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I'm not worth human thouigt...

Pendari Lorentz
Senior Member
Join date: 5 Sep 2003
Posts: 4,372
09-20-2005 20:00
Ok.. My hubby of 10 years (not countinh (those years)... Thinks I'm pretty much a waste of space.. that sober or drunk.. he is right and I am wrong. So.. I give you an ode to marriage

WE BOTH SUCK :)
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*hugs everyone*
Kate Hanks
AFK Queen
Join date: 17 Oct 2003
Posts: 337
09-20-2005 20:04
HUGS PEN! You're a sweety pie, don't ever let anyone tell you different! :)
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Corwin Weber
Registered User
Join date: 2 Oct 2003
Posts: 390
09-20-2005 20:38
Ok, so he's a bastard.

*hugs*
katykiwi Moonflower
Esquirette
Join date: 5 Dec 2003
Posts: 1,489
09-20-2005 21:11
Oh Pen, that's a tough thing to face and even harder to say. Whatever event prompted that post must be very painful. I am sorry you are experiencing this. *hugs*
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Schwanson Schlegel
SL's Tokin' Villain
Join date: 15 Nov 2003
Posts: 2,721
09-20-2005 21:15
If it makes you feel any better, I suck too. :o
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Maeve Morgan
ZOMG Resmod!
Join date: 2 Apr 2004
Posts: 1,512
09-20-2005 21:37
Want me to kick him in the nuts? :D
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Located in Shark
Everything under $100L
Frostie Flora
Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally
Join date: 27 May 2004
Posts: 526
09-20-2005 22:06
Awwww pen, If it makes your day my EX called me a useless bag of Squrrels.
last year he fell down the stairs and went to prison, :O

in the end, if you call names in my house, you go down a flight of stairs and into Prison, :D
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Euterpe Roo
The millionth monkey
Join date: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 1,395
09-20-2005 22:30
Pen. I am so sorry. So, so sorry.

Be strong, girl.
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Selador Cellardoor
Registered User
Join date: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 3,082
09-21-2005 03:04
Pendari,

*Hugs*

Selador
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Willow Zander
Having Blahgasms
Join date: 22 May 2004
Posts: 9,935
09-21-2005 03:18
Pen you are the worth so much more than anyone could ever express :)

Keep yer chin up lovey... WE LOVE YOU

<333
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Eggy Lippmann
Wiktator
Join date: 1 May 2003
Posts: 7,939
09-21-2005 03:55
Have you tried wearing police tape IRL? That would have worked for me ;)
Pendari Lorentz
Senior Member
Join date: 5 Sep 2003
Posts: 4,372
09-21-2005 04:46
I'm an even worse speller when I'm angry. :o

Thank you all for your kind words!! It means a great deal to me to have such good friends and caring people around me.

I cannot believe I actually hit submit. :o I guess this is just the community I turn to for everything. You all are such a part of my life.

I do want to express that my husband and I very much love each other. However, when we fight, it gets nasty. *Never* violent. But he (and even I) can say the most horrible of things to each other. It is really awful. :( But, we are working on not fighting as much. And actually we do not fight nearly as much as we did 4 years ago. At that point in time it was almost daily.

At any rate. I'm ok. I needed to vent. He apologized. I did as well. We kissed and made up. But today will be an "off" day for us both. As it is always shaking to fight the way we do. :(

I'm sorry to vent out on all of you. But I really do appretiate your shoulders to cry on. *HUGS*

Oh. And yes Eggy. I'm actually trying to get my hands on some of that tape in RL. :p


EDIT to add: Frostie. You made me spit coffee everywhere!! :p
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*hugs everyone*
Zapoteth Zaius
Is back
Join date: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 5,634
09-21-2005 04:55
From: Pendari Lorentz
I'm an even worse speller when I'm angry. :o

Thank you all for your kind words!! It means a great deal to me to have such good friends and caring people around me.

I cannot believe I actually hit submit. :o I guess this is just the community I turn to for everything. You all are such a part of my life.

I do want to express that my husband and I very much love each other. However, when we fight, it gets nasty. *Never* violent. But he (and even I) can say the most horrible of things to each other. It is really awful. :( But, we are working on not fighting as much. And actually we do not fight nearly as much as we did 4 years ago. At that point in time it was almost daily.

At any rate. I'm ok. I needed to vent. He apologized. I did as well. We kissed and made up. But today will be an "off" day for us both. As it is always shaking to fight the way we do. :(

I'm sorry to vent out on all of you. But I really do appretiate your shoulders to cry on. *HUGS*

Oh. And yes Eggy. I'm actually trying to get my hands on some of that tape in RL. :p


EDIT to add: Frostie. You made me spit coffee everywhere!! :p


Get a taser gun, and use it.. Aversion therapy always works..
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Rose Karuna
Lizard Doctor
Join date: 5 Jun 2004
Posts: 3,772
09-21-2005 06:47
*Hugs Pen*

I can relate.

