just ignore and let this one die

mmmm. I trust Damien to have the best dark chocolate.

I always try to be a gentleman. Sometimes just a glance will get the glare of death.

[SOAPBOX MODE ON]
In RL I worked with a very nice lady. She was on my floor but worked in a different department. She is very attractive. One day a colleague asked if I would be willing to help her build an Access database. We met in her office and laid out the plans for the database. I spent a month of my own time to build the database. I made an appointment with her, to demo the database.

Here is the picture.. the woman wears pants to work everyday. I see her everyday, passing in the lobby or on the elevator. The day of our appointment she wears a skirt. I go to her office and demo the database, make notes of changes etc and so forth. She is there with gorgeous legs, nice perfume, touching me in various casual ways. This goes on for months. Nothing happens, I am a gentleman. She invites me out to lunch (paid by her department) nothing happens and nothing is said. I never so much as touched her hand.

Each appointment day she wears a skirt a nice blouse dresses extra nice on those particular days. So time passes, the work is done. I don't see her anymore since I move to a different floor. Everytime I do see her in the Lobby she is wearing a pants suit. One day she calls me and makes and appointment to do a year end close out.

I show up she is dressed in a skirt, low cut blouse and actually hugs me. The touching and compliments flow unabated from her. So once the work is complete she offers to take me to lunch and her department will pay for lunch. (this is common)

So over lunch, with a woman that pays me compliments, touches me and dresses up above and beyond normal office wear. I ask if she is interested in me romantically.

The SILENCE was deafening. She took offence. I am married she says and you asking me that could be considered sexual harassment. Needless to say, I was never alone in her office again (even with the door open) for any reason.

So who is wrong here?

Men are pretty easy. A female just has to flutter her eyelashes and say do you wanna?? Most men are ready to go right then and there.
[/SOAPBOX MODE OFF]

She is wrong.

She can dress any way she wants on any day, so she's not necessarily wrong there (although if it could be clearly evidenced that she dressed differently for you this point could be agrued. Unlikely. The male is always wrong)



She is wrong in this: men are constantly told that ANY touching in the workplace is inappropriate. This SHOULD go both ways but of course it never does. Equality among the genders hasnt' even been feigned as a theoretical goal in decades. Too bad - I'm all for it, always have been. PC is NOT about equality, and it never has been, although it hides behind that facade on occasion.



Was she wrong in her reaction? Probably the question itself was miscommunicated between you. IME seldom is there much that is NOT miscommunicated between men and women. Here's what I suggest may have happened:

When your mouth said "Are you attracted to me?" your brain was saying "Look, I feel as if you behave differently around me than you do most others. I am tempted to interpret what I see as you expressing romantic interest in me, which causes me some concern."



When your mouth said "Are you attracted to me?" her ears heard "Hey, baby.. want summa dis?". She has all her life been told from all corners to expect you to say that. It has been harped, repeated, pounded into her from a very young age.

Wow, CX. This one has me stumped.

She is wrong.

In my institution, if her attentions (specifically the touching and the compliments) were unwelcome and made YOU uncomfortable, then her actions could be categorized as a form of sexual harrassment, and could have been actionable.

Simply asking about her intentions? I would have considered it to be clearing the air.

Sorry you got caught in the crossfire.

CX,
Prolly she would have filed a complaint if you would have said nothing as well. If I get ever harrassed by a woman I am going to file a complaint. Bet that I am going to be the one that gets fired.

Nah who am I kidding, probably won't be able to resist. After all I am a man.

... and by the way




Damned right. Your only chance for survival at this point is to consider this woman as toxic waste.

Give her the same space that you would an angry grizzly bear covered in nuclear waste and surrounded by an angry cloud of hornets...


and standing on a rattlesnake.

... with fleas

... and bad breath.

She is wrong...although she would probably deny that up one side and down the other.

If your description of events is accurate, she came on to you. When you called her on it, she got all defensive.

There are two reasons she might have done this, that I can see.

One, she wanted something from you. She got it too...a nice custom database. Sexual teasing in order to obtain favors has a LONG history. It may have been acceptable a century or two ago, when women had far fewer options. In today's workplace, where men and women are supposed to be equal, it's not right (IMO).

Two, she WAS interested in you, but got scared off when you presented her the choice so bluntly. Maybe she hadn't admitted it to herself, even. Things might have gone differently if you had, instead, asked her out to dinner. Saying, in so many words, "I'm interested in YOU." That way, she could continue to think (or at least, to say) that anything that happened thereafter was All Your Fault, and nothing of her doing.

