A Proclimation!

Our Imperial pleausre is what guides the politics of this admistration. We thus feel no compunction to be fair and balanced in any matters of governement.

However, we do have, always, as the most pressing Imperial concern, the well being of our beloved subjects. Accordingly we will listen well to the cacophony of the people's voices so that we may better dictacte policy.

We therefore appoint our esteemed subject Billy Grace to the position of Imperial Senator, and we charge him with the creation of a Loyal opposition party of the right.

In addition we decree that our esteemed subjects Nolan Nash, Anshe Chung, April Chung, Torrid Midnight, Cocoanut Koala, Mulch Ennui, Trinity Serpentine, Cid Jacobs, Sydney Jacobs, Blaze Spinnaker, Frank Lardner, Traxx Hathor and Hiro Pendragon all be appointed and take office as Imperial Senators.

SCARECROW: You promised us real things -- a real... brain!

TIN MAN: A real heart!

LION: Real courage. That's what we want.

I'll paint portraits ON your concubines....

As Imperial High Jester of the Green, I have an official proposal to make.

I have noticed, in the course of events, that it is not logic and emotion that get things accomplished. Instead, the true source of power to change our world lies in smugness. In order not to deplete your majesties of this valuable resource, might I suggest that we carefully ration it out monthly so that each person may not use more than his or her own meager allotment? Conservation of smugness will go a long way in creating a reserve to be used for the truly dire circumstances that demand it.

I win.

In proper consideration of the words of our Lord High Jester of the Green, I mandate that all our beloved subjects constrain themselves to being smug only once per week in an effort to preserve our imperial dignity and concerve smugness for the day when our charterd corporation of Linden Lab Takes action againt those who put up bilborad on their land to the detriment of thier neighbors.

This clearly violates the rights of our beloved subjects, sire, as it neglects the inherent smugness of being a subject in the first place. Just sayin' .

Is your Imperial Emperorness in need of an events manager? I have lots of experience.

Wait just a minute here!

I don't see a Minister of Chocolate.

Ahem. As the Minister of Chocolate for the now-defunct FOC (Flaky Outer Crust), I feel uniquely qualified to assume the mantle of governance as the titular head of chocolate ministrations for the new empire.

Well? How's about it?


Please?

I see our Imperial Justice is well vigilant in his advocay of the rights of our beloved subjects and has properly admonished us to rescind our decree as a violation of the rights of Our Subjects. We thank him for his efforts and accordingly withdraw said decre regarding smugness.

We do charge our most esteemed and beloved subject Euterpe Roo to assume forthwith the office of Minister of Choclate in addition to such other offices, duties dingites and priviledges she already retains.

At this time we do not have such a need, as we have no events panned for the immeditate future. However We will bear in mind your offer and appoint you events manager to the Imperial Court. We will call upon you for further services as the need arises.

I would like to add to my title, "Ministress for the Propagation of Vice and Suppression of Virtue." I do have some job experience in that regard. Any chance of it happening?

Dame Loreli Patelm is hereby appointed Minister for the Propogation of Vice and Suppression of Virtue. We command her to discharge her duties to the limits of her capacity, and revive all rights, honors, dignities and priviledges of this position.

I offer an appeal to reason. Think of the children. If smugness goes unfettered, our beloved subjects will be reduced to a slavering pack of dogs like the tales of the forum before the Empire. It will be novellas of smug galore, people pounding on their keyboards, real wrath-of-God type stuff--Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, forty years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria.

I'm fairly certain, though, that's what he's shooting for?

Can I be the castle cook?

Yup, just the cook... Well, the ex-navy-seal with expertise in martial arts, explosives, and weapons who battles Chuck Norris in the final scene-type cook?

Happy Birthday, Imperator!

No need? NO NEED? Your Imperial Highness how can you say such a thing? What about your coronation? A royal ball? A royal wedding of course because you are going to need to get married now and produce an heir (Emperors have to do this shit -- its in the rules). You will, no doubt, be expected to put on holiday galas that your nobles will attend and then there are the faires so that the little people do not become too restless and revolt. Oh my word there are indeed events to be produced!

Btw, can I be Minister of Events. I mean manager is so pre-empire.

We do hereby appoint Logan Bauer as Castle Cook.

If you feel such things are necessary and have ideas on how to organize them, then I appoint you lady chamberlain and charge you with the duties of keeping the imperial calender, planning imperial events and advising me as to which events to produce and the poteantial impact upon our treasury, as well as assuming all other duties, customs, dignities and privileges of that office.

In addition we are of a mind to create a group called the Imperial Court of SL, at the suggestion of our Lord Justice Taco Rubio. If anyone has a beter suggestion of a name, or any Ideas as to where we should have our first party please advise us forthwith.

Can I drizzle some chocolate on them? mmmmmmmm, crunchy.



Need chocolate, Logan?

<evoking a splendid William Shatner> Roo . . . as Minister of Chocolate . . . bad idea . . . .</Shatner>

Your Imperial Highness! I happen to be events manager at the Phoenix Day Spa! I feel certain I could arrange a party with a DJ.

Your Imperial Highness
I Sanstrom Laxness, Lord High President of Emerald Dreams Executive Charters, do hereby make aplication to the royal court for appointment as the sole Imperial flight Charter Service for realm.

Your Humble Servant

We have given this our due consideration and feel that perhaps the week-end after new years is the most appropriate time to have a party, assuming the spa is available. We ask our esteemed chamberlain as to what the cost of the party will be to the Imperial Treasury, and what the proper amount of lead time for such an event would be.