Bad Pick up Lines Thread
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Madame Maracas
Not who you think I am...
Join date: 7 Jun 2004
Posts: 1,953
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07-16-2005 04:15
How to summarize?
4th of July, visiting my college roomie during summer break, stop by a pond/lake in a rural-ish area where folks are shooting bottle rockets over the water, drinking beers, hanging out etc. and one of our groups' b/f's knows some of these folks.
Cute guy comes up to me, grabs my hand and hauls me off into the brush, following my buddy (she's local) and her summer b/f. He ducks under some branches and there is a little patted down area, just about king-sized bed-in-the-round sized, and we start necking.
Did I mention the 1/2 gallon of lemon-lime Kool-aid spiked (heavily) w/vodka we'd been guzzling all night through a horrendous drive-in showing of Cannonball Run II (I think that's what the movie was but I'm a little blurry on the details)?
So we're kissing, and he's a good kisser, and then he starts trying to go for the lower zone. I"m stopping him. He keeps trying. He starts to tell me that he'll come visit me at college. (I met him right before he dragged me back here!) I tell him I don't believe that, kissing should be fine. Now, he's telling me he loves me! I'm trying really hard not to laugh in his face!
I'd survived a year at a Big 10 school replete with Frat Boys ALL over the place (russian hands roman fingers, etc.), and this was the funniest I'd heard yet.
But wait it gets better!
Then he goes for the gold. "But I'll eat you out!"
I was saved from hysterics by my companions calling for me! Got myself out of the brush and back in the Volkswagen, laughing all the way. It became code for a bad pass "But I'll eat you out!"
5 minutes into knowing him, he wasn't THAT good a kisser! LOL 
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Teeny Leviathan
Never started World War 3
Join date: 20 May 2003
Posts: 2,716
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07-16-2005 06:13
This one was used in a pretty bad cable porn movie. "Take me to your house. Show me your penis". I figured he would take her home, give her a tour of his house. At the end of the tour, they would be in the den. At this point, he proudly shows off a mounted sperm whale penis he has hanging on the wall. 
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Einsman Schlegel
Disenchanted Fool
Join date: 11 Jun 2003
Posts: 1,461
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07-16-2005 06:26
'I'm interested in you, and only you' - then the female starts stripping.
Riiiiight, dream on. When we really know whats on this guy's mind is just sex.
Why do porn movies always have to have corny lines that don't make any sense whatsoever?
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kashie Diamond
Certified Egg Licker
Join date: 28 Mar 2005
Posts: 13
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07-17-2005 07:01
oh the best way I ever got picked up was in another game called Sociolotron...
In that game you can have children then delete your charictar to play the child. The child gets 1/2 the xp of each parent. Well I had very little and so I asked a friend how I can get lots of xp fast. He tells me to get it on with someone with lots of xp then take over the child. So I went and asked around and heard this one guy has lots of xp. I was honest so maybe it was me picking HIM up. I said Hi can I have your baby. His response..if you become my slave for one week yes.
Well a year and a half later.............**lots of love to Master Foulcault**
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Phaedre Muir
Registered User
Join date: 5 Jul 2005
Posts: 15
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07-17-2005 14:28
*holds up a screw* Wanna screw?
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pandastrong Fairplay
all bout the BANG POW NOW
Join date: 16 Aug 2004
Posts: 2,920
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07-17-2005 14:43
"Hello, I am pandastrong Fairplay"
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"Honestly, you are a gem -- fun, creative, and possessing strong social convictions. I think LL should be paying you to be in their game."~ Ulrika Zugzwang on the iconography of pandastrong in the media "That's no good. Someone is going to take your place as SL's cutest boy while you're offline."~ Ingrid Ingersoll on the topic of LL refusing to pay pandastrong for being in their game.
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Madame Maracas
Not who you think I am...
Join date: 7 Jun 2004
Posts: 1,953
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07-24-2005 21:54
"Hi, I'm not Pandastrong Fairplay but I can pretend if you will take me home and make hot monkey love to me." You know it's gonna happen, you know it is!
