Addiction to SL

Hey everyone

I was new to SL only a few weeks ago and very quickly became completely obsessed with SL. There are plenty of jokes and forums that speak about being SL 'addicts' and I'm sure a lot of people spend a lot of time in SL - it is a wonderful thing.

My issue lies around the fact that there are many people like me in RL who can easily become truly addicted to SL. Perhaps we are just more naturally prone to addictive behanviour. Within the space of just a few days I could not resist being inworld, and the impact it had on my RL was significant.

I was seriously contemplating leaving my wife & son, house & successful business, and living my life as inworld as i could. So long as I had enough money to put a roof over my head, get some food, and maintain a kickass internet connection, I had completely justified this plan - to wither away in RL and live out my life in SL where I could be all that I could not in RL.

I have since sought help and have deleted the SL program from my computer, although I still have my account......and think every few moments of getting back into SL.

This might sound stupid & lame to some but it is a reality for me, and having discussed this with a few others i met in SL, it seems to be a more common problem that you may think.

I'd love to hear your views on this.
And I was wondering if there were support forums for people like me? If not, I'd like to start one.
SL is fantastic and I'm not anti SL at all. I just want to see everyone enjoy it responsibly.

Cruise

*looks around, then rasies her hand*

Well i guess i'll start

My name is Kagome and i'm addicted too Second Life (giggle alwways wanted too say something like that)

But yea i can see what you mean i spend most of my waking day on SL, when i first joined up i was not so bad but now i'm terrible, i'm spending lots of money in SL, i hardly spend time with my RL partner but i love SL.

My partner understands as half the time he aint even in anyway lol. So yes i'm addicted but i use SL as a fun diversion from RL.

Hey Kagome

I'm glad that you can still use SL & have fun, whicj is what it is!
I for me being truly addicted is 'not being able to stop when I want to'.
I have my own business and ended up being in SL all day.

I'd be very interested to hear what the Linden's think of this?

Hello Cruise

first i think you did well by deleting the SL client from your pc
as you've seen that SL becomes more important for you than RL.
and yes... SL can become a addiction for people that are maybe not satisfied enough in RL and thats why searching for a better life in SL.
anyway isnt SL then still a part of RL?!

there are other things as well that are kinda addict for peoples.
Well any usual hobby can become an addict too. but those hobbies are not dubious like SL is for a lot of people who never even lookd inside SL.
and i guess those ppl just think SL is a pleasure mile... a huge red light destrict.
but it is much more! just look at the education events all the non commercial groups are offering. or discussions for any kind of topic. or the charities, art exhibitions...whatsoever.

SL connects people like no other medium can do atm.

I guess we'll never know really how many among us here need the connection so very much and cling to it to the detriment of their "real" life. I would expect that the situation does occur and it is a greatly distressing side effect of immersion. Someday we may "let go" of one world and choose another with ease, clipping the ties that bind, but for the time being the new frontier is not nearly as warm as home.

This happens to be a topic that a friend & I feel *very* strongly about. Sl is a wonderful place to be, but also a dangerous place for vulnerable people in some cases; there's always those who can limit their time here, or what they do or don't do.

In my case, I have Bipolar Disorder & a Personality Disorder, so depending on my mood it can affect me in different ways. When i'm stable, I can play & enjoy SL as anyone *should* be able to, for what it is; a fun passtime but not the be all & end all of life. If i'm hypomanic, I find myself giving away & spending tons of money; it's so easy at the best of times to forget that's REAL money, not pretend. I'll go without RL essentials, get into debt, buy things I don't want or need & then delete it all. I'm unable to see sense & i'll get to know people more than i'd like (Give out RL info etc)

When i'm depressed, I *NEED* SL . . . I spend hours & hours online; I don't leave the computer, then it makes the depression symptoms & difficulties (Not going out, not doing housework, no motivation etc) even more impossible. It's almost like SL is the one constant thing in my life.

My friend in RL used to use (Rarely does now) SL; she's of the same opinion. Not everyone can spend a few hours a day here & when it negatively impacts RL, it's time to step away from the pc. Some like myself however, find being away even more lonely than being in world. Don't get me wrong, I love SL & wouldn't be without it, but I do think it's a dangerous place for some. I have left SL whenever it gets too much until i'm ready to come back, this has helped alot to show me I don't *need* SL.

Hey everyone, thanks for your input so far......it's nice to see I'm not alone in this.
Missfit is right about how people with depression seem to use (or abuse) SL. I suffer from depression and was using SL as an escape, and I have spoken in RL to quite a few (mostly women) that I met in SL, who have shared how their male partners couldn't handle SL for long if they suffered depression.

Stepping away from the PC, or temporarily removing the SL client can be very hard to do when your an addict and you are 'in the zone'. You often need someone elses help to see clearly enough to take the step.

I have sent an email to one of the 'Lindens' asking if they have had any similar concerns or comments from SL users. I'd be very interested to know what they think and if they might like to do anything about it.

