ok so what is it?

Ok so ived played sl now for about 3 months why does ower hearts and brain not turn off when it comes down to sl relashionships omg total head fuck or is it just me lol

Because regardless of the avatars we choose, the "operator" is still a good ol' human, prone to emotion

While I've had my share of "virtual heartache", I'm getting married to my sweetheart here on Saturday. GOOD things happen, too

Great news mate congrats ya its hard somtimes ty for u responce.

O_o in english? please?

You have to Forgive Kyrah, he's one of those persons who has trouble with accents. I'm Guessing Kiwi, or more likely, an Aussie. Am i right?

Xebian, I'm actually Glad you are one of those persons who Can't turn your heart off when you enter SL. It's so much better for those you meet when they get the Benefit of the REAL you in SL.
The first time i Fell in Love On Line it was a shock to me How real it was, but after i thought about it a while, I wondered what was so different about it. In RL, i Fall in Love with the Person, Not the Package. In SL or other On Line venues almost all there Is, is the Person. I've discovered Lovers were of Very different ages and Back Grounds and whereas those differences Might have been a barrier to affection in RL, they have been removed in here.
I've been Lied to, Cheated on, I've had my heart broken several times, But also, I've had some relationships that have Lasted years, and Given me great happiness, comfort, and strength.
I knew one woman who was terminal with Cancer long ago. she was still undergoing Chemo, and it was having it's way with her Body, and her looks, and it was very depressing for her. She told me Our relationship which was very real to Both of us gave her the opportunity to Feel Young, Vital, and best of all, desirable again. Her mind and heart gave her back the things she was losing because her Body had betrayed her. I don't know, unfortunately, the exact time of her Passing but if our love made her final days more comfortable, then the time wasn't wasted and i don't regret any of it.
Like RL, there will be Ups, and downs, Loves Lost, Friends and lovers who have passed away, and Honestly, after everything i've been through, even the Very bad times, i wouldn't change a second of it.

Here's your Chance to Really let yourself enjoy other people. Go for it.

Angel.

I'm with Angel ... er, not in the biblical sense
She's got it in one. There's another thread touching on this theme so I won't repeat what I said .. except .. and in response to OP;
SL is fun, let your emotions run amok. For me certainly, it's the other people behind the avatars that make SL addictive. And everyday I feel a better person for it.

Angel, it's interesting to recount in the latter half of the last century, the advance of technology starting from HAM radios (showing my RL age here!) started liberating the confined lives of some unlucky and unfortunate people. With each new generation of communication their freedom has widened. It's a very heart warming feeling.

Some months ago, I was introduced to an Av by a Mutual Friend, this Av was controlled by a Group of Six persons in an extended Care Facility, all of whom had extensive Physical Challenges. Each one was mentally Fit (Apart from rather limited RL experiences), but owing to the Limits of thier bodies, they could not move or communicate well in RL. Thier Caregiver (Our Mutual friend) set up an SL account for them, and a Few times a week, they spent some hours in SL just being with people. The Greatest thrill for them, was simply being able to Walk anywhere they Chose. Flying, Interacting All possible beyond the Limits RL had placed upon them, Everything We take for Granted they were suddenly Magicly able to do as well (One of the group was an Incorrigable Flirt as well and i had No qualms about Flirting Right back, the whole group of them got a Charge out of it). These are Good people, who were Given the chance in SL to be Just like everyone else, and even to Live out some of those fantasies that ALL healthy adults share.

We are Intelligent, Feeling Animals, We are Social animals. Place us in Isolation, and we whither. Give us ANY social Outlet Including electronic ones like SL and we will project out minds, AND our hearts into it. We may need to Invent a New Vocabulary to do it, But if it's Necesary, it will happen.
Love Is Possible On Line, and i think it's Worth enjoying.

Angel.

That 's really moving story Angel.
I know as someone who has social limitations in my real life due to medical situation I am struggling with that my online life has open new worlds for me.
I have had online romances. friendships and explored buiilding virtual communities over the last ten years in my exploring 3d worlds. All the feelings and experiences I had even though they were "virtual" were very real.
Even rejection, being treated kindly all of it be it good and bad even though it was all done on computer has been very real too me.
I don't intend to do it here in same ways but my friendships and feelings I have towards my friends and those I encounter here are just as real if they were not online.

