Its Just Not Right

Tonight I was sitting in Sanctuary (Kindred Home), surrounded by friends when Death Grace IMed me angry that I relayed our first meeting without posting the part where he apologized. Well, know you know, after he sat on my couch told me I was inferior and of course I would not agree being inferior and all and tried to turn my friends against me on some white power trip. After all that he did say sorry for hurting my feelings. My inferior feelings thank him. But this is not what saddens me. It angers me, yes. But Death Grace is only one person. I can shrug him off.

What saddens me is the indeference you people have to this kind of behavior. I have never seen a place like this in RL or online where people not only shrug off abusive treatment based on race they defend it. If I here, "But Death Grace is a nice person, I met him at blah blah blah"...one more time I swear to god I will scream. Guess what. He is not nice to me. Was it because I was not nice to him? No. Did I take all his money through a glitch? No. Did I spy on him in an invis box? No. I am not a stupid person. There are good reasons to not like me. I am far from perfect. The color of my avatar is not a good reason to not like me and even if it was just leave me alone.

But what about my friends, surely they have my back right? They have my back when people actually dislike me for good reasons. But when it comes to this, "Hey, he is a nice guy..." I feel like tossing this moniter across the room right now. Just because its not you and it can't be you, why are you so....grrrr...nonchalant about it? I didn't do anything to deserve to have my game play ruined, well I have done a lot of things to deserve my game play ruined, but making my avatar in my own image wasn't one of them. What if he was a really nice guy other than the fact that he hated women or what if he was a really nice guy other than the fact that he totured puppies, would whatever he do be so excusable then?

When people were harrassing furries I went out and bought a tail and ears in support, when someone asks me for help, I make time. I even gave up all I own to start a community in SL, but in this I am alone. And it is making the best game I ever played into the worst.

Death Grace explained the reason he is so accepted is because deep down you guys feel the same way he does. You just won't admit it. I must say, from the response I have gotten from my own friends I am starting to believe that is true. I seriously hope thats not true.

i try not to get involved in anything to serious since this is only a game but i'll make this one of those exceptions.

i wasn't aware that you had recieved this treatment. i hope you have taken the appropriate measures, including sending a log of the chat history to the Lindens. We can argue about religion, but I think we can all agree that racism has no place anywhere (although it finds its way everywhere).

i don't understand all the melodrama though. racism is a fact of life. don't let it bring oyu down like that.

and as a side note, you should stop accepting blame for a get rich quick casino machine failing on account of incompetent scripting. anyone who sides with idiots and racists is probably an idiot or a racist.

<waiting for some cyborg dumbass to argue that there is no such thing as race on the internet>

man deadlines put me in a posting mood

Haven't met him, don't particualarly want to.

I have to wade through so much ignorant and hatefull crap at work I try to avoid it in SL.

Just put 'Uncle Cracker' behind you, theres plenty of decent folks around.

Siggy.

Thats not the part that urks me. I wasn't too broken up about him. He didn't say anything bad, just mad I didn't mention his apology and reminded me of god given inferiority. I could have gotten over that fast than the time it takes me to find the mute button. The part that urks me is how okay everyone is with him and others like him in SL. I find that, "Oh Kas, don't be mad, he is a good guy." Crap both shocking and disgusting. I guess this is the first game I have ever played where this could be an issue. I mean EQ, AO, DAoC...race so not an issue, unless we are talking elves. And I don't deal with this garbage in RL.

Shrug. I live in Chicago? I attended UIUC which is mostly white and even though we still have the chief as a mascot I can't say I have had to deal with racism there. Something small every now and then. But not like this. No one has ever called me the N word in RL, but it seems like people can't type it fast enough on SL. And while I went to school there the majority of my friends where white and even though I was "the black friend" I was "the friend" first and I could not imagine them just shrugging off behavior like this in RL. I can't imagine RL aquantiances shrugging it off.

