No question!

Not to get into the whole hoopla that is this thread....I find it really dissapointing that your original post doesn't have a pep to it. I personally love looking through threads to find your whit and sarcasm wether I agree with it or not or sometimes feel you are being a bit over the top I love your humour and take it as such

Gummo, that's probably the nicest thing that anyone has said to me since HoneyBear begged me to marry her.

Pep (I'll pop back and Pep up the original post now!)

Maybe. I might have a point or two of my own, though.

In a big, almost theoretical, sense yes everyone is responsible for their own feelings.

In particular instances, that might not be the case. Being able to sort out one's feelings is a complex skill that some people may be born with and the rest of us must develop by training and practice.

Even the most practiced, phlegmatic person can still find themselves caught off guard by some unexpected shock or by something that strikes a forgotten emotional chord.

More importantly, I think that you want to establish this point because you want a corollary: you want to say, "We've established that each person is responsible for their own emotions. Therefore, I can express myself in any way I like."

Am I wrong?

.

I want to establish this point because that's what I *don't* want anyone to say. I want people to acknowledge that you can't say "Your post *made* me feel < whatever >" but that they should rather be saying "My own emotional response to your post is < whatever >".

Own your feeling and admit *why* my post might have provoked that response in you; THEN we can have a discussion that acknowledges both logic *and* emotion.

Pep (Are you worried that I'm going to start posting images of dead cats again?)

Yes, I guess my point is something like that.

.

That's just my hyper-emotional, unreasoned, over-reaction to lolcats.

Pep (I get this irresistible *feeling* to retaliate. )

if someone is mean to me, i will feel sad, guaranteed . . . 100% of the time
had they not been mean to me, the feeling of sadness would never have occurred
how i choose to deal with that feeling i have some control over
i can lay in bed and cry
i can punch a punching bag
i can seek revenge
i can eat ice cream
etc
could i choose to be happy when people are mean to me?
i suppose, over time i could desensitize myself but i don't think that is the same as "choosing" how i feel

I have just woken up after "being responsible for the feelings of others" or at least, initiating feelings IN others by my "vocation". So, a serious answer is called for.

I think I am responsible to a great extent to provide pleasure and happiness to others in what I do. There are jobs - and lives - where this doesn't necessarily happen, but I do consider it important to me bear some responsibility. People pay for this brief time of "pleasure" or fun, or even relaxation so I must "perform". So, if I can elevate or instill some joy in a person, then it is MY reeponsibility to do so.

As I typed this, I realize we are all - to some extent - in that category. I know that I "touched" a person last night when I had a few moments alone with her and she was really happy and we had a few real larfs about something inconsequential to many people - but she was happier when she left than before we talked. And she had been so sad, she told me. So I felt good.

You're almost there, Jig. Everything you have said here confirms your belief that you are responsible for *your own* actions. You obviously consider that you are responsible for doing your job to the best of your ability. And you are delighted when your efforts provoke pleasure in others.

Pep (But to return to my original contention, you are *not* responsible for the way they react to you.)

No, you are not responsible for others' feelings; however, you must be prepared to accept the consequences of your sh!t-stirring

I used to feel like that. As I have got older and more mature, my ability to decide how I am going to react to the actions of others has been enhanced.

Pep (I don't know how old you are of course. I am midway between being an Old Fart and a Dirty Old Man.)

Always!!!!!

Pep (has never run away.)

PS That's the whole point!

That is a very good question.

My initial short answer is: No, we are not, but we are expected to be by some hidden societal rule. And honestly, I don't think we should be held responsible.

There are some very powerful responses to given situations, some we automatically entertain through years of exposure and conditioning. But we can put our foot down and react differently -- most simply choose not to.

That is a concern, because personality disorders are incurable - even though cognitive therapy has had some limited success. I have some experience of people suffering from NPD and being unable to anticipate the emotional effects that their words and actions could trigger in others is a noticeable characteristic of NPD.

