I need some ideas. How do you start an argument with someone who avoids arguing? How can you really piss someone off and make it not seem intentional?
-Drum on every available surface.
-Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
-Shake with your left hand
-Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
-Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
-Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
-Pay for your dinner with pennies.
-Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
-Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
-When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
-Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
-Announce when you're going to the bathroom
-Tell people they have bad breath
EVEN BETTER...
-Ask him/her to do you a favor and get you a drink, then when they bring it, slowly pour it on the floor.
-Clip your toenails while watching a movie or eating dinner.
-Walk and talk backwards.
-Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
-Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
-Smile. All the time.
-Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
-Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
-Always flush the toilet three times.
If all else fails:
Leave a declaration of war on their desk. Include a list of grievances.