Hubby and I have been married around the same amount of time.

We are remodeling a house and trying to sell the the house we live in and move into the one we have been remodeling. All this, while we are both working demanding 10 hour a day jobs.

Not to mention cleaning up after the odd bitch that blows through like Katrina or Rita ie; trees down, roofs leaking, no power, etc.

yada yada yada.

Sometimes the stress gets to you no matter how hard you try to get along and no matter how much you care about each other. It's nearly impossible not to feel like a usless sack of squirrels sometimes - I love that analogy btw. Just make sure no one goes tumbling down the steps.
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Lecktor Hannibal
YOUR MOM
Join date: 1 Jul 2004
Posts: 6,734
09-21-2005 07:00
Pen, "You're always a woman to meeeee......."

*HUGS*
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Cocoanut Koala
Coco's Cottages
Join date: 7 Feb 2005
Posts: 7,903
09-21-2005 08:53
Remodeling - OR moving - it is a guaranteed rotten stretch of time in a couple's life.

My husband and I always have a museum fight, too. We first discovered this in our very early days of marriage when we went to New York and visited the Metropolitan Museum. Now, I'd seen that museum before, having lived in NYC, but that didn't make me any less eager on that visit. And my husband is an art teacher.

Right there in the Egyptian display we had this huge frustration/disagreement/argument with each other over what part of the museum to see first, next, etc., and how much time to spend in each part. It was quite startling, actually, since we were pretty much still newlyweds. And it was INTENSE. Two people both fiercely and passionately determined to go in different directions, lol.

Since then, we've visited a lot of museums together. We knew after that first experience that there WOULD be a museum fight. Always. That helped. And nowadays, we scarcely fight at all in a museum, because when we start, we just recognize it as The Museum Fight and chill. haha

Now when we moved into this house, THAT was serious. Just all the work and the details, without even realizing how much of an ill effect it was having, led to me actually sitting in my car in a parking lot somewhere smoking and contemplating leaving him. (I guess he does act like an ass in those situations, and maybe - MAYBE but I very much doubt it - I do, too.)

I sat there a long time making plans about a condo of my own, etc., and what to do with the kids. Then I cut to the chase and asked myself down deep: Do you really want to leave him? The answer was no. Absolutely not. OK, then, get back home and get on with it, miserable though you are. This, too, shall pass, and it did.

Even the regretful things said which hurt our feelings so much will pale eventually in the strong sunlight of real love. (Though, being women, it's our perogative to remember every last one of them verbatim forever and drag them up in any future argument, lol.)

coco
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Tai Tuppakaka
Curious Fellow
Join date: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 109
09-21-2005 09:05
Having been thru two marriages and many, many, fights, and now being single with no one to fight with, it's hard for me to decide which situation is better. In a weird way, I kind of miss the fighting. At least it was some type of emotional connection.
April Firefly
Idiosyncratic Poster
Join date: 3 Aug 2004
Posts: 1,253
09-21-2005 09:20
From: Pendari Lorentz
I'm an even worse speller when I'm angry. :o

Thank you all for your kind words!! It means a great deal to me to have such good friends and caring people around me.

I cannot believe I actually hit submit. :o I guess this is just the community I turn to for everything. You all are such a part of my life.

I do want to express that my husband and I very much love each other. However, when we fight, it gets nasty. *Never* violent. But he (and even I) can say the most horrible of things to each other. It is really awful. :( But, we are working on not fighting as much. And actually we do not fight nearly as much as we did 4 years ago. At that point in time it was almost daily.

At any rate. I'm ok. I needed to vent. He apologized. I did as well. We kissed and made up. But today will be an "off" day for us both. As it is always shaking to fight the way we do. :(

I'm sorry to vent out on all of you. But I really do appretiate your shoulders to cry on. *HUGS*

Oh. And yes Eggy. I'm actually trying to get my hands on some of that tape in RL. :p


EDIT to add: Frostie. You made me spit coffee everywhere!! :p




Pen, you can vent with us any day. We all know how it is. We're here for you.



From: Frostie Flora
Awwww pen, If it makes your day my EX called me a useless bag of Squrrels.
last year he fell down the stairs and went to prison, :O

in the end, if you call names in my house, you go down a flight of stairs and into Prison, :D


Frostie, what country is it illegal to fall down the stairs? Or were the two separate events?

