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Eddie Izzard, Quotes, Sketches and MORE!
Amber Stonecutter
Bruxing Babe
Join date: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 296
02-06-2006 14:51
“'ello, Sue. I've got legs. Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf. Bye! I love you”

“I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.”


"My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper before him; I wanna walk in their footsteps... and their footsteps were like this:
[running wildly from imaginary bees] Aaargh! I'm covered in bees! Aah! Covered in bees!'

'Cause that's your job, isn't it? They must lose it - beekeepers must lose it occasionally. You know, you're there, you've got the netting, you've got 2,000 bees... "raarzzz-bzzzzz"... and essentially you're trying to steal honey.
Bzzzzz!'
'Morning! Morning! Morning! Hello, hello! Knock-knock, coming in! Hello! ...
Look! There's a Ferrari over there - can you see that Ferrari?
[stealing the honey]
Yes, it's going very fast, isn't it? Well, good morning, thank you!'

They must be walking back with all these bees around, and at some point, they must go:
'What the fuck am I doing? I'm covered in bees! Help! I'm covered in bees!'

And you don't get the normal perks of a normal job, like people who work in an office; they have other people there, you can flirt, you know? You go:
'Hey! Oh, you're new here, aren't you? How are you getting on? Do you want a coffee?
I was gonna go get a coffee - I can get you a coffee...
You know, I like my coffee like I like my women - in a plastic cup!'
[does double-take]
'Hello there, you in the street! You're new, aren't you?'
'Huh?'
'Do you want a cup of coffee? It's no problem!'
'Bzzzzz...'
'No real problem...'
'I don't want a cup of coffee from you! You're covered in bees!'
'I-I like my women like I like my coffee, er, covered in bees!'"


Eddie rocks!
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From: Torley

And like the old adage goes, "Like water under the bridge", implying what passes—this moment—will never come again.


Amber Stonecutter
Zapoteth Zaius
Is back
Join date: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 5,634
02-22-2006 05:02
Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a fucking squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "Fucking nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit." Yeah. So, that's very much like the army.

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I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say will be misquoted and used against me.
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Zapoteth Designs, Temotu (100,50)
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Sable Sunset
Prim Herder
Join date: 15 Apr 2005
Posts: 223
02-22-2006 05:22
*manages to stop giggling in the middle of the office long enough to post some more to giggle at* :D

“I think your cat’s drilling behind your sofa!”

“I don’t think so, that’s purring, that noise, isn’t it? Cat, are you drilling?”

And the cat hears this, whips off the goggles, (mimes coming from behind the sofa), “No, no… Drilling? No! No, I’m a cat! How would I know how to drill? That’s purring you’re thinking of, purring! Oh, yes, purring! Having a good ole purr back here… no drilling. No, no, okay… “ (mimes putting goggles back on and resuming drilling) Sometimes they drill 40, 50 feet, you know, just for the hell of it.
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Aleister Leonov
AL Designs
Join date: 11 Jan 2006
Posts: 68
02-27-2006 05:33
Top man is Eddie, never seen him live but spotted him at the Bull & Gate pub/club in Kentish Town a few years back. My brothers band was playing at the time. He seemed perfectly happy to chat to people who went up to him....

I can't watch him too often though, my face and chest hurt too much from laughing.. :D
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