In game relationships...?

I'm not sure where to post this question so "General" seems best suited...

I'm wondering how many people have In Game Relationships and if those turned into Real Life Relationships?

Also how do you sort it out? Is a 2nd Life Relationship Meaningless? Is it just a cybersex thing for most?

Sorry this is all new to me and wondering how others deal.

-Z

RL= Real Life
SL= Second Life

Before I elaborate in "SL Relations" I'd like to make it clear that more than just romantic or sexual relations exist between those in SL. I've made, and lost, very good friends in SL and would find that most of my relations follow similar if not identical patterns as RL ones... with all the good and bad.

Some stay "strictly in SL" for various reason. Two people meet in SL, enjoy each others company, they just never learn about each others "real" life. Sometimes it's just "in SL" because it's roleplay and not real. For others is very "Real" but still destined to be only in SL.

Others have a mixture, they meet in SL but not in RL but may share some info about their real life be it what they look like or what they do day to day.

There's nothing wrong with role-playing, but heartbreaking situations occur when one persons attitude towards the "relation" is not held the same way by the other.

ZombieWolf, if you'd like to take a stroll down SL memory lane... there's some heartwarming—and some sour—stories from the page of New World Notes that will tell ya more.

Go to

http://secondlife.blogs.com/nwn/

and look down the lefthand side.

After trying out the SL relationship thing after not doing it for a year and half I will say that I will NEVER do it again.

1) I lost some good friends

2) I'm not on enough to have a relationship

3) F34R TEH DR4M4

3 good points to live by. If you're in here to date and make relationships then BE CAREFUL. Don't let them end badly like mine. Drama sucks and should be avoided like the damn plague.

Thanks for the replies and link! Interesting feedback. hmmm...

It all seemed very weird to me up until hearing other stories. It seems there are quite a few different variations on "In game relationships." I thought maybe there was like a certain code of conduct or something but I guess not.

Words to live by.

On the other hand, it is a plague. If you engage in any kind of friendship, eventually there will be Drama.

follow these two Golden Rules to Living a Successful Second Life:

1) Assume anyone you meet in SL to be a man unless extensively proven otherwise (two sources at least).

2) Assume anyone new you meet in SL to be the alt of someone you already know.

Keeping these two in mind makes for a much less stressful experience.

From my own experience, I'm a pretty shy guy. I do much better with text. SL is a great way to connect to folks in ways that might not otherwise be possible in RL (due to disabilities, shyness, ninjas guarding your house, etc.), this includes intimate relationships.

For some reason, SL seems to always have more powerful relationships than in other online spaces I've seen. Sure you get the occasional wedding on, say, Ultima Onine, but in SL it's literally a daily occurance.

This isn't to say that love is easier in SL...

There are just as many divorces in SL as there are marriages; most of these wedded couples last a few weeks tops. Some oscillate between members of a group. Some bounce back between each other. Whatever.

Still others cheat on their RL significant other with folks online... dangerous, dangerous.

SL is a great place to experiment, too, but please be careful... there are many SL profiles that are filled with the smoking remnants of scorched vows, broken hearts, and shattered promises.

I sorta lost my point. Basically, SL relationships run a LOT faster than in RL, in my observed experience. Try to keep up, try not to get burned, and try to have fun.

LF

Don't be put off completely though!

I met Washu Zebrastripe through SL.. we are now happily married in RL!

I thought I was the only one who applied those rules LOL

I met CrowCatcher in SL through Flip and some other mutual friends. I thought I was going to keep it in SL. Then we met irl almost a year ago now, in Boston, where we actually rode around in a horse drawn carriage in a nauseatingly "oh look, we're like one of those episodes of Oprah where the audience goes 'awwwwwwwwwww'" fashion. We then got hideously drunk in the rain, and met Flea...whole other story...anyway, we're very happy and I know of others who are as well. *IF* (big if) people are being honest about who they are, you can meet people here that you might not otherwise, with whom you have a lot in common. Or you could meet a pathological liar. I can honestly say I met him when I wasn't looking. And now I'm just done looking altogether

All that being said, SL relationships come with a lot of risk. I pretty much take anything anyone tells me here with a grain of salt. Sometimes the whole shaker. It's part of the good thing about SL, that you can be anything you want to be....and also part of the down side when people don't consider real life feelings getting involved. Most anyone here would tell you the same.

My SL relationship was far from meaningless!! I met my RL hubby there after he read an article written about me in the Harold... he was brave enough to IM me and things went on from there. He help me thru some very trying times in RL and for that he's my hero!

We just recently got married in RL 8-22-05 and are *laughs* planning a SL wedding in the near future... since RL has gotten a bit more exciting I really haven't been playing much so I haven't been around to nag at him about getting married in SL.

