Falling in love with an avatar.

nevermind, sorry to ask...

/me checks calendar to see if it is *still* Friday

Pep (Going to *try* to stay away - unless the "men are jerks" thing starts)

NO, it could be anyone.
It is not just men, it has been a few women as well.

People have different reasons for being in SL. For some it is an escape from a less than ideal RL but keep it still a a fantasy world. For some it IS a life and treat it as seriously as RL. For other people it is 3D Facebook, there are no wall between RL and SL. And for some it's just entertainment. You will come across people who take a different view than you, and sometimes it won't be easy to get along. You just have to forget it and move on.

Why doubt that what they are attracted to is you, the person behind the keyboard? No one could really fall in love with an avatar, and they may not know what you really look like, but they can certainly fall in love with you, with the person that comes through the screen. And if they lose interest when they see your RL look, then they didn't love you anyway.

LOL

Oh the potential for disaster here is enormous......but....that said, the simple answer is 'yes'.

People are either too vulnerable or too desperate or too naive or too eager.......and like you, I don't relate to it either. I don't get it.......I steer clear of anyone who expresses any kind of overly needy or demanding qualities in terms of an SL friendship. I do my thing.....I don't expect anyone else to entertain me....nor do I want to have to drop everything to 'go spend time with' some lonely over eager new friend I've made on the web. It spells trouble. I don't do romance (my RL romance is just wonderful thank you).

But.....as a result of sticking true to my own boundaries and following my gut....I have indeed made some wonderful friends in SL. The common thread among my friends is that we are all doing our own thing....I almost NEVER log into SL to hang out with someone. Instead.....there's the occasional IM saying hello followed by a friendly chat......and that's the end of it. I've learned the only way to know if a person is who/what they say they are is consistancy of bahavior and facts. .... over the long term.

Interestingly....I don't encounter the over eager male any more in SL. I spent a few months as a magnet where every wingnut and short circuited bozo seemed to land in front of me.....and I'm friendly...so I tolorate things to a point. But it didn't take me long to figure out how to weed out the questionables...... now apparently I have 'approach at your own risk' flashing subliminally around my avatar cause I don't seem to run into any freaks now.

The real trick is getting the Avatar alone .. after all their damn player always wants to get involved.

Pep, so help me, if you chase this one away...........*shakes fist*

Damn, why do men have to be such jerks all the time?

OK here is what happened to me -
I made a friend with one of the characters. It is someone who could capture anyone's heart with looks alone. His or her looks are probably the best on SL. Once he or she shines the SL personality, you are trapped. You are in love.
Things happened... things were said, very personal things, fantasies...

But I quickly found out -
The real life person tho is very scary and not attractive at all, someone in RL I would run on hot coals bare foot to escape if I had to.
It was not so much the persons looks that bothered me, as the outer shell of a person means little, it was this person's lifestyle and past.

I thought "What if I had met RL and THEN learned what I was dealing with? I would probably end up dead or something".

So now as I sit here confused... I do realise that fantasy is ultra powerful, probably more powerful than any other aspect of the mind. It is without limits and may or may not danger a person.

I do not mean to sound insulting to anyone who does get into it more than me, I just really hope no one ever has to get the RL vs fantasy/SL check. It isn't pretty.

Oh brenda, thank you good lady!
I am not going to let whoever that person is run me off, I have been on forums with a LOT worse people than that one, I am new to SL but a veteran of forums with rude membes.
Tho I watch my step, my skin is thick enough. But still thanks good lady.

The romance that starts online is complicated. Many have had bad experiences - a few of them even went RL before turning bad - but a few have had wonderful experiences. I think if someone is considering moving an SL encounter - friendship or more - into RL, they need to be ultra careful and go very slow. The longer you know someone, the easier it gets to see thru any facade they may be putting out.

Lol, Lil, that image was awesome.

Anyway...OP, I sincerely hope that this person is not a forum user, or you are posting with an alt.

It's not men per says it's little boys playing at being a grown up.

Who is "Per" who says these things?

Pep ("It is someone who could capture anyone's heart with looks alone." Naive? 'nuff said!)