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Su 6 Trinity Serpentine
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Richie Waves
Predictable
Join date: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 1,424
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07-25-2005 00:59
Who made your jeans? they have a lovely arse in them... I love every bone in your body.. especially mine.. Say Bitch..wanna f**k? (ok a little crude, but works everytime)
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no u!
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Lo Jacobs
Awesome Possum
Join date: 28 May 2004
Posts: 2,734
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07-25-2005 01:05
From: Lupo Clymer Number 2
"See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute."
Extremely original, this line will make you stand out from the pack. This line virtually guarantees that she will smile. You may not leave with her that night, but you may get her phone number or at least chat it up for a while. Hahah I love that one I was actually going to post that, but you got here first!
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http://churchofluxe.com/Luster 
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koolhand Koolhaas
Uncensored McGillicuty
Join date: 26 Nov 2004
Posts: 996
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07-25-2005 06:36
Look at you... with all those curves... and me... with no brakes.
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"A woman is just a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." - Rudyard Kipling
"It's not who wants to sleep with you; it's who wants to sleep with you again." - David Lee Roth
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Newfie Pendragon
Crusty and proud of it
Join date: 19 Dec 2003
Posts: 1,025
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07-25-2005 07:11
As recalled from my old IRC days...
"Nice shoes, wanna f*@k?"
- Newfie
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Lecktor Hannibal
YOUR MOM
Join date: 1 Jul 2004
Posts: 6,734
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07-25-2005 10:02
Pick-up lines you might want to avoid using at the local biker bar!
1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck.
9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?
14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?
15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"
17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?
22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.
23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.
24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
28. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
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YOUR MOM says, 'Come visit us at SC MKII http://secondcitizen.net ' From: Khamon Fate Oh, Lecktor, you're terrible. Bikers have more fun than people !
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Garoad Kuroda
Prophet of Muppetry
Join date: 5 Sep 2003
Posts: 2,989
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07-25-2005 17:44
From: Colette Meiji At this he said "But you dont have cocks!"
*rolls eyes* What's great about SL is that you could solve that problem relatively quickly. Now... excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom so I don't get vomit on the rug.
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BTW
WTF is C3PO supposed to be USEFUL for anyway, besides whining? Stupid piece of scrap metal would be more useful recycled as a toaster. But even that would suck, because who would want to listen to a whining wussy toaster? Is he gold plated? If that's the case he should just be melted down into gold ingots. Help the economy some, and stop being so damn useless you stupid bucket of bolts! R2 is 1,000 times more useful than your tin man ass, and he's shaped like a salt and pepper shaker FFS!
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Lordfly Digeridoo
Prim Orchestrator
Join date: 21 Jul 2003
Posts: 3,628
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07-25-2005 17:55
Winston: "Madam, Would you sleep with me for 1m Pounds?"
Unknown woman: "Yes sir, I think i would"
Winston: "Well, how about 1 Pound?"
Unknown woman: "Winston! What sort of woman do you think i am?"
Winston: "Madam, that matter has already been solved. Now we're just bartering over your price."
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Siggy Romulus
DILLIGAF
Join date: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 5,711
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07-25-2005 18:08
Nice shoes... wanna fuck?
Anonymous guy who isn't me : 'Tickle your arse with a feather?'
Girl : 'WHAT?'
Anonymous guy who isn't me : (looks up at sky) 'Particularly nasty weather...'
Later after 10 beers:
Anonymous guy who isn't me : 'Wipe yur butt with a chick'n? (hic) ?'
Girl : 'WTF?'
Anonymous guy who isn't me : (looking up at the sky) 'C*nt of a day...'
