Intelligent Design vs. The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Check this out: Open Letter To The Kansas School Board

Quite funny if you have a moment to read it

Heh, excellent.

Hmm, so is Satan actually a ravioli? Always hiding what's inside.

I so want the t-shirt "I was touched by his noodly appendage"!

/chuckles

I wonder if they consider the Olive Garden to be a chapel of the faith or a hideous den of iniquity. The Pasta and Sauce of Him, simmered al dente for you....

haha, that's brilliant. Very cool that a couple minority members of the board actually replied.

Unfortunately, the majority members of the school board won't support this because the letter attempts to defeat them using logic and irony. As everyone knows, the only way to defeat a religious group is through religious conversion by pep rally.

If only there was some sort of "land boat" that could ferry the pirates into Kansas for swashbuckling life affirmations and guilt absolution through poop-deck swabbing (and I have a sneaking suspicion that they know all about the latter already).

One open letter deserves another. I just sent this one to all the board members (whose email addresses are handily posted on the Kansas State Board of Ed website!)

To the Kansas State Board of Education,

A few months ago I heard about your decision to omit the teaching of
evolution and only teach quasi-creationism in public schools. I
reacted by laughing, assuming that it would be a decision that would
come and go. Not hearing about it in the media since, I assumed it was
resolved. When I came across www.venganza.org, (The spaghetti monster
open letter) I was ashamed and saddened to discover that this was
still an issue. I'm just a concerned citizen, but I'd like to express
my thoughts and concerns on this matter, since the Board members'
e-mail addresses were so readily made available online.

Let's put aside the empirical evidence for a moment. Yes, I realize
that everything and everything about science, and the teaching of
science, centers on empirical evidence, making hypothesis, testing in
a scientific manner, and revising theory based on results. But, let's
for a minute put aside Darwin, dinosaur bones, carbon dating,
astronomy showing ancient galaxies, plate tectonics, human and ape DNA
being 99% similar, and the countless other theories that support
evolution. Let's put all that aside and assume that the origins of the
universe should be taught without evolutionary theory.

In this case, The Board would first need to prove that evolution was
not a generally accepted theory. To do so is impossible, but let's put
this aside as well. Let's assume creationism, in one form or another,
is the correct historical way that the Earth and all beings on it were
created. But whose creationism? Christian? And which Christians? Even
discarding other major religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism and
Taoism, most Christian churches have accepted evolution as a valid
theory. The Scopes Monkey Trial should be proof enough that scripture
can be allegory and specific interpretations up for debate. (e.g. The
symbolic significance of the number 7 and 40 throughout The Bible) Not
only is the Kansas State Board of Education disregarding other
religions, but many segments of the Christian faith as well!

Hence, the idea is obviously promoting one very specific religious
interpretation, and is hence unconstitutional for a public schooling
system. The promoting of such a specific theory clearly treads all
over our Freedom of Religion, the one right that caused settlers to
come to America in the first place, and our country's founders held
with a great amount of importance.

I was raised and confirmed Presbyterian, as a point of reference. I'm
also a registered Republican. However, I'm also a college educated man
and I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Theory of Evolution
is valid and fully compatible with Christianity. With all due respect,
I urge that the members of the Board that support removing Evolution
from the curriculum, or adding such a religiously specific theory,
should apologize publicly and resign from for creating such a national
embarrassment to the State of Kansas, which is otherwise a decent and
positively viewed state.

And I imagine you've received countless e-mails, letters, and phone
calls very similar to mine.

Auto-response from Connie Morris, District 5:
(I took liberty with formatting so it's easier to read)

"Thank you for emailing! Please know that I make a sincere effort to read every correspondence that comes my way, however it has become impossible to personally respond to every contact. I deeply appreciate your support and the valuable information that you may provide. Input from each and every individual is important.

PS: The KSBE is NOT seeking to implement Religion in public schools. My hope is to simply encourage criticisms of Evolution-as the evidence to do so abounds.

Be well! -Connie Morris"

I was wondering where you were going for a while there (what, no mention of pirates!!! Shame on you!). Then you got them with the constitution. GJ. That one trumps all arguments.

Unfortunnatly they no more read your letter than they did the others. What a waste of electrons...

What is really sad is the children will suffer for it when they go to college and have 0 knowlege of evolution. Then again, most students have little knowlege but are really great at taking multiple guess tests.

