Dating my wife?

My RL wife and myself met online about 10 years ago. (I could be a little off with that number.) We talked online for 3 years or so before ever meeting in RL, Dated for about a year or so and now have been married for 5 years.

Our marrage has its ups and downs like any other, but we did find, when we spoke online to each other, there was nothing there to stop of from sharing. We just spoke, with out any crap or worries about the other person and what they thought. We we got together part of that went away, we would watch each other and how we would react to something, frowns or smiles, did they look me in the eyes when they spoke, etc. No matter how hard we tried we trapped our self in this odd box, online we were one thing, RL in person we were that same thing, but with all those odd strings attached.

So, to solve it we started to email each other back and forth, just talking and having fun again. RL issues of course get dealt with face to face so to speak, but keeping that spark alive and fun, has found its place still online.

On topic, we play lots of games together, and some we "date or are married" in. some we do not. Sometimes a game is just a game....

Well, in that case I won't debate you about it.

Here's a suggestion that might be fun.

If she'd enjoy it, have her make a new alt, whose name you don't know. Have her chat you up, without cluing you in it's her. See what happens.

Or vice versa.

Of course, being aware of the possibility makes it more likely you'd spot it, so best to be low key about it, just say maybe that would be fun; give her the option and find out if she'd enjoy that as well. (Without this kind of permission, it could easily be considered dishonest or sneaky -- probably a good thing to avoid.)

Then cool it for a while, make an alt and develop it a bit, and when you're ready, have some fun.

Just an idea.

And not an alternative to figuring out what to do in RL to put some spice back in. I agree with Jig that the important thing is to connect and communicate. SL could be an avenue for that, but it shouldn't be the main one.

I'm reminded of a Spider Robinson story involving a brain transplant.

ask her. expect nothing in return. and do what you did to win her heart and hand 10 years ago.

Meh, it sounds dead to me. Cut your losses, and file for divorce.

Pep (Find someone else rl that hasn't heard all your lines already. )

1st laugh of the day!

But seriously, how about compromise?
Being in a long term relationship, is a love and a friendship!

I just do not get why people stay together like this.
If you are reaching out for a different lifestyle like this there are some problems.
happy people make good choices,unhappy people act rash and can lead to out of character decisions that can affect others negatively.
I am going to sound old here but fudge it....
Marriage is a commitment!
You pledge your allegiance to that other person until death do you part!
That is the problem with the world today,No one lives what they say any more!!
People make promises they do not live up to....
You both have a obligation to try to make this work,turn off the computers....
Get some one to talk to!!
Before one of you hurts a innocent person and have to live with the the reality you are not a man or women of your word!!

I have been around good sized RL Businesses my whole life as my mother and father own and operate their company .One thing I have always have seen,people like this being let go or a partnership dissolved.My father once told me "If a man or a women cheats or lies to their spouse they will not think twice about doing it to me".
It rings in my head when i read things like this.Cheating is Cheating!! in SL or RL!!
If I found my partner online in a relationship outside ours I would call it as I see it,cheating.....
You need more then a SL date to fix this!!

Yeah -- a lot of people think that a marriage should be a 50/50 proposition. They're way off.

It's a 100/100 thing.

I disagree with this on the grounds that it's a gross overgeneralization.

I agree completely. However, allegiance isn't necessarily the same thing for everyone.

Cheating is violating agreements or not being honest. For you, playing around in SL would be cheating. Don't assume that's true for everyone.

I was reading this and wondering if anyone would suggest making an alt.
Pondering that proposition I wondered if you'd ever suspected that someone you'd met in SL was the alt of your spouse. If so, how did that make you feel? If not, just think of that possibility and ask yourself what your reaction/response would be. Would you be open to discussing that particular feeling with your spouse? If not, why not? Are you open to facing that question? If it is hard to be true to yourself, how much more difficult to be true to someone else.

My wife has no interest in SL at all. We have a lot of spark in our relationship regardless of my obsession with this platform. Good luck whatever you decide.

scratch that.
NM

Relationships come in all types and no one has any right to criticize another's. Gay, straight, bi, monogamous, poly, commune, whatever -- who are we to judge?

I do not mean to simplify relationships, but the keys regardless of any other factors are open communication and as much honesty as possible. Trust is important, but will vary based on numerous factors.

If those involved are all accepting, on the same general wavelength, and can grow together (nothing kills any relationship faster than one person growing in a direction that takes them away from the fundamentals of the relationship), then it's all good, as they say.

If there is stagnation, or some disharmony, work it out as best as possible (whether that's counselling, new games of intimacy, exploring some new relationship facet, hobbies, behavioural changes etc.). If it can't be worked out, it's time to move on.

I hope the OP finds whatever is needed to satisfy all. There is so much peace and joy in a solid working relationship.

Nice comeback, Peter. Don't you have to get to bible study? I think you have a brainwashing session on how to co-opt English words for your faith.

Marriage doesn't belong to your religion and the basic tradition pre-dates your dogma.

Chase,

Have you thought about just being friends with your wife in SL? Just do fun things together; don't call it a date. No pressure, no expectations, no poseballs.

QFT -- this is the guts of it. Too many people judge other relationships based on what they consider to be *proper*.

The OP has already stated that in RL they enjoy being in the Lifestyle -- that means that they openly have sex with other people folks (within guidelines that they agree to). Therefore, that right there says that their way of doing SL is probably fine.

What the OP is looking for is some new ways to possibly connect with his wife, so simply answer that basic question and stop judging.

Not necessarily. If they both agree that it is part of the fun of what they want to do, then that is their choice and it can enhance their relationship.

Yes it is, but the definition of what that commitment entails is to be defined by each couple.

But if both of you agreed to it beforehand, then it is not cheating. Cheating is doing something outside the agreement that the couple has made -- and they can define that as they wish.

I know what it means but I always think of it as furniture and fashion magazines. I can never get my head round "Lifestyle" as "sexstyle"
Lifestyle to me are garden plants on the patio and Heals furniture instead of Ikea.

Ikea is a legitimate lifestyle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGkalRgGMhs

I like Ikea too - its all choice innit? That's called "lifestyle choices" Not whips and rubber doodads. That's smbd.

No, smbd is the file server daemon from the "Samba" package.

Okay you have completely lost me. Why is a daemon a file server - is that what the thingie is that sends back emails? And is the "Samba" package something to do with cds? In toher words WHAT is teh samba package and should I get one?

BDSM - a lifestyle
SMBD - something that lets your Windows lappy see files on your Linux server

. . . after it has tied them down, and tormented them for a half an hour with a feather and ball gag.