I have found that most folks who 'think' like Mister Grace that they are 'superior' to someone else because of race, religion, or whatever, are like this because they deperately NEED to feel superior to someone. Deep down they know they are losers. They are ignorant, most often not very educated, have have very little self-esteem. So, when they encounter some hate group or organization that teaches them they are 'better' than someone else, they immediately latch on to the ideology. Don't hate them. Pity them. And, remember. A racist is ALWAYS a loser. No exceptions. Ever.

Kas I am really sorry you are going through this, as I stated before when you posted about this... but I am not understanding why you dont have this idiot on mute?
you say this...

What do you mean by "people" I have never seen this word used in SL... are you refferring to one person? or has thier been several?
Just a minor detail I was confused on, but I am curious to know the answer.

Five times. I have been in five racial incidents since I started this game, three I got called the N word. So no, its not just an isolated incident and each time I have one of my friends standing near by either shrugging it off or blaming me for reporting the person that was "a good guy" other than that one things they said to you.

Cristiano Midnight: I have a problem with you demeaning someone for nothing other than their race
Death Grace: well shes a ignorant bitch is that better?

---

Cristiano

I find it hard to believe that there are people who judge people upon there race still living. While I do find they're motives hard to believe, the real reason why I can't believe they're still alive is because I don't know how you can think something like that and still have an IQ high enough to put on your socks in the morning.

In all seriousness, while I've only met one person who was really racist in SL (he refused to talk to me after I told him I was born Jewish) this is certainly a terrible thing, and anyone who condones it any way is not a good person.

YAY! He hates me for me! Thats the most I can ask. Dr. King would be proud.

Seriously though, thank you Cristiano. Not just for saying something to him. But for saying something to me as I am starting to feel very alone in this.

Now that I am no longer emotional, I think I can articulate my issue.

Death thinks I am inferior.

I try to explain I am not inferior.

But my opinion doesn't count cause I am inferior.

Well I have a good thirty friends who opinion should count because they are the correct complexion, but they are staring at the clouds twiddling their thumbs.

They are behaving like they agree with Death.

I am hurt. Not because of what he thinks but because what they are implying they think.

<---isn't worth a "no, you are wrong".

Hey alright. Welcome to SL. This is normal and accepted in the game and also the leading cause of fights and disputes you see in and out of the game. You stand up to defend something and they sit the in their corner when it comes time for someone to watch out for you. That or they just are to self centered and dont care about anyone but themselves. That's a big thing in SL too.

Another big thing in SL too. Ego. The stuff folks just love to inflate themselves with. To bad they dont realize its helium instead of oxygen. oops.

Yes, I'm SLs BEST MODEL/DANCER.

Yes, I'm the best and you're not.

Yes, you're a bitch and I'm not.

or something like that anyways.

Just ignore them. They're insecure, ignorant, and stupid like the rest of the people who do things like that.

Kas, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Good for you for speaking out. Your posts in the forum to date have told me you're a very together person, with both insight and perceptiveness. A deep thinker. And a feeling and caring person. I'd be honored to get to know you.

Some of the stuff that goes on in SL, inworld and in the forum, are terribly hard to understand, and maybe not meant to be understood at all. But just abhorred by people who are thinking and caring.

You have a right to your feelings, and people shouldn't dismiss them. If you're hurt, you're hurt. If you're angry, you're angry.

I promise you, you're not alone. There are many good people in SL who won't shrug off your feelings.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please holler at me.

Huggss & hang in there,
Candie

This sounds familiar...

Isn't Death Grace also that Neo-Nazi?

He is the one that James Miller posted about awhile back. I had an interesting conversation with him today about Kasandra where he told me to get out of his country, and uttered the lovely thing he said above about Kasandra. The guy is a prince. Anyone who stands up for that, or stands by while he demeans someone and does not speak out is somehow just as low as he is.

Cristiano

Its very easy to be a racist hiding behind an avatar somewhere out in the Internet. Probably wouldn't dare to spew that same crap to your face. Devlin called this one right. LOSER.

