Real Life versus Second Life

This thread might very well open up a range of comments and thoughts... and if so, I encourage them all!!!

It's not really a question as such, but this seemed to be the only place to put it, but I'm inviting comment on the idea that can RL and SL be totally seperate? And, does it or should it need to be?

My opinion is that because we are all real people behind our SL avatars there is a certain degree of RL that will inevitably permeate its way into our SL experience, and vice versa.

In my personal SL experience to date, there appears to be two main types of users (and it appears very few sit on the middle of this fence); (1) those that are willing to experience SL as exactly that - an opportunity to engage in a strictly SL-only experience, consisting of activities, fantasy and indepth roleplay - hiding behind their true self, perhaps due to various circumstances in their RL, and (2) those that are not interested in any pretense role-play at all, and are generally open and honest about who they are to their SL acquaintances, seeking genuine friendships, interaction, and even possible relationships.

The big question is, regardless of our experience intension in the SL world, can any of us truly keep ourselves from perhaps becoming deeply involved with a real life behind an avatar? Can we really keep RL and SL seperate?

I personally despise when ppl boast "I DONT MIX RL WITH SL" but it`s their choice, some are just very much into RPing, secrets, RL self hatred, etc and want to come into SL leaving their RLs completely behind. And it can be they want to for totally innocent reasons as well!

For me I certaintly do mix RL with SL. And if im going to befriend someone in SL i expect them to open up about their RL to me eventually.. I do the same.

Come to think of it all people i consider friends in SL i know a great deal about their RL selves and they know about me.

I tend to be the same person i am in RL as i am in SL. I even worked weeks to get my avi to look as much as I do in RL as i could. I use SL as an extension to meet and linger with people i can not in my RL. Its a great platform and im not interested in hiding things about my RL.. If i run into people who are i dont make friends with them myself.

Its just a personal belief of mine. If someone is going to talk and be friends with me in sl- then be prepared to exchange RL details at some point. If not, i dont really consider that person a friend at all. Just an online aquaintance.

I dont stereotype ppl who say "i dont mix rl or sl" under their first life tab, but most of them ive run into are huge liars and game players and im not here for that.

To each their own though..definitely. I never understood how it was possible to NOT mix rl and sl as Rl people are behind every account..but the longer im in SL and the more ppl I meet- it is definitely possible. Ive run into my share of complete BSers and totally understand why they would not mix the 2.



*I in no way think or assume everyone who says they will not mix are liars*

Since when is Second Life not real? It's as real as anything else you do.

Secondlife was created to be, well basicly its name. Secondlife is basicly a virutal life; giving you all the nessesities of Real Life-

Creation - With the provided scripting language, and a building system, you can pretty much create anything you want, and allows the residents build the world they reside in.
Inovation - Times change, people change, technology changes. Things evolve and inovate because of more technological 'advances' and learnings.
Communication - A provided system that allows you to communicate with other people. Via IM, and Chat. You are also givin an avatar, to displace your look in-world

With the given tools, you create and live your own world. And with this you can communicate and reside with others which allows you to give as much information to other residents as you prefer. Allowing you to either make new RL friends, or just keep it in SL.

Secondlife, aswell as real life, is all what you make it.

Exactly. Whatever a person experiences while being awake and of sound mind is real. If I talk to someone in SL, I'm really communicating with another person who receives my words and understands their meaning; that's real social interaction.

Talking about RL is another level of RP Many roleplayers have 2 virtual personalities: their RP character, and their made-up RL background story to match it.

Things like "I live in..." are usually true, as long as only a rough geographical location is mentioned and not a specific town (then it's usually a neighbour town or a place where the RPler would like to live). "My RL gender is..." doesn't have to be true. If the sentence ends with "...male", the probability of truth is a lot higher. "I'm married / I have kids" sometimes translates to "don't you ever suggest meeting me in RL", but more often it just means "I need a convenient way to excuse myself in case I get bored / another friend comes online / my mom calls for dinner". "My RL job is..." could translate to "I'd really like to work as...", and so on. Don't take any RL info serious

i keep rl and sl as separate as possible. not because i am hiding, being dishonest, or up to no good. but because i do not wish to carry sl relationships into rl. i have no interest in meeting people, webcamming, telephoning, emailing, etc irl. and the easiest way to maintain this insulation is to keep rl and sl separate.

