Love in Second Life, Writing "The End"

A few thoughts on several quotes from your blog:

About SL relationships, you write: "Some of them are probably even a good thing in the person’s life, if he or she isn’t cheating on someone in real life. I get all of that. I just don’t get how it happens."

Am I to assume from this that you consider an SL relationship to be "cheating"? If so, you're going to get a lot of differing viewpoints on that alone. I know of many couples where BOTH parties have SL relationships in ADDITION to their marriages. Your tunnel vision here leaves you seeing very little about the reality of SL relationships as a whole, and if I weren't so angry about your blog, I would take a few minutes to educate you.

"I imagine it’s something like that when emotions get all tangled up in Second Life and other online games."

Your view of Second Life as simply a "game" speaks volumes about your perceptions.


"But unlike with a novel, in a game there is no fixed point where the author says “The End.” There is no moment at which you turn the last page, look up into the eyes of your spouse and children and get back into real life."

Again, I am chaffed about your portrayal. Just because someone gets involved in Second Life does NOT mean they are turning their backs on REAL life. No, you don't say "all", but you certainly infer that you believe it's the vast majority. When in RL do people turn a page and say "The End?" How is SL any different in that respect? That just does not make a lick of sense to me.

Referring in your post to the "dissolving marriages" because of online gaming just feeds the media frenzy as well as the misguided public perception that we're all a bunch of misguided, unhappy housewives, living out our fantasies as the expense of our marriages AND our children.

Your blog might be a good place for those who want a skewed view of what happens here, but I challenge you to rethink your position, thereby forgetting the media propaganda and see the reality of this metaverse.

There was something that kept tickling the back of my mind when reading several of these posts here today, something kind of soap opera-ish. It has been really bothering me until it just now reached clarity.

I wonder if "Days of our Second Lives" would be worth any money?

Jesse I'm sorry if my posts reminded you of a soap opera type approach. The blog of the author of this thread just rubbed me the wrong way, and I was responding.

O my goodness no Arielyn!!!!! It is no single post, it was just the way some sentences popped out in several different posters posts. And my comment was not meant to detract from the seriousness of some of the conversations. It was as I said something that just kept tickling my mind.

LOL...sorry I jumped. My hackles are still up over the mentioned blog...

I think someone could make a small fortune with an SL soap opera btw!!! Just don't forget us little people when you're rich.

Marriages which end suposedly becuase of SL, had issues before any of this started. The simple fact that there is a breakdown in communication thatpeople are finding love and romance in SL without their RL partner's consent (and yes many people have SL relationships WITH their RL partners consent) tells that there is issues there. There is at minimum a breakdown in communication.

As to the idea of falling in love with someone you have never met. Well I have never met my partner, we have been together over a year and ye I honestlydo believe I love her.

However ask me again in about 6 weeks. i meet her in 4 weeks and yes even I hold some of Phil's resevations as does my partner. We both know that may times when people meet in RL it is nothing like what they thought they had. But we wantto take the chance ratherthan going on not knowing.

If nothing else I found a life long friend, someone who knows me inside and out and I know will be there for me. SoI am walking into this with the simple expectation of meeting a friend and seeing if the connection we have might possibly be more. I do believe we are meant for each other.... but at the same time I realise that it may not happen the way I hope.

I loev her and I do believe you can love people online. But I think that truely knowing if you are IN love with someone does need RL contact. I believe I am in love with her, but I think being abe t touch her and hold her and kis her will either confirm or deny that for me

Yup me too.......I met my fiancee on the web (actually I wasn't even looking for romance at the time).....and certainly we recognized there was great 'potential' for romance.....but we were both wise enough to make those decisions in our hearts....once we had met. The pull was strong.....and we both had a sense that when we met....well.....we were anticipating sparks. But also, there was a healthy does of realistic expectation going on too. We also both understood that meeting face to face was going to totally alter our perceptions......and it was entirely possible that our 'connection' was more cerebral wishful thinking. As it turned out.....the romance became very real indeed and we moved forward from there.

But I have to say......I am as curious about this phenom. as I understood the question to be more about sustaining a 'web' romance as opposed to moving on to the next level. I see true romance as something that will HAVE to naturally progress eventually.... The interactive slant that SL puts on web relationships, I think, has the potential to blur the lines. I'm only saying this because of what I've witnessed in the past 2.5 years I've been in SL. Since my RL love life is just fine.....I have had zero interest in investigating this first hand. *shrug* For that reason alone, I accept my ignorance for what it is.

Good luck Eclectic. You seem to have a good attitude about the whole thing. Reminds me of when I first met my husband in the flesh after talking online for several weeks.

Actually I think that meeting on the web and later hooking up in RL has become a pretty normal way to meet. When it first happened to me more than 10 years ago it was still sort of odd and a lot of my girlfriends thought I was nuts and taking a big risk. That perception has changed somewhat although a lot of people still think it's risky.

I think this is beautifully stated.

"Love" (in any number of languages) is a word for a concept created by human beings who communicate using words, for a complex and badly understood set of involuntary chemical reactions which occur in the human body (the mind is part of the body, and the least understood part of it) which attempts to assure the continuation of the species in a Darwinian fashion. It is something that females have fastened on to so that they can attempt to justify their surrender to the subsequent lifelong imprisonment that pregnancy and motherhood impose, and something to which males pay lip service so that they can raise their standing in the tribal pecking order with peers of the same gender. Discuss.

Pep (Fakes it like all rational men do)

PS It's easier to fake it online where your body doesn't give the truth away so easily.

I do love you, Pep...lol. Oh wait, maybe it's just a chemical imbalance. Just sayin'...

Pep sounds an awful lot like Conan sometimes.

The Barbarian?

Pep (Close to claiming the record for the most non-bot alts in SL very soon)

I'm noticing (in general) that the women are very for the verbal, mental, emotional aspect of things; and say that the physical isn't as important.

Do the men feel the same way?

We hear often that women are verbal, men are visual. Is this true? Let's say SL felt a lot like 'lurve', but in a RL meetup the physical wasn't what you expected. What, then? I'm curious if or whether that would affect things for everyone who is looking for a RL person via SL.

Well,I am a woman and I would certainly say physical is important to me as much as the other stuff. But to be clear,do you mean a person's looks or physical attraction?Or both?

Both would be important to me,they wouldn't have to be drop dead gorgeous,but definitely look like they take care of themselves and don't have huge warts on their nose... And being physically attracted to them would help I would think,that would be part of the whole"lurve" thing no?

I also have to agree with Phil on this desire thing. IMO I don't think it is possible to truly fall in love online. Maybe a strong like or deep desire to be with a person. There is so many non verbal ques and other important factors missing from online relationships.

I watch Boston Legal last night. And Alan ask his friend if he Alan was a sexist because he had been accused of this and that secretly he hated women. And Denny say "Alan, you need to embrace your inner wolf."

Denny and Alan are caricatures True. As is the show and it goes way over the top in just about everything it does. But sometimes the writers of this show have guys pretty much worked out. TV is not virtual love True also, but in writing or in just thinking about it, TV and the way in which relationships are portrayed on it, can still teach us something about this I think.

If only because it confronts us with thoughts we maybe not want to, or cannot, address ourselves in real but maybe be possible to begin to express in other ways. Like through our avatars, our virtual selves. When we are able to do this then we can maybe confront who we truly are as Denny pointed out to Alan. And if we can then virtual love and every other kind of love becomes possible.

You are confusing love and lust.

Pie (Women need a reason, men just need a place to do it)

PEP!!!