Ever dealt w/ SL friend's sucidal profile?

Last night I was doing some before bed texturing and one of my friends stopped by said something about how she had written a new poem.
I was friendly but I was tired, not feeling well,etc and told her I wasn't feeling to well but I love to read it the following day.
She said she put it in her profile.
Today I glance on it and its going on about how she has no reason to live and her boyfriend died, etc and basically says Goodbye.
Has anyone else ever dealt with someone like this?

Not really. I used to pass that stuff off as rubbish and void threats...people seeking attention. But these days my views have changed. I have been in circles lately where people have infact either commited, or attempted to commit, suicide; so I view these things a bit more serious now.

Ive learned that some of these people really are contemplating suicide, and simple things like being nice or showing that you care can turn the situation around. Whereas acting like it`s not your problem may give them that one last nudge, then they`re gone.

I haven't dealt with it directly but I can tell you an excellent place to go for direction. Search for Supporforhealing. It's an island that offers support for many forms of mental illness including depression and does specifically offer a refuge for those dealing with suicidal issues.

If you join their group, which is free, you can specifically request if there's a moderator available to talk. You can share whatever issues in the group as well and may get good feedback, but my experience from listening in is you'll get a lot of feedback from amature psychologists as well. So I would recommend seeking one of the staff members. The organization is based out of the UK but it seems that many of the staff are in the U.S. so I'm not sure what would be the best time to locate someone.

Good luck to you and best wishes to your friend.

I've never been faced with this situation personally. Though in the course of being a ResMod I have referred a few things to LR with regards to people sounding suicidal.

http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Help:Suicide_hotlines

Even if the friend is not suicidal, she's obviously hurting badly. She needs friends to talk to, people who won't judge her, and can just listen. Any cry of this measure needs to be treated as real. What if her friends pass it off as "drama" and she does end up killing herself?

What type of society are we if we don't help are friends get back up when they are down? What is the purpose of society but to provide a safety net?

Here`s a really touching song about this subject. (I didnt watch the video these people made to the song, but the song is worth a listen...really)


Listen here: youtube.com/watch?v=xbmoyjhGay4

Here`s a piece of the song

HERO By: Superchick

little mikey d was the one in class
who every day got brutally harassed
this went on for years until he decided
that never again would he shed another tear
so he walked through the door
grabbed a .44 out of his father's dresser drawer
and said i can't take life no more
and like that a life could be lost
but this ain't even about that
all of us just sat back
and watched it happen
thinking it's not my responsibility
to solve a problem that isn't about me
this is our problem
this is just one of the daily scenarios
in which we chose to close our eyes
instead of doing the right thing
if we make a choice
be the voice
to those who won't speak up for themselves
how many lives would be saved
changed, rearranged
now it's our job
to take a shot
so don't keep walking by
not wanting to intervene
cause you just wanna exist
and never be seen
so let's wake up
change the world
our time is now

you could be a hero - (our time is now) heroes do what's right
you could be a hero - (our time is now) you might save a life
you could be a hero - (our time is now) you could join the fight
for what's right, for what's right, for what's right

You can't take any talk like that and dismiss it. Even though I think it's pretty normal to have some thoughts about death and suicide, most people don't approach the level where they are crying out for help like that. I would definitely listen to her and be there for her, and encourage her to seek some professional help. People have to remember that their problems are only temporary.

Yes ... tho FD, you are not responsible for her being in this state. Try to help ... help all you can ... but if something goes wrong, remember you are not the cause. Sometimes we are ... a helper too late to the scene.

It sounds like she needs RL counseling ... there is nothing like a real physical caring person, even if only a therapist . Also nothing like a RL friend's arm around your shoulders when you're hurting.

But maybe she needs the distance that SL gives her now.

Well, if we see you with a friend at the hangout, we will be as nice as we know how

I guess it sounds fatuous to say that you should let us know if we can help... but if you think of anything ...