I posted your stories to a friend, Angel, someone who never play online games, but has a big heart, and I am sure he will understand what you are saying here perfectly well. I wish more people would see this thread, read it and think about it. Communication is the key, and emotions shine through the (very life-like) characters on the screen. It is a good thing that this can happen, and it will develop and become even better in terms of communicating ones feelings and emotions to someone else across the internet.

True, love on the Net is Very real now, and as interactions and Graphics on the Net become more advanced we Will be able to express our emotions even more clearly. SL is a Cardinal example of the change, Like a Chat Room that has goneFAR beyond simple text interactions. The net is after all less than twenty years old, what, fifteen years? it's changed a Lot since the Early days, and it will continue to do so.
I think it's Time to accept that when we Go on the Net we take more and more of ourselves with us.
Emotions Definately Included.

Angel.

Yes, very true things are here said.

I had serveral relations in online games/communities... from playful to deep and long lasting. Been loved, hurted and cheated on.

Anyway, if my SL partner would treat me badly in SL, I know someone who will sleep RL on the couch for some time *winks*.

To Angels last message... Yes, what you say in your last message is true. And it exactly what I tried to make clear in another thread. Environments as SL are becoming more and more part of everydays life... and with that we take and bring our feelings and emotions in that.

As example, some times I am for work some days away from home. My partner and I first called each other on the phone... later this turned in ICQ/MSN (was a lot cheaper then long telephone calls)... and now we meet when I am away in SL.

And I think, we are just at the beginning from all this... and I wonder where we will be on this matter in lets say 10 years.

To my favourite SL Hobbit... I can remember HAM radio's and MC 27 too (an ex-boyfriend had an hobby with them). And that is enough about the age matter .

To the OP... Please don't try to turn your feelings off, they make you what are!

Morwen.

Well Morwen, Look where we were ten years ago in terms of this technology, and that should give you Some idea where we will be Ten years from Now, the growth, and change is Exponential.

A.

<Giggles and kicks legs in air>

Ten years time? wow! what a concept! well I think the main building blocks are with us now as far as socialising. Somebody suggested voice streaming but I can't really see that as an improvement, merely turning what is a mysterious imagination-provoking mechanism into a telephone. Boring!! - already have one LOL
Graphics might improve but heck! I'm bowled over with it now avatar-wise .. how could they improve .. except the poor newbie heh heh.

Curious question: met an american at the weekend who stayed up SL-ing right through saturday night into sunday without sleep. I am talking local time btw! I met two people sunday who admitted to regularly SL-ing till 4.00am.

How many of us with serious sleep deprivation?

I think a lot of us, though I hope we're not the bigger group

Usually I get from 5 to 3 hours of sleep, 5 days a week, The other 2 I can usually sleep as much as I want to.

I have no problems with sleeping, as soon as I hit the bed I go into "sleep mode" unless I'm on the bed for other reasons, that is... I got this habit of not sleeping much years ago, when I had to run after 2 concurrent jobs in real life. Could not revert back to "normal", so I started using the "extra time" for my own amusement. Since I came here, I play SL at late night

It must be noted that I don't force myself to stay up with coffee or anything else. Whenever my body really needs it, I say SL bye and I get at least 6 hours of sleep, rather than the average 4

Oh I can join them on that one.......over the Christmas and New Year Break I was regularly on SL until 4am (local time), much to the disgust of my RL boyfriend! I just can't seem to break the connection once I'm in there, especially when I want to speak to all my friends in different time zones. It was quite a wrench to have to keep normal hours once I went back to work.

......and I too have fallen head over heels in love with not just SL, but also some of the people in it, or one at least {he knows who he is}.

I think that because the normal body language and facial expressions have been removed from this second life, that the mind, imagination and expression by words have to work that much harder and consequently they have a more powerful effect on both the mind and the heart. My relationships on SL are some of the most powerful and rewarding that I have ever had.

Am I sad because of that?........maybe......but quite frankly I just don't care!

