Does It Matter what sex you are?

While different lies generate different feelings of betrayal, gender is without a doubt THE BIG ONE that hits us the hardest. I wonder why that is, and do you all think that it will always be this way in the future?

I'm sure this is a lost cause just as much as some of my other recent lost causes, but here goes:

In RL or SL, just because a person is a gender different than their biological sex DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE LYING! In the case of most transgender people, the intent is not to deceive but to be true to themselves and the world as to what they really are.

I know all of you who have never experienced any dissonance between your own sense of self and what your body is don't really understand this, but it is real. It cuts across so many societal taboos about this insistence that people are their bodies and nothing more, that men are men and women are women and that's it. But this is not the reality. The reality is any one person is a composite of influences.

On the most basic spiritual level, there is no fundamental difference between men and women. But most people have adopted habits and likes and dislikes which incline them towards being one or the other. This is all fine, but then you get into the game of roulette, what color is that marble going to land on this time, pink or blue? You may be female, male, or somewhere in between, what body you get is a flip of the coin between male and female. So it's always a game of chance whether you and your body will be in agreement. Whatever the arrangement, you're pretty much stuck with it for a lifetime.

Most people are flexible enough to adapt to the situation, and by the time they've grown up they've gotten used to it. But there are many who can't or won't adapt, or feel so strongly about the matter that they if they are a woman they will be a woman and damn the biology! There are a lot more, like me, who adapt but never really feel happy about it and places like SL give a few moments a day to express what we feel to be a true aspect of ourselves.

I get sick of hearing this called betrayal or deception. It's just your lack of understanding of the other person's reality. And to compare it to rape is really going too far!

I do understand the biological basis for this taboo: If you are looking for someone to team up with and further the reproduction of the human race, you're SOL if that other someone isn't able to produce those children with you. But this is a risk you take regardless of who you fall in love with. So if you feel betrayed, get over yourself! Recognize this is the source of your tragedy and that it may be just as much a tragedy for the other person.

It is never opening your heart that hurts,
it is only when it gets closed that the pain occurs.

I can understand your strong feeling, and if one feels like a woman trapped in a man's body that must be frustrating.

At the same time, it's the right of the potential partner to know who is on the other end of the communication device. If you are a woman trapped in a man's body, say so. Tell your potential partner your true feelings. Explain what you are in your heart, and what gender you were born.

To some of us, the thought of being romantically involved with a person who was born physically male is repulsing. Even if that person feels like a woman in his heart, he is still a man to me and those who feel this way.

I believe this feeling(the feeling of repulse of being with a male even if that male feels like a woman) is at least as strong as the feeling of the woman trapped in a man's body wanting nothing more than to be loved as a woman.

My opinion in this matter is the one hiding their gender is harming those who is deceived.

If you love someone, you can't hide something that is so important to them. So yes, I would put it on pare with rape if someone deceives another to get sex, even SL sex.

Again, this is my opinion, and I share it with those who disagree so they can see both sides of the coin, from the prospective of one on the other side of the coin. If I offended anyone, Tough cookies!!!! Just kidding, sorry

SL is not merely a communication device though, it is a fantasy world created by the imaginations of those who participate in it.



Both are indeed equally valid, but you are insisting that the transgendered person goes around telling people this, thus denying them the right of expressing who they are, you have to consider the amount of prejudice that abounds in this area, far far more than that received by gay people.



To be pedantic a transgendered person is highly unlikely to be hiding their gender on here. They may be hiding their biological sex which is probably what you meant.



The only bit that offended me was your use of the word rape to describe something that does not involve forcing someone to have sex against their will. Rape is one of the most horrible crimes that can be comitted against an individual and this trend of using it to describe psychological crimes, offensive displays or lewd suggestions simply devalues the meaning of the word and is an insult to those who have actually been raped. Again IMO

...

Initially in SL I didnt advertise my RL gender because:
1) I didn't want to be treated different than any other woman (this is a real issue still *sigh* )
2) I was fearful of threats (I had encountered harassment problems in other online games when I outed myself)

...

Zuzu Fassbinder -- Jaded Cynic

I felt this same way when I first got here.

Kevn, I'm sorry hon, but people here are what they want to be, not what they have to be. I can't help it if everytime you get to know a wonderful woman and they turn out to have boy bits in RL, that you can't help picturing yourself buggering Tony Soprano in a dress. If you ask, and they lie, that's deception. But if you don't ask, and they don't tell, just enjoy the fantasy.

Really what I'm finding the most interesting in this thread is people taking people at their word.

Some say everything is well and good if you don't lie about your gender or whatever biological parts you might posess.

But really. How can you know either way?

I keep asking this.

with a photograph? A phone call? A webcam?

When I used to live with people, I saw my roommates doing all kinds of internet shenanigans. Submitting pictures of their cousins or ripped from an obscure magazine, speaking for each other over the phone, and posing for each other on their webcams.

If someone is hell bent or just even just merely interested in playing games with you in regards to making you think they are one thing and not another, its really quite easy to do, and they don't need voice-altering technology or anything like that. (Although I've also known folks who went that far too).

So really - other than going to check out a person's plumbing yourself in RL, HOW TO YOU EVER REALLY KNOW?

Again I say: if it really concerns you that much - stop lookin for love online.

I'll always be up front and honest about my particular gender and plumbing if asked. You can take what I say at face value or with a grain of salt, cuz really you DONT know me and you DONT know if I am actually "telling the truth" or not.

When I'm online and heck when I'm out and about in RL I take people at face value and how they wish to be percieved. But I don't lie to MYSELF about knowing that they may or may not be what they appear to be, and I don't let it concern me or color the way I interract with them.

It so kills me when I see folks getting upset when they "find out" whoever it is they been cybering with doesn't have the equipment they thought they had. Maybe they actually DO and have just told you the opposite of what you want to hear to mess with your head.

If I WAS single in SL I wouldn't be messin around anyhow, not because of any gender suprises, but the age thing. Like it or not there are CHILDREN up in here, and I don't want to be the one messing around with minor.

There are ways to be pretty sure if a woman is really a woman. If you spend hours on skype talking, hours watching her take care of her kids on yahoo webcam, it's a pretty sure bet she is a female. She might even show you her plumbing on cam if you are lucky

When I was involved we used skype to talk most of the time. I could tell the person I was talking to is the same person I saw on webcam hugging her kids.

It's true one can be fooled on line, but it's equally true one can be fooled in real life even after checking the plumbing. The only sure fire way to know is to see her have children.

Maybe it depends on how much emotion you vest in online relationships?

(snip)
It's true one can be fooled on line, but it's equally true one can be fooled in real life even after checking the plumbing. The only sure fire way to know is to see her have children.

When asked about SL’s female population on the forum’s “Linden Hotline", Robin Linden carefully queried all of the active registration records, and applied the most advance demographic filters available to the existing data, and was able to provide the following comprehensive list of actual, bona fide, genetic women playing Second Life today: 1. Robin Linden.

OH! It totally slipped my mind, I wrote a humor article for the SLHerald that is delightfully on topic for this discussion. If you haven't seen it already give it a read, you may enjoy it:

http://www.dragonscoveherald.com/blog/index.php?p=746

It's because guys are like "OMZGROLMAO U HAv AN PENNIES! i MASTERBATED 2 ur PENNIES! LiER! ABUS REPPORT 2 LIDNENZ!"

Yeah, I pretty much have every social issue in SL figured out.

Some guy tried to hit on me while I was in a tiny av.... that was just plain weird.

Hmmm.... we're you in the Beaver Av?