Opinion please - on why men are so spineless....

Ok I am NOT bringing drama into the forums, I just simply am going to tell you something and would like an opinion, I need to see if its just ME that has the opinion I do...

Ok... SO around 6 mths ago, my on/off boyf of 2yrs give or take a few weeks, decided one night, he was going to drop me off home then not speak to me again, he didn't reply to my texts, didn't answer my calls and after deciding I wasn't going to run after him and beg, he never bothered again... UNTIL YESTERDAY...

I get a text saying:

I don't expect you to understand why I disappeared but I had to escape from a crap situation in the only way I knew how, emotional stuff was never my strongest point. I appreciate it may not seem normal but i'm not sure talking about it will have much point now. Hope your well. Simon.

Now...

Is that acceptable?? I mean REALLY after 6ish months of no contact???

Oh and BTW the 'crap' situation is the fact I have a daughter and could not be at his beckon call every time he wanted to see me, given the fact he lived 15 mins drive from me and of course, he lived in a one bedroomed flat, which meant I couldn't take her to stay over with me, I can't drive and it cost me fecking £20 to get there and back to see him.. oh and the fact that her dad is still around, which of course he always will be... and he KNEW I had a daughter when he came onto me, as well he was my boss, kinda....

*breathes*

Opinions please, I am not looking for sympathy, empathy or any crap talk, just wanted to get a few views

jeez sounds like he did you a favor by disapearing. don't let his sacrifice be for nothing by caring that he exists now.

He ain't worth your time. I don't say "ain't" very often.

Misuse of homonyms? Ditch him!

That sucks Willow... if a child was such a big deal in a relationship, it's a decision he should have made much much earlier.

Well I don't HAVE to ditch him, it appeared he did that to me with his disappearing act, now if ONLY he could pull his head outta his arse for long enough to give me a decent explanation I might be happy, I just feel this is totally unacceptable, I mean I didn't run after him begging, but I was very upset....

Bloody men... -.-

Add also a dash of fear of commitment?

nope not accepteble i would say, so be glad he is gone

OMG!

This is totally unreal.. ANOTHER EX just turned up on yahoo.... and told me he still thinks about me etc!! He fecking poofed off SL and outta my RL too eventually.... *sigh*

IS IT MAKE WILLOW SAD DAY???

I am thinking it must be me

willow, you should try Single Parents Alone Together!

seriously, i think this guy you are describing is a selfish prick. a gentleman would not pull an irresponsible stunt like that. my advice is to try to find single dad types who can understand what you are all about. childless guys, like myself, have no clue what's going on.

LOL!

Well wise words there Mac Daddy Wu, *sigh* I think I should just have someone VET my suitors before they break my heart....

What Zuzi said!!

You say "men" as if women had never done the same thing!

Ty for your constructive remark!



I am not saying women never do it, in my case it was a man, therefore I reserve the right to hate mens guts right about now...

Willow,

I know that if you have the remains of an emotional attachment to someone, you do desperately need to know what it is in them that drives them to make such cruel and illogical decisions.

But honestly - this bloke is not (as my old granny used to say) worth the drippings off your nose. His motivations are not really important - it's his actions that have been hurtful.

Vetting is not a bad idea, if you have an inability to 'read' men. Get another man, hopefully a perceptive one, to meet you together, and then say afterwards what he thinks. I have noticed that I can pretty accurately see whether a man is a shit within five minutes of meeting him, whereas women often lack that ability.

He's feeling guilty. There's no reason you have to let him off the hook. Indifference is a wonderful weapon. And unlike vengence, indifference doesn't damage one's soul.

this is a romantic comedy waiting to happen. i hope you and Willow will be very happy together after you check out all her dates for her and they turn out to be losers and she is just about to give up hope but then you realize you were perfect for each other all along.

The 'boy' is immature and simply wanted to bed you whether he knows it or not. He is driven only by the head of his penis and at this point in his life his other head is clueless.

He is gone... don't lower yourself to ask an explanation from a child. Move on and add it to your experiences that have made a wiser woman out of you!

See my sig --> it is not written to be a joke... it is the only way to remove your stuck feet from the ooze out there disquised as other caring human beings.

You can only see through the guiles and defenses of a person when you know what to look for. Hone your skills. Be ruthless. Protect yourself and your kid.

LOL --> My SIG USED TO SAY: Experience is the Greatest Weapon!!

Willow, you're unfortunately dating a wussy boy. I'm sorry, but it seems that when it comes to dealing with women, a lot of men are just straight-out jellyfish. Here's the thing, if he can't "deal" with emotions, he has no business trying to fuel yours, romantically or otherwise.

Dump the bastard, let him try that "I run from emotional stuff" act on someone else, you've got a life to live.

I'd apologize for him being part of the male race, but if I start that, I'd be here all day...there are too many wussy boys around, it seems.

You deserve a real man - he's out there somewhere.

As others on here would say 'he's a cunt'. It's shame women seem to find the bad guys sexier than normal guys.

There's not likely to be any explanation he could give that would justify explanation, especially considering there's no excuse for running from the situation instead of dealing with it like he should have.

Better to consider it a gift in disguise. At least you found out he was an arse before you ended up marrying him. At least now you can let him stay booted out on his rear, and give someone more deserving a chance.

- Newfie

Thanks guys, you have all made me feel like I am NOT a complete spaz...

I would just like to point out, I stopped considering myself dating him after a week of his absence and avoidence of moi...

I hope he's happy, but he is so emotionally stunted I doubt he ever will be...

*sigh*

I guess you live and learn...

Now, this applies to ANYONE, not just men.

People give up, abandon a situation, remove themselves from the scene, not because of what others are doing to them, but because of what they themselves have done. People remove themselves when they feel they are causing more harm than good.

So, you can be sure he left because of something he had already done or felt about the situation. Asking for an explanation is just asking him to cause you more harm than he feels like he's done already.

Spines are overrated. Mine hurts all of the time and I would love to have it removed.

Hugs Willow, you deserve better !! Foghedabouthim.

Ditto on all of the above comments, Willow...

And one other thing...I think it speaks a lot about you personally that you feel sad about his lunkheaded actions. You cared about the relationship, and from his actions he didn't., which I think is a pity.

Caring people rock, and uncaring people suck!

Zuzi,

<<this is a romantic comedy waiting to happen. i hope you and Willow will be very happy together after you check out all her dates for her and they turn out to be losers and she is just about to give up hope but then you realize you were perfect for each other all along.>>

... yes, and all the time I am secretly in love with her, but feel that she is not interested in me in that way, which makes me reserved with her, which she interprets as coldness. And then one day she sees with with my sister, whom she doesn't know, and assumes that she is my girlfriend. This makes her take up with a male I told her was unsuitable, and she plans to marry him, but I turn up at the church just as she is about to make her vows, and I declare my love for her in front of the shocked congregation, whereupon we run away together to a romantic tropical resort ...

The only problem is that it won't be me doing the vetting.