romance
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 12:00
what is the deal with romance in 2nd life? i'm having a stupid man moment. how seriously do people take it? one of my toons was married in a game i used to play. the friendship is very real but we both know that marriage is pretend. it was forged in the symbiotic fighter-healer relationship and is going on over 6 years now. we've even followed each other to new games, upon occasion. never met her in real life. mostly we keep in touch via teamspeak, email, phone or through game chat. trying avoid playing a dopey bumbel-barain and accidentally stepping on toes.  do people treat it as laisser-faire entertainment or take it seriously. with out body language, facial expression and voice tone it is hard to tell. |
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Raymond Figtree
Gone, avi, gone
Join date: 17 May 2006
Posts: 6,256
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12-10-2007 12:07
Those who engage in it most likely take it as seriously as RL relationships. Because RL feelings are always involved.
IBTL
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Amity Slade
Registered User
Join date: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 2,183
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12-10-2007 12:09
Some people take it as seriously as RL relationships. Some people take it as seriously as a game of Pac Man. Before you get emotionally attached to someone, or someone gets emotionally attached to you, it's best for you to reveal how seriously you take it, and find out how seriously the other person takes it.
If you've known this person for six years, and you're not sure how seriously that person takes it, or that person may not be sure how seriously you take it, now is probably the time to have the discussion.
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Lindal Kidd
Dances With Noobs
Join date: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 8,371
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12-10-2007 12:17
Ray's right.
SL is in many ways less roleplaying (except in the roleplay sims) and more "real world" than other MMORPGs.
While most SL "partnerships" are short lived, compared to RL marriages, almost all of them are serious. Some...a few...manage to translate into RL romance and marriage, and these are the ones most likely to endure long term.
We're all fantasy people here, but the hearts are real. Don't play games with "virtual marriage" in SL.
There's the effect on any RL relationships to consider, too. See a similar recent thread. An affair is one thing...provided that you're not hiding your activities from any RL spouse or GF that you may have...marriage is quite another. If you have a commitment in RL, you'd better think long and hard before making a similar commitment to someone here.
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Marin Mielziner
Registered User
Join date: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 293
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12-10-2007 12:17
From: Raymond Figtree Those who engage in it, take it as seriously as RL relationships.
IBTL Raymond is right. But you'll also find as many answers as there are people in this forum. There are several threads on this very subject. Many people (myself included) take SL romance very seriously. I don't expect to take my romance into RL, but some do. Search and you shall find that the wedding industry is very active within SL. From talking with my friends and other people here in the forums, romance sometimes takes us by surprise. I know it did me. I was not looking for a boyfriend in SL and now, despite my constant protestations that I would never have an SL wedding, I'm shopping for the wedding dress right now. Will the "marriage" be roleplay? Of course in a sense. Maybe I'm nuts. Some here would say so. Many others here are parterned. So I guess to each his or her own. |
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 12:44
From: Amity Slade Some people take it as seriously as RL relationships. Some people take it as seriously as a game of Pac Man. Before you get emotionally attached to someone, or someone gets emotionally attached to you, it's best for you to reveal how seriously you take it, and find out how seriously the other person takes it.
If you've known this person for six years, and you're not sure how seriously that person takes it, or that person may not be sure how seriously you take it, now is probably the time to have the discussion. i'm sorry, miss communication on my part. the relationship in that story is to illustrate that i can compartmentalize between real life friendship and pretend romance. we both understand our real life relationship. for me a prerequisite for real life romance is meeting face to face in person. other wise i consider it role playing. of which i've had long lasting friendships with role-playing buddies. i read some of the other threads and found myself a little confused on this subject. different communities have different customs and expectations from their members. for instance i would not go into a vegan diner and request a ham sandwich. i would like to avoid that type of faux pas in 2nd life. although it seem like i've already committed one. could you cut this dopey guy a break who is trying to figure out local customs and taboos. lindal and marin thank you for your responces, i'll tread lightly. lindal you right about being surprised. this is an aspect of 2nd life i did not expect and am not sure how to respond to. this is "undiscovered country" for me. i kind of feel like an 17th century explorer stumbling into a Māori island. |
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Sally Silvera
live music maniac
Join date: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 2,325
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12-10-2007 12:50
From: Cleowolf Merryman i read some of the other threads and found myself a little confused on this subject.
different communities have different customs and expectations from their members. for instance i would not go into a vegan diner and request a ham sandwich. i would like to avoid that type of faux pas in 2nd life.
could you cut this dopey guy a break who is trying to figure out local customs and
taboos. Hi Cleowolf, If you have indeed read some of the other threads you will have seen that there are (as someone else said) as many opinions on this subject as there are posters to this forum. There are also as many customs and expectations as there are people and communities within SL. Not very helpful I know, but there is no single simple answer to this one. Good luck trying to figure it out Hope Ray doesn't mind me quoting him : IBTL |
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FD Spark
Prim & Texture Doodler
Join date: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 4,697
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12-10-2007 12:53
I don't get the romance thing in rl, it doesn't exist in SL for me.
That doesn't mean I don't have close friendships here.
What you're describing is friendship to me....but maybe I am missing something.