Why do you think we like BJs so much?

Pep (It stops you talking)

I'm pretty sure my avatar is in love with me. I can tell because she looks at me in that special way when I focus the camera on her, and because she's always happy to do whatever I ask of her, without hesitation (lag notwithstanding). She even manipulates objects many times her size without even breaking a sweat, and you know that's gotta be hard work. But she never ever complains. If something's important to me, she just takes care of it. Yup, she loves me.

OK now there is nothing wrong with the avatar/owner loving relationship.
At least you know who is behind that one hahahah.

Behind my avatar is some big ol fat ugly woman but at least I know that....

Wow Chosen few, you have caused my to contradict myself. I LOVE my avatar and she loves me...
As long as I let her get on an SL PC and play her favorite game, Third Life, she is happy.

OH GYOD I am losing it...
[looks for "white straight jacket" in inventory]

well this one might be hard to wrap your head around,so to speak,i actually don't like to post in a public forum,much preferring to stay within the bounds of like minded people but here goes
The subject being ,can one fall in love with an avy
I would say yes and the person behind the avy of course
I have read a few post about relationships on sl,and another about women walking around with c***s.and about being married on sl
I was always tempted to reply but did'nt,so i guess this will cover all of them
First i am transgendered,i have my "female" pics on flicker
One day i was contacted by a lesbian on flicker who was interested in getting to know me,she was quite taken by how i looked as a female.
As a background she hates men due to being beaten badly at one time and has no interesting in interacting with males at all,only females
Anyway we messaged back and forth a bit,i was on sl already and had my own os,so i got her to join sl,
She lives in the UK and i live in Canada,i would say we got to really know each other on sl,we both slowly opened up to each other and we spend lovely times on our island.
She thinks of me as a lesbian,( many transgendered consider them selves lesbian)she also loves the idea of a girl with that something "extra"
We are very much in love and have such lovely times on sl ,dancing shopping going to clubs,we both have very beautiful avys and in rl she is gorgeous
I know she loves the way i look on sl as well as rl and we have known each other for close to a year.
We hope to get married on sl soon
I'm just telling what sl is for us and i would prefer not to have judgement passed on us,everyone has a right to live their life as they choose,but the transgendered do not,still mainly being a secret society,although we are in the millions by numbers all over the world
I know of many transgendered in sl
We love our time on sl,we have such romantic times and it almost seems we are actually together at times
Just my two cents

Even though this sounds like me, it isn't.

LMFAO

Nikita, yours is one of the best SL stories I've heard. Actually it's also a good rl bonding story because after all when two avatars get together, so do two real life people, even if it is virtually.

I imagine almost all of us at some time in our lives have been attracted to a superficial attribute and let ourselves believe that it's attached to someone who can fill needs we have. The stronger the needs are at the time I guess the easier it is to confuse our own fantasy with reality - and the bigger the disappointment if the object of our hope fails to deliver.

It seems that relationships that start without preconceptions and grow gradually have the best chance of providing lasting satisfactions. The fact that you are making love with someone often turns out not to be a good enough reason to fall in love with them.

I do think that the desire and ability to put together a good looking avatar says something positive as far as it goes.

i think the main reason it is all to easy to fall in love with an avatar is that we project a certain amount of what we want onto that avatar..

voice goes a little way in dispelling some crunch you might have on someone.. especially if you were enamored, for example with the way they typed their laugh in SL and then get on voice and find its a creepygiggle .... or the way they typed your name always sounded so erotic but in voice its just whiney and pleading..

but hey.. thats RL too .. you can date someone .. have clear personal ideas of who they are but as time goes by find that what you thought was kindness and consideration is really only indifference ..... or that they fart in bed, eat with their mouth open..

in any new relationship theres a certain amount of projection but online its so much more easy.

let me finish this sentence for you

falling in love with an avatar is desperate and tragic

The biggest reasons we can fall in love with an avatar is because we do not have to cook for them, do the laundry, have them steal the covers, remind them to take out the trash, deal with their farts and belches...................

In other words, we can log out.