Love in Second Life, Writing "The End"

With Valentine's Day around the corner now seems as good a time as any to ask a question here that's been on my mind. I met my RL husband online. We're approaching our 10-year anniversary. So meeting online can work. I get that.

What I don't understand is maintaining a long-term relationship online or in the case of Second Life, in-world. How do you fall in love with an avie or someone you've never met in the flesh? Is it sort of like the fantasy world you enter when you read a romance novel? I ask because I'm a fiction author and I know how a good novel can capture a reader's imagination. Or is it something else entirely?

I tried to capture some of this in an article I wrote for my new blog and I'll try again in the future in other posts. Thought I'd get some input from here.

And please guys, go easy on me. I'm really trying to understand this.

Just discussing this exact topic with Aeslyn Dae who will probably have something to contribute as well. Seducing someone with words works for me - sl as well as rl.

Maybe it is because most of the females I have met in rl don't appreciate my physical resemblance to Richard Burton

Pep (although I suppose he is dead)

erm, if you met your RL hubby online, then you already have the answer to your question....

SL is no different in that sense, it is online...

just more visual

I hate to sound too terse, but SL still counts as "online".

I think there is a difference. I met my hubby online (dating site) but I fell in love with him in the flesh. I understand meeting in Second Life and later meeting and falling in love.

ah you did not clarify that

well, is meeting in SL and falling in love any different than falling in love with a pen pal (and it has happened way before the internet) or any different than falling in love with someone you only spoke to on the phone (via a date line or something)

it happens... why it happens, who knows... but it happens

Heh! Yeah, he's passed on. But he was kinda sexy in a rugged sort of way when he was alive even if he was a drunk.

falling in love on SL

it happened to me, and now we are married in RL

why or how did it happen, no clue, sorry can not give you a reason or describe how it happens other than it happens

it was not a fantasy world
it was not like reading a novel

Sounds familiar . . .

Pep ( . . . but all us Welsh guys look the same when we get older)

I become attracted to a person's mind. Once I fall in love with the big brain power, physical looks matter little to me. Because they are still the same mind in rl that I fell for in SL. I don't have to wonder if I only love him because he's handsome or built. I adore smart men and am savvy enough to understand that what their avatar looks like in SL has nothing to do with what they look like in RL but that mind remains......the same.

This is a topic about which I think I know at least a little. I met my RL husband in SL in September of 2007. He was in England; I in the US. At first, we were just friends, but that quickly progressed, and before I knew it we were planning our first meeting (in late October of that year). I knew the moment I saw him at the airport that we were destined to be together. We spent an amazing weekend in one another's arms, after which he flew home. On December 7, he packed up everything he owned and moved to the US. We were married on March 1, 2008, and just last Thursday, Immigration granted him an adjustment of status.

I think the beauty of meeting online was that it gave us a chance to get to know one another from the inside out. We shared our hopes, dreams, and fears and found common ground before we laid eyes on each other. No matter how "noble" we think we are, many first impressions in RL are made based on appearance, and most of us have preconceived notions of RL "beauty". Getting to know someone in a more "unconventional" way allows us to bypass that "first RL impression" in a way that when two online lovers eventually meet, they are already "smitten." That said, the physical attraction for us WAS there--in abundance...lol. Even if it wouldn't have been, though, I still would have been madly in love.

HTH!

You don't fall in love with erither of those. Some people think they do, but they fall in desire - not love. The emotion of desire is greatly heightened by the remoteness (can't touch), and that's what some people imagine to be love, but it isn't. I speak from personal experience - not online, but remote.

Yes, you get to know them and fall in love on a deeper level without physical attributes (whether good or bad) getting in the way. After the fact, what they look like in the flesh doesn't matter...

Perhaps you're being too cynical? It isn't the same for everyone, and each experience and person is different.

I'm just talking from my own experiences in life, my love

A person can very much like, and even love, what they know about another person without ever having met them, but that's not "falling in love" with the person. Apart from anything else, there's an awful lot of the person not seen in such relationships. The big problem is the huge desire for a person that can develope when they cannot be physically together. That huge desire is very easy to mistakenly think of as "falling in love" with the person.

Aww, Phil, I like you a lot, but this is WAY off base!!! I loved Mickey before I met him in RL....yes, I also "desired" him, but I most certainly also loved him. I am 46 years old, know what love "feels like" and can assure you that was the case!!!

hmmm....will have to think on that one

It's just my view of things, Arielyn. Another view that I have is that two people can imagine themselves to be in love, when it's only strong desire, and when they meet, they continue and actually do fall in love with each other. For them, there won't be a marked and recognisable border between the two states. Other people will meet with same feelings for each other, and it's a flop. Were they in love with each other before they met? I say no, and I think those people would look back and recognise that they'd been mistaken about what their pre-meet feelings actually were.

By 'Huge Desire' I am thinking that can be not entirely sexual. It can be a longing to just 'be' with that person, to wake up and fall asleep beside them, to be there for their everyday lives, many things that are not particularly sexual, but just a Huge Desire to share. Looking at it like that, I can maybe agree somewhat with the 'Huge Desire' interpretation, but I still believe that that brain that you fell for online still exists in RL. And the best sex happens in the mind, anyway.

@Treasure and Arielyn,

I agree that meeting online has some advantages. You're able to tune in to things other than looks and really get to know the person surprisingly well online. I grew to like and respect my husband before I met him through many online messages and phone calls. But love didn't come until sometime after we met. Maybe that's just me though.

Of course, it's also easier to be deceived online than it is in the flesh. But that's a whole other discussion.

Yes. I wasn't thinking of anything sexual, although that is a part of the whole. I was thinking of the huge desire to be with the other person. It's the physical remoteness that does it.

@Phil - lol, why on this topic... you sound more pessimistic and I sound more optimistic. Gotta get on the same page

But we *are* on the same page, sweetheart - or on the same sheet, to be more precise

shushhhhhhh

It's winter.... you should be UNDER the sheets.