I bet this idiot thinks he is superior to Albert Einstein too. Who was Jewish just in case you didn't know. I don't see how these ignoramuses who contribute NOTHING to society can think they are better than those who do.

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to you, Kassandra. Both the hurtful remarks and the silence from the bystanders. I understand very well which hurts the most.

I want to say more, but I'm just too angry. I'm glad Cristiano is so eloquent on this subject and speaks so well to the points that I haven't the presence of mind to make.

So he's not just a bigot, but a misogynist, as well? No surprise, there. I suppose he has enlightened attitudes towards homosexuals, too.

I'd love to know where he is accepted, so I know not to go there.

Kasandra, I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's by no means the norm for SL. No one I know in SL thinks that way and if this happened near me, you can bet easy money that I'd go off like a bomb!

Mute/ban this worthless thing and be done.

Hm.

Well, before I say my piece, I'd like to make it clear that I, personally, wouldn't sit idly by either, in the circumstances described by Kasandra, whether it were to happen in SL or in RL. The views expressed by way of Kasandra of Death Grace do not have any basis in rationality or in reality -- they thus bear no similarity to my own beliefs.

I should also make clear -- because this is a discussion on race -- that in SL as well as RL, I am white, male, and young. While I am also gay and an atheist, I am not a member of any visible minority, so I find myself often clumped with the rest of the white race when discussing these sort of issues.

Basically, my question for Kasandra and all those who find the silence of her "friends" deplorable is this:

What would you have them do?

When you call upon these people to speak out against the use of a word or the expression of an attitude, you are asking them to internalize your value system. Actually, you are doing more than simply "asking" -- you're extorting them into it, threatening them with moral condemnation and ostracization should they refuse to act as you believe they should act, or worse, to think as you believe they should think.

And why should they? Why is your view necessarily right and those views which disagree necessarily wrong? Do you gain the moral upper hand simply because you perceive yourself to be a victim? Are they required to acknowledge your victimhood?

Who enlisted them to fight your battles? I'm sure there are many of us who would willingly fight alongside you in your struggle for justice and respect in a society that continues to value the color of your skin more than the content of your character -- and I am among them -- but this is not a either/or proposition.

There are very good reasons why people who are not racist might otherwise refrain from participating in the public condemnation of racist behavior. Ironically enough, one reason has to do with respect.

Simply put: How can any white person properly know when a black person is likely to find the "N-word" offensive? In Death Grace's case, it seems pretty clear, but there are several on-the-fence situations that white people may find themselves confronted with while around their black friends and colleagues. Should they not follow the lead of those who live with and know this kind of prejudice? Why should they act like cultural imperialists, deciding for minorities what constitutes offense and what does not?

As I've said, I'm part of a couple invisible minorities. Consequently I am never "treated" to overt prejudice, as long as I keep my mouth shut. There are things that offend me and there are things that don't -- and among those things that offend me are instances where straight people and major institutions presumably filled to the rafters with straight people presume to set the bar on what is appropriate to say about GLBT people and what stereotypes are appropriate to perpetrate. One recent example is the whole, shameless "metrosexual" phenomenon.

The NYTimes has recently revived this term to describe straight men with an interest in expensive haircuts, designer clothing, and spa treatments. Its a faddish word which everyone, particularly those trying to demonstrate how at-ease they are with contemporary gender-bending, feels quite at-ease using. But the word itself is founded upon a grotesque characterization of the male homosexual as a superficial, materialistic, well-coiffed socialite with witty comebacks, catty conversations, and a heightened interest in artsy events.

It'd be comparable to people labelling white rappers or whites who acted more "urban" (another stereotype) as "White N****z."

And there are those, probably, who would label me as being "oversensitive" for finding the term "metrosexual" so offensive, but do you see what I'm saying about having others fight my battles for me? The NYTimes has basically decided that the gay version of "White N****z" can pass as common, even *preferred* use, and they've decided this despite the facts, despite the very people who must suffer this completely ludicrous continuation of an inaccurate stereotype. In short, let me fight my own battles, and mind your own business.