I think I am "sitting somewhere in the middle on the fence".

When I meet someone I really like and feel comfortable with, some RL will get through automatically. My main SL character and my RL me shares a lot. The better and secure I feel with someone, there more RL will come through.
My RL partner is my SL partner, that makes a lot of things easier

But when I turn to my alt, I go full RP.... no RL gets through there.

Morwen.

I'm one of the persons who rather keep RL and SL separated. Sure, there are overlaps, but I try to keep them to a minimum.

Call me old-fashioned. Blogs that are not purely progress reports and such - and the latest fad, Twitter or what it is called - is some kind of exhibitionism in my eyes and definitely not my cup of tea.

The only moments I'm handing out RL info is when the situation warrants it. Like when my programming skills are questioned or what times of the day are convenient for me. I usually never ask for RL age or gender or such things and I think not only twice but maybe five or more times before handing out anything about my RL self what is not already given in my profile - which is not that much, I assure you.

People I call 'friends' in here do respect my wish for privacy, either because they're simply considerate or are like-minded.

My point exactly- It`s BS and i want no friendships with these people who make up stories. If the people they hang around are fine with it then thats fine. I have no problem with what they do. It`s none of my business.

But when it comes to ME, I do not appreciate ppl lying to me about who they are in RL. It`s then i`d rather they dismiss talking about it instead of lying.

Understandable.

In both RL and SL, we are three people
1. The person others think we are
2. The person we think we are
3. The person we really are

The most important parts of what we really are will eventually shine through to anyone gifted with some perception. That applies in both RL and SL.

The superficial aspects of SL personas are generated deliberately. They are less accidents of birth and environment than are our RL superficialities. In that, they may be an up-front indication of (2). This in turn can be an indication of (3).

RL profile information may simply be RP. One can't tell. Over time, RL info may or may not gel with online behaviour.


To be preoccupied with RL background is, in my view, to miss the point of online interaction. When I meet people online, I am very concious that I am meeting minds.



My choice is to put a 'No RL' in my profile.
Despite that I sometimes share a level of RL info with others, but only after an appropriate level of trust has been built up.
The apparently absolute 'no RL' rule heads off problems with people who are 'too inquisitive' up-front. In the past, I've picked up on a person's hurt feelings after I gave some information and then refused to go deeper. There's a strong "I don't trust *you*" message in suddenly closing the gate on a flow of conversation. Better to never have started the topic!


I've had RL meetings with people that I've befriended online.
I've also been stalked.

Whether RL or SL, we wear a mask. often, we wear different masks to different people. No one ever sees the real us. To that extend, I don't think it even matters. Some of my best friends in SL don't actually know (until now) that in RL, I am a cat.

What was the question again?

Please don't label RP as not innocent, Dungeons & Dragons isn't evil despite what the Clergy may have tried to brainwash people to believe.

Yep, when I don a Blue Spandax clad buffoon AV and stride across the virtual counrtyside smiting unfathomable evil, it's pretty real ...........

I have one alt who is nearly me, the others are all completely different people with differrent aquaitences.

A do have a few good friends here that are common to all but pretty much respect that I am generally playing someone else when they communice to my alts although if we talk RL or they need help then I drop the facade.

i despise the boast, not the desire.

i'm open to a degree about my RL, but reluctant to share too much info because of one or two bad experiences I had on the net after my personal details fell into a forum rival's hands (many years ago now). i'm friends with at least one very successful business person in SL who is the biggest privacy whore i've ever met. it took nine months for her to reveal which state she's from (about the only thing I know about her RL), but that doesn't matter because her personality in world is so distinguished, her creativity and business skills worthy of such respect, that i feel i "know" her tremendously well anyway.

what is a personality but a bunch of details anyway? she has more "details" than some avatars who have revealed a lot about their RL to me.

i have no expectations of friends - or potential friends - other than they be nice. if we have something in common (and it could be something entirely SL related) then a special friendship is likely to form .. but if people want to keep things on a strictly SL basis, i understand that it's perfectly possible to be a good, interesting friend without divulging RL information, so that's fine.