Of course they are attention seeking! What frustrates me is that that phrase is used so often in a negative manner. Obviously they are seeking some sort of attention/support that they are lacking from their life, sometimes so much that they feel their life is worthless. 'A cry for help' is how I would phrase it better, and it is so important for them to know how much they are loved and appreciated when they are feeling like that. Because if the attention that they seek is not acknowledged and given, then the bad feelings would just multiply and take on a life of their own. I lost a very dear and much loved cousin to suicide, and can only think of what could have been if he had seeked attention beforehand.

mmmm .. "attention seeking" can be an extremely negative thing and a turn off to MANY PEOPLE. That`s why so many of these people who end up actually going through with the suicide were ignored and rejected- People were turned off by their "attention seeking," viewing them as just making overblown drama to get...attention. So when you hear "attention seeking" brought up in regards to suicide topics, yes, its going to be used in a negative context.

Like I said, I personally have come to understand this is very serious and they do need to be acknowledged and treated well and carefully lest they really do end up killing themselves. And if people are so far into depression and don`t feel life is worth living, if someone adds to that, it may be enough for them to finally go through with it.

Well, keep in mind its a poem which does not necessarily imply an intention to commit suicide. She may have written it to vent her feelings a little. You should ask her if she actually feels like killing herself and if she does. . .

Try to be supportive but realize this person needs RL help and encourage her to seek it. You are not equipped to deal with a truly suicidal person. Repeating what a wonderful person someone is and that they shouldn't kill themselves isn't gonna cut it.

Hi FD!

I have not dealt with this via SL, but as others have said she is probably hurting in some way and does need to know others care. You say her boyfriend died? That can very devastating.

By all means reach out to her and do try to get her to seek RL help as Plato said. There are far too many issues to deal with for the non-professional person to handle (I always thought that the pros were better equipped then I ever could be).

I'm glad she is seeking out someone to talk to as caring and thoughtful as you are FD.

~Ari

I did talk to her I don't know if I dealt with situation very well.
I do understand her situation but I don't know if I really reached the person or if I just came out sounding like I am just another person who doesn't want to deal negativity.
I asked straight out if the poem was sucidal one because she was speaking of that I read into it.. I reminded she has family in real life that need her.
She responded she wasn't ready to do that right now but the poem really sounded sucidal.
The problem is whatever I say because she ill, depressed and I don't know how much she actually hears as support or rejection which I totally get when you're going through lot of things you sort of have skewed version of reality.

It's been known to happen... sadly enough.

is she part of the whole 'emo' culture? if so, i wouldnt worry about it.

I HAVE dealt with friends in similar situations, and it should be remembered that there are also multiple meanings to what people are saying... for some writing out their feelings allows them to express hurt without internalizing.... and to some, leaving a group/game/forum can be akin to suicide....

first tick is to listen as much as you can, if it get's to be more than you are trained/capable of handling, encourage them to seek professional assitance (hotlines, etc). Don't just immediately send the off for help elsewhere if you can help it(they'll feel rejected). and for heavens sake don't tell them how their problems are less than others(pain is pain), or that they're selfish for not thinking of others (this is selfish of you for comparing their pain to your discomfort)

be a friend, try to find out if they are ok, give them options like helpline.... and check back with them time permitting... Don't freak if they go offline for a few days, sometimes people need to close up and just deal with things their own way... and if you should find out something did happen, do not blame yourself, you did what you thought best at the time and that's no crime.

we're all busy, but good friends are worth the effort, and having been on the other side, I can say it makes a hell of a difference

.....wow...... (Not said in a rude way) That was pretty ignorant.

As someone who has suffered from recurrent bouts of severe depression, and who has made suicide attempts in the (distant) past, I would say that all you can do is let her know you are there and offer a sympathetic or empathetic ear. If she wants to talk give her honest advice if she asks for it, or seems receptive. If she just wants to vent, then let her.

There are no easy answers. Just because someone writes or speaks of suicide doesn't mean they are serious - as Nina says there is a whole subculture that almost glorifies such thoughts without necessarily meaning them, and many people do express such feelings simply to ask for help. They may not have any real inclination to follow through. Others will undoubtedly threaten suicide, and even make half-arsed, but sometimes lethal, attempts on their own life simply out of a taste for drama and to seek attention. On the other hand many people do commit suicide without telling anyone they felt like that. Certainly my suicide attempts were made without telling anyone how I was feeling. The problem is that from outside you can't tell for sure whether there is a serious threat or not. All you can do is trust your gut feeling and your knowledge of the person.