There was once a Lively discussion in the Forums about what Constituted On Line Adultery.
I'm Married in RL to a wonderful Woman (Canadian gay marriage laws, Gotta love them. ) and as i have said, i have frequent long term Loves in SL. My wife knows how Real these feelings are to me, But she allows it for me because of a set of Rules i Imposed upon Myself once i realized that Love On Line was Very real.

The rules can be summed up Simply by saying "What is in SL STAYS in SL." I am allowed to have my Lovers On Line, BUT we are Not allowed to talk anywhere else. No Letters, No Phone Calls, Definately No Meetings or Visits. My Lovers know my Real First Name, and My Wife has Seen, or even spoken to All of them (When i went Into Hospital to have someminor surgery, I Insisted she go into SL, and let my lovers know what was going on so they wouldn't worry). Some of them have my Picture also, But not many because i have only maybe a Dozen Pics of myself anyway (I Photograph Horribly. ). My Wife accepts my relationships ONLY if I, or my Lovers Don't try to Make them More real by Bringing them into RL.

I'm Married, and i Love, and respect My Wife, so stick to these rules. I Love and respect those people On Line with whom i have relationships, so i make these rules CLEAR at the Outset.

Angel.

Superb timing Angel .. spooky!!

Yesterday, I was bouncing with joy with this thread. Yesterday I was strongly tempted to post something like,
What? a thread with no negative view or argument? No-one sticking their head up above the parapet and shouting 'sad gits!'?

Today? phew! I've met in SL a person. A lovely person. One I've grown very fond of and enjoy their company immensely. They have had a recent break-up with SL boyfriend.
The fly in the ointment? ... my alt has met them now. Damn! They have taken to me in my alt too and again we've developed a good rapport .. but .. I feel like a fraud and a putz.
I'm fairly sure if I let them know what's happened they will break off and maybe even quit SL.

Maybe your rules Angel can save the situation. A day later it might have been too late. I feel better already

I certainly don't mean to turn this into an Agony Aunt/Uncle/Furry column. I don't need to discuss this problem.
I also realise since this is non-technical, it is contrary to present forum rules and maybe heading for locking if obscurity doesn't get it first .. but I wish something like this thread could be made a stickie somewhere for guidance of others. I'm sure many run away screaming from SL due to a relatively simple mistake.
You're right Angel; Online worlds are going to require a new vocabulary .. at least!

Honesty is the best basis for Love, SL, or RL.
I'm Honest with my Lovers On Line. "This far, and no Farther" BUT On Line i will Give them as Much of my Heart as i Can. I've been there for them, and they for me in times of Tragedy, or sadness. I've Given them my Best advice and support when they have a Real Life problem. I've Loved them in Every way that REALLY Matters.

I brought up the Digital Adultery issue, And my Personal solution to it because By Now, anyone reading this thread would think of us as a bunch of Romantics who aren't considering the RL implications of our Second life.

I don't know that this Isn't a technical question that can be answered here. It IS an aspect Of the SL world, and one that we All seem to deal with at one time or another, as i said, we are social beasts, so it's Bound to come up to someone who is New to being On Line.

Is love On Line Real? Is it Normal to Feel the Pain of seperation when a Digital relationship Goes Sour?
I think so far we have all Given an answer based upon "Imperical research". Yes,, it's pretty Normal.

and letting them Know to expect a Little more than they have experienced so far, is Just sharing the Background of our research.

Angel.

I think that one of the reasons we 'fall in love' so easily in an online environment is because we are more honest with each other from the start. We generally don't care as much if so and so doesn't like how we talk, laugh, or think because he or she is just pixels on a screen. We share more openly because at the start, we believe that it will never turn into anything more than that. But then, we get to know the person more intimately, not sexually, just intimately and suddenly those original views start to change.

Another thing to point out is that in a virtual world, we don't have the physical attractions so much. Okay our avatars may be pretty, but that isn't what gets the chemical hormones in your mind going. You're attracted to the actual person; their personality, their mind, the way they speak and they think, the way they can make you laugh when you're upset or angry, just all the little things that create this ultra uber magnetic attraction.

One person recently asked me how you can find another attractive, how you can find the emotions realistic, or find another person actually sexually appealing not just on the screen, but within your own mind. I told him that when you are in SL, you are the person that walks around on the screen. You aren't just playing a video game and controlling movement. Your own personality comes out, your own emotions and reactions come out. While sex for the most is about the pornographic actions, for some it is an expression of passion and desire that is more true than one may find in real life sometimes.