Like a support forum for those trying to quit, either temporarily or permanently.
Or an automated logout feature set to a certain time limit - this would be great to 'break you out of the SL trance'.
Or some inlife support group - maybe a 'big brother' buddy program where you can have some support while in life - someone to check up on you or something.....

I think something would be good, just I have no idea what. See; logging us off would only mean we use a free basic account to get back in, I know by how I am that if I need something I do NOW. Also, I often really need my SL friends who I don't speak to outside of SL. A forum would be a good idea for support & to meet others going through the same.

I do expect in years to come, there's gonna be articles all over about SL addiction, but on the bright side I guess in my case i'm only harming myself. I could do with people in world when i'm up or down though. In one way I don't realise if I go hypo & people around me alot could tell me if they notice so I can sort it before it goes out of hand. My friends own an island & i've asked them before to boot & ban me by x time if i'm not gone, this helps as if i'm not there SL is pointless.

I don't imagine the Lindens doing anything as they have so much they need to do & don't already & also it's down to who we are, our personalities. People can only do so much. I reckon a support forum created seperately from this one may help. It's helped with you opening up about this, it gave me somewhere to get my feelings out. Those who get addiction problems here i'd say have some RL issues they may like support with

I commend you for being out in the open about this! I hope it helps others.

When I first joined up i tried to be on as much as I could. However I looked at what i was doing and how it could become a problem. So I keep myself on a schedule sign off at midnight and go on after my family is settled in for the night. Also I have scene ppl have a task while on to keep themselves feel like they are contributing to SL an accomplishment in a way. What ever you can do to keep a balance will always help, imo.
I wish you the best!
~hugs~

Yeah it can be good or bad for depression I guess, I was heavily addicted at firts and over using it, I was at a low point of my life thinking that of a half demon/vampire BDSM Dom would be better, but now I'm a Kangaroo Overlord, all cured
I hit it hard and missed a lot of sleep but eventually I pulled out of the dive on my own accord, as survival took over and now I'mpast the think of nothing else satge, but some maynot be so lucky or the right mindset for that to work for them.

I got hooked fast and went rental crazy.. Making it hard to leave since I had to keep up with all my landlords. Then I thought to myself, why do I need all these apartments and shops? I think it was just fun to have a penthouse or a beach home for a dollar a week. lol

My wife already thinks I spend too much time on it, so I've kept it to a minimum while at home.. Now if I could just do the same while at work..

This thread only strengthens my idears of opening an inworld therapy center. Could make a nice place for people to come together and support each other.

Isn't that kind of like AA meetings being held in a bar?

Truly. Although, I'm not one to talk. I am no longer addicted to SL, I'm addicted to forums instead.

oh wait, you mean there's something wrong with that? it was my sponsor's idea! we all drink odul's and shirley temples, though

Actually, that's not such a bad idea, when you think of it. Sooner or later you will have to be somewhere that alcohol is available. It does make sense.

Yeah sometimes I am at a bar with mates and I don't feel like a bourbon so I just order a straight coke, and you get these WTF looks from other people. So sometimes I just tell them it's a schooner (mug) of bourbon & coke, then I get all these WTF looks again
For me, SL is where I can be me, not constrained by my RL, it is my true personality not influenced on how others think.

I think an in world therapy clinic might be a wonderful idea.......no need to be like AA.....more like an inworld live forum.......maybe have some reference material available even when the clinic isn't attended (i've seen some libraries in SL like this), about addiction, about the very real dangers to people in SL & RL of becoming obsessed and being out of control.

I'd commit to being a part of it - might make it easier for me too......assuming I am fit to be online!

I started this thread because my RL was becoming unmanageable due to my constant use of SL. I wanted to stop but couldn't. There have been some really good points raised by others since that post - especially those highlighting the very real impact various activities have....
like spending too much time online to detriment of RL relationships
and to detriment of work & careers
and spending too much $$$$$ inworld
and acting out fantasies inworld that you wish you'd never done (although fantasy IS what SL is about)
and revealing too much about your RL to strangers.....dangerous at times i'm sure
and beginning to alter your RL behaviour due the influence of your SL activities
and falling in love with avatars (whoa - tell me it hasn't happened to you....trouble is there is a real person there.....and people can get hurt)
and losing health in RL because you spend too much time inlife
and plenty of others

For me I have gone back into SL the last couple of days, just to try & see what was driving my obsession. I did this with the help of family and a few very good SL friends (I say this having never even met them or knowing much about the except that they take me seriously and can make me laugh @ myself!)......
I placed serious time constraints on myself
I ensured that there was someone else in the RL room with me
I pledged to engage in appropriate behaviour while online

and I enjoyed myself immensely......BUT THE OBSESSION CAME BACK!!!
and my RL is out of control again - not so much with the actual time on SL, but with the withdrawl and pain I feel trying to NOT get back on SL.....my RL isn't that bad - its actually very good, so why the hell is SL so appealing.......for me I think its a few things.