That's a long tangent, and for that I apologize, but the gist is this: when it comes to the question of race, I don't try to presume to know what a specific person of whatever color is going to find offensive. I have a Korean friend who considers racial jokes to be a sign of friendly intimacy -- she actually seems to *prefer* it when I make completely inappropriate jokes about her race. I would *never* do this with another Korean or anyone else of another race I did not know as well as I know my friend; I also would *never* think to correct another of her friends when they choose to make similar cracks. Of course, she would never tolerate those jokes if they came from someone who she barely knew, but if I were to act as my friend's guardian, our friendship would actually *suffer*. It's not my battle to fight.

And finally, to put this all into perspective. As bad as things sometimes seem to be in this country, I think it's good for us to remember just how well we deal with the issue of race relative to the rest of the world. Much of the world is still embroiled in ethnic genocides based on racial distinctions that to many of us in the States would seem remarkably petty. Even the first-world countries of Europe, despite the outspoken high-mindedness of their heads of state, seem to have much deeper and long-lasting issues with race, particularly issues involving Jews and immigrants from middle-eastern countries.

And when it comes to what the US has done/is doing wrong, the use of a few racial epithets is hardly at the forefront. Say what you will about the continuing mistreatment of black people, race relations with the indigenous peoples of North America hasn't even progressed as far as it has with American blacks, most American Indians being more or less comfortably delegated (from the perspective of those of us in power) to second-class citizenship. And then there's the ever-growing Hispanic community in the US, which is regularly exploited for cheap labor and actively discriminated against through back-door segregation techniques (by pursuing English-only laws and ordinances, for example).

Blacks, meanwhile, have "enjoyed" a great deal of cultural assimilation into American society. Much of black culture has become *our* culture, and this has happened to a greater degree for blacks than it has happened for either of the two minorities I've just mentioned. There are, of course, significant obstacles to overcome, but forgive me if I'm somewhat skeptical when you call for a crusade over the use of a few words and the outspoken babblings of a night-time Neo-Nazi who expresses his views in SL only because McDonald's would never tolerate that sort of thing during the day.

I would agree this sort of thing has no real place in SL. But to infer that those of us who don't snap to arms at the slightest whiff of the putrid stench of racism are somehow in on its perpetuation as though it were some great, white conspiracy is to show us a grave disrespect. We have our thoughts, we have our feelings, we have our motives.

We are humans, too. We are not your toy soldiers.

Yep, this is SL's downfall.

Phineas, after having the obvious emotional response to this, I waited a few hours to calm down before replying. It didn't work, so I am just going to snap on you now. You might just want to stop reading at about here...


WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK ANY OF THE CRAP YOU JUST SAID!

Now for the more specific snapping...



Say something. Like maybe, "You are wrong, Kas is not inferior and I don't appreciate you speaking to my friend that way." That is what I would have said, well what I would have said can't be repeated in a pg forum, but that is the watered down version of what I would have said.




Plan and simple, if thinking I am their equal isn't part of their value system WHY ARE THEY MY FRIENDS?!?!?! THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER READ! I am forcing my VALUES on them. If seeing past me as more than my race and as a human being is a VALUE then ya, I think... no demand anyone that calls me friend have that one.

I can't go through the rest of this. I am too pissed off. I might come back to it later. I still need to point out the complete logic flaw behind "Well, there are worst things happening to other minorities." WELL THERE ARE WORST THINGS HAPPENING TO GAYS THAN THE WHOLE METROSEXUAL FAD BUT YOU HAD TIME TO WRITE TOO PARAGRAPHS ABOUT THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

Wow...you have managed to piss me off more than anyone I have ever met. You get a cookie. I am walking away from this before I say something I will be apologizing for in the morning.