Whether or not he got it, I don't know. I'd like to think he did, or at least, he will.

Well, as i said, I'm just over thirty, and one of my On Line Lovers was Over sixty. I was attracted by her warmth, and she (Her words) was attracted by my strength, and Wisdom. That, and the Fact i have quite a Knowledge of things contemporary with her youth, so despite our age differences, we Did speak the same language. It was hearts, and Minds talking, Not clothes, and Looks.

Angel.

I find myself drawn in to this subject easily with much curosity. I have started completlely rearranging my RL to fit my SL schedule. I will go with six hours sleep just to have an hour or two here and there with a few special people. Time Zones are quite the enemy aren't they? I also find that my emotions run deep and that I have developed attachments for my SL companions that seem as strong a bond as some of my RL ones.
My own observation as a ,newbie but learning, is SL time and life moves at hyper speed. I went from newbie island to first home, second home, third home, and even refer to some of my friends as my old SL buddies that have been with me from the begining. All that in only being here 3 months. I am quite interested to meet someone who has been here for a year or more to gain perspective. These people would be more like wise sages being here that long.
I do sometimes feel guility for the time I spend on SL away from my RL partner. SL seems to fill certain voids that my RL partenr can't. I should look at it in a positive light. It is sort of like having your cake and eating it to I guess. I can make all my wishes and fantasys come true without damaging a perfectly good relationship.
So to conclude hope every one is out there enjoying their SL and making it what they want! See you in world!!!!

Yours in SL,
Constance

Good thread. I've endured more joy, jealousy, love, and loss in my year in Second Life than I had ever expected or intended. Some people may be able to abstract away their own feelings through roleplaying, but I am not among them. The post linked in my signature briefly documents a couple of my SL loves (one being a real-life relationship that I brought into Second Life), as well as why I think Second Life can actually be a facilitator of meaningful human contact rather than an escape.

Oh, and for the record, Angelique, I believe Kyrah is a she.

At the end of the day, SL is fantasy, and I think that's where the power of online relationships really lies. Compared to the real world, we depend much more on verbal communication (and edited verbal communication at that) on SL. This leaves our output bandwidth remarkably uncluttered, and sparse. In short, we communicate LESS than RL.

Where the actual communication stops, the fantasy can step in. Basically, you have the option of making up (in your own mind, and maybe even subconsciously) the pieces that have not been told to you explicitly. You also do not have cues like negative body language that you would have in a real world situation. If you generally like someone to begin with after an initial conversation, you're probably inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt until shown otherwise. (Also, SL avatars do tend to be "better looking", albeit in a pixelly kind of way, than real people at large. At least for about 50% of the population, I suspect that actually has a real effect. )

So now you have a someone who you like chatting with and is generally pleasant/fun to be with, and you fill in the rest with all sorts of good stuff you don't really know, but that could be plausible....

Perfection! ... for a while anyway, depending on how right (and important) those assumptions were. Sadly one day you might realize that your special someone isn't really the person you thought he/she was. Or worse, they think that of YOU! (Or like a couple I know, there could be RL meet-ups followed by a wedding etc.)

Anyway, I'm a big fan of keeping SL on SL. Sometimes the fantasy is much nicer than reality anyway, and when the curtain falls... there's another fantasy just around the corner. People do seem to get over virtual heartbreak faster than RL ones though. I'm hoping this is a true observation, and not just something I made up to fill in the blanks.

What you site isn't unusual in RL relationships either. Cannonizing, or Demonizing a New Love based upon ones Past experiences.

One can tend towards Filling in Unknowns with the Issues from previous realationships, both real, and On Line. Fears, Apprehensions, Mistrusts, Vulnerabilities, and Insecurities can creep in to spoil an otherwise workable relationship. The fear of the relationship Failing can become so great, that one never really gives it a Fair chance, and Failure becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. On Line or off, we are the Sum of our experiences, and we can make the same Choices, Good, or Bad On Line in the same way we do in RL.

But then, that's Love. it's Never 100% rational.

Angel.