Or she might have been a milder version of the Entrapment Freak I worked with once. This very beautiful woman always dressed fashionably and just a little provocatively. If any man dared to give her the slightest compliment or show any interest in her, she would file a sexual harrassment grievance. She was the cause of several innocent men losing their jobs at that place.

All of which only goes to prove what we all knew already: People Are Nuts.

I think Lindal has it right with scenario # two.

If so, she was REALLY wrong to threaten you. All she had to do was be offended and hurt, then reject you.

CX - that is precisely that kind of woman I mean by not much of a woman. Even if she wasn't interested, she should have been flattered - when the hell did "equality" turn into man bashing? Damn it if I dress to get noticed I want to be noticed! Wolf whistles may be a bit much but, that is a nice blouse is NOT harassment!

When real harassment comes along it gets lumped in with idiocy- then the victim pays.

Don't worry - we won't sexually harass you here... unless you want us to

wow what a situation CX.

Clearing the air is good never any harm in that, but for her to play it off with a remark like that is quite biotchy.

Remember what I said?



I should have said: "I am pretty easy. A female just has to flutter her eyelashes and say do you wanna?? I am ready to go right then and there.

I pay genuine compliments to all of the females in SL. Everyone of you go to the expense and trouble to have a nice outfit, to make sure your avi looks good. How many posts have I seen about adjusting prim skirts or prim hair? To not comliment you would be the ultimate insult in my mind. Depending on the level of friendship the level of the compliment will vary as well.

A woman in the work place dressing for success or to attract men should have to deal with whatever comes her way. In my work place, touching and complimenting is strickly prohibited. No matter who does it. I think I was used plain and simple. No matter if she did it only to me or if she does it to everyone.

I also don't do favors for anyone at work. Unless they have a charge code for my time or my boss assigns the work to me. It isn't going to happen.

"CX"

Maple syrup
Carmel sauce
Drizzled honey
Creme brulee
Chocolate pudding
Maraschino cherry
Whipped cream

/me swoons....yes, but...what are you going to do with all of those yummy items?

I love dark chocolate.
I want chocolate so dark it has to ride in the back of the bus.
I want chocolate so dark the white chocolate gets scared.

Leave them on the talble while I take a cold shower
I have been away from home for two weeks now. One week to go. This waking up alone every morning is for the birds. It's throwing off my groove.

Away from home for two weeks and you are STILL waking up alone? Golly, you really ARE off your groove!

So..... what time are you waking? I might be available.

punching AND kicking. i didn't say i'd fight fair.

CX, i always dress up 'better' for meetings.

touching. NO! her bad!

I promised myself I would only lurk and not post but I finally got a Trout rateing and I have to share it

[10:52] Trout Recreant: (Saved Wed May 21 01:43:13 200 Helloooooo Melissa! Of course a lurker can get a rating. I'm equal opportunity. Otherwise, I think the Feds would shut me down. First, I really appreciate the pic that gives me a full look at your face. It's beautiful and you have put a significant amount of work into it. You're the kind of girl we would all love to tie up and do awful things to (awful good, but awful, nonetheless). But there is an obvious depth to your personality that goes far beyond that. You have a strong sense of self and you are in complete control of your sensual side as well. Based on these pictures, I'm giving you a 9.1 - which is a VERY strong start for your first submission (heh - I said "submission". You are a slut, but only in the most positive, sexy definition of the word. Congratulations and shame on you!

I'm at work though....hmmm....Digs out coins from the bottom of her purse. AH Haaa . . . dashing off to the break room vending machine

See what I mean about Trout's Ratings? It doesn't matter what the number is, he makes you feel good about yourself!

(Except...dammit, the number DOES matter. You got a 9.1???? OMG...send me the pic! PLEEZE? I want to look at it and sneer and say, "What's she got that I ain't got, the stuck-up little tramp?"

No...seriously, Melissa...congratulations! And welcome to the forums. Don't just lurk, post some more nonsense here in the Undead Thread. Give somebody some advice. Join the in world group and come on over to the Hang...er, the Place That Must Not Be Named. Welcome aboard!

Huh. Nine point one. Huh...

Time for me to start up a slut Alt. After all, as a man I should be able to create the perfect slut. As a man I am, and I know