I also don't beleive that all relationships are bout cybering.. the amount of time that we spent together.. watching movies, jetskiing, building, shooting at each other, and just talking while watching our AV's cuddle was more then I could ever imagine spending with someone in real life in a dating atmosphere. We got to know each other very well, and honestly, I fell in love with this man by getting to know his heart and the person he is inside. Skype helped alot too... one little reason was to verify that he was actually a HE and not a SHE.

Not all SL relationships turn out like ours.. obviously. We kinda got lucky.. hehe.. but hey it happens. when you least expect it and when your not looking, it like hits you from out of no where. In my case he found me in the Harold when I wasn't looking and swept me off my feet!

~~ Diamond Hope ~~

By golly I say if you meet someone in Second Life that you like don't worry about the details like ASL. Go for it!

On the other hand if you like to study and investigate all of the nuances and the Deeper Meanings of everything go for that too and spend forever in your research while life passes you by!

Oh I dont know, the things that I've wanted to say has already been said in these two threads

RL relationships from SL ones

Partner? Or no partner

Currently loving every moment

Oh I dont know, the things that I've wanted to say has already been said in these two threads and the wonderful posts above me.

RL relationships from SL ones

Partner? Or no partner

I never came in SL looking for a partner, being jaded from internet relationships from what I've seen and experienced since I started my internet experience. Some nice but most wasnt. Because, as fun as it is to do that online, one cannot forsee what happens afterwards.

I've had people stood me up, cheated with other people, and even had a person disappear on me suddenly so I was a little wary of net couple relationships. In short, I wasnt open to the idea initially.

However, in due time I came across to know of a person who never gave up trying to get to know me better. Initially I tried to run away but with time, I got to know him better and see his character, his temperament, the way he interacted with people, the way that he thinks. They were all attractive qualities to me. We became online partners in SL and then recently met each other in real life.

I loved him then, and that I've met him, love him more than ever because the meet solidifies everything.

But anyway, coming back to the questions

How do you sort it out? I dont know, to be honest. Taking it slowly at the time.

Is a 2nd Life Relationship Meaningless? Well, I have to thank SL for getting us together Without SL we would probably not meet.

Is it just a cybersex thing for most? Cybersex? Whats that?

With all due respect, LF, while it is fine to 'assume' these 'Golden Rules,' please do not be disappointed to find that the lovely, intelligent, kind human being driving a female AV is, in fact, a female. As a matter of fact, some of the coolest folks in SL are really chicks.

I suppose the 'there are no women in SL' hypothesis really grills my cheese because, as a woman, I have to deal with sexism of a different sort in FL. I am an honest person, and to be held in suspicion even from the start of a friendship is always difficult for me.

Relationships in SL are or can be as real as relationships in FL. Communication helps, but it is somewhat hindered by text-only. There is a complex, beautiful, sometimes painful dance that occurs during which both sides of a romantic pair decide what the parameters are for the relationship. I am astounded by the spectrum of romantic possibilities, but I am most familiar with 'we are good/special friends.'

As far as SL partnerships go, I have never had the good fortune to be in one.

1) Assume anyone you meet in SL to be a man unless extensively proven otherwise (two sources at least).

While I'd apply this rule pretty much anywhere else on DAH INTERWEB, I've found in SL that it's less true. There seem to be a large number of actual women who play SL - perhaps because of the 'The Sims - TSO - There - SecondLife' chain of progression. Bingo/Tringo/Slingo/Quintzee audiences especially bear this out.

As far as the in-game relationships thing goes, the stories I've heard indicate it works best when you're not looking for it! Friendships that develop into more seem to have that enduring quality. I met my own husband on one of those old text-based precursors to graphical worlds, back in 1992, so I'm personally of the 'been there, done that' mentality, but nothing excites me more than hearing about the success stories of others here in SL!

Besides, my hubby finally (finally!) accepted my SL proposal and we're officially partnered here too now!

Sure glad I finally got on my knee in game to complete the circle... You are the most incredible woman I've ever known, and I couldn't be prouder to be your RL Husband thanks to SL... WOW!!

Nice to see this post, Zombie. I've been wrestling with this question since i started playing online (TSO). Now that I'm in SL.......it seems much more intense. And yes...it's always a question isn't it 'are all these people who are couples cybering???'. LOL.

Thanks too all who have said......no .....

It's a really difficult world to enter; I think anyone has to set limits, as to what they want out of their experience. Unfortunately (and fortunately), SL seems to have the affect of just making you want to experience the whole world. It's a slippery slope..... I think it's just up to what you are willing to get into. And how much you are willing to invest of your heart. Either way, good or bad...you are investing much of yourself. Even if you are just here to build, design, hang out.......you are always going to feel.