HAhahhaa

Kat, they'll hear about Evolution the same way they hear about Sex: from their friends smoking behind the locker room. Now that Evolution's taboo, it'll be COOL!

that's just too rich.. RAmen.. heheh


(side point: i don't agree with evolutionism blindly. i was raised Christian, mainly non-denominational and as such was long taught that God created everything. on the other hand there are other theories that can't be easily dismissed.. such as the "we were created by aliens" theory.)

yes, seriously.. aliens. advanced technology and all that.. look where we are as humans, technologically speaking. could not a civilazation much more advanced have terraformed and seeded Earth? i'm ot saying it IS what happened, merely that it can't be dismissed either. as scary as it sounds, those who postulate that Evolution and Cristianity can co-exist have to see the validity of the possibility of this theory as well.

entering dangerous territory: and i disagree. Christianity teaches Creationism. evolving from an exploding star isn't the same as being simply *poof* created. not to menion carbon dating is a flawed practice.. or at least was several years ago. i don't know how accurate they are now, but i remember hearing that carbon dating has produced wildly different results from the same sample.

don't get me wrong.. i'm not suggesting ANY of these are completely correct.. just that NONE of them can be proven decisively. we were not present when it happened.. it can not be observed, thus it can not be conclusively proven. nor has it been able to be repeated, so again.. another scientific point that can't be proven, thus none of it can be truly said to be "right".

honestly though, my personal convictions are that aliens are more believable than evolution.. but that's my personal opinion. and i fully expect that almost all will disagree.. but that's what debate is about.. intelligent discourse.

oh yeah.. one more point. to truly answer this, we need to know when/where/how did all of the universe come into being? i'll leave you all with that "brain pain" as i stumble off to bed.. i know it's the "what about before that" question which has hurt my head on multiple occasions.

So how did the aliens arise?

Chicken ... egg ... yadda yadda.

Evolution is also compatible with alien seeding.

Another response. Already, conflicting with another board member.

"To (me), Thank you for your comments. The
information you received is incorrect. We are not
omitting the teaching of evolution, nor are we adding
Intelligent Design to the Science Education Standards
in Kansas. Sincerely, Kathy Martin"

What is really annoying is due to the concept of the separation of church and state, the school board has no business debating this issue, period.

It isn't so much their faults though, a life time of hearing that the US was founded on christain principals and is a christian government you tend to believe it after a while. Unfortunatly most people don't hear about Thomas Jefferson, the writer of the constitution, taking a razor and cutting out parts of the bible he didn't believe in. While he was president no less. Twice.

What's next? Voodoo zombie raising in math class? Cerimony of the Sun during gym class? (American Indian ritual of piercing the flesh and hanging from the piercings) How about an Aztec sacrifice in lue of a frog disection? I'm in favor of the cerimony of the Spagetti Monster during prep rallies and PTA meetings.

The whole "Christian nation" shtick just makes my blood boil, along with the bullshit about the ten commandments being the basis for our legal system. In the realm of "faith" people are free to believe whatever they want, but I wish Christians would stop trying to rewrite history and discredit science that contradicts their fairy tales. History, science, and public schooling should be fact based, not faith based. As the saying goes, don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church.

If Zog eats 3 brains a day and Zarg eats 5 brains a day, how many days will it take the zombies to eat 20 brains?

Disingenuous. The board conducted a stacked hearing in May, and will probably implement guidelines deemphasizing evolution in August.

They did essentially the same thing in 1999, were trounced for it, and apparently haven't learned anything since.

May they simmer in the saucy depths of Al-Fredo with the Satanic Linguini.

Hiro, you're quite right. the alien theory is compatile with evolution, but it's compatible with Intelligent Design as well. even more than that, it's compatible with both!

and yes, "chicken or the egg" is the name of this game. which is why i said there is nothing conclusive and until we can set the 'way back machine' to the beginning of time, we'll never know for sure. at least not by our own means.

another thing that amazes me is how much we all tout freedom, yet when it comes to school (that place where we learn things), people have the gall to say we should teach only one thing or another. that's like saying the only way to prevent pregnancy is by using a condom.. and never mentioning abstinance.

as far as Christianity being some historical brain-washing game.. that's just wrong. it may not be 100% correct, but it's not 100% wrong either. there is archealogical evidence of many things from the Bible; therefor, it lends itself to some amount of validity.

just like evolution has been shown to be true.. to a degree. we know that some animals have adapted to their surroundings, but that's within a species, not one becoming another. so that part, sure.. but still, there is proof of more than that as well.

what i'm trying to say is that there's proof towards both sides being right, but no clear cut evidence of either being wholly correct.

at this point, nobody's right and nobody's wrong. maybe everyone's right.. but maybe everyone's wrong, too?

