Is this rude or what?

I met a new (male) friend a few days ago and had a nice time dancing and chatting. We seemed to hit it off, and met again over the weekend, and during the visit, I showed him my home. This was just a tour of my living space, a friendly visit, nothing more.

So last night I log on, the new friend IM's me within minutes (whole nother subject BTW), and before I have finished typing "Hi", TP's into my bedroom where I'm standing.

After I let him know this wasn't really the thing to do, I sent him downstairs to wait while I changed and went ahead and spent the evening with him again. We ended up in my home again, cuddling a little, nothing more. When I said it time for me to go, we said our good nights, and the guy wouldn't leave! I finally just logged off and left him standing in my living room.

So, am I too soft-hearted? Should I have shown him the door or just kicked him out? Now I'm thinking I or my main (cause I'm an alt) will log on one day and find this guy pixel humping in our bed... What is it with some people that common courtesy seems so difficult in SL? Yet, I think this is a truly nice person, and he just doesn't get it.

Please help with some advice...

Yes it is rude to assume one invitation implies an open invitation to show up without permission. Let him know what your rules are.

This is what landing points are good for. Set one! No one tps into your home if you don't want them to.

Maybe you can try explaining to him that what he's doing bothers you. Some people don't have a sense of SL etiquette; he may have no idea that you feel he's invaded your space. Since you think he's a nice person, you have every reason to expect he'll respond well to being told this (like, "oh, I'm SO sorry, I didn't realize" - and if he doesn't respond well, maybe he's not such a nice person after all.

Either way I do think that explaining yourself to him is preferable at this stage to expecting him to read your mind.

I've had it occur when people logged into Last Location, but to actually TP in is just plain rude. No different than having a friend come over and walking straight into your house and up the stairs to your bedroom.

I'd consider banning him at this point, but I guess if you really like him it's up to you. Depends on what you're willing to tolerate. If you're concerned about finding him humping in your bedroom, though, then I think you likely have your answer.

Bells are going off in my head!

Too eager! Run!

First, anyone who IM's me the moment I log on is automatically on my s--t list. I mean, give me a moment to get my head together, do a few things. The only person who I ever didn't mind doing this was my boyfriend. That, I loved. Or really good friends, that is ok too. But really, none of my friends do that. They all tend to wait a few minutes, probably because they all are the same way about this.

As for him showing up in your bedroom, that really takes some nerve. Or stupidity. If you really like him, time to have a chat with him, tell him to take it down a notch.

Either that, or you're going to have a stalker on your hands and it will be Mute and Ban time soon enough.

To my way of thinking, it's damned rude of anyone to take an LM in somebody's home without permission. Some people who know me, know my thoughts on that and don't do it.

A short time ago, I met a girl, and we spent a little time in my home. The next day she TPed to it when I was in. I didn't say a word - I just ejected her, and removed from my friends list, and that's the last I heard of her. It's damned rude taking LMs in people's homes without the ok from them.

I totally agree with this. I've never landmarked anyone's home that I visited unless they allowed it. Even if I had the landmark, never would go back without an invite.

I didn't even landmark my ex's home until we had a conversation specifically about him wanting me to feel "at home" in his home, and me being allowed to come there when he wasn't home (which, BTW, I never did).

Again, maybe I am just naive, but how are people supposed to just know all these unwritten rules if they aren't told? I don't consider it rude of my friends to IM me the moment I log in - I'm flattered that they are happy to see me - and I would never have any inkling that it bothered someone else if she didn't tell me. Banning the guy or never seeing him again seem a little bit harsh when he probably has no idea he's doing anything wrong.

Communicate, folks! It's not reasonable to ask your friends and acquaintances to read your mind in a multi-cultural, diverse community like SL.

I wouldn't be thrilled with someone who TP'd right into my house without permission either, but I would never consider excluding her from my life summarily without at least first saying "hey, could you please not do that? it feels like an invasion of my space."

Agreed.



Agreed. I detest that.

You are getting some quick warning signs here. People seem to fall so quickly in SL. It's unbelievable to me sometimes. Should you proceed, proceed with caution.

