Have you cheated on your RL partner with somebody in SL?

One tangential thing that interests me:

If you are not in a RL relationship; but in a SL one, and your SL partner then cheats in SL, is this cheating too? Felt like it to me; so cheating is not just about physicality.

Deu. x

That sucks Deunan... Sorry.

sadly this happens more than people know , too , as alts are often used for this purpose.

How about if you are in an SL "relationship" and you have sex with someone in real life. Is that cheating too?

Seriously, I'd love to hear some views on this.

Is there anything wrong with telling you this is none of your business? You sound like one of the way too many reporters who can't think of anything original to write so you come up with another way to slam the Internet.

I agree completely that this IS cheating. RL, or SL you have made a commitment. As far as i am concerned there is no such thing as "Virtual Honor" You have it, or you don't. If you Lie, or sneak, or Hide the relationship then A; it IS Cheating because it's based on deceit, and B; you KNOW it's Cheating, or you wouldn't be Hiding it, or lying about it.
People don't Sneak about doing honorable things.

Angel.

I don't think it's really cheating on anyone in RL if two avatars have sex or an emotional relationship. If that relationship led to exchange of RL details, photos nor a meet-up, that would be different.

Avatars don't necessarily represent their RLs anyway - some RLs might see them more as a virtual boyfriend/girlfriend/pet squirrel than a virtual extension of their own personality. In which case would they be cheating on their partner merely by logging in and watching their own avatar?

I have a simple rule in SL: if you are married or partnered in RL or SL then I don't get sexually or romatically involved. Ultimately its not fair to me as the SL partner to give up potential relationships with women who are going to make me a priority in favor of those women for whom I am a "stable pony" for SL fun.

Ultimately if you are married, you should be staying up to all odd hours of the night pouring your most inimate secrets to your husband, not to me. If he is hot giving you everything you need in a relationship, well I suggest working it out, seeking counselling, or divorce.

Its much better, however, if you make this clear when sparks start to fly-I hate being called an a**hole for breaking up with someone after the have just confessed ther RL marrriage. Being married and involved in SL is not just chaeating on your spouse, its also cheating on your SL partner with your RL spouse.

I guess I have cheated with everyone on the forums as I've felt emotions garnered by their posts here. Of course, the funny thing is I'm not married. Sorry, cheating on someine isn't a purely mental thing. As already stated numerous times, if that were the case We'd all be guilty.

Ew! I don't know what kind of emotions you think you've shared with me, but I prefer to reserve certain exchanges of emotions for my partners. I feel violated!

*runs of to take a long hot shower...*

I can see what you mean. I agree insofar that in a relationship, sex becomes more than just a physical act, since also feelings and emotions are shared. Perhaps more before and after than during the act itself. If now one partner gets just as close to another person and not only has meaningless, purely physical sex but shares it on the same deeply emotional level, of course the other partner feels hurt. And of course no one wants to hurt a beloved person.

In RL it's hard to separate between purely physical sex and a deeper emotional commitment. One good question might be "Was it a one night stand?". In that case, it was most likely just nature taking its course. I think with virtual sex it's a lot less complicated and easier to separate.

You also said:



So you agree that masturbating, and thinking of other people's bodies during the act of masturbation, is not cheating. It's not much more than scratching an itch, or using the toilet when one's bladder is full. Unless it's done to excess and leads to neglection of the needs of one's partner, I totally agree there.

The sexual roleplay happening in SL is usually nothing else than masturbation. People hidden behind an avatar, pretending to be something they aren't, meet the avatars of other people (without ever meeting the people themselves), who also pretend to be something they're not. What follows is masturbation, at home, alone, with no one else in the room, watching polygon figures on a computer screen - which is less realistic than watching the photo of a real, existing person in a porn magazine. The person behind the other avatar might be masturbating at the same time. Who knows? One can't see her / him. Usually one wouldn't even want to. If one did, one would likely not be sexually attracted to them.

There are of course cases where virtual relationships (often involving but not limited to virtual sex) can turn into more than simple masturbation. If I play WoW for hours on end every evening and neglect my RL partner, he/she could rightfully be upset and complain "your WoW buddies seem to be more important to you than I am". Same with SL relationships. If I get addicted to SL-based masturbation and also emotionally involved with the person behind the avatar (who is also usually a virtual, unreal personality, since people rarely tell the truth about themselves; a roleplay character made up as RL personality), and share my deepest thoughts and emotions with that unknown person, while neglecting the needs of my RL partner - then I agree, that goes into the realm of cheating.

But when I hear of SL sex or the idea of cheating in SL, I usually think of the first case (masturbating while watching polygon hips connecting, without having much of a clue who's behind the other avatar and what they might do at this time, other than occasionally typing an emote that has nothing to do with emotions). I think that's a lot more common. Just as occasional masturbation is more common than excessive masturbation leading to neglection of an RL partner, or as occasionally playing WoW is more common than neglecting a spouse for a computer game.

Sorry, I couldn't help but think of another virtual world called Star Wars Galaxies. "We always thought you were a loyal member of the rebel alliance. But we heard rumors that you went to a Star Wars convention wearing the uniform of an imperial stormtrooper. Do you have no Virtual Honor? Shame on you. What about the oath you swore to Princess Leia? Guys, execute this traitor."

I know that SL isn't a game per se, with real money being involved and real profits being made. But as soon as one engages in cybersex, one enters the realm of roleplay. Pretending to be a 3D avatar and describing to perform actions that don't happen in reality is nothing but roleplay, even if people fall in love with someone's RL background story (which is usually roleplay as well, if it's meant to sexually attract a partner).