Edit: I meant "dislike" in that first sentence. "Despise" is a bit strong. "No drama" is another one I dislike because it usually indicates a person who attracts it like flies to .. a corpse. (^_~)

I would state it differently:

(1) Those who mimics a human (dancing, drinking, having a house...)
(2) Those wo don't care (of course, they are humans in social interactions)

I belong to the first category. I don't come to SL to do what i'm doing in FL, rather to do what i can't do in FL. Enjoying an electronic existence free from RL necessities

For this AV, Second Life “is” my Real Life. Although I have a RL person behind the keyboard, her personality and RL issues have nothing to do with my existence here in the SL Virtual World. To make my situation clearer, I am the main character in a book my RL benefactor wrote. When she heard about Second Life, she thought it would be a perfect way for the lead character of her book (me), to live beyond the confines of merely words on a page. Although it is true that certain personality traits and moods do transcend the barrier between RL and SL, for the most part, I am a true SL resident. I only wish, as does my RL benefactor, that a way could be devised to cut me free from real word ties so I could live a truly free existence in Second Life.

I take all I meet in SL on their appearance in world. Be they Male, Female, Dragon, Furry. Who or what they are in RL is of little importance to me. Among my friends here, some I know a lot about their RL, some nothing at all, and the same is true for my RL details. Whatever RL details are exchanged are done over time, not posted in my profile. SL is a diversion from RL for me, while my SL character mirrors my RL personality, I have no desire to carry any SL relationship into RL. SL is many things, for me it's just a pleasant diversion.

Well I have never been any good at acting - tried it in the works pantomime and was more wooden than Pinnochios nose!

So for me the me in SL is pretty much the me in RL - okay I am not 6'8" ( I so didn't realise that was the height of the shape!!) and my boobs aren't as great (not far off but my avie does have the edge!!), but as far as personality goes it's pretty much the same as you would get in RL - be that good or bad!!

Of course there is always the element of spicing things up a little because SL allows us to do this! But it has to be within you in the first place to be able to do it - unless you are a former RADA student!

As for details, well I only give minor details away - ie part of the country, job, age and I only give these details out to those ppl that I feel comfortable with.

I suppose the bottom line is I love being who I am so I feel no need or want to dramatically change it inworld

Also I agree with Brenda in that for me SL is a pleasant diversion from RL - long may it last!

BB

People who display this amount of suspicion about what others tell them, might be happier not socializing online.

So we've gone from being "Morally reprehensible" to "despicable"

I think the real issue is those people who need to know about others Real Lives who insist trying to become good friends, or online date those who expressly state they dont talk about their Real Lives.

Whats more "dispicable" or "morally reprehensible"?

People should be free not to reveal about their RL if they dont want.
People who need to know about other's real lives shouldnt befriend/date them.

Some might be okay with Friends keeping their RL quiet - while those they date they need to know - then they should stick by that, not try to impose their needs on others.

Those who need to know about the Real Lives of strangers ... and when told no they have a problem with it? Probably need psycho-therapy.

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Im personally fairly open about my real life, but there are things that I keep private for my own security. If someone I know has a problem with it - they can find someone else to talk to.

Agreed. After I get to know someone in SL better, I am rather open about my RL as well...

But... why should I tell someone in SL more about myself then I would in RL? And yes... some things are no one business.

Morwen.

I have no problem with someone not wanting to divulge information - afterall it's personal choice, I have the right to ask and they the right not to disclose!

and I am happy with that

But the same as with you Morwen - if I get to know them better and feel that I am more comfortable with them I will divulge a little more. However I do have a line at how far I will go

BB