it out in a world like SL where deceipt is very nearly the name of the game (in that we can be what ever we want to be in a virtual world based on fantasy)...and the only advice I would ever give anyone.....on the web or IRL....is go with your gut. If something doesn't 'feel' right.....it probably isn't. Your real friends will reveal themselves in the long run...because they will be the ones that stick......that are not making demands...that value you for you, in whatever package you happen to be wrapped in.

RL pics and stuff on first meeting? I'm not into the cybersex scene, but this is the Internet. I'd be more than suspicious of anyone who wanted to get RL personal data of any kind that fast. It sounds like your instincts were setting off alarms you didn't fully understand but were wise enough to act on. "High-tailed it" sounds like exactly what you should have done, and I'm glad you did it. When the dust settles, I think you will be too.

Would be interesting and probably valuable to the OP to see comments from people who do get into the cybersex and cyber-romance scenes giving their views and experiences.

This is the pic that I have in the First Life section of my Profile



I could have put up a picture of a total babe, but I'm so beautiful in RL that a photograph would never be able to capture the true wonder of me.
I could have put up a picture of my granny - the good looking one.

If this purported wonderful successful RL guy is poncing about in SL and pressuring people for Rl details, he's probably the exact sort of loser with huge RL issues that you need to run a mile from.

Ahhh I knew it wouldn't take long......the first derailment.........

Please don't feel bad about not sending that jerk a RL picture. So many people think this is like eharmony.com and it isn't unless one wants to meet and date RL people the hard way.

I used to have my RL pic in my profile but I removed it after getting so many weird comments. This is your Second Life and not your First Life.

BTW can the derailers please stop? The only one who enjoys your "humor" is you.

Hi Cat. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but remember you learned something about this guy that is better found out now than down the road. If you are looking for SL friendships based on good conversation, mutual interests, and intelligence then you are looking for something different from someone whose primary concern is RL pictures.



Don't be so hard on yourself. Very few people in SL look like their avi in RL and that isn't something to feel bad about. Sharing a RL picture can be a very personal thing, but that doesn't mean that someone who really cares about you and knows your mind before they know your face won't be very touched by what a RL picture shows them. I know I look at myself and see all the things I think could be a little better, but the people that love me see something quite different.

I look exactly like my AV! Yeah, right.

Honestly, Cat, you have no way of knowing whether the pics he sent you are really of him. He could be an overweight, balding, smelly dude living in his mom's basement while overseeing his Second Life empire for all you know.

Derailment?

I wrote:
"If this purported wonderful successful RL guy is poncing about in SL and pressuring people for Rl details, he's probably the exact sort of loser with huge RL issues that you need to run a mile from."

My comment was bang on track.

This complete plonker makes Cat feel bad and inadequate because he purports to be this "wonderfully nice man- funny, intelligent, successful... He also said his avi was true to what he looks like in real life- and said he is handsome too..."
She only met him tonight, and he's straight into her RL"

For all we know, he's in his mother's basement, using her credit card to support a Walter Mitty life in SL.


We don't have a clue who we are dealing with in SL.
Even after 'knowing' someone for a long while, there is still room for someone's fantasy to fool us.
We will slowly pick up signs and confirmations/contradictions.
But.. on the first night.... come along.


Cat.
He's a jerk. Don't let him get to you.
Why is he so desperate to make a RL connection? Why is he trying to impress you so quickly?

You probably wouldn't even glance in his direction if you came across him in RL.

oh please. hot model man-babes don't need to scope out chicks in SL.

you are 40 years old. the minute he told you his avatar looks like him in real life you should have known.

well.... unless he is a cartoon character. and then, you'd have a whole new set of issues to deal with.... most of which i cannot comtemplate beyond the imaginary Roger Rabbit.

You could have sent him pictures of a gorgeous young woman and said they were you. And then you and he could have continued with the fantasy the way he apparently wanted to. But it seems you are not really into that. You didn't want to do that and you didn't. Good for you.

Run from pushy people. You did the right thing.

How ironic it would it be if the model looking pictures were not of the guy pushing to see the OP's pics at all.

You may have well done the right thing, it's also possible he's been burned before by males pretending to be female and was starting to have feelings that he wanted more information on what he was leading his heart into.
Contrary to popular belief many guys do have feelings ................

i'd bet real money this is the case.

If thats the case he should say that and give her the chance to decide if hes worth trusting with something like a picture (or whatever) or whether she would rather pass.

If she passed he should then leave her alone.

The pressure has no justification.

depends on the time frame from first meeting to island hopping to picture demanding. feelings obtained in minutes vs hours vs days each have a different motivation. LOL

She said she met him TONIGHT, right?

If he had any feelings,

They were the type that originate below his belt buckle.

Airbrush is everyone's friend... just sayin'....

Honestly, EVEN if this guy really IS drop dead gorgeous, would you really want to hang out with someone who placed such a premium on physical appearance as to demand pics from you? True affection and feelings come from the inside, not the outside, of a person.

Set the boundaries you feel comfortable with.

Avoid those who do not respect them.

Ignore those who whine about it.

I'm sorry you were hurt by this guy. I think a truly nice guy would never ask the question, "Do you look like your avi?" It is either his hormones talking or is meant to make you feel bad. I mean come on, no-one looks as good as their avi and we all know it. You can lie and say yes or tell the turth and say no and either way will make you feel bad. Who needs a "friend" like this?

The boyfriend tells me that men are visually focused. Moreso than women, he thinks.

At the same time, he adds that just because someone is visually focused does not mean that they NEED a picture righthtisveryminute! And he further adds that he thinks the individual you are describing is a bit vain.

So there you go ... a male take on things, translated into female.

My response whenever anyone asks if I look like my av is to tell them that my av's pinkie is true-to-life. That usually gets the message across.

(And the funny thing is that I created my av's skin based on a photo of my own skin/face. But I still took artistic liberties.)