Have any other women had trouble in an SL gay bar?

Tonight, I was horrified to discover I was not allowed in a men's popular gay bar in SL. I didn't see any such warning in the search listing, but at the door were big signs saying "no women, no drags, now furries..." and then 3 guys in 5 minutes informed me that I wasn't "allowed." I about hit the prim roof. Who would have thought gays would discriminate in here? I'm the world's greatest fag hag! Are all the gay bars in SL like this?

And how the hell do they know all the boys in there are boys? Do they have to do DNA verification? I just wanted to hear some good music and some witty conversation. I guess instead I'll have to buy a boy's skin and hope they don't read my name. : )

You have my sympathy.. I know gay bars IRL as I am gay, and neither I nor any of my friends have ever told any of the many straight, bi or lesbian women who came in that they weren't allowed. That is just ridiculous. They have the same rights to be there as everybody else. It is sad when something like that happen in this virtua world, even, where everything is supposed to be possible and people should be more open-minded than in real life.

I have nothing against drags either. They are wonderful people, and proud to show who they are. I love that

I think I know which group this is, and I can assure you, you're wasting your time even trying to get in. It's unfortunate, but the devil does sometimes get inside. Expend energy finding more inclusive groups of people.

I had this happen in RL once when I was in Paris. I was traveling with a gay male friend and he had been given this tip about this uber hot bar to go to. We weaved in and out of alleys on foot and finally found it. As my friend descended down into the cool club I was met with a big arm and "no madame". I spent the evening eating bread and cheese in a arcade.

Well .. its their club, they can exclude who they want.

Im certain theres plenty of gay clubs who welcome everyone in Second Life.

"I refuse to belong to any club that would accept me as member".
Groucho Marx

You could create a male alt to get inside. Sadly all that's likely to do is show you the club wasn't worth the time and effort it took to create that alt.

I am Gay, I am furry, I am effeminate and transgender who is in real life gay relationship.
I have very little interest in gay scene in or out of SL.
That not how I decide who my friends are where I hang out. Its about who accepts and likes me and if find them enjoyable to be around.
Why would I go to Gay or Straight place that only wants me if I look or I am certain way?
Truthfully I seldomly go to gay places or events in real life, amd evem when I did see place like that advertised when I was looking in SL I shook my head and said I have no interest going in there.
There is lot of things about any group have there downsides.
I am not here in Second Life for sex or exploiting others for sex so I don't go to places like that.
If you created male avatar they would have no clue.
How do they know you are in drag?
Do you have to be super straight acting macho man to be used and pixel slapped at the club and if you are why would you find that of any interest if you could do anonymous truck stop, bathhouse or real life gay bar sex any day of the week in real life?
I just found it annoying personally.
I find sterotypical acting and being Gay men absolutely annoying where everything is about having sex and being a catty misogny and elitism.
Why would anyone want to be around that in there Second Life? Personally I am tired of it in first life, I don't seek people out that are like that in second life.
I am furry because in real life I am very hairy and I do housecat like behaviors like sleep lots and purr.
Sometimes I am puppy but its not about sex.
Just like for some even being Gay isn't always about sex anymore then being human or hetrosexual.
In 2nd life I rarely purr but sometimes I bark.

If they have that attitude, sounds like they're doing you a favor by giving you such a clear indication up-front as to their nature.

Try BlueBoy Club over in the Apollo sim. I've not been there in a bit, but Dane Zander is one cool fellow and everyone is welcome.

i would also recommend the Blue Boy at Apollo - no discrimination there just a very welcoming atmosphere thanks to Dane and the rest of the members. - another i would recommend is at impulse Island again no discrimination just good hearted folk like Benu who owns it

Well if they want to be exclusive, let them, we have womens only gyms, seperate mens & womens tennis, even some motor sports have mens & womens events, work that out?

If a strip bar decides to only have women or men, why not, they set the rules. Though the double standars are obviously there between guys entering a womens strip nite and women entering a guys night.

All in all seeing we have so many clubs and a limited clientele they are probably shooting themslves in the foot. What worries me more is why furries are excluded, only reason I could imagine is bar theme like wild west etc. But furries, bots, & scalies & floating Ameoba are all residents of SL universe so if that is the case they should be kicking anybody out not theme dressed too.

On the otherside of the coin there are ladies only clubs and lesbian clubs that will immediately ban any male who sets foot in that does not work there.

True ..

One reason for that is Lesbian clubs tend to attract guys dancing naked with badly done prim hard-ons saying things like "you know you want it"



Its just like with Male Gay clubs though - If the owners decide no Male avatars , then its their land they can do what they want.

There are Lesbian clubs that are more inclusive as well.

You are so cool FD! Love your courage and honesty.

I used to be a male escort. Lesbian bars would have been an awesome retreat.

Yep youd be totally safe unless you ran into one of the gals who was really drunk (and a little blind) who thinks you are just really Butch.

Of course, let's not forget that this bunch would be the first to scream bloody murder if there were a club that excluded -them- based on their orientation/views/whatnot.

Those that live in glass houses....