Pep, I agree with you in theory. For myself (the only person I can truly speak for with any authority) I am responsible for the way that I feel, or choose to feel about anything at all. How I accept whatever comes my way is always my choice. (or, reject it for that matter). Where it falls apart, in my opinion, is in the strengths different types of personalities have, to assimilate 'things'. ("Things" for lack of a better descriptive). Some people are so sensitive emotionally or have honest to God mental/medical issues that makes it truly impossible for them to live inside of that theory. They simply cannot. And so, the concept is too general to be accepted as a whole, but for me, it is true, yes. I can't, and don't look to anyone else to make my happiness for me, it's up to me. Same with other feelings, I can choose to wallow, or to blow it off and move on. I'm a very straightforward and cheerful person by nature, it actually makes me unhappy to be unhappy, or feeling depressed, I truly don't enjoy the feeling, much preferring to be upbeat. (that's why they call me 'Bounce-back') But I am also tender-hearted, realizing that others have issues I've never had, possibly needs never met and so therefore, I just want to be kind. To have somebody feel/say 'Yeah, she was nice to me'. Good 'nuff.

Humm, well, other people may consider that I really am. I cannot guarantee a positive reaction but increasingly these days, "accountability" in any profession or vocation is creeping in. As in any performance, the classic "Do they like / love me?" question is asked every night. And then, by my projection and my "charisma", I must seek in them their own need to be happy. It must be a chemical thing - serotonin? - but I can SEE them out there and the combination of an audience and an "event" - with the circumstances of "performance" - creates suspension of disbelief or entailment of intimacy and, thus, happiness ensues.
Now I need another coffee!

Yes. The difference is between throwing a rock at a hornet nest and chosing not to run away, and doing so when your lame friend is walking with you.

.

You are treating this as a Yes or No question, and it isn't: it's a Maybe and Sometimes question.

First off, I question your assumption that we "choose" how we feel. There are important parts of who we are that are less susceptible to the Will than others, and emotions are primary in that regard. We can disregard how we feel, we can perhaps moderate it through cognition, and we can certainly choose not to express it publicly, but I don't think we "choose" our emotional responses.

Secondly, Pep, you admit that language can be manipulated to produce an affect in its auditors / readers. So, whether or not one succeeds in producing a given effect, one is still responsible, to some degree, for the responses that are invoked, be that what you intended or not. It is also of course possible to produce emotional responses unintentionally, as when, for example, one is unintentionally or thoughtlessly rude, condescending, SARCASTIC, etc. . . And one is in those cases responsible for a failure to use language effectively.

Thirdly, though I may be in some sense responsible for the responses I produce in people (all of them positive, of course), I can't be held responsible for how YOU choose to deal with and/or express those responses. THAT much is your responsibility.

Fourthly, we don't show enough love in this forum.

GROUP HUG!!!!!!!

(Except Seven and Lula, who I think would be better off getting a room together)

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY EVERYONE!!!!!

I protest!

Pep (I stand pretty much alone here! Anyone that lines up beside me does so despite much dissuasion from me.)

One of my underlying problems is that I am extremely empathic and therefore *CAN* predict the impact I have on others . . .

Pep ( . . . but apparently I am perceived as too mean to restrain my actions as a consequence.)

PS @Scylla: Nothing I do is unintentional. Does that make it better or worse?

Depends on the nature of the effect you are trying to produce, don't it?

(What about the group hug, though?)

It's getting close to going-to-the-pub time here and I would just like to thank those that have posted (and some of those who might have but restrained themselves) for an interesting exposition of their opinions, which I will be selfish enough to admit has allowed me to explain my point of view in more detail. I would be delighted to return to the thread tomorrow to find that the issues have been opened up even further (we have had no discussion about the topic as it pertains to D/s relationships for instance) but for now I am pleased that it has been shown that the forums can host a relatively intelligent multilogue on a potentially drama filled question without the worst characteristics (as demonstrated yesterday! ) appearing.

Pep (Did I do a good job of being Jig's altforaday?)

ETA HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!

"HUG"???? Who are you and what have you done with Pep?

YAY!!!!!!!!

Treasure: Ask no questions, and he'll have to tell no lies.

I'm not feeling myself today.

Pep (I saved up and got someone else to do it for me.)