We should teach things that are backed by facts and evidence. If the only facts that support a given "theory" is that you can't prove a negative then it doesn't meet a high enough evidentiary standard to be considered. Much of the aversion to the theory of evolution is a complete misunderstanding of the meaning of the word "theory" in scientific terms. Gravity is also only a theory, so should we also teach that all surfaces might be covered with invisible suction cups that can't be detected? Both gravity and evolution are backed up by mountains of factual evidence. There's not a single shred of evidence to support creationism or intelligent design. Theories evolve as new evidence is discovered and new observations are made. Evolution represents the best theory to support the available evidence and is accepted by the vast majority of scientists. That's why it's taught and why creationism is not. Facts aren't democratic.

As for abstinence, there's a ton of evidence that abstinence only sex education doesn't work, and in fact has the opposite effect of the intended purpose. School is about teaching fact and achieving results. It's not about giving equal time to religion or avoiding what works best because it ruffles the feathers of some religious people. People who would rather have their children learn dogma can send them to a parochial school.

Another reply:

"Dear [me], Thank you for your message. Checkout my response on the FSM website, also know I did not support the hearings nor do I support changing the definition of science to include supernatural explanations; unfortunately, I am in a minority of four on the state board. The six member majority on the state board have held the hearings and seem determined to change the definition of science.

Kansas has a long history of very strong education. Kansas is rated in the top 10 of about anything that is used to measure educational quality nationally. That is one of the things that the minority on the state board finds so troublesome we feel the quality of our education system could be jeopardized as a result of this action to weaken science standards. Unfortunately, our minority of four votes will not stop the six member majority on the board from acting.

In 1999 the state board adopted science standards that seriously de-valued evolution. In 2000 the Kansas electorate removed three of the four members who voted for the 1999 flawed standards. I expect they will do the same in 2006.

Also, be aware this movement is in your state as well. Are you registered to vote and prepared to keep this element out of positions of authority in your state? Some of the six member majority were elected in Primary Elections with less than a 10% voter turnout.

Sincerely,

Sue Gamble

PS The standards as now proposed by the six member majority do not include the words creationism or intelligent design but the definition of science tacitly includes the acknowledgement that there are other explantions for science than natural ones; ID concepts are also included in the body of the standards document without attribution. At the very least I find this disengenuous by the six member majority. The language is subtle but the concepts are there and I think they weaken the science standards and I will oppose them.

PPS The controversy here in Kansas has come down to raw political power which is unfortunate. The 2006 election cycle for both the Kansas House and the State Board of Education is going to be critical. Stay tuned."

I think I like her.

my reply to Ms. Gamble:

"Dear Ms. Gamble,

Thank you for taking the time to provide a response with a greater
insight to the situation.

I'm curious what the students of Kansas' public schooling system feel
about the whole issue; my gut tells me that a great deal are having a
good laugh over this. Perhaps "Inherit the Wind" should be included in
the American Literature reading / movie watching list?

As you point out, it's unfortunate that a few folks elected with a
small number of votes suddenly feel it's their mandate to make such
drastic measures. I imagine the recent emminent domain ruling in the
Supreme Court will lead to even more abuses of power by local planning
boards, who are generally elected in equally low-turnout elections.

What strikes me as ironic is that if the 6-member majority gets their
way, I believe it will actually do *more* to discredit literal
Creationism. I mean, seriously ... can you imagine having a debate in
the classroom, and how stacked that showdown would be?

Good luck with the issue.

Sincerely,
[me]"

I'd just like to point out that Intelligent Design is not, or ever was an alternative to evolution. It is an alternative to the Big Bang theory (to which there are also many other alternatives, the latest fad being String/SuperString Theory and Membranes) and all the other various creation theories. It does not address and explain the factual processes of Evolution (which is akin to the factual processes of Gravity) as the Theory of Evolution, as developed today, does. Saying evolution hasn't been proven or is only a theory, is like saying, "Well 1+1=2 is only a theory, it could be wrong or it's only right . . . to a degree". Maybe I need something more blatently obvious or outrageous. Saying evolution has a valid alternative that should be taught as science is like saying "Now we all know breathing oxygen is bad, so we should just stop entirely."

Saying, "oh god/a-higher-power did it", has been the religious cop-out to performing science and learning things for time immemorial. When we couldn't explain lightning and thunder we had Thor and Zeus. I hope we can move beyond the childish phase of making up junk to explain things we don't understand. Critical thinking people.

Further, Carbon dating: Our planet is wonderously old enough that volcanic, tectonic and various other recylcing effects allow differently radioactively aged carbon to be found in the same place, the same time strata and the same object. This means that if I go ahead and carbon date you, it is highly likely most of you will carbon date out to near the same date, however it is also quite possible bits of you are older or younger. Radioactive decay is not random, the age of a single object can be. Averages are your friend.

And finally, religion is wrong on this issue of evolution. Science is right. And everywhere science makes a claim, it can and has proven it. Everywhere religion makes a claim, it makes stuff up, fails to back it up, and forces you to take it as faith that they are right.