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The Second Life forums are living proof as to why it's illegal for people to have sex with farm animals. From: Jesse Linden I, for one, am highly un-helped by this thread
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Euterpe Roo
The millionth monkey
Join date: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 1,395
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07-25-2005 19:21
Some of the above posters, with all due respect, have great earning potential as screenwriters for German porn.  Who said 'German porn'? eeep (No disrespect is intended for the German porn industry) |
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Vincent Cinquetti
Happy-go-lucky scamp
Join date: 22 Jun 2005
Posts: 134
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07-25-2005 21:18
*looks at the tag on the back of her tshirt* "Sorry. I was just looking to see if you were Made in Heaven"
Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
We need to alert heaven. I think they've lost an angel!
*licks his finger and puts it on her tshirt* "Say why dont we go home and get you out of these wet clothes?"
Do you sleep on your stomach? No? Can I?
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Canceled my products as there is no interest. Abashed, the devil stood and felt how awful goodness is.
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Margaret Mfume
I.C.
Join date: 30 Dec 2004
Posts: 2,492
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Quote from a newbie during his first few hours in SL:
07-29-2005 11:57
I'm going to go play Strip Bingo. Want to come? I want to see your rack.
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hush 
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Billy Grace
Land Market Facilitator
Join date: 8 Mar 2004
Posts: 2,307
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07-29-2005 12:53
Hey sweet cheeks... nice mole you have there.. how'd ya get it to grow hair that long?
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I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese, 1939 -
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Madame Maracas
Not who you think I am...
Join date: 7 Jun 2004
Posts: 1,953
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07-29-2005 14:53
You here with anyone?
No ... (cautious, know the pain is coming up)
Wanna be?
Pfft....
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RadioRadio - http://radioradiosl.com
M 6 Hobbes Abattoir
T 7 Sezmra Svorag
W 4 Brian Mason
W 6 Moira Stern
W 8 Nala Galatea
Th 6 Chet Neurocam
F 6 Vertigo Paris
F 9 Madame Maracas
S 5 Madame Maracas
S 8 TriNala
Su 6 Trinity Serpentine
http://madamemaracas.wordpress.com - Madame Maracas Blaaagh
Plurk - http://www.plurk.com/user/MadameMaracas
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Liquid Zidane
Enjoy
Join date: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 174
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07-30-2005 13:33
Why don't you come sit on my lap. We'll talk about the first thing that pops up. 
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"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." ~Harvey Fierstein
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Buck Weaver
Unsolicited Onterator
Join date: 18 May 2003
Posts: 251
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07-30-2005 14:35
Do you like gardening?
Well, you can plant your tu lips right here.
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My karma ran over your dogma.
Thoughts become things.
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Burke Prefect
Cafe Owner, Superhero
Join date: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 2,785
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07-30-2005 15:15
I don't have any pickup lines.
I don't need them. I just show up, dance, occassionally say something and they're all over me.
Now in a REAL club, I'm usually stuck at a table enjoying the cheap drinks.
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FlipperPA Peregrine
Magically Delicious!
Join date: 14 Nov 2003
Posts: 3,703
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07-30-2005 15:54
Hey babe, I'd call you mommy and beg for a spanking!
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Foolish Frost
Grand Technomancer
Join date: 7 Mar 2005
Posts: 1,433
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07-31-2005 04:21
The talk of lesbiens reminds me of something from a few months ago.
I sitting with a few others, and finally the talk directs itself to my manager. One guy there says "Well, I could make her squeal..."
Someone politly informed him that she was not interested in men, and that it would not be an option regardless.
He replies: "That's okay. One taste of me and she would straighten out!"
Now, I don't even LIKE the manager in question, but some things just should not be allowed to be said. It was crude, egotistical, and rather sad.
I went in after like a shark smelling chum...
"Oh. I'm sorry! Didn't anyone tell you?" All heads turn to me. "Just because every woman you ever had turned to women in horror, it does not mean it works the other way around!"
Took two guys to keep him from trying to belt me one... It was worth it, and he quit the same day in shame. Seems no one could stop laughing when they saw him in the hall at work...
Mein-Gott! I hate guys like that...
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