Can You Separate RL from SL?

Maybe this has been asked before...hell, it MAY have been beaten to death with a splintered stick...but I never saw such a thing and i thought I would get a few opinions.

I myself, cannot separate the 2. I feel that REAL people are behind every AVIE and therefor, constitute SOME issue of RL being involved. Whether it be, a marriage, business partnership, or even just friendship.

I know there are some out there that can absolutely keep thier RL away from thier SL and I commend you.

Who are those of you that can do this? And what makes it so different for you?

Lilly

I so have a hard time seperating the 2 at times....I moved in with my SL wife IRL for example

But seriously, sometimes I can and sometimes I can't. Tho I find it harder to view the forums the same as interactions in SL. I guess it is because of the inability to converse in real time, and its way easier to determine someone's "mood" in SL than on a forum regarding comments made and what the meaning behind them are. So it seems easier to not look at a forum post as it was made by a real person (which I *sigh* have been guilty of at times).

Anyway....the forum was kind of a detract from your question, but I thought I'd add it hehe as it kinda is part of SL.

Well Lilly,
This is a great subject and I am sure we all can comment something about this..
I, personally CAN seperate the two, and I have done it for many years... BUT there are conditions as to how I seperate them... hope that makes sense... well let me explain a bit...

My online friends, first of all I believe there is no such thing as a SL or a RL friend, I believe a friend is a FRIEND, no matter what! It doesn't matter if you ever met the person or how far away you are, a friend is someone you trust, someone that you confide in, and someone you would consider a friend, PERIOD!

Romance, now thats a tuffy... but have you ever played "house" when you were little? That's how I would consider that type of relationship... ofcourse you will grow feelings for the person, just like you would any other person/friend. Thats natural and there is nothing you can do to stop it, but you must set boundaries.

I can say alot more on this subject but I just got stuck babysitting a 2yr old LOL, so maybe in a bit

I definately have to agree with you there, Sen! Friends are friends no matter what.

As for the romance thing in SL....I REALLY need to work on not getting TOO involved....both you and I know what happened when I did that! LOL

Well...I guess I asked this because of my own feelings. Being that, I need to be shot in the foot, because I have too many of them

Well hun I think it is much harder to keep things seperate when you are single...me, being happily married and in love with my husband seems to help that alot lol..
The only thing I can suggest is if you decide to get into a SL relationship that you want to keep only in SL, I would cut off all rl ties, like no voice chatting, talking on phone, Instant message programs.. make it so you only see and talk to this person while you are in SL, no exceptions... Maybe that will help?

*mumbles something about Photoshop and messenger then skulks off*

not what you are asking, but the other day I raised my arms in RL fully expecting to fly up to the top of my roof to inspect the chimney.

The thing is, the AVs in SL have people behind them, and the computer is in many ways, a communication tool, much like a telephone, only better. So, in essence its an extension of real life.
Of course one can engage in RP situations, which are not real life, except maybe in the sense of getting togerther with my mates years ago round a table, and playing paper and pencil rpgs.
So its a muddy field, but ultimately from my perspective
1)SL is people
2)People are Real Life entities
therefore, SL definately has real life aspects to it.

which one is which again?

They are aspects of the same thing, but not the same thing in and of themselves. Just as one reaction may be appropriate in one place, and inappropriate in another, so does this apply to Second Life. You may find using SL as an extension of your normal life to be useful - keeping in touch with friends, or making a project with them. You may wish to keep it seperate - as I suspect a lot of the kinkier folks in SL prefer; they're using SL to explore things they couldn't easily do in reality. In all cases, a real person lies behind the avatar, but that person may be presenting a false front.

As such, I'm not sure there's an answer in that poll that applies, except maybe the "sometimes".

Real life is the one with less lag, and better textures, but crap building tools.

I think that RL and SL are nice and seperate until someone gets some pixellated passion going on.

Then it gets ugly.

Take, for example, my RL life. My son's mother lives with me, we're engaged, etc.

In SL, I've had two significant relationships at this point, one that migrated over from Sociolotron and one that started with a resident. I ended the first one and am in deep shit over the second for the same reasons.

1. Men spend roughly 90% of their time considering sex. Women hate this.

2. Women spend roughly 90% of their time worrying about something. Men hate this.

3. Men in particular, but people in general, get a piece on the internet from time to time.

4. Women in particular, but people in general, get uncomfortable if there is an aspect of their significant other's life they do not understand or control.

5. People, on the whole, are lonely, disenchanted people that adore the affection of others.

6. Everyone loves to get their rocks off.

Now, taking all this into consideration, in most In-Game couples I see across every metaverse I've ever been a part of, one person knows how to keep online seperate from RL. That person is often dating someone who doesn't, thus causing problems for them. That's my position.
The other person always has the best intentions, then wants to make something of RL. We wouldn't be seeking online communities if we didn't want to be closer to people, after all.

End result? RL and SL clash, explosively, and the poor sod who plays SL gets caught in a war for attention between RL-spouse and SL-spouse. Said sod is now addicted to both, and is pretty much screwed no matter how you look at it.

Of course, some of us get stalked, but that just means when we sing in the shower fantasizing about that rock career we never made come true, we at least have an audience.

So again, sex is the downfall of everything fun. It's like taking out a loan on happiness for one big night on the town, then getting bent over on the interest payments later on.

I'm going to go have a smoke. But yeah, that's my pissed-off little thesis on the situation that blurs the RL/SL line.

Did something similar.

I tried to point out a coming storm on the horizon to my fiancee IRL. She looked at me like I was crazy, and I realized I was pointing with my wrist back, palm to the clouds, and expecting her to see a series of white dots pointing at the cloud.

What is this RL of which you speak?????