What exist else where, does exist here because people are involved not bots but
sometimes its hard to tell when you're not already involved with other human operated pixelated beings.
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Tex Nasworthy
Udder Disgrace
Join date: 2 Sep 2006
Posts: 1,330
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12-10-2007 12:56
I think you will get various answers from various people. Some treat it simply as a game and innocent fun. Some treat it just as seriously as any RL relationship. Others will fall some place between these two extremes.
Follow up question:
Are you just asking out of curiousity or does it matter to you how I might answer the question?
Just curious myself.
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Sunni Jewell
Who said so?
Join date: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 748
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12-10-2007 12:56
Hi, Cleowolf...welcome to the forums. I think the thing to remember here is that SL is exactly that to many people....a second life. Therefore, certain aspects are taken as seriously as in Real Life. Since partnership in SL serves no official purpose as far as protection, financial gains, anything like that, most (Most, not all) partner or "marry" because they want to spend time with that other person, exclusively, in this world. For me, even though I haven't had an SL wedding yet, if I do, it will be very serious, as my partner and the man I would SLwed is my RL husband. But other people, it is purely a roleplay situation. Having said that, it seems as though most SL marriage don't last very long. I've been a resident since last February, and I can tell you that i have seen many people have a wedding, and proclaim undying love in their profile for their SL spouse, only to see one of those same people marrying someone else a month later. My husband and I joke about SL time....I.E. I haven't spoken to him in months (which in reality would have been 5 days since I last spoke to that person on SL) It seems as though a marriage that lasts for a month or 2 inworld, is almost the equivalent of 5-7 years in RL.....I think some just get the "7 year itch" at that point.
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Sling Trebuchet
Deleted User
Join date: 20 Jan 2007
Posts: 4,548
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12-10-2007 13:09
RPing love seems to me like an oxymoron.
One can RP within a loving relationship, but one can't RP love.
Two actors in a play or movie RP love, but only in short bursts between usually being nothing more than colleagues.
RPing love in SL would seem seriously weird to me.
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Marin Mielziner
Registered User
Join date: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 293
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12-10-2007 13:13
From: Sling Trebuchet RPing love seems to me like an oxymoron.
One can RP within a loving relationship, but one can't RP love.
Two actors in a play or movie RP love, but only in short bursts between usually being nothing more than colleagues.
RPing love in SL would seem seriously weird to me. Well yes Sling. But the "marriage" would be the RP. We won't really be married and we know that. But the love is certainly real. |
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 13:20
From: Tex Nasworthy I think you will get various answers from various people. Some treat it simply as a game and innocent fun. Some treat it just as seriously as any RL relationship. Others will fall some place between these two extremes.
Follow up question:
Are you just asking out of curiousity or does it matter to you how I might answer the question?
Just curious myself. a big part is curiosity. in other communities i been involved with, some times have counter intuitive customs. for instance in most online games you could end up shunned for doing what are called blind invites. which basically means inviting some one to join a group you are either in or forming with out sending an IM introducing your self and explaining it first. i've found that it is better to get a grip on the local customs before doing or saying something that is considered rude. |
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Sally Silvera
live music maniac
Join date: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 2,325
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12-10-2007 13:28
From: Cleowolf Merryman in other communities i been involved with, some times have counter intuitive customs. for instance in most online games you could end up shunned for doing what are called blind invites. which basically means inviting some one to join a group you are either in or forming with out sending an IM introducing your self and explaining it first. Ah now that's a different issue from romance..... Random group invites or friendship requests are on the whole not a great thing to do, judging from general opinion here. It's usuallly better to get to know someone a bit before you offer them friendship IMHO. |
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Void Singer
Int vSelf = Sing(void);
Join date: 24 Sep 2005
Posts: 6,973
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12-10-2007 13:35
From: Cleowolf Merryman i'm having a stupid man moment. how seriously do people take it? some take it very seriously, some don't... and sometimes those expectations don't match between the people involved....
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 13:42
From: Sling Trebuchet RPing love seems to me like an oxymoron.
One can RP within a loving relationship, but one can't RP love.
Two actors in a play or movie RP love, but only in short bursts between usually being nothing more than colleagues.
RPing love in SL would seem seriously weird to me. really, so you have the ability to fall in love with some one you have only chatted with and never meet face to face. i've been role playing since childhood, D&D as a kid then SCA, living history re-enactments, online games, low budget plays, being in bands maybe that is why role-playing is no big deal to me. to me love is emotional, mental and physical all three of these things are necessary. for instance my last serious girlfriend, i loved the way that she smiled when saying certain words, her natural scent, the way we could convey things to each other with a look form across a room, the warmth of her body when we went to sleep at night. |
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Nimue Jewell
Unabashedly Leggy
Join date: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 1,745
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12-10-2007 13:48
From: Lindal Kidd
We're all fantasy people here, but the hearts are real.