In SL I can be everything I cannot or will not, or missed out on in RL.
I feel free to open up because of the anonymity.
Its such good fun.
and I have relationships in SL........

For me it's because I have someone to talk to in SL which I don't in RL, gets very lonely living alone confined to a house nobody visits. (Well except my CPN once a week!)

The only concern I do have about an inworld therapy place, is isn't that defeating the whole thing, we'd be inworld to use it, have more reason to be inworld & also make friends like us who understand that, you guessed it, we'd want to be inworld to see!

I have a friend who reminds me to just have happy fun when SL swamps me or to g0 to bed! and what is here here and what is there there.
I think a lot of us were net addicts to begin w/, before having discovered SL.
Having crawled all over, in and out of the net,
SL is one that never seems to plateau out,
there is always something new to do, learn, see, be.
It reminds me of modern RL, beyond the distraction factor,
we have so many things to do, too many! expectations, must do, must haves, insta grats, routines, addictions.
SL is like that too, too many things to do! times 10 !!!

Okay wait.
If you believe that being in SL is unhealthy for you and your family then okay fine quit
Find something else to do to occupy your time. But many of the things you list as a being a detriment upon you and your family are actually things that others find enjoyable and rewarding with out any ill effects. I first followed this thread with mild empathy for you, similar to how I feel for those who suffer alcoholism. I’ve seen the effects of that disease on a family member. It’s tragic and terrible, but something I don’t suffer from and could never fully relate to. On the other hand I smoke. I’ve tried to quit with out success. And I’m sure my health will suffer unless I find a way too quit. There is no benefit to smoking and no justification for me continuing to do it other then my lack of willpower to fight a chemical addiction. So I continue to smoke.
You say you tried to quit SL but yet you convinced friends and family to let you pickup it up again and that you could handle it. But not to the degree you had hoped. Now you seem to get your SL fix in the Forums. And maybe you’re looking for us to tell you to quit. You’ve even contacted Linden?!? Maybe you should try a law suit next! Let me suggest staying out of the Forums completely because it does nothing other then keep SL in your life and makes us feel like we should be questioning our reasons for being in SL. Something we can do on our own with out your help.
Its like being told masturbation is bad. Is it? Or has someone convinced you it is?
Here’s some tough love…..its not SL that’s the problem.

Hey DaQbet

Thanks for your reply.....I am not trying to 'help' anyone here - all i'm doing is letting others know how I feel as things happen, with the emphasis on 'I'.

If others relate to what I say, then great....if they don't then that's great too! I said from the outset that I LIKE SL, and that I am trying to find a way to enjoy it responsibly - for me.....if you r lucky enough to enjoy SL without any impact on your RL, then that's fantastic. If you enjoy SL and don't give a f@#k about your RL, then more power to ya.

I'm just trying to find the balance that's right for me.....and if this post happens to get some people talking about their experiences, then I think that is good........

and no, masturbation isn't bad....it's good

Think about this:

What is it about SL that you found so much more appealing than RL?

Your appearance? A relationship? Freedom from responsibilities? Easy wealth? (I don't mean making a million L$, I mean the ability to have a rich lifestyle for a few bucks)

Whatever it is, figure it out. Then decide whether that thing or quality is possible for you in real life. If it is, make whatever changes you need to get it.

If it's teleportation, though, forget it. Doctor McCoy says those things are dangerous.

Cruise maybe you are trying to escape something in your reg life? I dont know or pretend to know but when you get a hold of that issue you can enjoy being in world like the rest of us. I think its on the end of the individual that will let SL make or break them.

I don't think you can have a happy medium, not if you can't observe time limits or borders.
Behavior modification, therapy, group or 1on1 could help,
understanding why visiting SL is a problem, that might be your key to empowering you to control your issues, to visit again or not at all.

Hey thanks again for lots of useful comments & views. I guess everyone has their own unique perspective of what SL is for them and how their RL is or isn't impacted by time online.

I actually spoke to my shrink (yeah, don't laff)......about all of this......and a very good SL friend (u kik ass Z).....both of whom have helped me see through the haze that I was in.

I seriously wanted to live in SL. And the main reason is I have fallen in love with an avi - and the woman in RL behind it. And she is wonderful. Sure SL is seductive, and the relships in SL can be too.....but i realise that my problem is actually one i've had all my life...

I meet a woman who has an interest in me, and i fall in love. That's all it really takes. I become a hopeless (and i really mean hopeless) romantic who will give himself totally to the new relship.....at the cost of all other aspects of my life, and in this case SL & RL.

All the advice i received is to break it off ASAP, and stay with my RL wife etc, and when i'm clear headed it makes sense. I've met SL couples who have RL relships and it all works fine, and everyone knows about it etc...and it seems to work.

So i'm addicted to SL, and i'm addicted to love (hehe). U might think it's lame & say I should wake up to myself, but it seriusly f@*king with me. I want both......& RL.