Not when I'm in a place like the Beverly Center. First of all, all the clothing rezzes *immediately*! How brilliant is that? What server is this 'Beverly Center' on anyway?

Looking around I see some things missing. Most prominently there are no naked slave girls / boys being nipple-chain-pulled around by their doms as they browse for clothes. Where are they? In line at Hot Dog on a Stick? And fat people, my god, don't these people know how to use their sliders?

But then standing at the rail I see a shop down below that I want to look in, but no matter how hard I try I can't altmouse my way into it to look without actually going in.

Then a few minutes later I find paramedics strapping me to a gurney after they say I tried to fly down two floors and into the shop. So they *say,* harrumph, but was I script-pushed?

Wow, ok some nice points here....and also a few silly ones

Needed those to perk up the thread a bit...

But it was all based on Human to Human contact and the feelings associated, therein.

I take SL to levels it may not be meant to go to, and I am sure others do this as well.

Thanks for the replies..I look forward to seeing some more

Corvus had excellent points. It is indeed with aspects of intimacy that some people have a hard time drawing the line. Or even what the line is. It's not to say you can't have some kind of intimate mutual personal thing going on that is beneficial to both people without even crossing that real life line. I have been playing online games with the same lady for years. We've talked on the phone ONCE for a "computer emergency". I'm married. She's not, but not interested in RL. That's it. We're both sane and sensible people who are just aware that this relationship stays here and don't have a problem with that. It meets some social and emotional needs we maybe have and can't get RL, big deal. I consider it a lack of self-control, I guess, when people can't have that kind of nice online friendship without letting your whole RL get disrupted by it. It's all a state of mind. Maybe it's not what people like to hear, but in the end the only thing you have control over in life is your own reaction to stuff. I also get bothered by the large number of players who can't seem to help but talk endlessly about RL emotional/financial/personal problems with the nearest avatar. The excuse always used is, "There's a real person behind this avatar!" And? You're inside a computer game..live a little and forget the RL problems. Some of us are here to kind of escape RL problems and just do things we won't or can't do RL. There's chat room support groups out there. It's a bummer to have to continuously be confronted with peoples' ongoing divorces, bizarre psychological problems, conversations, etc. You'd be surprised how good it feels to sit down and leave RL behind. My partner and I do talk about some RL stuff but we never go overboard with it. I think part of the problem is that many who are online a lot do indeed have various physical or emotional issues, disabilities, other issues that result in a lot of time at home staring at a screen. (I'm not claiming to be an exception to that). However we all have a choice how much to drag into SL world with us, or just to go in, relax, have fun, and chop at prims. As far as the intimacy thing goes, yes, it can be "dangerous". Take the time to make sure the person you're going to be hooking up with sees those lines in the sand pretty similiar to how you see them. And don't be out on the prowl in here for RL, it seldom works, take it for what it is and enjoy each other and the unique online relationship.

I needed the ROFL that some of those responses provided. Because while I had the week from HELL!!! cowl: courtesy of my RL family? My SL family helped me survive and recover faster than I would have if left to my own devices.

i must say i agree with most of the threads so far, its a fine line to try and distinguish between RL and SL. i found it a bit of concern that 2 of the 15 responses so far, pointed out, slaves/submissives, are not around in RL. I wonder where You all are from, for i was on my knee's long before SL ever existed, for some to assume, that just because a slave or submissive is so JUST in game, is ridiculous, we ACTUALLY exist in RL communities as well! Go Figure! Just as there are diff types of people in SL, there are in RL as well.

I think Tiara addressed something that also merges the two lives poorly.

I caught myself doing this, and it's evolution of a natural concept.

Have a bad day? Go have a good day in SL! Problem solved!

Lonely and so ugly even your mother prefers looking at your avatar? Get laid in SL! Problem solved!

Have a significant other getting you down? Go spend time with your SL one!

Pretty much any negative thing happening in your life? RUN TO SL LIKE THE WIND!

Doing one of these is OK, but letting them stack up is running from your problems instead of dealing with them. I think this is the sort of thing that sends people to support groups.

I don't consider the people behind avatars real with the exception of the 4 people in SL that I know in RL, because most of the people behind SL avatars are liars. Liars that misrepresent themselves, stand people up and are in general craptastic. So it is pretty easy to seperate real life from SL since real life is real and SL is faker than fake.

I think someone forgot to pass out the Xanex this morning.

well, I am one that to a point can seperate the 2. Yes! I do feel behind each av is a real person, not all are honest and true, but real in their own way. I have been married for 18 yrs in RL, and 2 months in SL to 2 different guys. I do run to SL when I have a bad day, but what am I to do when I have a bad day in SL. RL will not help.
Example: my SL husband decided he was getting to obsessive about SL, he was neglecting a lot of RL things, so he decided he was gonna quit. I found out the next day, I was and am still devastated over it. I really cared about this guy, and he just quit. Now, I do believe he made the right decision, cuz do we really need to be that involved in SL, to where are RL is affected, I know I don't.
Now, me and this guy do communicate thru email, but we use our SL names, as to keep things SLreal. We have in the past shared a lot about our RL, like he isn't married and I am, he would never do anything to ruin my marriage. This guy has become a good friend of mine, even tho we are a few states away from each other. But we do still keep all this SL related, to a point. I am making no bit of sense...oh well!!!

I have no problem separating SL from RL. I do sometimes feel a conflict between the desire to maintain my RL privacy and my desire to open up and socialize with SL friends, tell them what's up in my life and so on.

Sorry youre so cynical Eboni, I've made quite a few friendships in various online communities which have eventually become RL friendships.
Maybe the fact you don't see others in SL as real people affects the way you deal with them, and thats why you end up getting let down.
I'm not saying this IS the case, but maybe its worth considering Eboni.