Imagination is a funny word to me. What does it all mean? This post of mine is an emotional reaction to the original post and posts which followed it—comprising this thread—and solely reflects my personal experiences. I don't like saying YMMV = "Your Mileage May Vary", so I'll simply state that if even little slivers of it are true for you too, I'm overjoyed, but I don't expect that by definition. I've had this in my mind and on my heart for awhile, so I want to finally let it out.
It's time.
I'm often told I'm
imaginative, or
creative, or
observant, or another word like that. What's especially revealing to me is that when I'm told I'm showing signs of using my
imagination, often, I really don't see that.
The manifestations of who I am in Second Life are by far and large everyday, mundane things to me. Confused? I'll explain more!
Second Life to me is what real life is to most people. I know that can sound shocking, but it's perfectly ordinary for me. Something about the way I am wired as a person is inverse to how most human beings seem to be. This has caused me great discomfort over the years, but I know things in my existence had
finally changed for the better when I was allowed to rez watermelons in SL and was not teased nor bullied for it, but rather, celebrated.
I don't believe I have any great quantifiable skills. I
used to be a "content creator" of techno music, but that's a lifetime and a career away. A hearing loss accident (hyperacusis) changed all that, and I found myself devastated, depressed, and looking for something to do. That something to do became Second Life.
I love sunrises and sunsets. I am amazed the sun hasn't come towards us and scorched us all to death. I know, an absurd, irrational notion, even with my respect for the great scientists of the world, but it is how I feel at my core.
The simple pleasures... eating watermelons, sitting on a beanbag chair, and one of my favorites, which I never take for granted: being able to communicate. I'm also told I have a funny way with analogies. I'm certainly flattered, altho I definitely don't see it that way. Again,
my usage of analogies and "colorful" descriptions are simply... me. Just like if you were out doing some casual gardening and an angry auroch charged at you because she falsely believed you abducted her young, you'd react instantly. And that's what I'm doing, playing ping-pong on the SL Forums like a centipus, which is a cross between a centipede, an octopus, and a platipus. It's that natural.
I'm not a great explainer. I surely wish I was.
When on Second Life, I sometimes get stoned, and by that, I don't mean under the influence of drug or drink, but rather, it feels like a giant rock just hit me in the head. It's so literal and visceral. During these times, I may seize up and pass out at the keyboard, altho I've been gaining increasing control over these functions. It may be a resurfacing of my early struggles with narcolepsy. But it's not so much a sleepiness as it is a
metanoia—google that if you're curious.
Why I say this is because, I've had a lot of crazy dreams I've been compelled to act on. I can't explain it—I certainly wish I could!—but all I know is, when I don't listen to the dreams, things totally suck for me. And when I do, THEY RULE! I attribute this to fundamentally listening to a long-dormant part of myself that is finally waking up.
So how does this relate to this thread directly, veering in from the forked alternative route to the bullet train's mainline? Here's how:
there's something I call rippleshock. I can't find the words to describe it, but it's like the special effects used with the aural stun guns in
Minority Report, or even Jango Fett's sonic mine. Time to time, I'll suddenly "drop". You know that popular feeling of falling in a dream and waking up before you hit the floor? I imagine that's exactly what it feels like for me, but I'll be awake. At the keyboard, this manifests itself as a pause on my part, causing fellow Resis I'm talking to, to think I'm lagged out or even crashed. But no... I'm just inside of my brain, tracing the
ripples as they
shock me. That's literally why I picked this word,
RIPPLESHOCK. And I'll panic, but it's a good panic, and I'll quickly type and shower out a liquid flow of words. Sometimes in ALLCAPS, often containing a "Torleyism" (like "RUR RUR RUR" or "LOLEX" or "YAYZERAMA!"

, and often attached—like a spy with a briefcase handcuffed to 'im—with a literal flood of ideas.
I find it difficult when someone suggests, "Let me know what you think/feel", because like public transit, these trains in my mind have a timetable not decided by me. Nor do the buses in my heart, and sometimes, just like public transit, they can run late.
I close my eyes at some points... think of a wideeyed anime character who wants to come home from school, looking up at the stars and going "BYUUU..." with one of those
)( glyphs and holding her schoolbag close because it's gettin' dark and she wonders where her ride is. That's what I see right now. I feel afraid, but on edge—excited, even. I don't often externalize the process, but today is that day.
Today is November 18, 2005. I've wanted to write these words for a whole year now and I'm
sooo happy to finally let it out. I couldn't have done it without you. Incidentally, today is also Ventrella Linden's rezday, so make that extraspecial.
Now, I often feel embarassed because of my weakness in Earth geography. Anyone who's played trivia with me knows this. For some reason, This, no doubt, is a personal limit. I've challenged it many times, seeing if I can "limit break" it, as the
Final Fantasy gest goes. Not yet; I still get lost in the supermarket. I haven't given up tho. For some
verrry peculiar reason, I have a firm command of Second Life regions. Anyone who's played trivia with me knows this.
I frequently get the compliment that I have a
unique perspective. It really makes me smile. But again, I don't see myself that way—I see many Resis in Second Life who have
unique perspectives to me. It's really not a part of my self-image. I know this about myself all too well, and this is a fundamental building block of why
I am constantly seeking out amazing people, places, things in SL. To extoll praise, and show my appreciation, my adoration, my gratitude in this world of wonder. Despite everything that can—and has—gone wrong, soooooooooooo many things have gone right.
When doing sonic studies, I also recalled aspects like "talent" and "luck" being factors in a person's success. I wrestle with words like that because while people know what's generally meant when they're referred to, they are notoriously hard to pin down to a formula. We have mathematics, probabilities, game theory, but there's a certain essence of the human kind in humankind that invariably gets lost.
I don't know if it's possible to improve one's imagination, but I do know that one can consider new possibilities, travel down different paths, and come out a better person. Hates of the past can be unlearned, and while never forgotten, one can have so many happy memories at the forefront that the darkness quickly becomes overshadowed.
As I travel through Second Life, I'm in awe.
I can't offer any formula for my happiness, but I can share stories from along the way and I do know I'm being observed. I realize I'm atypical—what's worked for me can't possibly work for everyone else! [It takes a certain
I don't know (English for
je ne sais quois) to wear neon green and hot pink.] But in saying this, I hope more will too, and we'll be all the better by learning from one another. Watching each other live our Second Lives.
What's my only limit?
I am. 