In my opinion, this says it very well. |
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Lindal Kidd
Dances With Noobs
Join date: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 8,371
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12-10-2007 13:49
From: Cleowolf Merryman really, so you have the ability to fall in love with some one you have only chatted with and never meet face to face. It can happen. In fact, it happened before the Internet. People used to fall in love via correspondence alone. One famous case is the scholar and author of popular Christian apologetics, C.S. Lewis. Lewis met and fell in love with Joy Chant, the woman he would eventually marry, through a series of letters.
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It's still My World and My Imagination! So there.
Lindal Kidd
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 13:54
From: Sally Silvera Ah now that's a different issue from romance.....
Random group invites or friendship requests are on the whole not a great thing to do, judging from general opinion here. It's usuallly better to get to know someone a bit before you offer them friendship IMHO. i was using that as an example of how customs can be different from community to community. the reason i asked is that it seems romance is an important aspect of 2nd life. much more important then i expected. it is not a bad thing just unexpected on my part. i just want to understand and wanted to know what people will expect form me when we interact as well as what i should expect in return. thanks for the responses. i think i understand the situation a little better now. |
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Desmond Shang
Guvnah of Caledon
Join date: 14 Mar 2005
Posts: 5,250
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12-10-2007 13:59
From: Lindal Kidd It can happen. In fact, it happened before the Internet. People used to fall in love via correspondence alone. One famous case is the scholar and author of popular Christian apologetics, C.S. Lewis. Lewis met and fell in love with Joy Chant, the woman he would eventually marry, through a series of letters. *Desmond leans back in his chair, mind drifting back... back... he dreams..." EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: hai I am writer u txt bak to me pls? EileenJ0y Chance: I am 2. u got some $L sterling? I got to pay rent EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: no but say lets go campping EileenJ0y Chance: kk EileenJ0y Chance: I got 10L from mony tree lets go there 1st EileenJ0y Chance: u get sum 2 EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: rock on... EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: hey EileenJ0y Chance: wut EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: u want 2 go 2 my place? I show u something ^^ EileenJ0y Chance: uh ok ... and the rest... was history...
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Sally Silvera
live music maniac
Join date: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 2,325
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12-10-2007 14:03
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Sonia Nagy
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 364
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12-10-2007 14:16
From: Cleowolf Merryman what is the deal with romance in 2nd life? Sorry, that immediately made me think of Seinfeld. From: Jerry Seinfeld
...Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
"Well, Bill, the boss thinks you're the man for the job. Why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be working with?"
...What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."
...Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy...Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it." Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. Sometimes, the car ends up on the side of the road, hood up and smoke pouring out of the engine. He's sitting on the curb all alone, "I guess I didn't realize how many miles I was racking up."
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 14:24
From: Lindal Kidd It can happen. In fact, it happened before the Internet. People used to fall in love via correspondence alone. One famous case is the scholar and author of popular Christian apologetics, C.S. Lewis. Lewis met and fell in love with Joy Chant, the woman he would eventually marry, through a series of letters. of course every thing is possible and nothing is impossible, give people a reason to do something and they will find a way to make it happen it may take time but it will happen. in my own family some thing like that happened. my grandfather came to america from sicily in 1908 when he was ten year old leaving behind his childhood sweet heart. he joined the us army as a calvary soldier during world war one to so that she would see him as dashing, after the war it took him almost ten years to save up enough money to go back to the village and marry her. bringing a chevy engine with him to set it up in her families back yard on blocks so they could be the first family in town to have electric lights. they where married until 1986 when she died of old age, with in days he went into a depression and passed away around a week latter. what can i say i come from a passionate people and need more then words to fire me up. i'm not sure if could love some one and be separated by distance. i currently have my grandfathers saber. |
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Mortus Allen
Registered User
Join date: 28 Apr 2007
Posts: 528
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12-10-2007 14:27
Me and my girlfriend take our romance just as seriously as we would RL, even though we know with the boundaries we have set in our relationship it likely will not be forever. Romance was no something we came to SL for, I came into SL about 6 Months ago out of boredom and looked into it as an expressive outlet, she originally joined because to the CSI event likely seeking it as a social medium. We met, we talked, she flirted and fought for her first kisses with me, but ultimately we fell for each other and are taking our romance just like any other relationship.
To us our romance is serious and important to both of us, we bring happiness to each other and have each benefited IRL from being together. We are open and candid with each other, discuss our problems both SL and IRL, and know we can count on each other for support when we need as we have had our share of stumbling blocks already and love each other no less for the difficulties we have weathered. For the two of us are hearts are definitely involved and we do care deeply for each other.
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Cleowolf Merryman
Registered User
Join date: 8 Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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12-10-2007 14:32
From: Desmond Shang *Desmond leans back in his chair, mind drifting back... back... he dreams..."
EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: hai I am writer u txt bak to me pls?
EileenJ0y Chance: I am 2. u got some $L sterling? I got to pay rent
EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: no but say lets go campping
EileenJ0y Chance: kk
EileenJ0y Chance: I got 10L from mony tree lets go there 1st
EileenJ0y Chance: u get sum 2
EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: rock on...
EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: hey
EileenJ0y Chance: wut
EDGE VIP CSLewis Pevensie: u want 2 go 2 my place? I show u something ^^
EileenJ0y Chance: uh ok
... and the rest... was history... now that is funny. |