Honestly, if a person I'm romantically involved with in SL would tell me that she (or he, I usually don't know or care) has found an RL partner, I'd be very happy for her or him, because I know that's exactly what he/she needs. I'm stuck with SL roleplay for various reasons, but I'd never expect another person to reduce themselves to polygon sex in order to remain true to my SL avatar.

I'm a bit of a flirt sometimes and am not averse to wearing my birthday suit from time to time in public but I'm just having fun and being a bit of a tease I'm not looking for any close relationships in SL just friends and fame!!!!!

Ah this old chestnut, this is a right can of worms. Having an emotional attachment to someone online would probably constitute cheating.

Having cyber sex with a random person probably isn't, it's along the same lines as getting off to porn, unless you view getting off without your partner as cheating.

To believe you can't cheat on you partner online is much the same as believing you can't emotionally hurt your partner unless you actually have sex with someone else.............
Doesn't matter what you call it, if your partner thinks it's cheating the result is the same.

I've "cheated" on my RL BF here in SL. We have more of a "best friends" type of relationship than a commitment to strict emotional monogamy with each other. We have discussed it before you ask. It all depends on who the person is whether it's dishonest or not. If he found out, he'd probably tease me about it, we'd laugh, and that would be it. My SL BF is married in RL. His RL wife is the type that would wanna know, so he told her. Come to find out... she also likes women, is ok with it/us, thinks I'M HOT, and said she would probably like to cyber ME at some point. What can i say to that? wow. He's agreed to NOT let me or SL take up too much of his family time, and thats great by me. I had only asked him to let me know if she's watching over his shoulder, and he said that was a fair request.
So technically, yes, we both were cheating, and technically I still am. It boils down to who the other party is, what the expected level of exclusivity is, and how they would handle it that determines whether it is wrong or not. You cant lump it all into a nice neat little stereotype for easy handling because life does not work that way.

If you hate to stereotype, the DON'T. This is not a "male" attitude, it's a "narrow" one. Plenty of men wouldn't want their women to participate in phone, webcam, chat, or pixel sex with other men. I would hazard that it's the significant majority of men.

Suzy nearly hit the nail on the head with her posts, except when she makes a distinction between contact and fantasy. Suzy, it's quite possible that there are relationships where there is a mutual agreement NOT to fantasize about other people.

Cheating is violating an agreement. That's all there is to it. If the agreement is to not wear green shirts on Tuesdays, then wearing green shirts on Tuesdays is cheating.

The big gray area is that many relationships have implicit, unspoken "agreements" -- which are better referred to as "expectations". Whether violating these is considered "cheating" is a semantic (and uninteresting) discussion. However, the offended party is likely to consider it cheating, and I think that's what matters in this topic.

So, to rephrase the OP's question: do you do "WHAT YOUR S.O. WOULD CONSIDER CHEATING" on SL, and what are the ramifications and issues about that?

With this wording, Conan's objections are sidestepped. He obviously doesn't consider pixel sex cheating, and that's a reasonable opinion. His significant other might disagree, and if so that's their problem. Lots of other people consider pixel sex cheating, and that's a valid opinion as well, and the it's one that this thread is about.

Overgeneralization. Might be true for many, but certainly not all, and probably not even most.

Alistair, as someone who subscribes to sociobiology (though not many of its more radical proponents), I understand what you're saying. However, it's important to make some distinctions.

There's more to life than biology. Those who have religios beliefs will find this statement pretty obvious. For the moment, let's ignore religion. Even in this case, biology gives rise to the subjective experience, which creates the conditions for discussing ethics and morality. The substrate (biology) gives rise to the emergent phenomenon (subjectivity). It is fruitless to try to reduce all aspects of subjectivity to biology, even if the former is entirely created by the latter. Doing so loses significant issues and information.

Biological reasons for behaviors have little to do with whether the behaviors are ethically or morally right or wrong. Biological arguments for morality end up supporting ridiculous beliefs like Social Darwinism.

Finally, while you can argue about what you think cheating should or shouldn't be, your definition is only meaningful between you and the people you engage in relationships with, and has no bearing on the relationships of others. It's still interesting and tangentially relevant to the topic here. Just be sure to use the pronount "I" rather than "you", because you're talking about yourself.

But on the other hand...........do anyone understand there is groups of non abodied people that can`t have sex in rl? and Sex balls is the only release for them to simulate sex? For this explaination then sex on sl is a good thing. But if your able bodies then well one should seek rl sex then sl sex.

Usagi


Do you have any understand about this............

Correction.. "sex on sl is not only boring to Usagi but totally unfilling for Usagi's needs....."
If everyone was the same, things would be rather easy... like seeing the topic is about cheating, not sex

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH hahhahahahahahah oh too funny! Nice but taking things out of content shows nothing here.but its funny never the less...............

Read the full explaination i wrote not just a hackup quote.

Actually, Dana got right to the core of the matter.

Usagi apparently hasn't read the rest of the thread.

Moving on.

Usagi, her correction turned your silly overgeneralization into a potentially true personal statement, regardless of the rest of your post. And the rest of the post doesn't shed any light that changes this.

Speak for yourself. You can't speak for everyone, that's quite clear. You obviously have no idea what other people's needs are, or how diverse they might be.

Or were you just kidding all along? If so, never mind.

HUH?