(Please forgive me for being silly)

April
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Chip Midnight
ate my baby!
Join date: 1 May 2003
Posts: 10,231
09-21-2005 09:39
From: Tai Tuppakaka
Having been thru two marriages and many, many, fights, and now being single with no one to fight with, it's hard for me to decide which situation is better. In a weird way, I kind of miss the fighting. At least it was some type of emotional connection.


I hear ya Tai. I've never been married, and have never really had a very long term relationship. The freedom is nice, but I'm well aware of everything I'm missing. Life is always a double edged sword. Then again, if it wasn't, how would we know to appreciate the good stuff?
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Taco Rubio
also quite creepy
Join date: 15 Feb 2004
Posts: 3,349
09-21-2005 09:42
From: Chip Midnight
I hear ya Tai. I've never been married, and have never really had a very long term relationship. The freedom is nice, but I'm well aware of everything I'm missing. Life is always a double edged sword. Then again, if it wasn't, how would we know to appreciate the good stuff?


me too, let's fight!
Angel Coral
Otherworldly
Join date: 12 Dec 2003
Posts: 224
*big hugs*
09-21-2005 09:47
I was so sorry to read your initial post, Pen. I've been there and my SL friends always came through for me! I'm glad things are better. Sometimes I would like a watermelon blaster in RL though. Just the thought of making my Ex fly backwards and drenched in pink seedy pulp cheers me up!!!

angel
Nimue Galatea
я говорю по русски ;)
Join date: 24 May 2004
Posts: 517
09-21-2005 10:56
It's called emotional abuse and it ain't funny. Unless you do something about it, it's only going to get worse.
Beryl Greenacre
Big Scaredy-Baby
Join date: 24 Jun 2003
Posts: 1,312
09-21-2005 11:14
Pen, I couldn't believe my eyes when I read your first post in this thread. You are *far* from a "waste of space," and I cannot believe your husband said that to you, whether he was drunk, enraged, or in any other altered state.

When my husband of seven years (nine-plus years total together) and I fight, we try to do so from a position of respect for each other. Yes, we cross over the line into nastiness sometimes. However, I think if either of us said something like what your husband said to you... I dunno, I just think it could call into doubt, in my mind, at least, how we really felt about each other, or ourselves.

I hope that, if this fight is any indication of what one of your typical marital battles are like, you are seeing or considering seeing some sort of marriage counselor. I really think it might help to set up some ground rules about what can and can't be said during a fight between the two of you, and to do this when you are both calm and in control. I also really think you should let your husband know how what he said made you feel.

Yes, marriage can suck, and it is mostly a constant series of compromises and adjustments so that two personalities/egos can live in a partnership that is mutually beneficial. A good and fair balance is the key to any marriage, as I'm sure you well know, Pen, being a Libra (which is ruled by the balancing scales :) ). If a partnership is out of balance, it needs to be re-examined and adjusted.

Hang in there, Pendari, you're an exceptional person. :)
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Torley Linden
Enlightenment!
Join date: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 16,530
09-21-2005 11:18
PenPen, you're worth it. :) You may want to consider clip-and-saving this thread for the next time that comes along, so you do remember! However, I hope there isn't a next time, or at least, in the coming months, that sort of treatment will diminish because you know how much I hate vicious, redundant cycles that put a downer on lives.

*huggerz*
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Pendari Lorentz
Senior Member
Join date: 5 Sep 2003
Posts: 4,372
09-21-2005 12:19
*hugs* again! Thank you again everyone for your support while I was upset. It really does mean a lot to me!! :)

Some things I should clarify. One, my husband doesn't drink. I'm the one who drinks (probably more often and more drink than I should - but that is for another day to discuss).

The other thing is yes, he said that. To be fair though, I've said as bad and worse to him as well. As has he to me. When we fight, we literally *do* say horrible horrible things to each other that we don't mean. This particular fight last night, I *was* in the right. And I was furious and sad, and in a fit I sat down and vented. :o

We don't need councling, we need to just stop picking the most horrible thing that comes to our mind to say to the other when we are mad. And my husband didn't *use* to fight that way. He learned it from me. I learned it from my family growing up. And thankfully, we only fight about once every couple of months now. Four years ago we were fighting daily. We have done a lot of healing and growing together since then, but we still aren't perfect. And we did *just* move into our first house. A lot of stress going on right now.

Our relationship is more like how Rose describes. And Rose, it is great to have someone that can relate. Sometimes I hate to vent because I'm afraid people will think I have this awful husband or something. But really sometimes I *just* need to vent. Athough I do love Angel's watermellon blaster idea. :p
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*hugs everyone*
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