I wasn't aware that you could LM someone's home on private land...or at least make it your home base. I've been places myself where you couldn't LM (not in someone's home, cause that would be rude yes). Where my SL home is, it's not possible. I logged in with my alt and tried to make this her home landing but the system wouldn't let me...I added her to my keyholders and then she could. Maybe it was just the house?

Phil, you mention a good point about LM. How can someone set a landmark? My land settings do not allow anyone to take a LM, me and only me. How did this gentleman manage that? In regards to the others posts, I completely agree, tis be rude. If you like him enough that this only slightly bothers you, then give him the ground rules. If he get's all ticked off then he's not worth your time or energy. Like you said, perhaps he just doesn't know....then let him know and see where it goes.

Whether or not people can take landmarks is just a land setting; lots of places allow you to take landmarks, even private homes.

One thing you can do short of forbidding people to take landmarks is set a landing point outside the house. That way anyone who takes a landmark will land at the landing point regardless of where they are standing when they take the landmark.

In about land, you can control whether or not people can set landmarks. It can also be controlled via group powers. I am not sure, however, if that is only effective on group deeded land.

Yes I just discovered this myself..I have a long narrow hallway cut of land that leads to the main chunk of my parcel and thats where i placed my tp point. Now when sitting in my home..I can look at the minmap and see if someone TPs in easily. However the random Flyer still likes to pop in unannounced.

-Lana

Thanks for all the quick answers and advice. I did tell him that I wasn't happy he had LM'd my home, and asked him to delete the LM. He was apologetic, and embarrassed. I guess by the end of the evening, I was tired and couldn't believe I'd have to explain to someone that when your hostess is going to bed (alone, to sleep), you should leave the house. Lol...

I'm in a rented space, so I'm not sure how much control I have over the land, but I will try to set a TP point when I go inworld.

I'm absolutely with you on this, Phil. I wouldn't dream of LM'ing someone's home unless invited to do so.

So I guess I will have a little talk about privacy and space in SL and see how that goes.

Thanks everyone

The person could also have "mapped" you...........you control that in your contacts list.

As a general rule, I set all my houses and apartments with landing points for precisely this reason. If I miss one I will happily fix it. If there isn't one, ask your landlord to put one in.

one way someone can do this is if the person who's land can not have lm's made on it did a profile pic while in their bedroom or on their land it sets the location in that pic to there and people can use that from your profile to tp to your house

i almost never do pics in my profile tab from my home to help prevent this

I find it interesting how we all pick and choose what is accepted behaviour in Sl. We often compare it to RL and expect others to behave as they would 'outworld'. That we would and should bring over social norms into Sl. Yet I'm fairly certain (but could be wrong), that the OP would probably think twice before inviting a total stranger to her home in RL. The fact that there's no danger in doing so makes us more bold of course, but the same could be said of her guest.

I would also have found it rude for him to IM me right away, then pop over - just raising a point...

Since LL introduced SLURLs turning off the ability to create landmarks (I really wish this would extend to preventing someone from being able to create a pick at my house) has become a lot less useful.

Even worse with the last update since that will even put a helpful little SLURL in the chat (log) when you tp away.

(Random trivia: setting "Teleport Routing" to "Blocked" will cause people who logged off at your house and log on at "Last Location" to rez at a neighbouring parcel instead of the middle of your house (banning has the same effect, although it would seem more "rude". It does the same thing to anyone you offer a tp so it's not something you want to have turned on all the time, but it does has its use if you don't want someone relogging in your house at an inconvenient time )

I just use my trusty lil security orb to restrict access to my place to people I know. If it is someone you know but don't want dropping in unannounced just add them to the authorized list when you invite the over and delete them from the authorized list when they leave.

It would be perfectly reasonable to completely dump someone for this.

Even if not it should be a strike one.

Its the virtual equivalent of being single and having last nights date show up unannounced, and walk in having stole a key while you weren't looking.

Oh yeah ...

Two words ..

BAN LINES

I've got two words for ya. IRON SPOON.

Way to stir the pot!!