As a friend you may feel a responsibility to try and help, but if that help is rejected or doesn't help to resolve the situation, it is not your fault, you are not responsible for her actions, and by offering help you have done all that you can, especially in an online friendship. Thjere are no right answers, all you can do is try.

these emo kinds love writing dark and depressing poetry, they romanticise suicide and all... if they are a part of that whole emo culture i really think its a waste of time to get involved.

Most of the time people talking about suicide don't really mean it. Sometimes, it turns out they do. If your friend proves to be one of the latter, you obviously don't want that on your conscience.

I'd say be a sympathetic friend, lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on, try to steer your friend to help - some of the advice given above seems very good - and do listen. if this person is indeed being "emo," I expect you'll pick up on that pretty quickly. In that case, the go-get-help response can become your polite farewell and a classy way to depart the drama. More likely, from the sound of it, it is someone who needs at least some support at a difficult time and maybe professional intervention, and in that case you'll be glad you did what you could.

EDIT: [afterthought] I think it would be wise not to get into RL involvement with this person, however.

Not taking the time to read all of this thread.

When I was in highschool, I was with a guy that was extremely suicidal. He was always like that though, we eventually just pegged him as, that's just how he is. He wrote poetry, and he used to call me on the phone in the middle of the night to cry and say he was scared of how he felt and what might happen. I passed it off...I didn't really believe he was serious. He ended up killing himself that year while we were still together.

Don't take threats lightly. I'd do anything to change my mistake with that.
youtube.com/watch?v=lJtSFIwoSyw
*it's never too late

Someone I dated for a time in SL a couple of years ago killed herself a few months back.

Her profile is still was (and is) upbeat, no depressing/alarming portions or anything.


Nina has a point about Emo kids - Although I wouldnt agree you shouldnt worry. Just that many of them do make a fashion out of being morose. Basically like that Garbage song "Im only happy when it Rains."

In Real life my daughter is a "scene kid" and has written her share of emo poetry. And of course we were very concerned. Seperating out what is them conforming to non-conformity, and what is a real cry for help is difficult at best.

In the case of the OP however - her Boyfreind died .. Id say in that situation ANY suicidal language in her profile would be a big alarm bell. Becuase of that fact. Whether she's Emo or not.

I have spent many long hours here on SL (through my night time on several occasions) with two of my SL friends who each were very troubled about things in their RL (neither know each other) and in the course of being there as a good friend, and listening, trying to comfort, understanding and so on, they each made it clear that they wanted to commit suicide!

I am not a counsellour or expert in this field so all I could do was just be there for them, try to help in some way and tried to talk them out of it. I tried to get each to get RL help, concerning the problems they were having in RL, which they were also bringing into SL.

I hope I did some good, they are both here in SL still and their suicidal thoughts told to me was a while ago. I dont for a minute think it was all down to me, and I do worry that they each might still be thinking they would like to carry that out. But, as long as they are here and I try to get them interested in different things in SL, they appear to be enjoying their SL at least. They each know that I am there for them - I think it maybe helps that neither knows me in RL.

I have other friends who have very troubled RL lives and of course, I am there for them also, and will always be. I think SL might have a lot of problems itself, but it is a wonderful thing in that it helps some troubled people to forget whats going on in their RL and escape to a wonderful place where they are someone else altogether.

On a personal note, in RL I have a very close relative who is often wanting to commit suicide, and no matter how many times this person is told that we, as a family, really love them and dont want them to go, they still want to leave forever, but cant quite summon up the "courage" to do it. So instead, they are drinking themselves to death! It is a constant worry that this person will succeed in their wish. However bright I and others try to stay for them, to encourage, to be there, to listen, to get help, to tell them they are so very much loved, we know that one day it is going to happen. It's very hard to live with and watch someone do this to themselves, no matter how much you have tried to help them.

I think if you care about people, you can just be there for them, take the time to talk to them, try to help, but if they go on to their awful goal, it isn't your fault at all - you must remember that.