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Pserendipity Daniels
Assume sarcasm as default
Join date: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 8,839
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12-07-2009 09:57
Asymmetric relatonships are doomed to failure eventually.
Pep (SL or RL)
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Hypocrite lecteur, — mon semblable, — mon frère!
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Ceka Cianci
SuperPremiumExcaliburAcc#
Join date: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 4,489
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12-07-2009 11:51
From: Esquievel Easterwood This is really just a rant. I've been online for ten or 15 years--it's so long that I don't remember--and I've seen all kinds of stuff. So I ought to know better.
If you've got a close relationship with somebody, and you leave them an IM--in-world in SL or in one of the instant messenger services--wouldn't you expect them to be on the lookout for those kinds of messages from you and respond in some way? What does it say when the person just logs out with your message sitting there, without responding?
To me, it's like you're living together and you see your partner in the same room and you say, "Hey. What's happening?" and they walk out of the room and ignore you.
This is a real, close relationship. Mutual promises have been made. Deep expressions of affection have been mutually communicated. And yet, as often as not, if I don't aggressively demand attention, I get no response. Then I'll get some excuse and, "hopefully we'll connect tomorrow."
I'm sure other people don't see it that way, and that's why this is a rant. But to me it feels like there just isn't much interest there.
Maybe I should just read the writing on the wall and get started packing my bags. when someone starts to act like that with me..i stop altogether and let them make the next attempt..my tailgating days are over..if it is a close relationship and they are online and not made an attempt ..it won't be too long before i start to make changes and move on to other things.. a lot of times when they realize you've stopped communicating they will start again..the thing that irritates me most is when 9 out of 10 times they will ask if something is the matter..you've stoped IMing ..did i do something wrong?? yes you did..you did the same exact thing i am doing to you.. |
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Tiffy Vella
Registered User
Join date: 3 Apr 2007
Posts: 379
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12-07-2009 15:16
It's really down to the level of relationship. Some friends will be in IM, and we'll both drift out of conversation. Some I'm in the habit of saying goodnight to, as that follows the cues we send each other. But my special person, that takes an in-person series of hugs and arrangements for the next day. And if either of us crashes, we always send an email or sms if we can't get back inworld. Just so we can spend the next bit of rl not worrying if someone offended someone else. Both of us have learnt that SL is a cruel place that can give each of us juuuust enough information to make us imagine the worst, so we make sure no room is left for worry.
Also, I think you need to learn not to panic over details like how much time it takes to respond to an IM, or a tp offer. Learn that SL is buggy and crappy. But if something is a pattern, then you need to fix it.
Honestly, if you aren't happy with the other's behaviour, you have to say. This has nothing to do with being clingy, or naggy or insecure. SL is brilliant at turning intelligent, rational people into stalking maniacs, so fix it before this happens to you, and go back to being happy.
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Esquievel Easterwood
Deer in the headlights
Join date: 25 Oct 2008
Posts: 220
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12-07-2009 17:32
Thanks everybody. I already feel bad about saying anything. I was fatigued and stressed; lots of stuff going on to produce those effects. The choices are obvious: assume nothing and go on as before, talk to the person, or stop communicating and see if they "bite". I'll have to pick one. It was very comforting to receive all the thoughtful responses and to be reminded that I'm far from the only person who has these experiences. Thank you all so very much.  |
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Snickers Snook
Odd Princess - Trout 7.3
Join date: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 746
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12-07-2009 20:45
From: Esquievel Easterwood talk to the person This one. Always. The other choices are either games or not dealing with the situation. Also, it sounds like you could use a close friend in SL that you can talk about this stuff with vs. posting that kind of question on the forums where it might attract the wrong reaction from your partner. Just sayin'.
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 Buh-bye forums, it's been good ta know ya.
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Scylla Rhiadra
Gentle is Human
Join date: 11 Oct 2008
Posts: 4,427
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12-07-2009 20:55
From: Esquievel Easterwood Thanks everybody. I already feel bad about saying anything. I was fatigued and stressed; lots of stuff going on to produce those effects. The choices are obvious: assume nothing and go on as before, talk to the person, or stop communicating and see if they "bite". I'll have to pick one. It was very comforting to receive all the thoughtful responses and to be reminded that I'm far from the only person who has these experiences. Thank you all so very much. I don't think you should "feel bad about saying anything" at all. It's important to be able to talk these things through with people one can trust, even if only because it forces one to grapple with the complex emotions anew. And the really nice thing is that you have demonstrated that this forum is, in fact, full of people you CAN turn to and trust.
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Scylla Rhiadra
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Melita Magic
On my own terms.
Join date: 5 Jun 2008
Posts: 2,253
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12-07-2009 22:16
From: Esquievel Easterwood
To me, it's like you're living together and you see your partner in the same room and you say, "Hey. What's happening?" and they walk out of the room and ignore you.
Sounds pretty realistic to *me.* |
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Esquievel Easterwood
Deer in the headlights
Join date: 25 Oct 2008
Posts: 220
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12-08-2009 18:51
From: Melita Magic Sounds pretty realistic to *me.* *L* Jeez, I hope not, for your sake. |
