Friendship requests

Now that's what I call opening up someone's pie menu.

I have about 50 players in mu friends list at the moment, 30 of them I have probably never spoken too since i first met, I'm just about to delete some, but I do wonder why they haven't deleted me?

May I add this to the newbie handout notecard I pass on to new players?

That has to be the BEST description of how to handle Friendships in SL I have ever heard.

~Jessy

Just a Guess:

Becuase 80% have already quit SL.

Dearly Darlings,

I have enough issues remembering things. If I do not know you more than a day...You're not on my friend's list. If I really don't know what to do...you deal with my SL son and his wife or my SL grandson. If any parties think you are devil spawn...you are not my friend.

If I think you are doing something illegal...I ask my RL younger sister.

Maneo could care less...he came to SL for poker and that's gone now. So long as I don't sell the dogs or the house he could care less.

You have a lovely evening,

Ever Yours,

Mrs. Showdog Tiger

/me blushes!

Of course you may, Jessica. But, if you would, use this version which I've edited (the thought of one's words going out to the world makes one anxious to say it just right). And, if you are handing out notecards, be sure to check out Lucrezia Lamont's New Resident Information Kit (see thread elsewhere in this forum).

Gentle Avatar,

One should never press Friendship on an acquaintance too soon, or uninvited. After you have met someone, and you would like to continue the relationship, you may ASK them politely if you might add them to your Friends list. Or you may offer them your card by right clicking their avatar and selecting MORE/GIVE CARD from the pie menu.

One should never feel slighted if a Friendship offer is declined. Friendship gives a person considerable knowledge of their Friends' online status. Many very sociable avatars are reluctant to give a casual acquaintance this much access.

If you wish to decline an offer of Friendship but not give offense, you may decline, then offer your card as an alternative, should you and the other person wish to contact each other in the future.

Friendship confers an obligation on both parties, both to stay in touch with an occasional IM, and also to not impose too greatly on the other person's time. There is a great deal to see and do in Second Life, and your Friends may not have time for you today, even if they still hold you in high regard.

Actually after going through my list there is only 15 out of 45 that I feel it's ok to take off my list and yes, out of those 15 I can't remember ever seeing 10 of them log on for months, also their info is basic, no quotes, no membership and no picks, so that's probably 20% that has quit.

It is weird how some that you never even spoke to offer friendship. The more I am in game the more I want less and less on my friends list simply because I like to sign in sometimes and do my own thing and not get so many ims coming at me as soon as I sign in game.(it is hard to walk when typing)...When someone offers me friendship that I never spoke to I decline right away...They aren't my friend so why worry about hurting their feelings by declining and why offer it to me when you don't even know me...sheesh nah I got no problems declining.

hmm interesting


You also have to consider including the ones whose profiles never change of course.

Since Most SL partnerships are over quickly , if you have a lot of people who dont go through relationships like they were cheap shoes - this might be an indicator they arent logging in any more.

I positively hate it when people offer friendship when we have never even spoken and I always decline. I have a list with a few friends and the rest could be anybody. Then I suddenly get an IM saying hi etc and then don't hear from them for another 2 months.

My answer is always the same, unless the other person is __totally__ hot or is somebody I've gotten to know: "Sorry, I only do friends with people I've gotten to know."

Almost always, the answer is "ok.. I understand" or something similar.

I have written in my profile that do not accept friend requests from people I do not know. I will decline any and all requests for friendships from people I have not talked to. Regardless, one day I got 3 requests from 3 different avi's within 15 minutes. Oh, well.
And, yes, I declined all 3.

I automatically decline friendship requests from strangers. For that matter, I ignore IMs from strangers usually too. I'm a bit of an RP'er in a sense, and want atleast a bit of realism - if I were friends with someone in RL, they'd have my cell phone number, so reading their IM's is not too much of a departure from reality. Telepathy, however, does not exist, so random strangers cannot project their thoughts directly into my brain.

That's my logic anyway.

EDIT: Unless they're really hot of course

I've gotten quite a few as well, often from people I've never met, never SEEN, and even while I'm offline. As careful as I am to always be polite at all times, I turn these friendship requests (and group invites) down without a second thought.
And I absolutely ADORE the idea of a "Miss Manners" column or blog, especially if it were somehow made available to our newer residents; I know that I made more than my fair share of social blunders while I was new and probably would have loved her (or his!) help (and still would, actually!).

Do you run a business? If you do, I would not be surprised at getting some of these. I wouldn't accept them, because an IM will suffice - but do not be surprised if someone out of the blue sends a friendship offer instead of an IM because they want to see when you log on.

Basically, requesting friendship in SL is akin to asking someone for their phone number in RL. If you think you would ask for someone's number in a given RL situation, then it is okay to ask for friendship in that same situation in SL. However, be prepared for them to decline.

Heres a good reason to decline requests from people you may have talked to once or not at all. My SL partner has a real problem turning down friendship requests. He feels rude doing so. Now of course each of these people think they are his only "friend". He was recently in the hospital and not online for a while, when he logged on he was hit with so may IMs that couldnt answer them all. Now despite his not wanting to hurt anyones feelings initially, the majority of his "friends" got angry and wont talk to him, a few even deleted him from thier friends list.

Some even IM'd me to let me know how rude they thought he was, when I explained that he had too many IM's to handle, they said "But I am his GOOD friend and he should have answered me first"

Yanno, gee, maybe I wanted to talk to him too, some people have no boundries and act ridiculous sometimes. I have about 5 friends that I talk to, but I am aware that they have their own SL lives and don't expect them to jump when I IM. If they don't answer I assume they are busy. I really dont know how people have friends lists a mile long and cope lol.

Yeah some people take it pretty hard if you don't answer. I am usually jumping up and down from the computer to help a kid or two,lol. Most of the people I talk to on yahoo or other IM services know this and they know I am not always at my computer. I have had a couple of doozies though actually get mad at me for not answering right away.

I usually accept it if we've been chatting. If it's just "out of the blue", then no.

If they're Newbs, I'll accept it. But they get removed when they start acting like asses. As in, "HEY! Gimme some money!"

Strangely enough, I have more friends on here than in RL

Well, but it's bit different from phone because of the online info you are given relative to the friends list, by default. Now, of course, many of us turn that feature off (selectively) which makes it more like a phone, but ...

I've only ever denied one friend request. I was in Sandbox Goguen trying to push some griefer junk into the ocean, and a guy flew up, said "Wot are you?" then offered me friendship. That was just too weird. Normally when I go somewhere, people recognize what I am, chat with me for a while, then offer me friendship. I'm always in recruiting mode, looking for a few good Lanterns, and accepting someone's friendship probably makes them feel good about themselves and perhaps more willing to join us. But reading this thread has convinced me to clean out my friends list. A notification comes up whenever one goes online or offline, but when you look at that and think "Now who is that person again?" it's time to say goodbye.

This is an excellent topic. Where else would a person come up with the term "unfriend" than in SL?