I am straight (that is, hetero and kinky) and keep the fur to a minimum, but I couldn't agree more on the topic of the negativity and knee-jerk bitchiness of many gay scenes. The term "straight man" has two meanings at least and I have already found out that there's plenty of gay people who refuse to give even the benefit of the doubt - any passing straight is a worthy recipient of their spite, bile, bad manners and idiocy. I wore out my "I like gays, I just dislike YOU" response years ago and like you I stay out of scenes where that type of response is necessary: as you say, why put yourself through it? It's their loss anyway.

I am however, very surprised that the first complaint I have seen here on this "exclusionary" topic is from a woman trying to go somehwere. Men in SL get the most appalling treatment from what I can only decribe as the F****d up drag queen fraternity: guys playing sexy women whose apparent motivation is to run the Lipstick Lesbian concept, to the hilt, and the old line about shop window dummies staggering about the place with fibreglass willies, delivering lines like some Dr Who character, won't wash. Good manners is good manners no matter how big your boobs are.

As for the muscle marys in the bar; their place, their rules. Don't like it? Set up a "Fag hag" club, advertise it, and see what you get coming in. Would be an interesting experiment.

Or you could choose a gender-neutral first name, and wear your choice of avatar...

...just make sure you keep your pronouns straight.

(Oh, not that I've *ever* done that, of course...)

*whistles nonchalantly*

But really, why would you want to be somewhere like that? Unless you like stuck-up, bitchy princesses (of any gender); take your av and your $L to one of the better, more inclusive clubs in SL, who aren't so picky-picky. Leave them to their extra-super-macho-tough-'I-Wish-I-Was-in-Wild-Boys' little world; until voice comes in, and they find out half their clientele can hit a top 'C' without straining...

Hm, and since they're excluding everything else, I wonder how they feel about robots? I suppose it's fine if they're *male* robots...Anyone have a Cyberman av they aren't using?

Aww thanks.
To The Orginal Poster or whomever, I don't do clubs, sex scenes nor do many of my friends but I do like hanging out with friends who like help people, doing creative things, who appreciate music, poetry, or just being real look me up I will connect you to some really great friends.
Only time we ever get fake is when decide we want to be someone else for rpg or something like that but we haven't figured it out.
I am trying to develope rpg board game and several other things I definitely could use some more friends who share those interest when my other friends are busy.
Whether you're straight, gay, bi, lesbian, furry, drag bubblebee queen, tranny chaser, faghag or whatever my friends would always welcome you to hang out with my friends and I. Sometimes we create some great stuff to share.

Thank you all! I appreciate the comments, supportive IMs and suggestions. A couple of things:

I understand the notion of a private club and respect anyone's desire to be among "like individuals", but the instant venom I was confronted with just plain astonished and saddened me. I've been to many a gay club in RL, and never been hit with this kind of attitude or had any remarks made to me. Maybe the anonymity of SL lets people show their true colors.

So, what were they trying to keep me from? Nothing, I discovered.

Last night I made an alt account and created a man AV. I stopped in again at the club and danced amongst the "men" for about 30 minutes. No one was chatting or throwing out great gay witticisms. (Unless it was all IM talk, but even as the "new face" in the bar, I didn't get one IM. Rejected, again!) It was an extremely boring place. LOL. Who knew gay men could be NOT witty and NOT fun to be around, and at the same time? Aw well, I'll just remain the "AngelOutside."

Thanks so much for the recommendation, too. I'll try them out soon.

I'll happily party in either mixed or male only spaces.

do not assume that all clients of a gendered space only ever occupy these spaces...
do not assume that males in a male space are any more nor any less msogynistic tham in other spaces,

it might be that there needs a certain weight of numbers for a space to 'work'...therefore I'll party with the male sepratists as long as they keep misogynitic, or racist or whatever hate speach in private ims and not in the public chat...
once hate speech is in public then it can be challenged and frequently is.

I question why the author of the original post went out of her way to enter a male gendered space in a female gendered av.. was it to create a fuss?
why the hell would you want to occupy a sapce that is gendered other than your own except to smash the ambience?

Also why call the occupants of a gay male only space boys? te requirements to be on the island include over 18... we can only assume that adult males are in the authors mind, juvenile

It's a gay club. In the US, women are usually welcomed in gay clubs. I didn't go out of my way. Most of the SL straight clubs are places where the women are hit on mercilessly. I figured I'd be safer with some cute gay guys. I didn't come to "occupy a sapce [sic]." I came to dance and have a good time with witty urban gay MEN.

How was my presence going to create a fuss? I assure you my boobs were not poking anyone in the face and my V*g*n* was safely hidden from view.

However, your post did make me stop and think if I missed some warning before I went, so I looked again at the DI's listing in Search. Here it is, verbatim:

I didn't see any "stay out ladies, furries, drag queens!" Did you? I only saw the sign as I walked up to the club. As I stood there reading it, the very first MAN who came along, told me I wasn't allowed inside. Sorry, that combo got my Italian blood up and I wasn't going to leave without an explanation.

Sorry. In my city in the US, the largest and oldest gay neighborhood is called "Boys' Town". I didn't think it was considered a put down in gay society, but I will refrain from using it. However, the attitude I found at this joint was certainly not mature nor adult.

Without the ability o procreate, avatars cannot really be said to have gender. Having a few lumpy bits here and there is insufficient.